


I'd Like To Be Somebody Else

by katy15307



Category: Oasis (Band)
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-21 12:22:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 86
Words: 150,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4828997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katy15307/pseuds/katy15307
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mainly posted on Wattpad - formerly The Swamp Song<br/>Stacy has driven around for hours and ends up in Manchester where she meets Liam and Noel Gallagher.<br/>Set in August 1991 onwards Noel's just finished his tour with the Inspiral Carpets. Liam wants Noel to join The Rain (Oasis) so they can become the best band in the world. While Stacy is running from grief. Stacy gets on well with the band maybe too well sometimes, can the good times last forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Piss off, I didn’t take your bike.” I heard someone shout, I’d heard them arguing for a while but now they were close enough to hear what they were saying.  
“Well where’s it fucking gone then?” the other challenged, they both stopped walking to properly confront each other.  
Their voices sounded distinctly Mancunian, I must have found myself in Manchester on this night in August 1991. It was unusually warm and the lack of clouds meant the stars were out.  
“How should I know?” he got something from his pocket. “You are always nicking my shit, I don’t nick yours so calm down.” he lit a cigarette and put it to his mouth.  
The taller one responded by pushing him. “Tell me what you did with me bike.”  
The shorter fell back a step, not expecting the shove. “Wait Li, there’s someone up there on the bridge.” He held the cigarette in his right hand pointing.  
He was talking about me. I was sat on a bridge wall that was above a body of water.  
“What are you doing?” he shouted.  
I ignored him, I looked to the dark, murky water. I should have gone already, the decision was made but still a quiet voice in my mind was telling me to stay.  
“Oi, don’t ignore me, what are you doing up there?” he shouted louder.  
“I’m going over.” That’s what I’d driven through the night to I didn’t know where to do. I couldn’t bear living any longer.  
“No, you’re not.” the taller turned to see me and shouted.  
“Liam, for once in your life fucking shut up!”  
“I’m just saying we used to climb shit all the time, when it was time to jump, we jumped, not sat there thinking about it.”  
“She isn’t doing it for a laugh, you twat.” he shook his head. “Come on, get down from there, safely.” he yelled.  
“No, I’m doing this.” I was adamant.  
“I’m Noel, this is my kid brother Liam. What’s your name?”  
“Oi, what’d you tell her my name for.” his brother interrupted.  
“I dunno, I thought she might not be able to commit fucking suicide if she knows our names.” Noel explained.  
“Oh.” Liam sighed. “Why? Why do you want to?”  
I looked down at the dirty water. I didn’t want to tell two strangers how I’d ended up here even if I knew their names. The drop was starting to make me dizzy and the fear of falling was making me sick. I was holding on to the concrete as tight as I could.  
“Stacy.” I sighed. “I’ve lost everything.” I answered reluctantly. “Please leave me alone.”  
“Welcome to Burnage, Manchester, we’ve got nowt.” Noel grinned. “I’m twentyfour, I live with my Mam and this idiot. Come on, it can’t be this bad, can it?”  
I didn’t deserve their attention and I didn’t want saving. I had to do this because there was nothing left for me to live for. “I think so, yeah.” I answered quietly.  
“Well I’m a nosey bastard so when you’re ready to get down, you can come to ours. We’re not moving ‘til you’re with us, are we?” Noel insisted, giving his brother a nudge so he’d agree.  
I was so ashamed that I hadn’t jumped. I’d let two strangers talk me down, ignore all the pain that filled my head and my heart long enough to choose life.  
Noel put his arm around me as soon as I got to them. “You aren’t from around here are you?”  
“No, I’ve never been here before. I just got in my car and kept driving.”  
“Is your car nearby?”  
“That Blue Austin Metro.” I pointed.  
“Nice. Let’s take you back to ours. Mind if I drive?” Liam suggested.  
I passed him the key from my pocket and we walked to the car. They both had a confident swagger to their step.  
Noel and I sat in the back. “You were lucky this wasn’t nicked.”  
“I didn’t think I’d need it so there was no point locking it.” I shrugged.  
Liam got in the driver’s seat as though he owned the car but it soon became clear he wasn’t a driver. “Er where do I put the key on this model?”  
“Maybe I should just drive.” I suggested.  
“With your track record we’ll end up smashed into a wall.” he shook his head. “Me band The Rain needs me.”  
“I haven’t heard of them, sorry.” I gave him some quick instructions to get the car going.  
“You won’t have, they aren’t that good, yet. That’ll change once they see sense and have me play guitar and do the songs.” Noel smirked.  
I couldn’t believe the egos these two had but I was beginning to realise how lucky I was to have met them.  
Liam pulled up outside a standard, average looking council house, just like the one I’d left hours ago. He got out the car and slammed the door as if it was his own.  
“My dad will flip if you damage the car.” I said as we got out, my dad had given me the car when I passed my driving test, it was our pride and joy.  
“Don’t tell him that, he’ll key it.” Noel warned before Liam threw the keys back to me. “I’ll tell Mam you’re lost.” he added as we walked to the house.  
“Mam, we’re back.” Liam shouted as he walked in the house in front of us.  
“Did you find your fucking bike?” someone yelled, she sounded intimidating and distinctly Irish.  
“No I’ll get it back though. Don’t worry.” he yelled  
She stormed down the stairs. “You’ll learn how to look...” she pointed at him almost poking him. “Who’s this?” she interrupted herself.  
“Er… Stacy. She’s lost.” Noel told her.  
“My boys are taking in lost souls now? Wow!” I couldn’t tell if she was sarcastic or proud. “Where are you meant to be going?”  
“Newcastle.” I lied, it was the first city I thought of.  
“I suppose you’d better stay the night, you can use Paul’s old room.” she offered kindly. “Don’t you two dare bother her.” she threatened.  
“Mum!” they both exclaimed, Noel looked a bit embarrassed at the suggestion, I couldn’t see Liam’s face but I imagined it was the same.  
The boys took me to Paul’s room, explaining that he was their older brother.  
His walls were plain and all the furniture apart from the bed, a chest of drawers and a wardrobe was gone but he’d left lots of posters stuck up.  
“You don’t have to go to sleep, I’ll stay and talk if you want.” Noel offered, it was late but I don’t think I could have slept even if I wanted to.  
“Stay, please.” We sat on the bed far apart from each other, neither of us knew what to say.  
“This is probably the first time Paul’s had a pretty bird in his room.” he smirked, trying to break the ice.  
I couldn’t help but smile at his joke. I shouldn’t be smiling at anything and here I was smirking at rubbish brother jokes.  
“Come on, how’d you end up on that bridge?”  
“I thought I'd have a go at climbing stuff, it's supposed to be fun.” I quickly lied.  
“It didn’t look like you were having fun up there.”  
“Alright. I wasn’t up there for fun.” I admitted realising lying wasn’t going to work on him.  
“Then why?”  
“I spent the last week or more, I don't even know how long it's been just sat passing time waiting for my heart to stop hurting. I couldn't take it anymore.”  
“What happened?”  
“My boyfriend passed away.”  
I could feel my tears coming, time had passed but I hadn't grieved, I'd just existed. The TV provided background noise but I had no idea what had been broadcast. When my family were home I pretended everything was normal but it wasn't and I was sure it would never be again.  
“I'm sorry, tell me about him, if you want.”  
I stayed silent at first. I didn't know what to say, how to describe the love of my life to a stranger.  
“He's my first boyfriend. I've been with him since I was seventeen. I was sure he was the forever one, y'know?” Words failed me, I couldn't talk about him without crying.  
“What would he think if he knew what you were going to do? What about your family, his family?”  
“I don’t know, I wasn’t thinking.” I admitted.  
“You’ll be off to Newcastle first thing in the morning then, won’t you?”  
“About that, I can’t go home.” I couldn’t go back now.  
“You can’t stay here, Mam thinks you’re off to bloody Newcastle.” He reminded me. “God knows why you’d want to go there.”  
“I didn’t mean that exactly. I just want to disappear, y’know. Manchester could be big enough, maybe we could keep in contact.”  
He just stared at me for a while realising what I did mean. “I’m not helping you fake your death, my kid brother just drove your car.”  
“I’ll drive it somewhere and leave a note.” I suggested.  
“Still has Li’s fingerprints, not something you can get rid of easy, believe me.” I was surprised to see him trying to protect his brother. “Go home, give your dad his car back and tell him you’ve become a roadie, like I am.” he suggested. “I was gone like two years, last time.”  
“You are a roadie? Who for?” I was surprised, I assumed the band talk was just talk.  
“The Inspiral Carpets, we just got back from a tour.” he looked really excited, he must be serious about being a musician.  
“Cool, maybe I could Roadie for The rain.” I remembered Liam’s band.  
“Ha, they’re going nowhere. They barely manage gigs here.”  
“But you are going to change all that, right?”  
“Yeah, you’ll be glad to be alive when we make it.”  
Liam walked into the room and stared at us for a moment like he expected to walk in on us doing something we weren’t.  
“Oasis!” he exclaimed and then stared expecting us to know what he was on about.  
“You think Oasis is the perfect replacement for The Rain?” Noel said, his voice and his expression full of scepticism.  
“Yeah, I mean there’s nowt wrong with The Rain but if you are going to join us and we have to change our name for you then that’s a suggestion.” Liam shrugged.  
“It sounds good to me, I don’t know what you’re band is like but Oasis sounds fresh, y’know not like the stuff I’m used to.” I said shyly.  
Liam put his arms behind his back and sang a few lines of a song I didn’t recognise. “That one’s called Rooftop Rave.” He put his hands into a kind of prayer with his fingers interlocked as though my opinion was important. “Obviously it’s better with the music.”  
He could really sing, it was a lot different to the synth-pop bands I was into. “I think Noel was right, you’ve got a good voice. Maybe you’ll be big one day.”  
“There’s no maybe, it’s going to happen.” Noel said with an arrogant confidence as he stood up. “Come on Liam, I’m going to bed. Leave Stace alone now.” he left the room forcing Liam to leave with him.  
I owed my life to the brothers. With them around I was seeing the light again. I had to find a way to repay them.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up early the next morning. I felt guilty and selfish, knowing how close I’d come to trying to kill myself.  
The lads’ Mum knocked and entered the room. I sat up and tried to hide that I was tearing up, I didn’t want her to .  
“Are you alright?” she asked passing me a cup of tea.  
“Thanks.” I curled my fingers around the cup. “My boyfriend, Luke died. I can’t stop thinking about him.” I admitted.  
“Oh I'm sorry.” she put her arms around me. “What happened?”  
“Car crash, a few weeks ago. He was recovering and then his heart just gave in.” I explained.  
“I'm sorry.” she repeated quietly. “You were heading to Newcastle last night, was he a Geordie?” she asked trying to get me to open up to her.  
“No, I was kind of running away for a day or two.” I confessed. “I’m sorry I lied.” I looked down.  
“I know it's tough, it makes me want to protect my three forever. Especially Liam, he's so young and he always looking for or getting into trouble.” she sighed. “You need to go home to your family, you need to be with them.” she got up and left the room to get ready for work.  
She was right, I needed to be with my family, be honest with them about how I was feeling. They seemed to be getting on with their lives and I couldn’t stand it. Life was forced to go on, it was time for me to start living again.  
I just sat on the bed, staring at the wall, it was white but it felt like it and everything else would fade to black. The tea went cold without me even considering trying it. I just wasn't thirsty or hungry anymore.  
...  
A while later Liam walked in yawning, he was wearing only dark boxer shorts and dark socks. His hair was a right mess.  
My boyfriend always walked around like that in the morning.  
“D' you want breakfast?” he asked before stretching in a yawn.  
“No thanks, I'm really not hungry.” I couldn’t remember the last time I was or the last time I ate a proper meal.  
“I make great cereal, you'll be missing out.” he smiled.  
“I really don't feel like eating but thanks.”  
“D' you mind if I sit with you while I eat?”  
I stared at him for a minute.  
“Okay, I could do with the company.”  
He came back with two bowls filled with corn flakes.  
“I brought you a bowl, I know how you like to change your mind.” he passed it to me.  
“Liam! I didn't change my mind.” I tried to sound offended at him making light of my suicide attempt.  
“Don’t eat ‘em then.” he smirked. “When are you going and where?” he filled his mouth with corn flakes.  
I was surprised about how direct he was with everything.  
“I was kind of hoping I could stay in Manchester. I guess I'll have to look for somewhere to live and a job and stuff. I don’t know what to do Liam, I really don’t.”  
Manchester was far enough from home that I could go back if I was ever ready to, I wasn’t ready think about doing anything.  
“Ha jobs, good luck with that. You're talking to someone who's been on the dole for over a year. Obviously we don't tell them we sometimes work with our dad but there's nothing around here.”  
“Oh what if I've just graduated as a doctor or something.” I tried to outsmart him.  
“Not old enough.” he quickly replied and then scooped some corn flakes as a reward.  
I started to eat mine, it felt too rude not to.  
“Why do you and Noel share if this room is free?” I asked to distract from my limited job prospects. I had a job in a hairdresser’s that I hated, I had no career prospects.  
“Paul left when Noel was on tour, we haven't had chance to fight out who gets this room.” he reasoned.  
“Do you two fight a lot?”  
“It's mostly play fights or just arguing like you saw, don't you have brothers or sisters?”  
“Well I sort of have a little brother, he's six.” Thinking of him just filled my heart with more pain. “Did you really think Noel took your bike?”  
“No I was just mad and we used to nick loads of bikes and stuff.” he finished the cereal and drank the milk, making me cringe. “How can you “sort of” have a brother?”  
I didn't have to lie to him like I did everyone else. “He's my son, my parents adopted him.”  
“You have a six year old son? How?”  
“Well when two people get together sometimes the stork gets the wrong message and delivers a bundle of joy a while, say nine months later.”  
“Oi! I mean you're like twenty now, right? What the fuck were you doing having a baby six years ago?”  
“I'm twenty one. My dad had this young bricklayer doing some work. I don't know. He was nice, I fancied him and one day we were left while Dad and the other builders went to buy stuff…” I didn't want to think about him either, he meant nothing to me.  
“What was he doing, shagging a kid?” he interrupted, sounding disgusted.  
“I wasn’t a kid. I was fourteen, he was nineteen.”  
“Oh right, I’m nineteen. I can go and pick up a bird from the local comprehensive, can I?”  
It sounded wrong when he put it like that “No, it wasn’t like that.” I objected.  
“That’s exactly what it was like. How’d people react?”  
“My parents decided to keep it secret, make him their baby not mine. They kept acting like he'd forced me but it really wasn't like that at all. If anything he wasn't that interested.”  
“Don’t know about that dick but I know I’ve never fucked someone I didn’t want to fuck.” he commented. “How d’you think the kid would feel if you'd jumped?”  
“I don't know, I wasn’t thinking about him or anyone but myself.”  
“Can't imagine having to raise a kid as my brother when he's mine. That must fucking hurt.”  
“Yeah it does, all the time.”  
“Right I'm going to get dressed and get the lazy git up. Don’t be tempted to jump out the window, you’ll only hurt your legs.” Insensitive git. “I was in a cast for weeks last time.”  
He left again taking his bowl with him.  
I couldn't believe how nice the family were when they could have left me to it. I needed them so much and I didn’t know how I could ever repay them.  
I finished the corn flakes, leaving the excess milk. I felt a bit better with food in my stomach. I realised it was the first thing I'd eaten and enjoyed since Luke died.


	3. Chapter 3

“Stace, you're still here? Have you decided what you're going to do yet?” Noel asked as he stood in the doorway, unlike his brother he'd put a light blue t-shirt on already.  
I decided I needed to be here, with them. They saved me and I couldn’t just walk away from them now.  
“Oi, I’m going to find my bike, If I can’t, I’m fucking nicking someone else’s.” Liam said with a real agitation about him as he headed out.  
“Why did I have to have that idiot as a brother?” Noel asked as the door slammed.  
“He’s not that bad.” I defended.  
“You haven’t lived with him for the last nineteen years.” he pointed out. “Do you want to stay here still or not?”  
“I want to stay in Manchester, yeah.”  
“Alright. D’you want me to come home with you, to get some of your stuff? I’ve got fuck all on today.” he offered.  
“Yeah, thank you, you’ve been so good to me.”  
I didn’t consider that my family would find it strange that I’d ran off and brought back a man that I didn’t know.  
We got ready and drove south to my house, the journey was a lot shorter than it had been to get to Manchester.   
Noel was quiet for most of the way until I saw him go to light a cigarette. He tried to try to persuade me to allow him to smoke in the car, including attempting to demonstrate that he’d be able to keep all the smoke out of the window.   
“No way, you are not smoking in my dad’s car, he’ll fucking kill me.” I snapped in the end.  
He just laughed at that. The lack of nicotine put him into a mardy silence until I parked on my drive. He got out, leaned against the car and lit up while I went inside.  
My parents’ Vauxhall Cavalier wasn’t on the drive. No one was home, it was deathly quiet and unnaturally dark. I didn’t consider where they might be.   
I headed straight to my room and packed a suitcase quickly. I just packed clothes, money and some photos, there wasn’t anything else worth taking that I couldn’t buy in Manchester. I wasn’t thinking logically, I just wanted to get away.  
When I dragged my suitcase out the front door Noel commented. “Could have asked me to carry that.  
“It’s not as heavy as it looks. Thanks.” I locked the door and took the case to the boot. “Can you help me here though?”  
We got the case in the boot as my family pulled up in the car.  
“Stacy!” Mum jumped out the car. “Where the hell have you been? We’ve been looking everywhere for you. None of your friends had a clue where you were. What have you got a phone for?” She sounded more angry than concerned.   
“I’m so sorry Mum. I just couldn’t…”  
She threw her arms around me and comforted me. “It doesn’t matter now, you’re safe, just please don’t do that to us again.”  
“Mum, I’m sorry, I didn’t think…”  
“Who’s that?” she asked sounding alarmed as she noticed Noel, leant against the car.   
“His name’s Noel, he let me stay in his spare room last night and insisted on making sure I got home safe.”   
“Who is he? Are you going back with him? Is that why you’re packing?” she questioned so quickly I barely caught what she was saying..  
I didn’t know who he was. He was the person who’d saved my life. He was a Mancunian with dreams of becoming a rock star. I didn’t know him or Liam but still I wanted to be with them much more than I wanted to be with my own family.  
“He’s my friend, I’m going to stay with him and his brother for a bit. I need time to think, on my own.”  
Dad got out the car and locked it. “What’s going on?”  
“Where’s Billy?” I asked realising my “brother” wasn’t there.  
“At your Gran’s while we were trying to find you. We didn’t want him to worry.” he explained. “Why didn’t you just let us know where you were going?”  
…   
Dad wasn’t happy to see me go, in fact he cried as I said my goodbyes. He didn’t even care who saw him, it wasn’t like him at all.  
“Shall I get in the car?” Noel asked, not too sure of how to react to my dad.  
“Yeah.” I nodded. “Dad, I have to go. I’ll ring and stuff. It’s not like I’m going for good.” I pushed him away.  
“Just take care.” he said before taking Mum inside the house.  
We set off on an uneventful drive back to Manchester, surprisingly there was no hold ups on the motorway at all.  
…   
A while into the journey he smiled and said “I can’t believe your kid is a William. What’s the odds on that?”  
“What? How did you know?” I said a bit too aggressively.  
“Your brother Billy, his name’s a version of William like our kid Liam. His proper name is William.” he looked confused. “Wait Billy is your son?” he was shocked.  
“Yeah,” I admitted quietly.  
“And you’re just leaving him, in fact you were going to force him to grieve for you.” he clearly didn’t approve of my decisions.  
“I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, I thought I was making things better.” It was hard to try to rationalise a suicide attempt. “Thank you for being there to stop me.”  
“Couldn’t just stand by and watch, could I?”  
“Billy doesn’t know he’s mine, that’s why I can’t take him with me. He has to stay with my parents.”  
“You are going to regret doing this one day.” He warned. “I’m not saying go home, I’m saying come party with us, watch us top the record charts, do whatever you want but no matter what that lad is your little boy and one day you’re both going to realise you need each other.” he was too serious for my liking.  
“He’s never going to know.” I tried not to get upset. “Thanks for the invite.”  
“So… is he the boyfriend’s son?” he asked carefully.  
“No, no he’s not Luke’s. Can we please stop talking about Billy now?” I forced us into an awkward silence.


	4. Chapter 4

When we got back to their house we found a dirty dark green bike leaned against the wall in their hallway.  
“Mam’ll fucking kill you if she see’s your bike there.” Noel shouted as he dumped my suitcase next to it.  
“I do friggin’ know. I’ll shift it when the lads are gone.” Liam replied from the living room.  
We sat on the settee in the room, their friend’s wolf whistled when they saw me. I just rolled my eyes, I was strangely a bit flattered by their attention.  
“Oi, shut up. This is Stacy.” Liam said, whacking the one sat closest to him. “Bonehead, Guigsy, and Tony.” he introduced.  
“Paul.” Bonehead and Guigsy corrected together, I decided I prefered the nicknames.   
“Hi.” I waved awkwardly.  
“So, you staying then?” he asked.  
“Yeah, I just need somewhere to stay and stuff.”   
“Stay in Paul’s room, it’s not like he’s coming back.” he insisted.  
“You never said some lass was coming. We’re here for band stuff, unless she’s the best guitarist ever or songwriter or something, she can eff off.” Tony told Liam.  
“She’s probably a better drummer than you so shut up. What’s she going to do? Give songs we ant got to someone else?”   
Guigsy gave Bonehead a look, like they were trying to work out what I was doing here. “Bet she’s after bedding one of them.” he commented quietly.  
They started to discuss their band some more. They were reluctant to talk in front of me but Noel insisted I stayed.  
The others agreed Oasis sounded pretty cool and decided to adopt the name and adopt Noel as guitarist and songwriter.  
Soon they moved onto talking about the Beatles and other bands they aspired to be like. Liam and Noel seemed to have every one of the Beatles’ records. They played a lot of records, mostly spending a lot of time arguing about which song should get played next. Unfortunately for me I wasn’t a Beatles fan, I barely recognised their most famous songs.  
“Stace, your choice.” Bonehead said as one song was coming to it’s end.  
“I don’t mind. Something by John Lennon.” I didn’t want them to realise I didn’t know any of the songs they liked, our taste in music was very different.   
When they got bored of music they moved onto football, apparently Man City had a match on in a few hours. Dad and Luke and most people I knew supported the mighty Liverpool FC so that’s who I supported.  
...  
“Come on.” Noel said, tapping my arm.  
I’d zoned out, they were heading out the room.  
“We’re having a match. You definitely nodded.” he said, he looked at me strangely. They clearly hadn’t realised I hadn’t been aware since they mentioned football.  
“I… alright.” I got up and followed them to their back garden where Liam found a ball.   
“Don’t you need at least five people a team?” I felt disorientated like I’d been to sleep, I’d zoned out for way too long.  
“Three’ll do. Me and Noel are captains, I pick Bonehead and Tony.” Liam said he looked around and picked out things to represent the goals.  
I was sure I’d be hopeless and let my team down, I was in no state to run around.  
They took the game really seriously, even if Liam smoked a fag while he was playing. More surprisingly I wasn’t bad, I was the striker because I was “too small” to be the defender or the goalie.   
I kicked the ball from Liam’s possession, it rolled past Tony (the goalie), the insignificant sequence of actions suddenly seemed important, Noel lifted me in the air in celebration causing me to squeal.  
“Offside.” Liam called.  
“There is no fucking offside, there’s only two defenders playing you shithead.” Noel argued.  
They continued to argue over the offside rule, something I really didn’t get in regular football never mind in a three a side game.  
“Shut up being a friggin’ loser.” Noel said as he went to push Liam.  
“Stop it! I scored and no amount of arguing is going to change that.” I sounded really smug, too smug. I didn’t mean to boast like that but I thought they’d like me if I was confident and cheeky.  
I grabbed the ball and brought it to the centre of our pitch. “I could swap teams if it makes you happier, Liam.”  
“No, there’s no swapping, we play on or we win one - nil.” Guigsy said.  
Liam put out his cigarette and we played on.   
“Shit’s got serious.” I commented, laughing at him.  
The match ended two-one to Liam’s team, mainly because as soon as he scored he was bored and decided he had to deal with his bike before the Man City game started.  
“Wow he’s the worst winner ever.” I commented.  
“Tell me about it, this is how most games end with him.” Noel said as we all headed back inside.  
…  
We all sat around the TV to watch the game against Coventry including the pre and post game commentary, Liam passed beers around from out the fridge every twenty minutes or so.  
“Who do you support?” Guigsy asked.  
“Liverpool.” I answered realising they were football fan enemies, I didn’t get football rivalry.  
“Better than United.” Noel shrugged.  
“Oi, proud Red Devil!” Bonehead said punching the air.  
“But you support City now.” Liam interrupted. “Or you can go home.”   
I hoped he wasn’t serious. I couldn’t declare myself a Sky Blue.  
They got into the game, I tried to support City but it was against most of what I’d been told about football although Dad and Luke usually specified United as the team they hated most.  
Eventually Niall Quinn scored the only goal of the game causing Oasis to jump up and cheer, I cheered with them… I liked the exciting atmosphere and I was a little drunk.  
“Next up, Liverpool on Wednesday.” Liam said rubbing his hands together with excitement. They’d just gotten three points in the first match of the season but he already looked like they were title contenders.   
…   
Later I heard Noel and Liam informing (pleading with her) their Mum that I was staying with them as she cooked dinner.  
“Why the fuck’s this girl so important to you two?” she asked loudly.  
“She’s our friend.” Liam replied  
“She better not be up the duff.”   
“Mam! We met her yesterday! If she is, it’s nothing to do with us.” he responded.  
“Do you two fancy her or something?”  
“Mam! We can have friends we don’t fancy…” Liam argued.  
“It’s not happened before.” she interrupted.  
“But she’s good at footie.” Liam continued to argue. “None of the birds we know would even bloody try.”  
“Is she going to pay rent, do anything to help around the house or any fecking thing or is she planning to sponge like you two?”  
“She’s not trouble. She needs us.” Noel told her. “Can we drop it? I need a fag.” Noel said, he sounded so bored with the conversation.  
“Oh yeah, me too.” Liam said just so he could get out of the conversation too.  
“Go on. I’ll shout when tea’s ready.”  
I didn’t get why their Mum would have a problem with me staying or why she would assume I was pregnant. Why was she suddenly so suspicious of me? It made me wonder what the brothers had done in the past.   
I realised neither denied “fancying” me but I tried not to focus on that because I didn’t want to like them like that back.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day Noel took me to watch his band play at the Boardwalk club, they were still under the name The Rain officially and Noel hadn’t had time to contribute anything so he was in the audience with me.  
They were already quite popular, and they really were “better with the music” but their songs could definitely be improved.  
Noel was very critical but he mostly just sounded jealous that he wasn’t already up there. I teased him about it but he insisted he just wanted the band to be the best.  
“Just cos your little brother is famous already and you’re not.” I smiled.  
“I don’t care about fame. I just know they’d be better with me on guitar.”   
“Have you got a guitar?”  
“Course, I keep it in my room, hidden so no one’ll nick it.”  
“You’ll have to play something when we get back, prove yourself.”  
He smirked. “I don’t need to prove myself, I know I’m great.”   
“Me too but it doesn’t mean I can get up there and play a note.” I pointed.  
“Fine I’ll do it. You won’t recognise anything though, will you?”  
“Why, what songs can you play?”  
“The Beatles’ stuff, mainly and stuff I’ve wrote. Like I said you won’t know.”  
“You know I’m not exactly a fan? I didn’t realise anyone noticed.” I thought he’d be mad, they looked like serious fans.  
“You just went dead quiet when we put the music on. Your secret’s safe with me but I wouldn’t tell Liam unless you want to be tied to a chair until you know every lyric to every song the Beatles released. And John Lennon’s obviously.”  
“He’s capable of tying people to chairs, eh?” I said attempting to sound like I was interested in that sort of thing.  
He looked shocked “W‘ the fuck?”   
“I’m just messing with you.” I pushed him gently, trying to emphasis I was joking.  
“No, no you’ve said it now. Don’t worry I’ll let him know in a bit.” he couldn’t contain his laughter.   
I was so embarrassed and even worse we fell into an awkward silence as he went back to analysing the band’s performance.  
When they were done on stage Liam came and sat with us, he couldn’t wait for his big brother’s verdict.  
They chatted about the gig for a while before I drove them home, I didn’t mind being the designated driver since I had the Metro.  
…  
The next morning I got up when I heard their mum getting ready for work. I headed out to find a job leaving the lads with a note telling them where I’d gone.  
It took me a while to find any businesses in this new city and I didn’t really have a skill set or experience so it was really difficult and Liam was right, there wasn’t many jobs to be found here, plus they found my circumstances suspicious.  
After hours of trying to persuade people to at least take my phone number down I returned to the Gallagher home.   
Liam was sat with his feet on the coffee table watching daytime tv and drinking a can of beer when I got back.   
“Bit early for that isn’t it?” I commented.  
“If I was at a barbecue or summet you wouldn’t be moaning.” he shrugged. “Want one?”   
“I’m not moaning and I’m alright thanks.” I slumped next to him.  
“What’s up with you? You’ve got a face like a slapped arse and you look like you’ll be going back to doing some more of that sitting on a bridge shite.”  
“Please stop joking about that.” I sighed.  
“No one’s employing?”   
I just nodded not wanting to admit I’d failed.  
He put his arm around my shoulder. “Don’t worry, we’ll look after you.”   
After that he started commentating on the program he was watching, I guess he thought it might cheer me up, it kind of did.  
“Oi Stace, d’you want a sandwich or something.” Noel said stood at the living room door with his guitar on his shoulder.   
“Yeah, thanks.” I got up and followed him into the kitchen, to get away from Liam telling me about dogs with jobs (a pretty harsh program to put on when most of the audience will be the unemployed) and to help him..  
“Me too.” Liam shouted.  
“Make your own, lazy git.” Noel responded.  
Noel made our sandwiches and Liam’s.  
“You got your guitar to play like you promised?” I sat at the table watching him.  
He just shrugged and made an “mm” sound.  
“Oi twat-face, sandwich!” he shouted as he put our plates on the table and sat down.  
“Fucking eyebrows.” Liam smirked as he walked past him, slapping Noel’s forehead before going back to the living room with his sandwich.  
“Do you two ever stop fighting?” I couldn’t help but laugh.  
“No, we’re brothers. Hasn’t Billy reached the age where he just wants to piss you off yet?”  
“Er, no, he’s kind of a quiet boy.”  
He ate a bite of his sandwich. “I was the same with our Paul but I grew up when I was like nine, Liam’s just never grown up.” he explained. “It cheered you up so, who cares?”   
“How will you two cope in a band together?”   
“We’re only messing.” he insisted “Probably do each other’s nuts in but we’ll have all the groupies and shit to distract us. ”  
“You know, as the front man, he’s going to get all the girls.”   
“Are you getting jealous of Liam’s future birds?” he teased. “You should tell him how you feel, it’s not like anyone else wants him.”  
“I don’t fancy Liam!” I protested.  
“Look, his death isn’t the end for you, you’ve already met us and started a new life away from your family. You’re doing great.” he smiled one of those reassuring smiles people do because they have no idea how to react to a grieving person.  
“Can’t get even the rubbishest job though.”   
“You tried for a few hours, what if we did that? Are we going to give up if the first record company rejects us? Hell no.”  
He was right, I was letting my grief crush my determination.  
When he was done with his lunch he played his guitar and started to sing “Hey you! Up in the sky. Learning to fly. Tell me how high. Do you think you'll go. Before you start falling. Hey you! Up in a tree. You wanna be me”   
I loved it, the lyrics were so unusual.   
“It’s just lyrics I’ve been messing about with but I think it’s going to be really powerful. y’know.” he shrugged. “Called Up in the Sky.”  
“Okay, you weren’t lying, you’re brilliant, that song’s brilliant.”


	6. Chapter 6

I decided I wouldn’t pester Manchester’s job market again the next day, I decided to spend the day Liam style, except without the cigarettes and alcohol. I woke up at about half ten, got breakfast and spent the day watching telly.  
Liam surprisingly wasn’t in, neither was Noel. I didn’t like being in their home alone, I felt like an intruder, like I should be looking for things to nick before they get back.  
Noel came back first looking exhausted.  
“Where’ve you been?” I asked as he walked past the living room to go straight upstairs.  
“Work. I need to have a bath.” he sounded exhausted.  
“Eh? You don’t look like you’ve been producing music.”  
“Dad rang us at like six with a job.” he explained. “If I’m gone too long, you should come and wake me up in case I drown.” he climbed the stairs and ran the bath.  
I wondered where Liam was, if they were on the same job surely they’d get back at the same time. I felt sorry for them both having to do construction work when they just wanted to make music, especially since I truly believed the band wasn’t just a stupid dream.   
Noel didn’t need me to save him, he joined me on the sofa about half an hour later. He put a can of beer on the coffee table and cracked open the one he had in his hand, both fresh from the fridge.  
“Drink up.” he said, indicating the one on the table was mine.  
“Thanks. I don’t tend to drink in the week though.”   
“More for me.” he shrugged. “Wait, are you calling us an alcoholic? If you’d just spent all day with our father, you’d want a drink.”  
“No, I just said I don’t want a beer, right now but thanks for bringing me one..” I wanted to ask about their dad but he sounded ready to kick off. “Where’s Liam?”   
He shrugged and drank.  
“D’you want me to make tea?” I offered.  
“Mam’ll be back soon. She’ll sort it.”  
I wasn’t going to rely on their Num all the time. “That’s not fair on her, she’s always at work. She shouldn’t have to look after us as well.”  
“Fine, make yourself summet. I’m not bothered about owt.”  
“Are you sure? I can cook y’know.”  
“Sure you’re not going to try to gas us?” he smirked.  
“Don’t be like your brother.” I warned and rolled my eyes before leaving for the kitchen.  
…  
“Oi Stace.” I heard Liam shout as he walked through the front door over an hour later.  
“Stacy.” I corrected under my breath. “What?”   
“You start at the Nag’s Head, in an hour.” he went straight to the kitchen to raid the fridge.  
“The what?” I tilted my head in confusion.  
“The Nag’s Head.” he repeated.  
I looked at Noel hoping he’d explain what he was on about.  
“Pub.”  
That was enlightening. I wondered what Liam had done to get me the job, probably threatened the landlord.  
After he’d done snacking he went upstairs and ran a bath without saying another word to either of us.  
“Think he likes you.” Noel said as soon as Liam was upstairs.  
“Not this again.” I sighed. “I’ve got to go get ready for a shift, apparently.” I said to try to excuse myself.  
“It’s round the corner.” he took hold of my wrist to stop me getting up. “Hear me out.”  
“Alright, go on, tell me all about how your brother fancies me.” I said impatiently.  
He let go of my wrist and thought for a moment. “The person who had his bike. He didn’t smash their head in. He’s the angriest person I know and he’s been so calm since you got here.”  
I shook my head. “You’re going to have to do better than that. Not smashing someone’s head in and being calm for two days isn’t valid evidence.”   
“Heard him talk in his sleep.”  
“Bull shit.” I said purposely separating the two words.  
“You weren’t there, the things he said about you… He’d make you blush.”  
“Stop lying.”   
“Alright, I made that up but he did just go out and get you a job at our favourite pub.”   
“Yous have a favourite pub?” I stared at him like I’d proved my point about his drinking, even though I didn’t have a point about it.   
“Don’t you lot, in wherever it was?”  
“No, we’re too young to have a local, old people have locals.”  
“And us young ‘uns just pop up in places spontaneously?”   
I got changed into less indoorsy clothes and made myself look more presentable before getting Liam to direct me to the pub.  
…   
The pub wasn’t the trendy kind, most of the customers were old men and they pretty much only sold beer, no designer drinks here.  
“D’you want a beer or summet Liam?” the landlord asked as we walked up to the bar.  
“Nah, I’m off home. Mikey, meet Stace.” he said before leaving.  
“Michael or Mike, never Mikey. It’s only him that gets away with that.” “Stacy.” We corrected.  
He showed me how to use the cash register, the pumps and everything else I needed to use. Then we started chatting.  
“How’d Liam convince you to employ me?”  
“We’re family friends.” he shrugged. “Said you two were engaged and needed the extra cash for the wedding but I guessed he was lying.” he chuckled.  
“I can’t believe he would lie to you like that.” I was genuinely shocked.  
“He’s always been… manipulative with the truth.” he revealed. “He told me the other day The Rain has a record label contract in progress the other day.”  
“What a liar? Why?” I questioned.  
“I don’t know, he’s always looked up to me. He thinks I believe him and he needs the ego boost.”  
“Pfft, his ego is fine from what I’ve seen.”  
“His first gig was right over there.” he said pointing at the area that currently had stacked chairs and unused tables in it. “They were all so nervous, still brilliant though.”  
“Friend bias?”  
“Probably.”


	7. Chapter 7

When I got back to the Gallagher house after my shift it was about eleven pm, there were no lights on so I assumed everyone had already gone to bed. I locked the front door and went to my room as quietly as I could.  
Noel was fast asleep in my (well Paul’s) bed. His guitar was on the chest of drawers.   
I was too tired and unwilling to disturb him so I got into some pajamas and got into his bed, Liam was already sleeping like a log as well. Whatever had gone on clearly wasn’t enough for them to lose sleep over.  
I jumped at the sound of an alarm clock blaring, it took Liam longer to stir and it was right next to him. I read the digital display, 6 am. I screwed my eyes up and hit my head on the pillow trying to ignore the sound.  
A minute later Liam still hadn’t turned it off. “Liam, please turn it off. It’s doing my head in.” I whined, he moved to get comfy, pulling his duvet over his head.  
“Come on, get up.” I said as I stroked his fringe and pulled the duvet off of him.  
“What’d you do that for?” he moaned.  
“You’re alarm. I don’t want to be awake this early.” I grabbed his arm, attempting to pull him off the bed.  
“Noel turns it off.” he said finally sitting up.  
“He’s in Paul’s room. He’ll need you to go wake him up.” I explained and he finally turned off the noise.  
I got back in Noel’s bed, attempting to ignore him getting ready.  
“Why are you in his bed?” he asked as he searched for clothes.  
“Why is he in mine?” I realised he’d slept naked, apart from socks. I hoped Noel didn’t do the same.  
“Had an argument.”   
I was too tired and annoyed at being awake to ask anything else. I quickly fell back to sleep, not being disturbed by either of them getting ready for work around me.  
…   
I woke up late, it was nearly twelve. I got dressed and got breakfast. Their mum was making sandwiches for her work tea.  
“You alright, love?” she asked.  
I smiled and nodded.  
“What happened last night?”   
“They got into a bit of a fight over having to work with their dad all week.” she shrugged.  
“All week?” I didn’t want them to be away all day, every day this week. They were the only people I knew here.  
“Yeah, I doubt they’ll be late home today. It’s match day.” she rolled her eyes.  
“Great!” I answered sarcastically.  
“Oh your mobile rang while you were asleep. I didn’t answer, I just heard it from your room. I didn’t realise there were heavier sleepers than my lads.”  
“Thanks Peggy.”  
I assumed my mum was just checking up on me because I hadn’t made contact yet.  
…  
After breakfast I returned my Mum’s call.  
“Sorry, I slept in.” I answered why I’d missed her calls.  
“Oh, okay. How are you doing? Are you settling in alright? Are you sure you don’t want to come home?”  
“I’m fine. I’m doing alright here, I got a job as bar staff in a nice quiet pub, it’s way better than the hairdressers. I’ll visit soon, I promise.” I answered. “How are you and Dad? How’s Billy?”  
“Well done.” she sounded a bit patronising, as usual. “We’re all missing you loads, but we’re alright. Billy was upset when we told him you’d moved out but he know’s you’re coming back, doesn’t he?”  
“I will. I’m sorry I couldn’t hack it, being at home. It hurts too much watching Billy grow up and not be involved like I should be. I don’t want to upset him, seeing me grieve, as well.” I admitted.   
…   
Peggy was right, they were home by five o’clock. They changed into their sky blue City shirts and clean jeans before informing me they were watching the game at the pub with their mates.  
My shift started at six, they went with me.  
“Wish dad paid us so we could watch down Maine Road.” Liam complained as we walked into the pub.  
“Where?”  
“The stadium.” He looked at me like I really should have known that.  
“I doubt you’d get tickets now.” I said to make them feel better or at least stop them complaining all night. “And I wouldn’t be able to sit with you lot.”  
“Why?”  
“Away fans aren’t allowed to sit with home fans, duh.” he elbowed my rib muttering something about making me change teams.  
I went behind the bar and started working.  
“I see you brought your fiance today.” Michael commented.   
I’d already forgot about that. “Yeah, what’s the point working in a public place if you can’t bring your family along?” I smiled.  
“Just watch out for people getting too excited today, especially when the young ‘uns come in. I don’t want any fights in my pub over the footie.” he warned.  
“Got you, I’ll try not to lamp Liam if he starts on my team.” I joked.  
“Oh great, I’ve employed a Scouse!”  
Their mates turned out to be the members of Oasis, except Bonehead and a few people I hadn’t met. They’d all turned up in City shirts too.  
It seemed like I was the only Red there, the pub roared both times White scored but no one celebrated McManaman’s goal.  
“Looks like you picked the wrong team.” Liam smirked as the final whistle went, before ordering another gin and tonic.  
“I don’t know, I think you might have had too many for me to serve you.”   
“No, I’m not even drunk. Don’t be a sore loser.”  
“Actually, I’m not sure if you’re even old enough to be served.” I pointed at a “challenge 21” sign.  
“Come on. I’m nineteen. Give me gin and tonic.” he said getting frustrated.  
“Answer me this, IF you get it right I’ll serve you.” he nodded. “Who’s team won the Champion’s league four times?”  
“That’s European footie, no one cares.” he shrugged.  
“No one cares about your gin and tonic then, fiance.”  
“Eh?” he’d forgotten as well. “Mikey!” he yelled.   
Apparently he’d rather complain to my boss than answer the question.  
I saw Michael coming and served Liam, putting on a polite smile.  
“What’s up Liam?” he asked.  
“Nothing, she couldn’t find the gin.” he lied.  
Michael walked away, muttering “Lovers’ tiff, more like.”  
“All this lying will catch up to you one day.”  
“Not likely, I’m going to be bigger than god and no one will give a shit. They’ll be too busy fucking worshiping me.” he raised his glass to the idea.  
I smiled at his arrogance. I just hoped what he was right or he’ll have to live his life on crushed dreams.  
…  
Thursday and friday were the same, the lads going off to work all day and me working all evening.   
…   
On saturday I woke up, hearing Liam ranting about cereal to himself in the kitchen. I went straight down stairs, still in my pajama bottoms (having changed my top) to see if I could resolve the situation.  
“Who the fuck leaves half a bowl of cornflakes in the packet?” he said as soon as he saw me. “And the pissing milk’s gone off, ruined me tea.”   
“There’s a shop down the street, isn’t there?”   
“Yeah but I’m bloody starving.” he huffed.  
“Get toast or something else.” I suggested.  
“I always have cornflakes for my fucking breakfast.”  
I’d never seen anyone this angry, this early especially over what to have for breakfast. “Just go to the shop, all you have to do is put trousers on. I’d go but it’d take me way long to get ready.” I said extending the ay sound in way.  
Naturally he was wearing only socks, boxers and a t-shirt, he had a tracksuit jacket tied around his waist.  
“Just put a hoodie on. No one will friggin’ care. I’m too fucking hungry to walk.” he sat down at the table.  
“Alright, give me yours and I’ll be right back with your stupid cornflakes and milk.” I held out my hand and he passed me the jacket.  
I got money, zipped up the jacket and put the hood up so no one could see my bed hair and drove to the shop.  
“Don’t wake me up this early on a saturday morning over bloody cereals.” I warned before passing him the bag.  
…  
In the afternoon the band came around which was apparently why Liam was up early. They couldn’t help but call a rematch to last saturday’s game even though they were supposed to be practicing for a show that night.  
“If you want me to play Noel n Liam are on my team, maybe they won’t fight then.” I said.  
“That’s not a rematch and that won’t stop them.” Tony pointed out.  
“Either we play us three against you three or you play two against three.” I said assertively.  
“What’s happened to you Stace? They shown you a Manchester shag?” Bonehead questioned.  
“Stacy, my name’s stacy. You have to pronounce the y. Yous cut enough sounds from words.” I ranted. “They wish.” I answered his question.  
They agreed to play my teams. Noel and Liam argued over which of them was in goal, I put my foot down and made Liam goalie “cos he’s bigger.”  
Soon both teams had scored. I had the ball and was about to go for goal when Bonehead shoved me in a tackle, I went to the ground and he kicked to score.  
Noel stopped the ball and held it under his foot. Everyone stared at me like I’d gotten seriously hurt but I wasn’t hurt at all.  
Bonehead held out his hand and pulled me up, I milked the attention as I got to my feet. Noel realised what I was doing and slipped the ball straight past Guigsy in goal.  
He threw his fists up in celebration like he’d scored in a proper stadium match and shouted “Yes!”  
“You cheats!” Bonehead exclaimed playfully.  
“It’s called initiative.” I shrugged as Guigsy passed to Tony to continue the match.  
The match ended 3-2 to the Gallagher household because it started raining which cued “The Rain” to get inside and practice.


	8. Chapter 8

I didn’t go and watch them play, instead I reluctantly called my Mum, I’d missed quite a few calls from her again. Not purposely although she was beginning to think I was just ignoring her.   
“I’m just letting you know the funeral has been arranged. You really should have been involved.” she told me.  
“When is it?”  
“It’s on Monday.” Shit.  
“Okay mum, I’ll be home first thing.”  
“Are you sure you don’t want to come home now?” she asked. “I don’t want to lie to Luke’s family.”  
“Lie about what?”  
“You’ve moved into a strange man’s home so soon after Luke died. Doesn’t that sound odd to you?”  
“Noel and Liam aren’t strange, they’re hard working lads.” Some might argue otherwise but I couldn’t think how else to reassuringly describe them.  
“What do they do exactly?”  
If I told her construction she’d compare them to Billy’s Dad, if I told her about the Rain/ Oasis she’d tell me to tell them to grow up and stop dreaming, if I told her they were on the dole she’d order me back home.  
“I haven’t asked, I just know they get up at six and don’t get back until at least five.” I shrugged forgetting I was on the phone.  
“Oh okay, just don’t let them take advantage of you. Just because you’re living with them it doesn’t mean you owe them anything.” she warned.  
“Mum! No one took advantage of me and I’m not going to let anyone either. They are my friends, nothing more.” I said losing my temper. I ended the call as soon as I’d done speaking.  
…   
I sat and channel flicked, they didn’t have satellite so there was only four channels to go between. I feeling so lonely, I wished I hadn’t rang her, I wished I’d gone to the gig but I mostly wished I could go home to my boyfriend. I certainly wasn’t ready to bury him.  
I ended up turning off the telly and going upstairs. I found the photos I brought with me, most of them were of me and Luke. I started crying, knowing we could never have those good times again. Once I started I couldn’t stop. I didn’t deserve to be friends with anyone new, I should have been home, mourning like a victorian.  
When they got back I’d stopped crying and gone back to watch TV but my face had all the telltale signs that I had been for some time.  
“Sup?” Noel asked as he flopped on the settee, next to me, almost on my knee.  
Liam announced he was going to bed and ran up the stairs, he was never going to be one to deal with emotions.  
“Nothing, it’s just the funeral on monday.” I sniffed.  
“Oh, d’you want us to come with you? Don’t think I’ve got owt to do.”  
“No, no, you can’t.” that was a terrible idea but I’m pretty sure he was drunk. “How was the gig?”  
“Good, you just wait til we’re selling out Wembley. I can feel it, y’know. Wish it would fucking hurry up though.”  
“You only just joined. Think how “the Rain” feel.”  
“I know but I want to get back out on tour, live some more, not wait on my shitty Dad.” he sighed.   
He already knew what it was like to live on tour with a band even if he was just in the background setting up.  
“I’m still going to be your roadie, aren’t I?” I remembered his offer.  
“Course.” his lips crashed into mine. I missed the feeling, I didn’t want it to end but not with him, not with Noel.  
“Stop it, I don’t want to be with you or anyone else but Luke.” I pulled away.  
“He's dead. move on.” he said bluntly.  
I slapped him hard, harder than I'd slapped anyone before and stormed up to my room, slamming the door shut. I sat against the door convincing myself it was just because he was drunk and high from performing.  
…   
The next day he did everything he could to avoid me. Somehow neither Liam or their Mum questioned it.  
I went shopping for a funeral dress to make things easier for him and to face up to the fact that tomorrow was my boyfriend's funeral.  
I wished he was there getting bored out of his mind of trudging around so many shops. When I found a dress I liked I felt like I could hear him saying how well it would suit me.  
“Why'd you have to drive?” I sighed as I measured a dress against myself.  
“None of these are right, I'll never find a dress suitable for your funeral.” I continued.  
A sales assistant came over, seeing I was struggling.  
“Hi I'm Kenzie, d'you need any help?” she smiled.  
“Yeah what should I wear to bury my boyfriend tomorrow?”  
“Oh I'm sorry.” she said. “What kind of dress person are you?”  
She looked at me trying to judge my body before searching the racks for the right dress.  
“I'm not. I'll only wear one on special occasions.” I admitted.  
I'd be happier in a football shirt and jeans, which would probably be the dress code he'd set if he had the choice.  
“This one.” she showed me a knee length black dress, a really respectable kind of style. I actually liked it.  
“He should be here telling me I'm not a nun.” I smiled taking the dress.  
“Aww, at least you'd get an opinion. Mine would say they're all the same just hurry up and pick one.” she smiled back. “Do you need shoes and everything?”  
“Yeah.” I sighed. “I hate shoes.”  
We walked to the shoe area and picked out the “perfect” shoes for the dress.  
“What happened to him?” she asked as I tried them on.  
“Heart attack recovering from a car crash.”  
“How old was he?”  
“Twenty one, a few months older than me.”  
“It's just not right, having them taken so young.” she commented.  
I had a feeling she'd experienced similar grief but I didn’t want to intrude. “Yeah, I know.”  
“I like your accent, where are you from?”  
“South Yorkshire.” Thanks to my Scouse friends, my accent was an odd mix of Yorkshire and Scouse.  
“What brought you to Manchester?”  
“After he died I drove around to avoid dealing with it and ended up being taken in by two brothers who found me lost.”  
“That was nice of them.”  
We headed to find a bag.  
“Who was it? If they're our age I'll probably know them.”  
“Liam and Noel Gallagher.”  
She laughed and said “It's not like them to be helpful. Were you at the gig last night?”  
“Well I'm glad they were there. No I didn't feel up to going.”  
“They were good. D'you know when they're playing again? We could go together if you only know them here.”  
“I don't but I'll ask and let you know. I work at the Nag's Head if you want to drop by.”  
“Did the lads get you to work at that old place?”  
“Yeah Liam told the owner I was his fiancé.” I shook my head at how mad that sounded.  
“Wow, that's a new level of weird, even for them.” she laughed.  
I ended up spending more than I wanted to but at least I got a new friend out of it.  
…   
The next morning I drove home already in my funeral outfit so we could drive to the funeral together in the Cavalier. I wanted to go in the Metro so I didn't have to go back with them but they insisted.  
The drive to Liverpool was silent, all the way there no one dared to speak.  
His family were so kind and considerate to me throughout the ceremony but as soon as it was all over so I stayed at the church while everyone went to his parents' house.  
I sat staring at his photo and his name “Lucas Ian-Geoff” on the service booklet. Whoever put it together picked the best photo, he looked so handsome, so alive.  
It was a rarity to see his name as Lucas.  
After a while I heard footsteps coming towards me, I didn't look around hoping it was the priest going about his business.  
“What are you doing sat in here?” they asked as they sat next to me. The thick scouse accent could only belong to his cousin Jamie.  
“Praying?” My tone came out as hostile.  
“If you want me to go I'll go.”  
“No, I miss his voice, yours is pretty close.”  
“I heard you've left home.”  
“Yeah, to Manchester.”  
“Don't know why on earth you'd want to go there but you know you're always welcome on the Mersey. In fact I insist you visit as soon as you can.” I loved their insistence on city rivalries and I was glad he didn't want me to leave and never come back.  
“Alright, you know I definitely will.”  
“D'you remember when we first met?” he smiled at the memories.  
“Course, it was my first time in Liverpool and naturally there was a home match so Luke was desperate to get tickets for me and him.” I cracked a smile remembering that day.  
“Got up right early and went round everywhere he could think of to get them but no luck.” he grinned.  
“Still insisted we wear our footie shirts and scarves all day. Called everyone he knew and had anyone who would play a match on that park across from Anfield.”  
“Can't believe any of us lasted a full match. Least we could hear the announcements from there.” he put his arm around me.  
“Yeah then we went to that pub for a post match pint but they'd only serve you cos the rest of us was only seventeen. You even tried to convince ‘em Luke was your twin.” They looked so alike and they were so close, like brothers.  
“They would have bought it... If they didn't know us.” he shrugged.  
I laughed, I loved how cheeky they were, especially when they were together.  
He leant towards me and kissed me. He cupped my cheeks and I didn’t fight it. I felt the paper slip through my fingers.  
I pulled away, hearing the sound of the paper hitting the stone floor. "Jamie, I can't."  
“I've wanted that since the moment I saw you, or the moment you scored that goal.”  
“It's cheating, he's your cousin.”  
“And I wouldn't have even thought about doing it if he was still here.” he picked the pages up. “If he wasn't just a picture on a hymn book.” he looked like he was going to cry, it hurt him to look at the picture.  
I hugged him to comfort each other.  
“He's not, he's so much more than that. He's the kindest person ever who wouldn't let anything ruin his day.” I rubbed his shoulder blade. “He'd be crushed by seeing us together though.”  
“He'd want us to be happy, not crying in a stupid church. He would understand.” he sniffed.  
“But you can’t just use me to distract yourself from grieving.”  
“I'm not, I want us to do it together. I don't want you to be gone. you're my friend, I need you, even if we can't... Yet.”  
He kissed me again, I didn’t fight it again. He needed it and I missed my Luke’s lips so much, Jamie's felt so familiar.  
“I'm not going to leave you. I can't stay in Liverpool yet though, I only just got a job in Manchester.” I told him when the kiss was finished.  
“It's not that far, you can visit, yeah?”  
“Yeah I'll visit when I can and I'll phone all the time. I promise you're not alone.”  
We went to the reception, no one questioned our absence. They all knew how hard the loss was on us.  
As the evening drew in I remembered I hadn't told Michael about the funeral, I didn't have the pub's number but I saw someone had put Noel into my contacts.  
I rang hoping he would speak to me just to pass the message on although I still hadn't forgiven him.  
“Hello?”  
“Noel?” I questioned, it didn't sound exactly like him but I hadn't heard his phone voice.  
“Liam.” he corrected.  
“Where’s Noel?”  
“Toilet, what's up?”  
“Michael doesn't know I'm at a funeral, I don't want to get in trouble on my first week and I don't have his number.”  
“Rate, I'll tell him. When you coming home?”  
“I'll be back by tomorrow, my parents drove and I don't know when we're leaving tonight.”  
“See ya.” he hung up.  
I went to find my parents but I couldn't find them anywhere and no one had seen them for ages. I couldn't even find the car.  
Luke’s Mum explained they'd gone home already, they'd decided it would be best if I stayed with the family for the night. That really pissed me off, I had nowhere to stay, no clothes to change into, no money and no way of getting to my car.  
To deal with the lack of options I started to drink beer after beer even after everyone but Jamie had left Lucas’ parents' house.  
…   
I woke up in an unfamiliar room with a splitting headache. I looked around, it was similar to Luke’s room, plenty of Liverpool merchandise and band posters but the furniture was different.  
Suddenly I realised someone's back was against mine. I jumped up to see Jamie sleeping peacefully.  
I slipped out of bed not wanting to disturb him. I saw he was wearing a tshirt and boxers. I had a long t-shirt covering me up. I assumed this meant we hadn't done anything but I just couldn't remember.  
His clock read 11:27, I hoped that meant no one else was in as I went in search of painkillers and breakfast.  
He joined me a few minutes later, fully dressed.  
“How’d I end up here, in your bed?” I asked holding my head.  
“You refused to stay at theirs and when you got back to mine you insisted I slept with you, something about not being able to sleep without being able to feel someone next to you.”  
“Sorry, I get needy when I’m drunk sometimes.”  
“I’ll drive you home when you’re ready.”  
“About that, I really don’t want to wear that dress again and I can’t go home like this.” I pulled the t-shirt to emphasis my current outfit.  
“You thought of that last night.” he showed me a bag of my clothes I’d brought from Luke’s.


	9. Chapter 9

When I got back to the Gallagher house Noel was sat outside smoking.   
“Dirty stop out.” he smirked.  
“Shut up! My parents left me there.” I whined, tired.  
“Look, I’m sorry for trying to kiss you. I do one gig and I think I own the world.” He took a drag of this cigarette. “I’m an idiot.”  
I accepted his apology and sat next to him in silence.   
I needed to talk to someone about Jamie. I spoke without considering how Noel would feel. “If… If Liam died and you fancied… loved his missus, would you…?” I asked barely managing to speak the words.  
“What happened?” he stared at me, confused.  
“Luke’s cousin kissed me.” I felt guilty for being mad at Noel but not at Jamie.  
“Did you slap him one, annal?” he sounded offended.  
“I’m really, really sorry, I shouldn’t have…”  
“No, I deserved it.” he interrupted. “D’you always get off with your cousins at funerals?”  
“I don’t. I’m not that kind of girl and Jamie isn’t my cousin, he’s Luke’s. I’m not…”  
“That’s what I meant.” he interrupted stubbing out his cigarette butt, letting his irritation surface. “Don’t tell Liam, yeah? He’ll be crushed.”  
“If you know Liam’s so interested in me, why’d you kiss me?”  
“Same reason your cousin kissed you, I should imagine.”  
...  
Liam was excited to see me. He hugged me and I buried my head in his chest. “How’s Liverpool? They all still mourning Lennon?”  
“Yeah the city has just completely stopped for the last…” I stopped to work out how many years ago he was killed.  
“Ten years.” he answered. “Thought so.” He hadn’t realised my sarcasm. “Lucky he reincarnated into me so I could carry on for him.”  
I looked up at him, giving him a strange look. “But you were born…”  
“Don’t bother.” Noel interrupted.  
I loved Liam’s odd take on the world.   
…  
Kenzie came to the Nag’s Head and chatted to me for hours, she drank glass after glass, mostly just cola to stop Mike from complaining.  
She told me she’d seen a poster for the weekend, I couldn’t believe how often they were playing, they didn’t even practice nearly enough.  
I told her about Jamie, needing a female’s opinion.  
“Selfish prick!” she exclaimed. “Sorry but that was a dick move on his part.”  
“He’s not, he’s just lost without Luke.” I defended.  
“Alright, if you’d met them together… Which cousin would you do?” I wished people from Manchester weren’t so blunt but I wouldn’t change them either.  
“Luke.” I answered straight away.  
“There you go, you didn’t even think about Jamie. You’re just friends, Luke’s death doesn’t change that.” she explained.  
“So what do I tell him?”  
“Don’t tell him anything, just carry on as normal.” she suggested. “Or you could shag him and see how you feel?”  
I shook my head. “I’m not basing a relationship on how they were in the sack. That’s not a thing.”   
“It definitely is.” she spoke with a cheeky grin. “What about the Gallaghers or the band? You have met them, haven’t you?”  
“Yeah I’ve played football with them, bloody twice. They’re all my friends. I’m not going to bang any of them.” I said firmly.  
“Not even when they’re famous?”  
“Won’t make the slightest difference.” I assured her.  
...  
We went to Oasis’ next gig, I made sure to convince them that I wasn’t going again so we could surprise them.  
“They’re so good.” She commented at the end of a song. “No one in school would have believed they’d be successful.”  
“They haven’t made it yet.” I said pessimistically.  
“You need more alcohol.” she insisted before ordering us more drinks.  
I took my drink. “You don’t see them when they’ve worked their arses off for their stupid Dad. It makes them miserable.” They’d worked Wednesday and Thursday this week.  
“Everyone else gets by, at least they get to do this.” she shrugged.  
As soon as they finished their set we snuck backstage. Kenzie immediately took interest in Tony, she was already acting like they were a real band.  
“What are you doing here? Giving us a lift?” Liam asked.  
“Nope, I’m too drunk.” I lifted my current glass. “Kenzie wanted to see you lot play.”  
Noel walked in. “Thought I saw you in the crowd.” he smiled. “Why did you bother pretending you weren’t coming?”  
“Cos that’s no fun and your egos might explode.” I said as I finished my drink, dropping it on the table.  
“God, how much have you had?” he commented, watching me wobble.  
“Look’s like Tony’s in for a good night.” Bonehead commented, seeing him and Kenzie leave together.  
“I haven’t been counting.” I shrugged. “She’s left me.” I was shocked.  
Liam gave me a piggyback to get me home, it was the only way to get me back quickly and safely. Him and Noel chatted but I couldn’t concentrate on what they were talking about.  
...  
I settled into life with the Gallaghers, they did gig after gig whenever and wherever they could, they all worked so hard to get their big break.   
Noel used any excuse to be alone, writing.  
Liam was in trouble a lot, he liked to drink and ended up in bar fights all the time. He hated it when I went to see Jamie, which I did about every month. It was worse after Noel told him about the funeral, he didn’t think it was right at all.  
Jamie wasn’t exactly happy when I told him I was living with the lads. He still wanted me to live in Liverpool but I couldn’t bring myself to be around Luke’s family.  
Kenzie kept pointing out I won’t move because I liked the chaos of being around the Gallaghers and it stopped me from giving in to Jamie which I was apparently desperate to do. We’d become great friends.  
My parents kept in touch although I didn’t really forgive them for leaving me to stay at the funeral and I spent a lot of time being mad at them because they tried to keep me from seeing Billy.


	10. Chapter 10

March 1993  
Oasis were finally getting somewhere, The Real People let them use their studio in Dock Road, Liverpool to record “Live Demonstration”.  
Jamie was jealous that I’d met and spent a lot of time around Chris and Tony Griffiths, he loved the band.   
They were nice, they did a lot of the work and were incredibly patient with Oasis’ clear lack of experience with studio work.  
The weird tension towards me around Jamie and Liam seemed to disappear once they’d actually met and Jamie admitted he liked Oasis’ music.  
Jamie hadn’t changed his mind about loving me and Noel was still trying to convince me that Liam felt the same but I still wasn’t ready to start another relationship. I spent as much time as I could at Luke’s grave since it was so close while we were staying in Liverpool..  
…   
In May Noel rang while I was in Liverpool. I was sat with Jamie in his bedroom.  
“What’s up?”  
“You couldn’t borrow us some money, could you?”  
“Why?”  
“We’re going to Glasgow.”  
“Why?”  
“Sister Lovers got us a gig at King Tut's Wah Wah Hut on the 31st.”  
They’d shared rehearsal rooms with the band. Noel sounded so excited like he was certain that this meant something. The place sounded ridiculous though.  
“I’ve got some saved, yeah. Can me and Jamie come?”  
“Course, we need more drivers anyway.”  
“Noel! I’m not going just to be you lot’s driver.” I didn’t mind driving them around to gigs, I was happy to be invited.  
“Didn’t say that, bring Kenzie, whoever… We need all the support we can get.”  
“Alright, how much do you need?”  
“Not much, we’re going to rough it to keep the cost down. It’s just hiring the van.” he really didn’t like asking, apparently they’d rather sleep in the cars.  
“Okay, I’ll talk when I get back.”  
He hung up.  
Jamie had been watching me throughout the conversation. “What do they want?” They didn’t usually ring when I was gone.  
“We’re going to Glasgow for the 31st.”  
“We as in…”  
“Oasis, me, probably Kenzie, you if you want.”  
“Yeah alright. What have you got saved?”  
“Money, for van hire.”  
“And you’re just going to give your money to them?” he was irritated again.  
“Borrow.” I corrected. “Why are you being like this? D’you think Luke would be getting jealous like this?”  
I saw him stare at a picture of him and Luke for a moment. “You wouldn’t have friggin’ met them if he…”  
He still couldn’t say it, he never said his name anymore either.  
“I know, sometimes I think he put them there to keep me going.” I admitted, I held him in a hug. I hadn’t told him exactly how the brothers found me.  
After a while in silence, holding the embrace, he spoke. “They’re leaving it a bit late, what is it, the 27th today?”   
“They usually do.” I smiled as I looked up at him.  
He took hold of my cheeks and kissed me.  
…   
“Are you alright, you haven’t said anything.” he breathing heavily as he rested his arm on my back.  
“I’m fine, sorry.” I smiled but he couldn’t see.  
He played with my hair as I laid there still forcing myself not to think.  
“You don’t regret it, do you?” he spoke gently.  
“Wouldn’t still be here if I did. Please don’t make me think like that.”  
He sighed, he knew exactly what I meant. Deep down we both felt we were doing wrong. “Bet your mates were gutted when United won the premiership. What were they, 10th?” Football was his go to subject, the thing he could talk about to anyone at any time.   
“Yeah, they sulked all day even though they knew it for ages.”  
We kept chatting quietly for ages.  
“Jamie, I’m making tea, What do you want?” his mum asked as she barged through the door, we hadn’t noticed she’d got back from work.  
I jumped up and tried to get dressed.  
“James Martin-Geoff… Stacy, get out. I need a word with my son.” she stepped back out the room and closed the door.  
We got dressed as fast as we could, it wasn’t as bad for Jamie. He still had his Champion’s League shirt on. I walked past his mum, trying to keep my face expressionless.  
I stood outside the door listening even though I knew I wasn’t going to like what I heard. I didn’t know how it was going to go, I’d never been caught like that before.  
“She’s your… sister-in-law. What were you doing?” she yelled.  
“Mum please don’t shout. I love her.”  
“I can’t believe you’d betray our Luke like that, in MY house. You’d better be glad you’re auntie didn’t come round.”   
“Mum, agh!” she must have whacked him. “I’m so sorry mum.”  
I was shocked that he apologised. My heart sank when I realised he asked me if I regretted it because he did.  
“Don’t tell me you’re sorry if you’re not!”  
“I am Mum, I didn’t mean to betray him. I just miss him so much.”  
“So you sleep with his girl? This is no way to deal with it.”  
I heard the front door open and someone call “Hello, anyone in?” I instantly recognised it was their nan. I rushed downstairs, I had to be the one to tell her.  
“Oh Stacy. I didn’t know you were here.” she said putting her arm around my shoulder.  
“Yeah, I have to tell you something before Jamie’s mum does. I’ve done something terrible.” I said, panicking, nearly crying.  
“What is it? you’re in a right state. It can’t be that bad, can it?”   
She loved Luke and Jamie so much. She loved me. She was going to hate me for this. She guided me to the living room and got me to sit on the sofa with her.  
“I had sex with Jamie. I’m so sorry. His mum saw us and now she hates us.” I spoke as fast as I could.   
She gave me a silent, reassuring smile. “Calm down, I promise it isn’t as bad as you think, Love.” I didn’t know what I’d do without her warmth.  
I wasn’t expecting that. “I cheated on Luke.”  
“He’s dead, Love, it’s been over a year. Just tell me one thing.”  
I nodded.   
“Did you do it because they’re so alike?”  
“No… I don’t know.” I answered honestly.   
She rubbed my arm to comfort me.  
“You think us oldies just did it for children. You’re not the first, you won’t be the last. As long as you didn’t do it for the wrong reason, you’re only human.” I needed her matriarch wisdom.  
“Please stop Auntie from killing Jamie.” I begged.  
She went straight to Jamie’s room, I followed. They were still in a shouting match.  
“IS THIS WHAT YOU’VE DONE EVERY TIME SHE’S BEEN?” I didn’t hear an answer. “HOW MANY TIMES?”  
“Come on, stop it. Stop screaming at each other. What’s done is done.” Nan said and ushered Auntie out of the room.  
Jamie stormed out the house.  
I went after him but I couldn’t see where he went so I sat in my car trying to work out where he would go.  
After a while I decided to go to Luke’s grave. It was the only peaceful place I could think of and I needed to be with him.


	11. Chapter 11

They got a van. Kenzie and Jamie agreed to go, along with some of the band’s mates. We all drove to Scotland. It took us ages to find the club especially since we were all too stubborn to ask the locals.  
Me, Kenzie, Jamie and the band’s mates drank, danced and watched the other bands play, waiting for Oasis’ slot. They were flawless that night.  
Noel told us about the fiasco they'd had with getting on stage in the hotel. Luckily they decided “roughing it” in the cars/ van wasn’t the best idea.  
They’d met a guy called Alan McGee and gave him their demo tape. He seemed really interested but he didn’t seem like the kind of person that could actually give Oasis their big break.  
We partied hard in our hotel room, like they’d been signed there and then. Someone brought a shit load of cheap beer and kept the alcohol flowing. Everyone but Oasis had already been at least a bit tipsy from drinking at the club.  
Someone tried to pass a cigarette to me. “No thanks, I don’t smoke.” I rejected politely.  
“It’s not a fag. Try it.” he encouraged.  
I took it and took a drag. “Thanks.” I coughed and gave it back, waiting to feel it’s effects.  
After few beers, more drags of weird cigarettes and pills Liam came and whispered in my ear. “Come with me Stacy.”  
“Where?”   
He took my hand, “I proper love you, you’re gorgeous.” He’d clearly had enough beer already but Noel was right, at least for the night,  
I stood up and kissed him. I didn’t think about what I was doing, I was drunk and off my head like never before. He lead me to the bathroom for some privacy.  
“D’you love me?” he asked as he shoved me against the door.  
“Yeah, course I do.”   
He kissed my neck roughly, holding my waist against the door. I tried to keep up with his pace.  
He kept kissing my neck, moved his hands, pulling down my jeans and then his own. He was rough and aggressive.  
It was over a bit too quickly. I blamed the drugs and the alcohol and the fact that everyone was on the other side of the cheap door.  
We walked out like nothing had happened, not that anyone noticed.  
…   
I woke up laid against Noel’s bare chest, Bonehead had his arm resting on my stomach. My head hurt really bad and I couldn’t remember much after leaving Liam.  
Bonehead moved, stretching his arms. “Bonehead?” I whispered.  
He didn’t answer. “Er Paul?” It took me a minute to remember his name.  
“Yeah?” he groaned, getting comfy with his back to me.  
“Time is it?”   
He looked around. “Dunno, no clock. Go back to sleep.”  
Soon he was breathing deeply, asleep. I couldn’t sleep I just stared at the ceiling trying to gather my own memories. I’d gotten so out of my mind I was struggling to remember what happened.  
I remembered feeling Noel and Bonehead touching me, feeling my body like I was all they cared about, like I was a perfect statue. There was a flash of someone making a white line of powder down my chest and snorting it. I couldn’t work out who that was. I couldn’t remember anything else.  
Jamie, I suddenly remembered Jamie was with us. We were on odd terms but he was acting like we were in a relationship. I jumped up, found my clothes and went to find him.  
Everyone was asleep either on the beds or the floor. I found him in the other room’s bathroom.  
“What you doing up?” I asked.  
“I dunno. Needed toilet.”  
“Don’t think I’m cut out for this, me head’s killing.” I rubbed my forehead.  
He put his arms around me and rested his chin on my head. “Fun though, wasn’t it?”  
“I don’t remember.” I shook my head.  
“Shouldn’t have gone overboard. I’m fine.”  
“You two never get hangovers. It’s not fair.” I complained.  
“Well you know you could live with me, you know we have enough fun without resorting to drugs.”   
I scoffed at the idea. “Yeah it’ll be so fun when your mum kills me.”  
...  
Four days later McGee signed Oasis onto Creation records.  
Guigsy described it as the universe making up for every time City didn’t win the League after they’d done partying non stop for about a week.  
Liam hadn’t forgotten what we’d done. “What’s it like shagging a rock star?” he asked while we were making dinner one day.  
“I’ll let you know when I’ve done it.” I smirked, knowing it would wind him up.  
He dropped the food he was preparing and grabbed my waist. “Come on then.” he said aggressively into my ear. He sounded more like he was initiating a fight.  
“No! What about dinner?” I pushed his arms off my waist.  
He moved his hands to my shoulders and rubbed his body up against mine, especially his crotch against my arse. “It can wait.”  
“Get lost Liam. I’ll shout your mum in.” I warned.  
He was silent for a minute. “Eugh, you want to do it in front of Mam?”   
“No I want to finish making dinner, Rock Star.”   
. I shook my head. “I’m cooking.”  
“Was I better than that Scouse?” My heart dropped, I refused to respond to that, he couldn’t have known about Jamie, no way.  
He sulked off upstairs.  
…   
We all had dinner and I rushed off to my shift at the Nag’s Head. Most of the time I was glad it was a quiet pub for old men. It was an escape from the chaos.  
Unfortunately this time the lack of things to do just made me think about Luke, I felt so guilty for how I’d behaved, it was even worse that I’d done it with four people over five days and two of them thought we were going out as a result of it.  
“What’s up? You look like you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders.” Mike commented.  
“Did they tell you about Scotland?”  
“Yeah I’m so chuffed for them.” He grinned. “What… you don’t think you’ll still be friends with them now?” he guessed.  
“Kind of, yeah.” I said not wanting to discuss the true reason.  
“I don’t know about the others but Liam and Noel, no, they’re not like that.” he assured me.  
He chuckled and said “You and Liam are getting married anyway, aren’t you?”  
I’d still never asked in nearly two years why he’d chosen that lie. I had to remember to ask the next time I saw him calm and sober.  
…  
The next day I sat with Noel watching TV. Liam and their mum were at work.  
“Y’know me and Bonehead? We were talking and we were wondering if we get a round two?” he said casually.  
I decided to play clueless. To be fair I was still pretty clueless about the night. “Round two, you into boxing now?”  
“Nah if I wanted to watch people get hurt I’d tell Li’ they’d done something.” he got distracted for a moment. “No I meant the sex and you know it.”  
“Bonehead, you and me had sex? When?”  
“After King Tut's.” he said impatiently. “Remind me to keep you away from the substances.” he shook his head deciding to play along.  
“What was it someone snorted off me?” I said deciding I wanted to know what happened more than I wanted to play this game.  
He laughed. “That was me… coke.”  
“Right, so what we had a threesome?” .  
“Technically it was four if you count Our Kid licking a crushed pill off you. He wandered off when he realised we had it covered.” I hoped he was lying.  
I put my head in my hands to hide my face. I couldn’t believe what I’d become. I didn’t do things like that. I’d never done things like that before, no drugs, no wild sex, no not remembering whole chunks of a night.  
“Come on, it’s not like any of us care about what you got up to. We’re all adults.”  
I put my hands back down and lifted my head. “I’m never partying like that again.” I sighed.  
“Fair enough.” He didn’t believe me.  
“Why didn’t you go to work?” I asked refusing to talk about that night any more.  
“I’m not spending my day with that dickhead.”   
“Which dickhead would that be?” the brothers were always calling each other dickheads but I’d missed the latest spat if he meant Liam.  
He gave a deep sigh. “My fucking Dad. How’s your Kid?”  
They’d never spoken much about him, only to complain about him or insult him. I had no idea what he’d done to deserve it.  
“He was fine last time I phoned.” I made sure to phone at least once a week and I visited at Christmas, Easter and birthdays.  
“Can’t believe you and his dad, if he was mine I’d do everything. You don’t know what it’s like without a dad, yours buys friggin’ cars.”  
“He has a dad, mine. I didn’t chose this and his dad doesn’t know. I was fourteen, I couldn’t raise him myself, could I?” I explained. “Remind me to hold you to that when you knock someone up.”


	12. Chapter 12

A few days later Liam and I went food shopping. It was unusual because, one- he never went shopping (or contributed to housework) and two- he insisted we walked instead of taking the car.  
“Just cos you’re jealous I can drive and you can’t.” I said as we walked across a playing field.  
“Could if we wanted. Eco-friendly, in’t it?”   
I laughed. “I’ll remember that next time you want a lift down the street. What’s the real reason?”  
It had been raining all morning, the ground was so muddy. No one in their right mind would want to walk in this. To be fair the Mancs are used to it.  
“We’ll be famous soon. I won’t be able to go anywhere without being crowded by girls.” he shrugged.  
I didn’t know what to say to that, he was always promising it. That they were going to be bigger than the Beatles (they’d played their songs so much I didn’t have to pretend to like most of them anymore) that he was God or John Lennon reincarnated. His head was going to explode when they got an album out.  
“Can’t wait.” I said sarcastically.  
At that moment I slipped on some mud and face planted into a huge puddle. I quickly got up, hoping no one else saw. I was soaked and covered in mud. My white t-shirt was ruined.  
Liam went to take his shirt off trying his hardest not to laugh.  
“No way, I’m not wearing that.” I objected wiping the mud off my chin.   
Naturally he’d chosen to wear his Man City shirt. “You can’t wear that one anymore. You’ll get ill.”  
“Luke’ll smite me down.” I said pointing up at the sky.  
To them football seemed much more important than anything else, more important than life and death, putting that shirt on meant representing the enemy.  
“Didn’t smite us down the other night.” he whispered. Then he said words I thought I’d never hear him say. “It’s just a shirt.”   
“What if I slip again? You’d kill me.”  
“Just put the shirt on.” I reluctantly did as he said and binned mine.  
As we got into the shop he whispered “Told you I’d get you supporting City or at least wearing the shirt.” into my ear.  
“Don’t worry, I’ll take it off as soon as I get home.” I started shopping, making him in charge of the trolley.  
“I can help with that.” he smirked.  
He went off down the aisles, riding the trolley every time I took more than two seconds to pick something. I could see why nobody took him shopping, he had no attention span for it.  
…   
We put all the shopping away, he liked that he could take the mick out of me for being shorter than him.  
He grabbed my hand as I went to leave the kitchen. “No one's in and you’re gorgeous in that shirt.” he said before kissing me.  
I went with it, losing my fingers in his chocolate hair. My hands left his hair and trailled down his back resting on his jeans, teasing him.  
He quickly got me out of my jeans. He teased with only my underwear separating me from his touch. He suddenly pulled my knickers and lifted me onto the dinner table, forcing everything else off. I heard something smash but I was lost in his beautiful blue eyes.  
He got himself out of his jeans. “Who’s your footie team?” he whispered in my ear.  
I should have known that was coming. I rolled my eyes. “Live…” he took his hands away.  
“Liam!” I complained. “Fuck, City. My team’s City.”  
…  
“Why did you tell Michael we’re engaged?” I asked as he put his boxers and jeans back on.  
He just shrugged as I got off the table and put my underwear back on.  
“Mikey loves me, he’ll do anything for me.” he smiled, I was never going to understand what he was thinking that day.  
“Shit Mam’s going to kill us!” he said noticing the mess on the floor. “Favourite fucking vase.” he sighed.  
There was glass and water everywhere along with Lilies, placemats and bits of paper.  
“Careful picking up the glass.” I warned as I attempted to mop up the water.  
“I know how to deal with friggin’ broken glass.” he said, his tone full of frustration as he began throwing away shards.  
I didn’t respond, I knew he was just worried about his mum’s reaction. I’d forgotten what my mum was like when things got broke.  
“Oh fun. Noel’s going to kill us first.” The paper were lyric sheets, written out neat (except the ink had run with the water) with none of the lyrics scribbled out that his papers usually had..  
“Nah, he’s probably written them loads. Mam’s only got one of these.” he said as I laid the papers on the worktop to dry.  
When we were done tidying up he stood holding the salvaged lilies trying to work out what to do with them or how to cover up the lack of the vase.  
“You get dressed, I’ll chuck the flowers and… tell her I can’t remember where the vase went.” he decided.  
“Or you can tell her we knocked it with the shopping.”  
I went and got dressed, I brought him a fresh shirt forgetting I had his on. We put the lilies in a different vase and hoped she wouldn't notice straight away.  
When Peggy got home she went straight to the kitchen for a cup of tea.  
“D'you two want a cuppa?” she asked as she walked past the living room where we were watching TV.  
“Yeah I'll make it. You come and sit down.” I offered, quickly standing up.  
“Alright, such a fucking long day!” she exclaimed collapsing onto the couch next to her son.  
I heard him tell her about the vase while the kettle boiled.  
“You friggin' idiot. I'm sick of you boys breaking my things.” she reacted angrily and disappointedly.  
I brought her tea through quickly to make up for it. Then fetched me and Liam's tea.   
“I'm really sorry about the vase.” I said as I got comfy on the other sofa.  
“If you’re both apologising, who was it?”   
We stared each other out for a few seconds, neither of us wanted to take sole responsibility. Actually it was Liam’s fault, those big blue eyes.  
“Me, the bag was too heavy and I slipped.” I lied.  
She sighed “Accidents happen, Love. Be more careful in future.”  
Liam looked really agitated at her lack of anger towards me.  
“Why don’t she get a bollocking?” he asked, I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes at his childish reaction.  
“She went and did the shopping…”  
“So did I!” he interrupted.  
“She does the washing, makes dinner, does housework. What do you do? Watch friggin’ telly and eat.” I didn’t realise I did so much but I had to make up for not paying rent.   
…  
Noel got in and went straight into the kitchen. “What the fuck’s happened to my work?” he shouted.  
I took owned up for that as well, he didn’t accept the lie so easily.  
“Come outside with me, I need a fag.” he said and led me to the front garden.  
“Look, I’m really sorry, I’ll write them all out if you want.” I said as the door shut.  
“No, no I don’t care about that. I’m more concerned about why you’re lying.” he got out a cigarette and held it between his fingers but didn’t light it.  
“What makes you think I’m lying?”  
“At what point in your story did you need to put Our Kid’s City shirt on?”  
I looked down and saw sky blue. “What’s that got to do with anything? I fell in some mud and ruined mine, alright.” I admitted.  
“So you got back, Li’s already half naked and you just can’t help yourselves?” he shook his head like he hoped his reasoning wasn’t true.  
“How did you?”  
“You hate City but you kept the shirt as a trophy, I know he can’t resist a girl in sky blue and you don’t put the shopping on the table.” he played detective.  
“Alright, what do you care? It’s not like you’re interested.” I shrugged trying to seem like it was nothing.  
He put his arms around me and snogged me. “Maybe not, but the sex was good.” He let go of me, put the cigarette back in the packet and went back inside, leaving me confused.


	13. Chapter 13

I decided to ignore the kiss, things were complicated enough with Jamie and Liam without adding feelings for Noel to the mix.  
Kenzie and I hung out a lot, she usually dragged me around the shops. We gossiped and ranted about life.  
“Has Tony told any of the others we’re official?” she asked, they’d been sporadically having one night stands since the first gig but I wasn’t expecting that.  
“I don’t think so, I haven’t seen Guigsy, Bonehead or Tony for weeks, except on stage. When did that happen?”   
“After Scotland we got talking.” she revealed.  
If she was anyone else I might accuse her of taking interest because of the contract but she wasn’t like that. She knew them from school, it wasn’t like she’d suddenly gotten feelings for him now he was getting famous.  
“Cool.”  
“What about Jamie? How’s that going?” I’d told her under strict instructions to keep it top secret.  
“Yeah, we’re good. I’m not exactly welcome at his house still but I completely understand that.”  
“It’s funny, I remember you saying you wouldn’t “go there” and that fame won’t change anything. You’ve only got Guigsy to go. Don’t go after Tony though.” she laughed.  
“Didn’t think I’d be getting high either. I can’t believe you just mentioned them all in the same sentence.” I groaned, I wished I could wipe most of that night’s events from history.  
We got sat in a cafe, drinking teas.  
“The thing is, were you safe?” she asked cautiously.  
“What d’you mean?” I was pretty sure she wasn’t implying they had diseases.  
“I don’t think me and Tony were in Scotland.” she admitted.  
“What, you think you’ve left something in the oven?”  
She shushed me.  
“Kenzie!” I was shocked. “I assume I’m covered by the implant but we can take a test together if you want.” I offered.   
I’d had the implant since I was eighteen, I couldn’t remember whether it lasted three or five years but I wasn’t worried.  
“Alright, can we do them round yours? Tony said something about doing the Boardwalk on the 1st (July) so they’ll be all off rehearsing tomorrow won’t they.”  
“Yeah, come around in the afternoon.”  
“Um, can you buy them, people don’t know you.” Great, she’d turned into a teenager.  
…   
She came and we drank tea putting off having to do the tests, at least we were preparing our bladders for the job.  
As soon as I needed to go, I chose to man up and get it over with. I was pretty sure I was wasting a test but anything for a friend. She followed suit and we waited anxiously.  
The five minute wait was hell, it seemed to go on forever and I confident of the answer mine would give, I couldn’t imagine what I’d be like if I thought there was a chance with the mess I was in..  
Kenzie refused to tell me what hers said, I couldn’t even read her reaction at all, she just seemed spooked by the experience. She made an excuse to get home.  
…  
The lads all came around a few hours later, they were in good spirits. Rehearsal had gone well and they couldn’t wait for the gig the next day.  
“Come on, Mikey will let you.” Liam protested when I told him I wasn’t going because I had to work.  
“I’ve seen you do the Boardwalk loads, missing one won’t hurt.” I reasoned, eventually he gave up arguing, realising I wasn’t going to change my mind.  
They got through quite a few cans of beer. The shops must think I’m constantly partying like it’s New Year or I’m heavily into alcoholism with the amount they got through.  
“When were you going to tell us you’re pregnant?” Noel asked after he came back from the toilet  
The place went silent and everyone glared at me, expecting answers. I felt Liam take my hand, I wasn’t sure he did it voluntarily.  
“Who’s is it?” Bonehead asked, realising he could be responsible.  
“What d’you mean? It’s fucking mine!” Liam jumped to his feet to attack him, he wasn’t going to let Bonehead suggest I was anyone else’s.  
“Sure as hell isn’t mine but are you sure about that?” Bonehead responded, challenging him, shoving him.  
Noel tried to separate them but just ended up brawling with them. Liam was too angry to back down. Tony and Guigsy just watched on knowing they weren’t involved.  
“Stop it!” I shouted. “I didn’t tell you because it’s NOT FUCKING MINE.” They still didn’t stop. “I’m not pregnant” I added.  
They stopped and stared at me, expecting an explanation.  
“That test isn’t mine, mine was negative.” They sat back down and listened.  
“Who’s would it have been?” Liam asked, still angry and confused.  
“Yours, it could only have been yours”  
“If it ain’t yours, who did a test here?” Guigsy asked.  
I really didn’t want Tony to find out like this. It wasn’t fair on all involved.  
“What, is it Kenzie’s?” Tony realised, I just nodded.  
He got up and left.  
“Who else have you shagged?” Liam asked, getting frustrated at being dismissed.  
I stared at Bonehead like I’d kill him if he said a word, I trusted Noel had no interest in telling his part. “No one, I promise.”  
“It was that scouse, want it?”  
How do those two keep doing that?   
“Liam, I’m with you, no one else.”  
We fell silent. I knew he didn’t believe me and nothing I could say would make him trust my words. I had to change my ways, I had to make things right again.  
“Can’t believe Our Tone is going to be a dad.” Guigsy broke the silence.  
“Can we not talk about this? She didn’t want anyone to know so it’s not fair.” I objected. “You ready for tomorrow?”  
“Yeah, it’s only the Boardwalk, ain’t it?” Noel said, he put a The Smiths CD on to defuse the tension.  
…  
Later I rang Kenzie, I’d been worried about her because of how she’d reacted and because Tony had gone off to confront her.  
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I’m not keeping it so it doesn’t matter.” she told me.  
“What? Are you sure? What did Tony say?” I questioned.  
“Said it’s not the right time and he’s right. I can’t have this baby.”


	14. Chapter 14

Me and Kenzie went to the gig the next day. I was so lucky that Michael didn’t mind giving me time off when I wanted to go to Oasis’ gigs since the pub was almost always quiet and I only had the job because he’d do anything for Liam.  
She immediately got us some beers. “You shouldn’t be…” I warned, I didn’t want to bug her but she hadn’t gotten rid of the baby yet.  
“It’s already sorted, I’m not going to change my mind.” she said assertively, she knew what she had to do.  
I let it go, it was none of my business. We got drunk and put up with random lads trying to chat us up for ages.  
On stage, Liam was being completely professional while the others just looked on edge, I couldn’t work out why, they were all fine last time I saw them.  
“What’s up with them now?” Kenzie asked as she noticed.  
“I don’t know, probably took a joke too far.” I shrugged.  
When they finished their set we went to find them backstage, Noel was stood leaned against the wall next to the room’s door, drinking a cider.  
He grabbed my wrist to stop me from going in. “Wouldn’t go in there if I was you.” He warned.  
Kenzie went in, not noticing that I wasn’t following her anymore.  
“Why? Let me go, I want to go and see everyone, I see you all the time, you’re boring!” I suddenly became an irritated, annoying, needy drunk.  
“How many have you had?” He asked raising his eyebrows.  
I shrugged. “Let me go!” I tried to make him let go of my wrist.  
“Calm down, you’re as bad as him.” he said, not moving.  
“I’m not doing anything, you’re the one stopping me from seeing my mates and Liam cos you’re jealous!” I said getting too loud.  
“Shut up! He’s just attacked someone cos of you.”  
That was sobering, there was no middle ground with him, the other person was probably in hospital. “What happened?”  
“Some cocky idiot mate of ours said some stuff about you and asked where you are…”  
“What stuff?”  
“Doesn’t matter, nearly strangled the lad before we went on stage. He don’t want to see you.” he explained.  
“Oh my God. Is the guy alright?”   
“D’you care about Our Kid at all?” he sounded resentful.  
“Course I do, I know Liam’s alright. He’s been on stage all night.”  
He walked towards the exit still holding my wrist. “Come on, I’m taking you home. You’d better hope he’s calmed down before he gets in.”  
I tried to fight against him but he was stronger and much less drunk.  
“I don’t want to go home, I want to see Liam. I haven’t done anything.”  
We left the club. “You are not going when we do Le Bateau if you like Jamie’s face how it is. You are not ruining this for us.” he said ignoring me.  
“I’m not ruining anything. Liam played great tonight, it was you lot ruining it, being little pussys.” I shouted.  
We continued to walk the streets home.  
“Stacy, shut up! It was alright when you were grieving but now you’re just showing yourself up cos you know you’re in the friggin’ wrong.”  
“I haven’t done anything!”  
“You’ve hurt my fucking brother for one. It was pretty damn obvious you’re fucking that Scouse, somehow he hadn’t realised until you spelt it out.”  
“He doesn’t care about me, it’s just sex!” I shouted as we got onto our street.  
“Mam’s home so you can shut up or answer to her, I’m sure she’d love to hear what’s going on.” he eventually got me in and shut me in my room.  
…  
I didn’t wake up until the next afternoon, I’d managed to sleep off the hangover I should have had. When I went to get breakfast Noel was washing pots.  
“Morning.” he said sarcastically.  
“Morning, I’m so sorry about last night.” I got cereals.  
“Forget about it, you were drunk and I was… a bit shocked from watching my brother throttle someone.”   
I sat on the table and ate.  
“Better watch you don’t knock everything off, sitting there.” he commented.  
“What, are you going to make me?” I looked around, this time there was only placemats on the table.  
“Maybe.” he just carried on with doing the pots.  
“Come on then.” I stupidly tried to sound alluring while still scoffing cereal.  
“I don’t get you, at all. Where’s the girl who slapped me so bloody hard for a drunk kiss gone?” he asked.  
“Still me.”  
“I’d accuse you of changing cos of our fame but we haven’t actually done owt yet and I don’t know, I don’t know what’s going on. It don’t seem you.”  
He was right, I’d gone off the rails and I needed to be set straight again.  
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I thought I’d recovered but I’ve got worse.” I admitted. “Did Liam get home last night?”  
“He stayed at Bonehead’s. Bone reckons he can’t remember owt offstage.”  
“Am I still banned from going to Le Bateau?”  
“Yeah, if Our Kid sees you with Jamie, he’ll get a new face. How do you remember everything from last night but nothing from King Tut’s?”   
“No drugs last night.” I shrugged.  
“You had like one joint, I’ve done coke ages, I don’t forget shit.”  
“I had way more than one joint.” I couldn’t remember what but it was definitely more than that. “Maybe your dick was nothing to remember.” That sounded worse out loud than it had in my head, I was in no position to make cheeky digs. “Didn’t forget Liam, did I?”  
He turned to me with a knife in his hand. “You based a relationship with our Li’ on a drunk fuck and you claim I was no good? You weren’t saying it on the night, in fact you were screaming.”  
“Noel, You’re pointing a friggin’ knife at me!”  
“Wasn’t threatening you, I’m not Liam.” he put the knife down. “You remember now? Not denying it, are you?”  
“No recollection.” I shrugged. “You said you liked me before, prove it.”  
“Is he AND Jamie that bad that you’re that desperate?” he whispered in my ear.  
I kissed him, trying to get him to go along with it. He got into the kiss but he just walked off as soon as soon as I tried to get into his jeans.  
I heard him playing guitar upstairs.  
“Why’d you walk away?” I sat on Liam’s bed.  
“Thought maybe two people to be going at is enough for one lass.” he shrugged still playing the guitar.  
“So you wouldn’t have stopped if I wasn’t already getting satisfied by your brother or is it because you’re smaller where it counts as well as height.” I taunted.  
“I’m fine down there, you’re going to have to find someone with a much lower self esteem for that one.”  
“When are you lot starting recording?” I said changing the subject.  
“December, God, d’you really give up that easily?”  
“What? You’re more interested in your guitar and I can wait, Liam will be up for it. So there’s no point trying it on with you.”   
“If you can wait for Liam, what's the fucking point messing with me?”  
“Because you're the one I wanted in the first place. You're the one that stopped me jumping…”  
“You were never going to jump.” he interrupted.  
“You're the one who took me home and looked after me all this time.” I continued. "I'm only with Liam cos you messed with my head until I believed I’m meant to be with him.” I added tapping my temple with my finger.  
“And you're with that scouse because he's basically what's his name... Luke. You and I both know you're essentially spitting on his grave with that.”   
“Why can't any of yous use Jamie’s name?” I asked. “Y'know what? I was clearly wrong, you're not the nicer, more intelligent one, you're just nasty. At least with Liam you get a punch in the face and you know where you stand.” He’d never hit me or anything but the point still stood.  
“Good to know we’re essentially our dad after all.”  
“Eh? What do you mean?”  
“You said you could play guitar, have a go.” he said passing me the guitar.  
He trusted me with his guitar just to avoid talking about his father. “I said I was great, not that I could play. I don’t have a clue.” I admitted as I brushed my fingers on the strings as a clueless strum.  
“Seriously, how are you living your life? Don’t know the Beatles, don’t know how to play.” he shook his head sounding much more judgemental than he had been earlier.  
“Without wanting to be in a band, not listening to music from like twenty years ago?” I shrugged.  
“Odd, we’ve got you liking good music, none of that electric crap. Come here, let me teach you.” he sat next to me and put his hands on mine.  
“It’s all about these three chords.” he said, getting me to play them.  
I was still useless, even in his hands. “Noel, I can’t and don’t want to play your stupid guitar.” I said getting frustrated at the task.  
He moved my hands out the way and played, his body leaned on my back. He started singing Up in the Sky’s chorus “Hey you! Stealing the light, I heard that the shine's. Gone out of your life. Well that's just too bad. Welcome to my world.”  
“Why’d you always sing me this one? You’ve got loads of other masterpieces, why this one?” I complained, he’d played it to me every time he’d improved it.  
“I don’t know.”  
“You told me it’s about the government being so out of touch with us.”  
“Well I can’t sing the ones I wrote for Louise, can I?”  
Louise was his on and off again girlfriend. He claimed he loved her more than he’d loved anyone else he’d ever been with but they were hardly ever actually together.  
“It’s just the song I played you.” he said, still playing the music. “You’re our Plastic Scouser, aren’t you?.”  
I gasped, trying to sound offended but it wasn’t original. “You’d sound scouse if you were around Liverpudlians so much.”  
“Ha, no.”   
“I love Liverpool, it’s way better than Manchester.”   
“Go off and live there then. I’ll get my own bloody room.”  
“We can swap if you want, your bed’s comfy.” I suggested.  
He shook his head. “Mam wouldn’t fucking let that happen. Unless you two get around to getting married.”  
“I’m not going to marry Liam, I’d have to call him William, it would be weird.” I grinned. “That’s the only thing stopping you? You not interested in Guigsy cos you’d have to call him Paul? Can’t marry Bonehead, I doubt Kate would appreciate that.”   
“Yeah! I had to call Bonehead, bloody Paul, that were friggin’ weird. I can’t cope with that.” I remembered.  
“Could marry me though couldn’t you?” he whispered into my ear. He started playing music that didn’t belong to Up in the Sky.  
“Is that an offer?”


	15. Chapter 15

Liam walked in. “Ey up, what’s going on here?” he was in way too good of a mood.  
“Trying to teach her, aren’t I? But she’s useless.”  
“Course she is, she don’t need to learn any of that crap cos she’s my little Yorkie.” he grinned.  
He was creeping me out, being so sickeningly happy and he just called me a Yorkshire Terrier.  
“Have you downed a whole bag of happy pills?”  
“Might have.” he shrugged. “I just know we were bloody great on stage. Weren’t we?”   
“Yeah, Bonehead’s slipped something in your tea.” I commented.  
Noel strummed the guitar, loud. “I came in here to practice, alone.” he complained. “Now he’s back you can go babysit him somewhere else.”  
“Oi! I don’t need babysitting, you cunt.” and he’s back.  
“Yeah, you do so fuck off.” Noel got up and sat back on his bed with his guitar, smiling at his own remark.  
“This is my room anall. What if I fancy staying here and shagging my girlfriend? It’ll give you a bit of inspiration, won’t it?”   
Noel shook his head looking embarrassed. “Liam, just do one, will you?”  
“Come on, he’s getting jealous cos he can’t have me and you can.” I took Liam’s hand, looking into Noel’s eyes.  
“I’ll take yous to the Beatles museum, if you let me go to Liverpool with you.” I offered, knowing Liam wouldn’t let Noel ban me.  
“What? What d’you mean? You always come with us. Kenzie’s coming and she’s preggers.”   
“For fucks sake, if you two leave right now you can.” I gave Noel a surprised but pleased smile, I didn’t think it was going to be that easy.  
“Thanks Chief.” I was tempted to say I was just going to go anyway but I didn’t want to push my luck.  
“Why’d he ban you?” Liam asked as we walked downstairs.  
“Oh, he just didn’t want any distraction, you know what he’s like.” I lied quickly.  
...  
I drove them to Liverpool on the day of the gig, earlier than usual. I was so excited to learn all about the Beatles!  
Liam sang every lyric to every song that played to himself and spent ages (way too long) at each display piece.  
“Come here.” Noel whispered, taking my hand.  
We walked until Liam was out of sight (too busy studying John Lennon’s glasses), he pushed me against a display board and kissed me, the other visitors didn’t seem to notice so we started snogging. I’d forgotten how good his lips felt against mine.  
“Liam’s over there!” I protested as he moved his hands to my waist.  
“Yeah. I know. I’m the Chief, I can do what I want.” he whispered.  
I wasn’t having that. That was too much ego. “Yeah, you can musically, but not with me.” I whispered in his ear. I pushed past him.  
“You were up for it the other day.”  
“And now I’m not. I’m with Liam, you’re with Louise.” I stated the obvious.  
“I’d end it with her, for good, for you.” he told me.  
Liam finished gazing at Lennon’s specks as we joined him. “I’m going to get a pair.” he nodded.   
Me and Noel looked at each other, confirming we both thought it was a ridiculous idea, he already had the hair, the glasses would be too much.  
I didn’t see Jamie at all, I didn’t tell him I was going to this gig or anything. Kenzie said she saw him in the crowd but we just stayed backstage and I hoped he wouldn’t try to join us. Him being in the same room as the Gallaghers couldn’t end well.  
…  
I was left with a huge dilemma. I knew I couldn’t continue basing a relationship with Jamie on the fact that he looks like Luke any more. I also knew if I wanted Noel I had to finish Liam but I loved them both, I needed them both.   
The problem was I’d never broken up with anyone before and I had to do it in a way that wouldn’t make Liam go off on one and hate us.  
I decided what I was going to do. The moment we were alone together, I got him into his room and kissed him. He had no idea what was coming and kissed back.  
I pulled off his shirt and kissed his neck. I held his body close and kept kissing. He tried to pull my top up but I wouldn’t allow it. He very quickly got his jeans off, realising I wasn’t going to wait around.   
“I love you, Stace.” he moaned.  
I felt so guilty. I was a terrible person for doing this to him. I stared into his gorgeous blue eyes, I was going to miss looking into his eyes in the moment. I loved him too but I couldn’t say it back.  
When he was done he sat next to me, sensing something was wrong. “What’s up?”  
“I just think.” I gave a heavy sigh. “We should stop going out. Y’know, you’re going to be famous, you don’t need me.”  
“Can’t believe you got me out me kecks for this.” he muttered. “That’s fucking ridiculous, who the fuck do you think I am?”   
“I know you’re Liam Gallagher. I know you won’t have time for me anymore soon.”  
“So that’s it? We’re done cos you fucking say so?”  
I nodded. “You deserve someone better than me.”  
“You’re a little bitch! You are fucking someone else already, aren’t you?”  
I sighed, I’d hoped to get out of this without admitting it. “Yeah, alright. I was already with Jamie. I was too scared to set you both straight. I didn’t mean to hurt either of you.”  
“Scared of me? You’re a liar, you’re just a slut. The biggest bitch of a whore I’ve ever met.” he growled, I deserved every insult he could throw at me. “Well, let me tell you something. Kenzie’s baby is mine.”  
I was shocked that he would say that. “You can’t say that, you can call me what you want but you can’t come back from that.” I protested.  
“It’s true alright, I saw her when we got off stage at King Tut’s.” He revealed. “She never said but I know, don’t I?”   
I shouldn’t be but I was hurt, he slept with my best friend hours before we did. I’d essentially done the same to him but it hadn’t been my choice, if I hadn’t been so drugged up I wouldn’t have gotten with him or anyone else that night.   
I got dressed. “Yeah, one of your many talents is knowing who fathered an unborn fucking child.”  
“Well, it’s fucking obvious cos of how quick she got rid. There was no friggin’ way it was Tony’s.”   
I walked away, deciding to go for a drive to get away from him.  
…  
The next Oasis gig I went to was at the Canal Cafe Bar in September. Liam had gotten over the break up in about a few hours but I suppose that’s what happens when you’re relationship based on sex.  
It was a Creation Records night so we met 18 Wheeler, they’d been at King Tut’s but I hadn’t met them until this night. They were just a bunch of Scottish lads but the lads really liked them.  
I sat talking to Kenzie while the lads were on stage. I noticed she hadn’t been drinking anything but water all night. “D’you want a beer or anything?”  
“No, no I’m alright.” she smiled, it wasn’t like her.  
“Why?” I’d already drank many vodka and cokes and I’d become blunt.  
A guilty look spread across her face. “I can’t drink, okay.”   
“Why, you ill or something?”  
She remained silent for a while. “I couldn’t get rid of the baby.”  
I should of known. “You haven’t told anyone else?”  
“No one, not even Tony. It’s stupid, isn’t it?”  
I remembered what Liam had said, I was suddenly scared it was going to be born with Gallagher blue eyes and a lack of Tony’s curly hair.  
“No, course not. It’s your baby… I mean you’ll have to tell them one day, y’know, when the baby comes.”  
“I’ll tell him soon, I’m nearly four months, ain’t I? He’s going to notice.”  
I really wanted to ask her about Liam but I didn’t dare, even in my drunken bravado. I didn’t want to upset her with his hurtful version of the truth.  
Noel came over. “Have you got the fags?”  
“Yeah. Let’s go outside.” We walked outside.  
“What have we got to come out ‘ere for? It’s raining.” he complained as he tried to light up.  
“Can’t do this.” I kissed his lips. “In there.”  
He kissed me back. “You scared Our Kid’ll get jealous and lamp me one?” he whispered in my ear.


	16. Chapter 16

“What about Louise anall, she could be knocking about somewhere?”  
Louise was his supposed soul mate girlfriend but their relationship was ridiculous, they were always on breaks.  
“No she’s not, she’s not been to any of your gigs. Hates it, don’t she? I’ve only met her about twice anall.”   
“She doesn’t like you, that’s why.”  
I didn’t know why, I thought she was alright.  
“Why’d you get me to break up with Liam if I can’t even kiss you? Why am I even out here with you?” I questioned getting mad at him.  
He kissed me again. “I was just reminding you.”  
“So romantic that. “Hey lets kiss but just remember I have a fucking soul mate already!” This is mental.”  
I realised at that point I really shouldn’t have been in this dark, graffitied, messy alley because our relationship was more ridiculous than theirs but I didn’t want to walk away.  
“You’ve not finished with Jamie either. Me and her are on a break, you’re not.” he took a drag of his cigarette.  
“I haven’t seen him in ages because you lot won’t let me. I haven’t seen him, I haven’t spoke to him because of you.”   
...  
They supported The Verve throughout December, I ended up getting off with Richard Ashcroft, the lead singer when they played Manchester University. I caught a look at Liam’s face, he was so jealous but I couldn’t decide which one of us he was jealous of.  
“What’s your game?” he asked as I walked past him.  
“Don’t know what you’re talking about?” I said sounding as innocent as physically possible.  
“Just saw you with Richard, little slut.” he let out a laugh like it would stop me being offended by his insult.  
“Call me a slut again and Oasis’ll need a new singer cos I’ll cut your fucking throat.” I threatened in a growl.  
“Woah calm down! What’s up Stace?” he grabbed my hand. “Can’t you take a joke anymore or is it that long since you had a proper orgasm that you’re full of fucking pent up rage?”  
“It’s totally that, you got me. Oh wait no, it’s been a couple of hours.”  
“Who? Tell me you didn’t shag Ashcroft.” he interrupted.  
“Jealous or something? What’s it got to do with you? Thought you were fine with us not fucking?”  
He got a cigarette from his jacket and lit up. “Maybe I’m not.”  
“Kenzie’s over there. You can’t smoke in here.” I pointed ignoring what he’d said.  
She was six months pregnant and had finally told everyone she’d kept it, it was pretty obvious now. She still went to every gig she could.  
“Never did us three any harm.” he shrugged. “She can leave if she wants.”  
“You’re a proper dickhead sometimes.” I sighed.  
“But the rest of the time I’m fucking great and you love me for it.” he said and took a drag.  
I found myself sat on his knee.   
“Go on, admit it.” he said putting his hand on my thigh.  
“I must just have a thing for lead singers, these days.” I sighed.  
I’d screwed up again, Richard was their mate and I couldn’t help myself   
“Not really interested in guitarist, songwriters then?”  
“What are you on about? I’m here with you aren’t I?” I leant to kiss him but he stopped me, almost burning me with the fag end.  
“Come on, we both know you’re fucking Noel. I know you like to go between cousins but brothers, that’s friggin’ nasty.”  
“Piss off Liam.” I jumped off his knee and walked off.  
I should have been used to his dickheadary by now but he was too good at making just the right comment. I pulled my hood over my head and just kept walking until I ended up back home. I wanted to get in the car and take off again, I didn’t deserve any of them, they were good to me and I’d fucked up too many times.  
…  
“You fucking idiot!” I heard Noel exclaim in a panicky anger ripping me from my dream.  
My clock read 3:47, I glared at him as the light came on, blinding me.  
“We’ve all been looking fucking everywhere for you.”  
“Ugh, you found me so now you can go away. I’m an adult, if I don’t want to stay at your stupid gig I won’t.”  
“What’s up with you?”  
“Just leave me the fuck alone.” I said just sounding tired, more than anything.  
He sighed. “Alright Yorkie, night.” He turned the light off and shut the door.  
It was nice to know they all cared enough to notice I’d gone but not at nearly four in the morning.  
…   
As December rolled on Oasis started recording their album which was just stressful for all involved, apparently no matter what they did it didn’t sound like they (Noel) wanted it to.  
They didn’t celebrate Christmas like my family did- I was almost tempted to go home just for the dinner. Paul, their older brother, came over for about an hour in the morning but that was about it, the lads didn’t bother with presents or anything. For them it was just another day.  
We (me and the brothers, Kenzie wouldn’t let Tony go, and Guigsy and Bonehead couldn’t be bothered) did go out on New Year’s Eve and really over did it, we were wasted by the end of the night. Liam was kicked out of the nightclub we’d gone to at about two am for fighting some huge skinhead bloke, Liam was lucky to be thrown out before he was knocked out.  
“I could fucking ‘ave him!” he shouted as we forced him to walk away from the club.  
“Of course you could.” I muttered, he was barely managing walking now. “What even happened?”  
“Knocked into me. Spilt his beer on me, didn’t he? The bastard.”  
“You are the angriest fucker.” Noel commented. “Haven’t got any beer on you.”  
“Yeah I have! Can feel it.” Liam protested, he tried to swing for Noel but he didn’t get remotely close.  
I couldn’t see any beer, what he could probably feel was blood.  
“Come on then if you want to hit me, hit me.” Noel confronted him.   
“We need to get home at some point.” I pointed out, trying to get them to walk without beating each other up.  
After we we’d walked a bit further Liam pushed me against a wall and started to kiss me, I was too drunk myself to push him away and Noel just pushed him aside enough to start kissing my neck. 

17  
I woke up next to Liam, in his bed. I vowed never to drink or do drugs, yet again. I was kind of just glad we’d made it home.   
I couldn’t see Noel, I hoped he wasn’t mad that I’d slept with (I assumed) his brother. It was still dark in their room so I decided not to worry (what was done, was done) and went back to sleep.  
Suddenly I heard a guitar playing Slide Away and I jumped up.   
He played just long enough to sing the lyrics “Need you now, you've knocked me off my feet… I dream of you… In the morning we don't know what to do.”  
“I prefer the full song.” I said as I sat up, being careful to keep myself covered. “Wait if you’re singing that to me, don’t. You said it was about Louise. Remember her?”  
Somehow Liam didn’t wake up or just refused to react.   
“Don’t need to cover up for me, Yorkie. I was there last night, remember?” he rolled his eyes at me, ignoring what I’d said.  
I shook my head. “I can’t.”  
“I’m starting to think you forget on purpose.” he grinned at me.  
“Yeah, I love waking up with no idea what happened.” I said sarcastically. “Welcome to 1994, it’s going to be our year.” I smiled at him.  
“You’ve got that right. I’d raise a glass but you’ve got a drinking problem.”  
“I haven’t got a problem.”  
“Then what are you doing in bed with someone you broke up with?”  
“His bed’s comfy?” I suggested, his bed was comfiest. “I don’t know, why don’t you tell me what happened?”  
“Not much to tell really.” he sat on his bed. “We got back, did some coke and decided to shag. Unfortunately for him, he passed out after a bit of kissing. In fact, you should probably check he’s alright.”  
“So we just did it with him there?” I started pushing Liam to wake him up.  
Noel nodded and Liam groaned “What?” he was worse than me a being disturbed from sleep.  
“You’re alright, then?” I asked.  
“Course I am. I was having a right dream and yous fucking ruined it. Now me head’s killing.” he complained as he got out of bed and walked off.  
“Lucky he passed out really.” I got out of bed and put on the first t-shirt I found, it was Liam’s bloodstained one. “I don’t date mardy lads.”  
I went and got dressed before he had chance to respond.  
“I beat the shit out of the lad, din’t I?” Liam said, showing me his busted lip after he’d gotten dressed and we were getting breakfast.  
“Yeah.” he clearly couldn’t remember the truth, or just chose to ignore it. “And your mum’s going to kill us.”  
“Mam’ll be rate. It’s only me lip.” he shrugged, apparently he was happy now he’d gotten an ego boost.  
Peggy wasn’t happy, she clipped him around the ear and told him to grow up when she saw him. She was pretty sick of him getting into fights.  
...  
Oasis was were getting increasingly frustrated with the album, they were never happy with what they were producing, Noel was constantly annoyed at someone and ended up blaming the studios they were using. “Eight hundred quid down the drain every fucking day!” he ranted.   
They ended up going to some cutoff studio in Cornwall leaving me to look after Kenzie.  
She was eight months gone when they left, I wasn’t going to let her stay in her and Tony’s flat alone but it proved difficult to convince Peggy to let her stay at ours.  
“Please Peggy, she’s in her flat alone ‘til the lads get back.”  
“I can’t exactly get into any trouble. I really don’t want to be on my own if this kicks off.” Kenzie held her huge belly.  
“Just ‘til they get back?” Peggy asked looking unimpressed with the situation.  
“I promise, and if the baby does come I’ll go back to my flat. It’s my first, I’m just really scared. You get that, don’t you, as a mother?” she pleaded.  
“Alright, there’s nothing to worry about, I’ve done it three friggin’ times but you can stay.” Peggy sighed.  
“Thank you so much. I’d just go home but my parents don’t like Anthony and this.” Kenzie said rubbing her belly.  
“They’ll bloody change their minds when the kid’s born. Tony’s not a bad lad, they’ll come around.” Peggy assured her.  
…  
Kenzie woke me up in the middle of the night on the 2nd March. “Tony’s going to miss it.” she groaned as I got out of bed and got dressed.  
She was almost two weeks overdue, she’d been desperate to hold on until Tony got back but the baby couldn’t wait any longer. We didn’t know how much longer they’d be gone.  
“Don’t worry about Tony. Let’s just get your bag and get to the hospital.” I said trying to be the voice of reason.  
“Please call him.” she said as I walked her down the stairs.  
“As soon as we get to the hospital.” I promised.  
We left Peggy a note, not wanting to disturb her.  
I only knew the way to the hospital from having to bring Liam home from A&E a couple of times but I found my way to the maternity ward surprisingly easily.  
I stayed outside as a midwife took Kenzie inside. I couldn’t get through to any of the lads or the studio. Either there was no signal or they just weren’t picking up the phone. I had no choice but to leave it for a bit and find Kenzie.  
We chatted for hours as she paced around her delivery room, she kept sending me out to phone Tony but I had no luck. They had to chose a studio hours away with no signal and one landline.  
“I can’t believe he’s not here, how could he do this to me and the baby?” she complained after about the fifth time I’d given the bad news.  
“At least he’ll be there as soon as he can, plenty of dads aren’t and he didn’t want to go to cornwall, did he?”  
Billy was born with my parents waiting to take him from me. His real dad had no way of being there, he didn’t know there was a birth to be at.  
“I need him here now.” she complained.  
She’d been in labour about ten hours at this point, she was allowed to complain as much as she liked but the birth was probably going to be hours away still. I didn’t know how much more I could take. I hated hospitals, I hated the memories they brought up.  
“It was go to Cornwall or Oasis gets a new drummer, if it wasn’t only accessible by bloody boat, you’d be there with him. I’ll keep trying to ring him, are you sure you don’t want your Mum or someone?” I was getting really tired and selfish.  
“Mam doesn’t want to know, she said, didn’t she?”  
“But she might think differently now the baby’s coming.”  
“She’s made it clear, she don’t like Tony, she don’t like that I wasn’t going out with him, never mind not married to him. She wants nothing more to do with me.”  
About two hours later after another two attempts at at phoning Tony, the proper labour got underway. Their daughter was born at 7:53 on the 3rd March 1994.  
“We haven’t even named her. We didn’t think about names, it’s stupid isn’t it?” she said after all the medical staff had left as she held the baby.  
“I’m pretty sure you’re not the first. I knew Billy’s name when I saw him.”  
“Who’s Billy?”  
I forgot I’d only told the brothers about him.  
“My son, his name was the only decision I ever got to make for him.” I admitted.  
She looked at me with confusion taking over her tired face. “You never, ever mentioned a son.” she sounded hurt like I’d purposely hid it from her.  
“I’ll tell you about him later. It’s all about you and your daughter right now. ” I said as I got up to avoid talking about it. “I’m going to try the phone again.”  
Naturally it was spitting outside, the sky didn’t look that grey though. It was the kind of weather where the sun could come out and shine bright at any minute.  
“Sup?” Noel answered.  
“I need to speak to Tony.”  
“What’s wrong with talking to me, Yorkie?” Great, he was in a difficult mood.  
“You don’t need to know what I have to say. Please just go and get him, I’ve been up all night. I’m too tired for this.” I said impatiently.  
“Only if you tell me how great I am.”  
“Didn’t realise I was talking to Liam.” I remarked.  
He didn’t say anything, he just let out a sigh and waited.  
“Alright, you’re the greatest, the best musician, boyfriend… the lot.” I said rolling my eyes. “Now go and get Tony.”   
“What’s the friggin’ emergency, Stacy?” Tony said, he sounded like he was dealing with a huge hangover.  
“Kenzie’s had the baby this morning…”  
“Really? Ah fucking hell.” he interrupted.  
It wasn’t really the reaction I was expecting.  
“Everything’s alright, it’s a little girl. I reckon they’ll be home in no time.”  
“Shit, a girl? I hate Cornwall, why’d we have to come here?”  
I heard him and Noel arguing about the studio. “Oi! Stop it!” I shouted down the phone.  
“He’s gone, you were saying how great I am.” Noel spoke.  
“A baby has just been born Noel, go be with the father or hurry up with this album so he can come home.”  
“Who’s that? If you mean Tony, he can eff off now if he wants.”   
“Don’t be a dick.” I warned. “I’ve got to go, don’t fall out, just get on with the album.”  
“Love you, bye.” he said quickly as I hung up.  
...  
When I got back to Kenzie’s room she was talking to the baby, it already looked so natural to her. “Did you talk to him?”  
“Yeah, if he’s not careful his days in Oasis are numbered. Noel heard him complaining about being in Cornwall.”  
“Great.” she rolled her eyes. “Do you want to hold her for a bit?”  
She passed the baby to me and we sat in the chair as Kenzie fell asleep. I thought about what Noel said and wondered what had made him question the paternity.  
The baby was pale like both Tony and Liam. She had blue eyes but most newborns do. She had really dark hair like Kenzie’s. I just couldn’t tell, I didn’t want to know if she wasn’t Tony’s.  
She was a really cute baby now she’d settled into life and was quiet. It made me miss my time with Billy. It made me regret not raising Billy, I shouldn’t have let my parents treat him as theirs. It made me regret not having a baby with Luke.   
Even after watching Kenzie in pain all night and knowing how much it hurt, she was still making me a bit broody.  
“Your daddy’s a rock n roll star.” I eventually spoke, as quiet as I could.  
She grabbed at my hair. “He’s recording right now. You don’t know, the rest of the world doesn’t know but it’s going to be worth it. Even though he missed this.”  
I was already running out of things to say to her. “If uncle Li’ is anything to go by, they’re going to make it to the top.” I told her. “But he’s a bit of an idiot.”  
After a while a midwife came and checked on them.  
“Are you on babysitting duty?” she asked with a polite smile as she checked Kenzie’s chart and did the checks she had to do.  
“Yeah, Daddy is in Cornwall, it’s lucky I didn’t go with them or she’d be on her own.”  
“Them?” she asked.  
“His band, don’t judge him, it really wasn’t his choice.”  
“Oh cool, I don’t judge. Do we have a name yet?”  
“No I think she want’s to wait ‘til Tony get’s back.”  
“Well let someone know when she wakes up and we should be able to get them discharged.” she smiled.  
…  
A few hours later we were home. Peggy fussed over the baby a lot like mother figures usually do. She taught Kenzie a lot about what to do and got her Mum to speak to her.  
She stayed at ours for the first night, throughout the first twentyfour hours of her life, the baby was in someone’s arms, I missed her from the moment I dropped them off at their flat.  
Kenzie’s Mum came to her to meet Kenzie and the baby.  
We called the baby Thora after the weather/ The Rain and her thunderous cries, just so we didn’t have to keep calling her the baby.


	17. Chapter 17

I woke up next to Liam, in his bed. I vowed never to drink or do drugs, yet again. I was kind of just glad we’d made it home.   
I couldn’t see Noel, I hoped he wasn’t mad that I’d slept with (I assumed) his brother. It was still dark in their room so I decided not to worry (what was done, was done) and went back to sleep.  
Suddenly I heard a guitar playing Slide Away and I jumped up.   
He played just long enough to sing the lyrics “Need you now, you've knocked me off my feet… I dream of you… In the morning we don't know what to do.”  
“I prefer the full song.” I said as I sat up, being careful to keep myself covered. “Wait if you’re singing that to me, don’t. You said it was about Louise. Remember her?”  
Somehow Liam didn’t wake up or just refused to react.   
“Don’t need to cover up for me, Yorkie. I was there last night, remember?” he rolled his eyes at me, ignoring what I’d said.  
I shook my head. “I can’t.”  
“I’m starting to think you forget on purpose.” he grinned at me.  
“Yeah, I love waking up with no idea what happened.” I said sarcastically. “Welcome to 1994, it’s going to be our year.” I smiled at him.  
“You’ve got that right. I’d raise a glass but you’ve got a drinking problem.”  
“I haven’t got a problem.”  
“Then what are you doing in bed with someone you broke up with?”  
“His bed’s comfy?” I suggested, his bed was comfiest. “I don’t know, why don’t you tell me what happened?”  
“Not much to tell really.” he sat on his bed. “We got back, did some coke and decided to shag. Unfortunately for him, he passed out after a bit of kissing. In fact, you should probably check he’s alright.”  
“So we just did it with him there?” I started pushing Liam to wake him up.  
Noel nodded and Liam groaned “What?” he was worse than me a being disturbed from sleep.  
“You’re alright, then?” I asked.  
“Course I am. I was having a right dream and yous fucking ruined it. Now me head’s killing.” he complained as he got out of bed and walked off.  
“Lucky he passed out really.” I got out of bed and put on the first t-shirt I found, it was Liam’s bloodstained one. “I don’t date mardy lads.”  
I went and got dressed before he had chance to respond.  
“I beat the shit out of the lad, din’t I?” Liam said, showing me his busted lip after he’d gotten dressed and we were getting breakfast.  
“Yeah.” he clearly couldn’t remember the truth, or just chose to ignore it. “And your mum’s going to kill us.”  
“Mam’ll be rate. It’s only me lip.” he shrugged, apparently he was happy now he’d gotten an ego boost.  
Peggy wasn’t happy, she clipped him around the ear and told him to grow up when she saw him. She was pretty sick of him getting into fights.  
...  
Oasis was were getting increasingly frustrated with the album, they were never happy with what they were producing, Noel was constantly annoyed at someone and ended up blaming the studios they were using. “Eight hundred quid down the drain every fucking day!” he ranted.   
They ended up going to some cutoff studio in Cornwall leaving me to look after Kenzie.  
She was eight months gone when they left, I wasn’t going to let her stay in her and Tony’s flat alone but it proved difficult to convince Peggy to let her stay at ours.  
“Please Peggy, she’s in her flat alone ‘til the lads get back.”  
“I can’t exactly get into any trouble. I really don’t want to be on my own if this kicks off.” Kenzie held her huge belly.  
“Just ‘til they get back?” Peggy asked looking unimpressed with the situation.  
“I promise, and if the baby does come I’ll go back to my flat. It’s my first, I’m just really scared. You get that, don’t you, as a mother?” she pleaded.  
“Alright, there’s nothing to worry about, I’ve done it three friggin’ times but you can stay.” Peggy sighed.  
“Thank you so much. I’d just go home but my parents don’t like Anthony and this.” Kenzie said rubbing her belly.  
“They’ll bloody change their minds when the kid’s born. Tony’s not a bad lad, they’ll come around.” Peggy assured her.  
…  
Kenzie woke me up in the middle of the night on the 2nd March. “Tony’s going to miss it.” she groaned as I got out of bed and got dressed.  
She was almost two weeks overdue, she’d been desperate to hold on until Tony got back but the baby couldn’t wait any longer. We didn’t know how much longer they’d be gone.  
“Don’t worry about Tony. Let’s just get your bag and get to the hospital.” I said trying to be the voice of reason.  
“Please call him.” she said as I walked her down the stairs.  
“As soon as we get to the hospital.” I promised.  
We left Peggy a note, not wanting to disturb her.  
I only knew the way to the hospital from having to bring Liam home from A&E a couple of times but I found my way to the maternity ward surprisingly easily.  
I stayed outside as a midwife took Kenzie inside. I couldn’t get through to any of the lads or the studio. Either there was no signal or they just weren’t picking up the phone. I had no choice but to leave it for a bit and find Kenzie.  
We chatted for hours as she paced around her delivery room, she kept sending me out to phone Tony but I had no luck. They had to chose a studio hours away with no signal and one landline.  
“I can’t believe he’s not here, how could he do this to me and the baby?” she complained after about the fifth time I’d given the bad news.  
“At least he’ll be there as soon as he can, plenty of dads aren’t and he didn’t want to go to cornwall, did he?”  
Billy was born with my parents waiting to take him from me. His real dad had no way of being there, he didn’t know there was a birth to be at.  
“I need him here now.” she complained.  
She’d been in labour about ten hours at this point, she was allowed to complain as much as she liked but the birth was probably going to be hours away still. I didn’t know how much more I could take. I hated hospitals, I hated the memories they brought up.  
“It was go to Cornwall or Oasis gets a new drummer, if it wasn’t only accessible by bloody boat, you’d be there with him. I’ll keep trying to ring him, are you sure you don’t want your Mum or someone?” I was getting really tired and selfish.  
“Mam doesn’t want to know, she said, didn’t she?”  
“But she might think differently now the baby’s coming.”  
“She’s made it clear, she don’t like Tony, she don’t like that I wasn’t going out with him, never mind not married to him. She wants nothing more to do with me.”  
About two hours later after another two attempts at at phoning Tony, the proper labour got underway. Their daughter was born at 7:53 on the 3rd March 1994.  
“We haven’t even named her. We didn’t think about names, it’s stupid isn’t it?” she said after all the medical staff had left as she held the baby.  
“I’m pretty sure you’re not the first. I knew Billy’s name when I saw him.”  
“Who’s Billy?”  
I forgot I’d only told the brothers about him.  
“My son, his name was the only decision I ever got to make for him.” I admitted.  
She looked at me with confusion taking over her tired face. “You never, ever mentioned a son.” she sounded hurt like I’d purposely hid it from her.  
“I’ll tell you about him later. It’s all about you and your daughter right now. ” I said as I got up to avoid talking about it. “I’m going to try the phone again.”  
Naturally it was spitting outside, the sky didn’t look that grey though. It was the kind of weather where the sun could come out and shine bright at any minute.  
“Sup?” Noel answered.  
“I need to speak to Tony.”  
“What’s wrong with talking to me, Yorkie?” Great, he was in a difficult mood.  
“You don’t need to know what I have to say. Please just go and get him, I’ve been up all night. I’m too tired for this.” I said impatiently.  
“Only if you tell me how great I am.”  
“Didn’t realise I was talking to Liam.” I remarked.  
He didn’t say anything, he just let out a sigh and waited.  
“Alright, you’re the greatest, the best musician, boyfriend… the lot.” I said rolling my eyes. “Now go and get Tony.”   
“What’s the friggin’ emergency, Stacy?” Tony said, he sounded like he was dealing with a huge hangover.  
“Kenzie’s had the baby this morning…”  
“Really? Ah fucking hell.” he interrupted.  
It wasn’t really the reaction I was expecting.  
“Everything’s alright, it’s a little girl. I reckon they’ll be home in no time.”  
“Shit, a girl? I hate Cornwall, why’d we have to come here?”  
I heard him and Noel arguing about the studio. “Oi! Stop it!” I shouted down the phone.  
“He’s gone, you were saying how great I am.” Noel spoke.  
“A baby has just been born Noel, go be with the father or hurry up with this album so he can come home.”  
“Who’s that? If you mean Tony, he can eff off now if he wants.”   
“Don’t be a dick.” I warned. “I’ve got to go, don’t fall out, just get on with the album.”  
“Love you, bye.” he said quickly as I hung up.  
...  
When I got back to Kenzie’s room she was talking to the baby, it already looked so natural to her. “Did you talk to him?”  
“Yeah, if he’s not careful his days in Oasis are numbered. Noel heard him complaining about being in Cornwall.”  
“Great.” she rolled her eyes. “Do you want to hold her for a bit?”  
She passed the baby to me and we sat in the chair as Kenzie fell asleep. I thought about what Noel said and wondered what had made him question the paternity.  
The baby was pale like both Tony and Liam. She had blue eyes but most newborns do. She had really dark hair like Kenzie’s. I just couldn’t tell, I didn’t want to know if she wasn’t Tony’s.  
She was a really cute baby now she’d settled into life and was quiet. It made me miss my time with Billy. It made me regret not raising Billy, I shouldn’t have let my parents treat him as theirs. It made me regret not having a baby with Luke.   
Even after watching Kenzie in pain all night and knowing how much it hurt, she was still making me a bit broody.  
“Your daddy’s a rock n roll star.” I eventually spoke, as quiet as I could.  
She grabbed at my hair. “He’s recording right now. You don’t know, the rest of the world doesn’t know but it’s going to be worth it. Even though he missed this.”  
I was already running out of things to say to her. “If uncle Li’ is anything to go by, they’re going to make it to the top.” I told her. “But he’s a bit of an idiot.”  
After a while a midwife came and checked on them.  
“Are you on babysitting duty?” she asked with a polite smile as she checked Kenzie’s chart and did the checks she had to do.  
“Yeah, Daddy is in Cornwall, it’s lucky I didn’t go with them or she’d be on her own.”  
“Them?” she asked.  
“His band, don’t judge him, it really wasn’t his choice.”  
“Oh cool, I don’t judge. Do we have a name yet?”  
“No I think she want’s to wait ‘til Tony get’s back.”  
“Well let someone know when she wakes up and we should be able to get them discharged.” she smiled.  
…  
A few hours later we were home. Peggy fussed over the baby a lot like mother figures usually do. She taught Kenzie a lot about what to do and got her Mum to speak to her.  
She stayed at ours for the first night, throughout the first twentyfour hours of her life, the baby was in someone’s arms, I missed her from the moment I dropped them off at their flat.  
Kenzie’s Mum came to her to meet Kenzie and the baby.  
We called the baby Thora after the weather/ The Rain and her thunderous cries, just so we didn’t have to keep calling her the baby.


	18. Chapter 18

“Oi Stacy.” a voice woke me up early in the morning of April 3rd. “What are you doing in Our Kid’s bed?” It was noel, he was finally back home.  
“It’s the comfiest.” I said pulling the duvet a little tighter around me. “And I missed you two.” I added in a whisper.  
I’d been using Liam’s bed with Noel’s pillows since Kenzie stayed.  
“And you’ve nicked me pillow, give it back.” I heard him take his jeans off.  
“No, I need it.”   
He said “fine.” and climbed in bed with me.  
I attempted to snog him but he stopped it at a kiss. “I’m too friggin’ tired, the album and the fucking five hour drive back with Li’.”  
“Where is he?”  
“Don’t know, don’t care.” he closed his eyes and very quickly fell asleep, I did the same.  
Hours had passed when I woke up again, I’d slept way more than I needed to. Noel was still sleeping peacefully. I realised just how much I’d missed him.  
I noticed he had morning glory and decided to wake him by making him moan.  
“Eh?” he moaned, he looked confused as though he had no idea whether this was a dream or reality.  
He stunk of cigarettes, alcohol and sweat putting me off. They’d clearly spent all their time cooped up in the studio.  
“Dreaming, aren’t I?” he moaned.  
I moved to his ear. “No, I’m real and I need you.” I whispered in the sexiest voice I could manage.  
“Don’t leave me again.” I didn’t mean to sound that needy.  
“You chose not to come, now I’m not giving you the choice.” he moved down my body, kissing me, making me shiver before going down on me. I grabbed his hair and encouraged him.  
“Say my name.” he ordered as he slowed right down, forcing me to do as he said.  
“Noel... Gallagher.” I moaned. “My fucking rock star.”   
…   
“So is the album done?” I asked as we laid together under the duvet.  
“Definitely maybe.”  
“Are you kidding me, you’ve still not actually finished it?” I couldn’t believe how long albums took to get made.  
“No, that’s the title, I think. All the songs are done, they’re bloody good. It’s just the cover art and that.” he explained.  
“Good, you won’t be getting into fights about studios for a while then?”   
“I never get into fights, me.” he denied with a smirk. “Supersonic will be out soon.” he said excitedly. “11th, I think.”  
“How’s that one go?” ‘Supersonic’ was completely new to me.  
“It’s a bit mad really, you know Elsa?”  
The only Elsa I could think of was a big, farty dog he said one of the techs brought into the studio. “The rottweiler?”  
“Yeah, it’s about her.” he grinned.  
I couldn’t wait to hear it.  
…  
Unfortunately for Thora, her name stuck. She was registered as Thora Leigh McCarroll, she already had a bit of a celebrity kid name before her parents had the chance to become celebrities.  
When we visited them I noticed Kenzie and Liam getting into a heated argument but they were too far away for me to hear. I was so preoccupied with them I almost forgot I was holding Thora.  
“How are you so good with her?” Noel asked. “She hates me.”  
“Don’t think babies hate.” I grinned. “She probably knows you took Tony away from her for her first month.”  
“She can’t hate but she can tell “I kept him away”. How the fuck does that work?” he shook his head.  
“Don’t swear in front of Thora.” Kenzie shouted.  
Noel gave a look like Kenzie was being ridiculous or she’d just spoken another language. He made me laugh.  
“Kenzie’s flat, Kenzie’s rules.” I shrugged.  
“Alright! I’m fucking going!” Liam shouted as he walked out, slamming the door behind him.  
Thora grizzled at the noise. “What’s up with him?” I asked before shushing Thora.  
“The idiot thinks Thora is his.” she said sounding frustrated.  
“He told me that.” we replied in unison.  
“Well he’s an idiot. I kissed him, just kissed him and then he took some pill or something and walked off. I stupidly joked that we had.” she explained. “I didn’t think he actually believed it.”  
“Alright, you can see she’s Tony’s anyway.” I wasn’t entirely convinced but I was on her side, Noel nodded in agreement.  
“Do you two want a cuppa or something?”  
“Yeah.” Noel answered straight away.  
“Sit down Kenzie, Noel will make it, won’t you?”  
She sat on her sofa. “What, why do I have to?” he complained.  
“Kenzie needs to rest, don’t she? And I’ve got Thora.” I pointed out. “We’ll leave her with you if you don’t.” I grinned. “Please, you make the best tea.”  
He got straight up and went to the kitchen.  
“What’s up with him?”  
“He’s convinced Thora hates him.” I explained.  
Kenzie smirked. “But yous look so good with her, if I didn’t know I’d guess she was yours. Maybe he’s realised yous could be next.”  
“No way, just no.” I objected. “I’m still practically bit on the side status, he’s still with Louise.” I hated reducing myself to that but it was the truth.  
“Come on, we both know they’re going to end it, once and for all soon. Has he even seen her since he got back?”  
“Don’t think so but even if he chucked her today, we are definitely no where near ready for this.” I shook my head.  
Noel walked in and passed us our teas. “Are my ears burning?”  
“No, I was just saying I better show Liam how to make a baby.” I smiled innocently as Kenzie tried not to laugh.  
“Funny! I’m going to take mine and have a fag.” he went and sat on the flat’s balcony area, outside.  
“What is the situation with you and Liam?” Kenzie asked as soon as he was out of earshot.  
“Friends… with occasional, not on purpose benefits. Just friends now.” I explained. “What’s Tony like with her?”  
“You really don’t like talking about yourself, do you?” she commented. “I don’t know, he’s trying but it’s like he’s just babysitting, like he doesn’t know her, y’know?”  
“He’ll get used to it, the dad always needs more time to become the dad, I think.”  
“I wish he wasn't in a band, I wish he didn't put Oasis first all the time. To me, right now he's no better than unemployed.” she admitted.  
“Don't let Noel hear you say that, it's Oasis or nothing with him... Unless football's on.” I joked. “It'll be worth it soon, Radio 1 has already played Supersonic a couple of times. It's not like they're just teenagers with dreams anymore.” I assured her.  
The BBC played it nineteen times in the two weeks they had it before its release.  
…   
I rang Jamie on the 11th.  
“You remember me then?” he answered.  
“I've been really busy, I'm so sorry.”  
“When are you coming over or what's your address, I'll visit?”  
“I don't know, soon, I promise.” I said. “Look I'm just phoning to say Supersonic is out today, if you and your friends want to buy it.”  
“You've rung me after months of nothing just to promote the Mancs' work?” he sounded hurt. “I know it's out anyway so you can go.”  
“Jamie, please don't be like that. I’m so sorry I haven’t I had to look after Kenzie, didn't I? She had her baby girl.”  
“You still could have phoned instead of forgetting about me until you needed something. Are they stopping you or something?”  
“No, I didn’t mean to, you have every right to hate me.”  
“I don’t hate you, Stacy. You make it difficult to like you sometimes but I could never hate you.”  
...  
“I’m coming to the next gig in Liverpool.” I told Noel when I saw him.   
“No, you’re not. It’s on Wednesday, you’re working.” he asserted.  
“Who do you think you are, telling me what I can and can’t do?” I didn’t mean to be mad at him   
“Noel Gallagher.” he shrugged. “Our Kid will beat Jamie if he sees him, I’m not friggin’ kidding.” he warned.  
“Your Kid has no reason to hurt Jamie anymore and I never said I was going with Jamie.”  
“Well you’re not going with Kenzie, are you? To him, you fucking cheated and he hasn’t forgotten that, no matter how much he let’s you believe he don’t care. I don’t want my brother getting arrested over something that happened months ago.”  
“Me and Jamie are just friends.” I lied. “If Liam wants to be mad at someone it should be you. I was with Jamie first, I just didn’t get the chance to say.”   
He shook his head. “Bullshit, you just wanted both. You’ve still got both, just the other brother like he’s the other cousin.”   
“No I don’t have you, Louise does. At least with Jamie I’m not just someone to fuck.”  
“You’re not “just someone to fuck”, I love you.” he sounded like he genuinely meant it.  
“Break up with Louise then.”   
…  
Liam visited the Nag’s Head during my shift that night.  
“You’re downing those a bit quick, what’s up?” I asked after he’d drunk two pints in about five minutes.  
“She won’t let me see Thora.” he admitted.  
“Liam.” I rolled my eyes. “She’s not yours, you understand that, right? Even if she was, what would be the use of upsetting Kenzie and Tony?”  
“She might be. Tony’s a dick, anyway.”   
“Kenzie said she never had sex with you and I believe her.”   
As far as I knew Kenzie wasn’t a liar while Liam had told all sorts of lies in the time that I’d known him.  
“Just get us vodka or something.”  
I couldn’t believe how he was acting. “So you’re not going to argue that?”   
“Let’s just forget it.” he shrugged. “Let’s have a celebratory vodka shot. First Oasis single.”  
I reluctantly poured two shots and lifted mine. “To your first single and all the rest to come.”  
We clinked glasses and knocked back the shots.  
He had shot after shot but at least it was in aid of celebration rather than drowning his misguided sorrows.  
He suddenly leant across the bar and tried to snog me.  
“Liam!” I protested. “What the eff do you think you’re doing?”  
“Eff?”  
“I’m at work, I’m not meant to swear. We can’t all be rock stars and do whatever we want.” I explained.  
“If I can do whatever I want, why can’t I kiss you?”  
“Because we arent together, you know that.”  
“I know, it’s just a kiss.” he made it sound like he didn’t care.  
“Well don’t, you’re all messing with my head and it’s not fair. I love you, but not like that anymore.”   
“I love you though, there’s no “like that” I just love you. It’s a good job some cunt nicked my bike, ain’t it?”  
I hadn’t thought about it like that before, neither of them would have been there to save me without Liam’s bike getting stolen.


	19. Chapter 19

I went to The Lomax, their latest venue in Liverpool with Jamie.  
“The fame gone to their heads yet?” he asked as we waited for them to come onstage.  
“To their public selves definitely but deep down they know they could still be doing all this for nothing.”  
“Don’t know how you put up with those idiots. They have great music but proper shit personalities.”  
“You don’t know them.” I defended. “You’ve only met them a few times.”  
“They got you to stop coming up to Liverpool though, didn’t they?” I nodded, they didn’t stop me but I never seemed to have time for anyone else.  
They came onstage and we forgot about our argument to enjoy the music.  
“D’you want a beer?” I asked.  
He nodded and I went off to buy drinks.  
“Are you staying over night?” he asked a few drinks later.  
“Yeah, I’ve got the Metro. Can’t drive now can I?” I already couldn’t remember what the band’s schedule was.  
He sighed. “Not unless you want to put someone in our Luke’s place. Stay at mine, I’ve got a flat now.”  
“Don’t, I don’t want to think about it, not tonight.” I shook my head.  
I wanted to enjoy my night, not remember how some drunk idiot killed the love of my life and walked away scot-free.  
We had a pretty good night, I didn’t get too drunk or anything but as soon as we got back to his flat we started fighting for ages. It was ridiculous, we’d never argued before.  
...  
“Dirty stop-out.” Noel commented as he sat eating his lunch, watching tv when I got back.  
He didn’t sound mad at me.  
“When did yous get back?” I hanged up my hoodie and bag and went to sit with him.  
“Are you trying to rub it in my fucking face?” He shoved his food on the coffee table and jumped to his feet.  
I didn’t know what he was talking about. “What? I’m not trying to do anything.”  
“Coming in here in a fucking Reds shirt like it’s your trophy. Good night, was it?”  
I looked down. “Oh shit! No, no, no! I can’t have this shirt! I have to go back, now!” I panicked.  
I kept fretting until I felt Noel’s hand hit my cheek, it wasn’t a hard slap, it was just enough to shock me out of it. I stared at him.  
“Sorry, you were freaking me out, I saw it in a movie.” he explained. “What’s so special about this shirt?”  
“It’s the 86/ 87 double win shirt. Him and Luke waited all day for Kenny Dalglish and Ian Rush to sign their shirts.” I explained pointing out the signatures. “I didn’t know, it was just in his wardrobe.”  
He rolled his eyes. “Then it’s his fault, just take it off and tell him you’ve got it. Then you can tell me what the fuck you were doing coming back here in his shirt.”  
“I didn’t have sex with him if that’s what you’re bothered about…”  
“Or you don’t friggin’ remember like usual.” he interrupted.  
“No, Noel. I didn’t, I’ve only got his shirt because someone threw beer on mine and I just wanted to get home. We argued so much last night, I not sure we’re even friends anymore.” I was fighting the tears.  
“Come on, he’s not going to fall out with you cos you argued. Look at me and Louise, it’s how we talk.” he put his arms around me. “Bonehead and Guigs’ are meant to be coming over, want me to tell them not to?”  
I shook my head, I wasn’t going to ruin their day. “What are they coming for?”  
He stepped away and admitted. “There’s some trainers I want.”  
“So you’re going shopping?” I tried not to laugh.  
“Brand new Adidas, not worn by either of my brothers.” he explained.  
Liam jogged down the stairs.  
“Yorkie!” he held his arms out to me. “Woah, what’s with the shirt?” he asked, about to go off on a rant of his own. “Wait, is that signed? The Scouse gave you his signed shirt?” he sounded oddly impressed.  
“Li’ don’t. Just drop it.” Noel spoke as I hugged Liam’s chest.  
I felt his hand support my back and the other got lost in my hair.  
He didn’t say a word, I felt myself fighting the tears again. He gave such comforting hugs when he wasn’t trying to be Liam Gallagher.  
“They’ll be here in a minute, shift before I tell them you’ve gone soft.” Noel ordered.  
...  
As soon as I’d gotten changed and put the shirt somewhere safe in my room, they turned up.  
“Yorkie!” they greeted when they saw me.  
“Liam!” I shouted. “Stop getting your mates to call me Yorkie!”  
“Or what, Stace?” he replied in his aggressive northerner voice.  
I rolled my eyes, deciding not to respond because I couldn’t think of anything to threaten him with. I was bound to think of something brilliant later.  
“You coming with, Stacy?” Guigsy asked.  
“Aye, why not?” I shrugged. “I’ll drive, if you lot want.”  
...  
We spent ages walking around sports shops looking at all the CHAV gear, when we saw the wall of football shirts they started speculating what Man City’s next kit would be like and ended up in a full on debate over which kit was the best. I didn’t even know how they remembered the kits like they did.  
“If you weren’t talking about a sports kit you’d sound like women.” I commented but they didn’t hear me or just ignored me.  
I noticed a security bloke watching them as their debate turned to playfighting. I shoved Guigsy to get his attention.  
“What?” he said as he accidentally whacked me.  
“You lot can’t do this in the middle of a shop, we’ll get kicked out. Noel hasn’t found the trainers yet.”  
“I know but it’s funny, isn’t it?” he grinned as Bonehead and Liam started sword fighting with a pair of coat hangers, I noticed Noel had gone.  
I noticed Noel had gone. “They look like actual children.”  
He put his arm on my shoulder and leant against me. “Lighten up, Stace. They’re giving you experience for when Noel knocks you up and you’ve got nippers.”  
“Yeah, two grown men sword fighting and another that’s wandered off is exactly what raising kids is like. I’ll remember to put Noel on the bloody naughty step when we get home.”  
“Well, I didn’t have you down as one of those dominant types.”  
Before I had chance to reply the security bloke had stopped the play fight. “Come on, lads. It’s gone too far now, time to leave.” he guided us out of the shop.  
“That’s your fault, you whacked me.” Liam complained to Bonehead as we walked away from the shop as instructed.  
...  
We went back to the Gallagher house, not realising we’d left Noel.  
Liam put music on, The Smiths mostly while we sat and listened.  
“Where’s your next gig?” I asked.  
“Hull, Adelphi Club or something on the 29th, then we’re off down south and that.” Guigsy said with the usual distaste for the South.  
“Ah, for fucks sake. We’ve got to do the video for Shakermaker tomorrow.” Bonehead remembered.  
They were already less than impressed by what actually goes into music videos, especially Noel. It was lucky for him that he usually got away with being on the sidelines.  
…   
Noel came home carrying a shoebox and a bag from Shifters record shop.  
The records were both Supersonic, one vinyl, one CD. “We haven’t got it on vinyl, everyone knows records are just better on vinyl and I thought Louise might not have a copy yet.” he justified.  
“What’s it like buying your own music?” I asked.  
“It got a bit odd when the lad realised that’s Our Kid on there.” he tapped Liam’s face on the cover. “Got me to sign another copy, cheeky twat.”  
Liam put the vinyl in their collection. “I look gorgeous there.” he smiled.   
He didn’t, he looked a bit moody and his trousers looked huge on him. “Louise doesn’t care mate, get her chucked.” he added.  
We were all getting pretty sick of their fighting and her total lack of enthusiasm for Oasis or good music in general but they weren’t going to end quitely. It just wasn’t who they were.  
…  
Me, Kenzie and Thora stayed in the house while they filmed the next day.   
They kept trying to convince us to be part of it, probably just so they wouldn’t have to be so much. “No way! Look at me, I’m in full on mum mode.” Kenzie protested.  
“So? You make a beautiful mam, just what the video needs.” Tony commented, she was “a beautiful mam” but he was clearly lying about needing her in the video.  
“What are you going to do when they’re off doing gigs everywhere?” I asked her once they’d stopped pestering us.  
“Basicly be a single mum and hope people actually buy Oasis’ stuff.” she was still being surprisingly cynical. “Are you going with them?”  
“If me and Noel sort out where we stand, I might. I’m not going with them for him to be going on about Louise. I’ll end up going mad, I wish he’d just make up his mind.” I admitted.  
“He’ll finish her when she rejects that CD. He’ll get offended, you know he will. She’s about the first bird ever to stop liking someone cos they’re in a band.”  
The video ended up being them basically messing about outside the house and playing football on the field where I fell over. I didn’t remember the exact area but Liam laughed and pointed it out when we watched what they’d filmed.


	20. Chapter 20

They went off until the 7th of June. Me and Kenzie kept up our mundane day jobs. Since mine was evening work I spent a lot of time babysitting Thora, her grandparents still weren’t that involved in her life.  
Jamie turned up without warning one day while the band was gone.  
I answered the door holding a basket full of laundry.  
“Did you nick my shirt?” he accused, I’d forgotten to tell him I had it.  
I explained what had happened and went and got it for him. I led him to the garden and put out the washing on the line. He helped a bit but mostly just gave me childish looks because I was handling the brothers’ boxers and the rest of their clothes.  
“Did you come over here and find the house just to get a shirt?”  
“No, I came to see you. I just also needed the shirt back, thought I’d gone and fucking lost it.” he admitted. “I’m sorry I was a dick before. I just can’t stand you being here with them.”  
“I could be in Northampton, er, Cambridge, London with them if that’s better for you.” I said counting the places on my fingers.  
“They’re gone?” he was completely surprised.   
“Yeah, so if you were after a fight you can just go home.” I told him.  
“I’m not here to fight anyone, glad they’re not here though.”  
“Why? They’ve never done anything to you, they let you backstage and everything. None of them get jealous of you.”  
“None of them is your boyfriend, that’s me but maybe I’ve got the wrong idea. I’m not jealous of anyone, especially these Mancs.”  
“Maybe you have because I don’t go out with jealous lads. You’re jealous the moment someone else looks at me and you just said you can’t stand me being around my friends.”  
When we were done with the washing we went back inside and then I heard Thora cry over the baby monitor and went to see what she wanted. When she was settled I brought her downstairs.  
Jamie stared at her confused. “Whose is that?”  
“That, is Kenzie’s daughter, Thora. What did you think exactly?”  
“I don’t know, you didn’t see me for months or anything. Could be ours, couldn’t she?” he stupidly suggested.  
“Are you fucking kidding? You think I’d hide having a baby from you?” I got angry. “I told you Kenz’ had a baby, you clearly didn’t fucking listen, did you?”  
“I don’t know, do I?”  
“If you really think I’d do that you’d better fuck off.” I raised my voice. “We are done Jamie. You’re so jealous all the fucking time and now you think I’m a liar.” I yelled. “Luke would be so ashamed of you.”  
“Luke would think you’re a whore with the way you’ve been behaving.” he said, not raising his voice at all. “Good bye Stacy, don’t bother coming back to Liverpool, you’re not welcome.”   
He walked out the house, he didn’t even slam the door. He just drove off so coldly.  
I flopped onto the sofa, having to be careful of Thora, who I was still holding in my arms. I was so angry, I didn’t care that we’d broken up, I just hated what he had said. If I didn’t have Thora, I would have punched a wall or smashed something up.  
By the time Peggy came home I’d turned to crying.  
“What’s the matter, love?”  
“I’ve just fallen out with my friend, he came to apologise and we just fought again. Said I can’t go back to Liverpool.” I wiped away the tears.  
I hated crying in front of Peggy (or anyone else but especially her), she was such a strong person, she would never cry over things like me.  
“That Jamie lad? He hasn’t got the right to tell you where you can and can’t go, Love. If he thinks he does, he’s no friend, trust me.”  
“I know, I suppose it’s nearly been three years and we don’t need each other anymore. We’ve grieved Luke’s death and we don’t need each other anymore.”   
She left for the kitchen announcing she’d make a cuppa, obviously everything would be alright with tea in my belly.  
...  
Noel was strutting around in the kitchen wearing jogging bottoms, his new trainers and a blue stripy polo shirt with the collar stuck up in the air.  
“Aww look at you, you little yobbo.” I joked and kissed his cheek.  
“I’ve missed you so much.” he said pushing my back against the chair at the dinner table. “I could do you, right now, on this table if I wanted.” he whispered.  
I put my hands on the back of his head, inviting him to kiss me. “But you won’t because… One you’re brother’s already been there and two Louise is coming over.”  
“Do you have to remind me?” he muttered. “Actually can you go somewhere when she gets here?”  
“Yeah, I’m off food shopping, want anything?”  
He shook his head and muttered “Could do with a white line.”  
“Not sure I can get that from Tesco.” I left him to get ready.  
I answered the door to Louise.  
“He’s in the kitchen.” I told her, I couldn’t be bothered to get into too much pleasantry.  
“Thanks, are you off out?” I nodded and made an agreeing sound. “Alright, see you in a bit Stace.”  
“See you, Lou… ise.” I tried to copy her in shortening her name but I just couldn’t do it.  
Shopping was really uneventful, it was really quiet for a tuesday, I had to be careful not to get around the shop too fast. When I was opening the Metro’s boot Louise stormed out the house.  
“Back just in time, little slag.”  
“You what?”  
“You heard me, you’re a slag. People like you disgust me.”  
I wasn’t sure what was happening. Had Noel told her about us? Had they broken up? “What the fuck are you on about, Louise?”  
“You shagged Noel, wasn’t Liam, Bonehead and your own friggin’ cousin enough? Slag.”  
“For fucks sake Jamie is NOT my cousin.” I sighed. “And Bonehead… How did you know about that without knowing about Noel?”  
“What kind of slut fucks someone when they know their girlfriend? I thought we were friends.” I didn’t know where she’d gotten that idea from, I didn’t know her.  
I couldn’t be bothered to argue with her, I didn’t care what she thought of me. I knew I’d done wrong but I wasn’t like that anymore. “I suppose that’s just who I am, isn’t it? I’d better nip off and give Tony a go.”   
“Ha, yeah, you and that Kenzie. You’ll both be in council flats raising a bunch of kids alone, with no idea who their dads are.” That was definitely a dig at Thora.  
“Oi, don’t bring my mate into this. She hasn’t done anything wrong.”  
“Doesn’t know who the dad is though, does she?” she commented. “You know what, have Noel, I don’t care. His music is total shit, that band is going fucking nowhere. His friends are a bunch of idiot CHAVs and I can’t be arsed with any of this no more.” she walked off as fast as she could.  
I grabbed some bags and carried them inside to the kitchen. “Noel, get the shopping in… if you’re not too upset.” I told him as I went back for more bags.  
He didn’t look upset, just angry. He did as I asked.  
“So… you going to tell me what happened?” I asked as we put the food away.  
“It was friggin’ ridiculous, she complained about my collar, kept trying to sort it out for me like I’m a fucking kid.” he shrugged.  
“That’s how it ends? With a polo shirt’s collar?”  
“Yeah.” he sighed. “Obviously we kept arguing about everything and I just thought I’ve had e-fucking-nough of this. We’re just not how we were. If she wants to change me, my mates and my music she can fuck off.”  
“I’m sorry if it’s any consolation me and Jamie broke up as well, over his football shirt, partly. ” I admitted.  
“Does that mean you’ll stop going Scouse every five minutes?” he elbowed me playfully, he was hiding his feelings, as usual.  
“No, after like... eight years I think it’s stuck, sorry.” I smiled. “I’m stuck with Mancunian as well, sunshine.” I said emphasising my Scouse on “Sorry” and my Manc on “Sunshine.”  
“Don’t forget T’Yorkshire one.” he said mocking my true accent and grinned.  
“Glad you’re not upset, I bloody cried to your Mum.” I admitted.  
“Yeah but I’ve never, ever cried and you’re a crier, aren’t you? What did he say that got the tears going?” he questioned.  
“Told me Luke would think I’m a whore. He doesn’t even know about you or Liam or bloody Bonehead. I don’t think.”  
He made a disgruntled noise. “Luke wouldn’t think shit because you wouldn’t have gotten with his cousin or anyone else, would you? You’d just still be with him, wouldn’t you?”  
I nodded. “Sometimes I think we could have had it all by now, our own place, kids, married, a dog, all that.”  
He put his arm around my shoulder and leant against me a bit. “What kind of dog?”  
“I don’t know, like a really little sweet one or a huge, mad, naughty thing, maybe a Yorkie, y’know a Yorkshire Terrier.”  
“Oh, we’ve been calling you a Yorkshire Terrier all this time, I’m so sorry.” he said as if he didn’t know, forcing himself not to grin.


	21. Chapter 21

We didn’t instantly fall into a passionate romance, in fact we didn’t flirt or anything. By becoming single and available, we’d become just friends. It was like neither of us knew how to make the first move, or when it was right to.  
Liam woke me up on the 10th, knocking on my bedroom door and shouting “Football.” at me. I didn’t understand what he was on about, it was out of season, the World Cup was starting in a few days but England hadn’t qualified so there wasn’t much point in us watching.  
“What?” I reluctantly sat up.  
“We’re all going off to the field, including you. Get up.” He ordered.  
I groaned. “No, I’m ill. I’m staying in bed.” I lied.  
“Yeah? What kind of ill?”  
I screwed up my eyes and went with the answer that usually shuts people up. “Girl ill, it’s just really bad timing.”  
“Nah, you said that thing in your arm stopped that. Stop being lazy, come on.” he clapped his hands.  
I’d forgotten about when I had the implant redone and he reacted with something along the lines of “What’s the point in that? Just use condoms.” It was ridiculous advice since I don’t think he’d ever used them, not with me anyway.  
“Alright, make me some breakfast and I’ll go.” I heard him sigh and walk down stairs.  
I decided to wear last season’s (93/94) Liverpool shirt, assuming everyone else would be in football shirts. We didn’t win anything but I liked the design. No one bothered to bully me over this shirt, probably because Noel technically bought it and it clearly didn’t belong to some lad.  
Liam had a bowl of cornflakes waiting for me, he sat in his similarly new City shirt, he was lucky I wasn’t a football bragger. Liverpool did much better in the Premier League and the FA cup last season.  
“You know our mates are coming?” he asked eating his bowl of cereals, it was probably his second just so I wasn’t eating alone.  
By “our mates” he meant lads they knew from school that I couldn’t be bothered with, they had to be on the dole, wastrel, druggy types to be up for football on a Friday. “Yeah.”  
“How do you eat so much?” he was always eating and never got any fatter.  
He shrugged. “Don’t want them hassling you cos you’re a girl and that bloody shirt.”  
“I don’t remember asking to play. If you think your mates will trouble me I can just stay here or go to town or something.”  
“They won’t, they’ll just be shocked you’re well friggin’ brave enough to turn up dressed like that.”  
I rolled my eyes. “It’s a football shirt, I’m not going in something ridiculous like… bondage gear.”  
He accidentally spat out his milk with laughter. “They’d love that.”  
…  
I was surprised to see Tony there, I was sure he was meant to be looking after Thora.  
“Me parents have got her for a bit.” he explained.  
Other than the Oasis members, four lads came. More lads were supposed to show up because everyone looked really disappointed and stood around for a while waiting.  
“Who’s the lass?” one of them asked. I remembered them all vaguely but clearly neither of us bothered to learn each others’ names.  
“Er, Stacy, you’ve seen her at least twice before, you idiot.” Bonehead spoke.  
“Yeah but what’s she here for?”  
“She’s our centre forward, ain’t she?” Bonehead replied.  
“You think a Red will score for you?” the lad gave a sarcastic laugh.  
“That’s not her fault, she went and fell for a Scouse before we knew her. She supports City now, don’t you?” Liam defended, I said “yeah” so they’d drop it.  
“Bloody letdowns.” one of the lads declared after a few minutes. “Come on, lets just kick off. I’m not having the girl on my team.”  
“Alright, my team’s Stacy, Bonehead, Guigsy and Our Kid.” Noel declared making himself captain. “One word about her and you’re gone.” he warned a bit too aggressively.  
“What? We can’t have a laugh with her? Can’t you take a joke?”   
“Yeah I can. Can we get on with the game?” I said before tying my hair into a loose bun.  
We kicked off, naturally they were shocked that I could play and didn’t just boot the ball in the air or kick it a few inches.  
Noel scored the first goal, it should have been mine but I passed it to him at the last second.  
“She fucking distracted me.” the goalie shouted.  
“How?” I asked innocently.  
“Go on, explain yourself.” Noel said getting aggressive again. “What did she do?”  
“I mean the sun was in my eyes.” the goalie immediately backed down and kicked the ball to Tony who was talking to another teammate.  
He passed the ball to his mate and started tagging me. As they got close to Bonehead (our goalie) Tony nicked the bobble from my bun so my hair went everywhere.  
“Oi! Cheat!” I tried to grab the bobble but he stretched it and made it shoot off down the field.  
No one noticed because Liam had taken possession of the ball and raced towards the other goal, if he scored Noel was going to have a go because Liam’s defence not attack.  
“Tony, you dick.” I yelled as I ran with my hair going in my face, he high-fived the lad he was talking to before.  
In a rare moment of Gallagher cooperation Liam passed to Noel for him to score even though he had an open goal.  
This time their attack didn’t manage to get anywhere near Bonehead, Liam managed to tackle them and pass to me. As I went for goal I was tackled by the lad who didn’t want me on his team.  
“Get down, bitch.” he said as he kicked my ankle, I went straight to the ground. I managed to put one more tap on the ball and it hit the back of the net, or it would have if there was a net, unfortunately for the goalie, there wasn’t and he had to chase after it.  
Noel helped me up and as I limped around he confronted the lad. “Do that again and I’ll smash your teeth in.” he spoke calmly, making him sound serious and terrifying.  
I didn’t hear his response because Liam was trying to see if I was alright. We walked around a few steps with him supporting my weight.  
“Fucking hurts, he proper kicked me.” I complained. “I’m alright but I don’t think I can run anymore.” I admitted.  
“Well done, dickhead!” he shouted. “It’s over, we win three-nill.”  
“Says who?” the lad challenged.  
“Says me. We scored three times and now you’ve kicked her friggin’ ankle in so she can’t play.”  
“What a little pussy? I barely touched her.”  
Noel lunged at him and headbutted him as hard as he could, the lad went to the ground. holding his head.  
“Please don’t, let’s go home.” I said quickly, genuinely scared he was going to start kicking his head in.  
“You’re fucking lucky I’d rather help her than get blood on me trainers.” he literally spat in the lad’s face.  
Liam and Noel walked me home. I was lucky that it was only over the road.  
“You sure you’re alright?” Liam asked as I got comfy on the sofa. “D’you put peas on it or something?”   
Noel brought a bag of peas wrapped in a towel. “Good job no one actually eats peas.” he said as he put them on my ankle. “How many times have you done this and you still don’t know?” he shook his head at Liam.  
“Well I usually just try to sleep it off, don’t I?”  
“Ha, more like got as much fuss as possible.”  
“Yeah what about that time when we were doing the hay in Ireland? Didn’t make a bloody fuss then, did I?”  
“What?” I asked, doing the hay in Ireland?  
“Oh, we used to go to our family for the summer, roped us into helping on their farm. The idiot slipped and did his leg in, didn’t dare telling anyone.”  
“Why?”  
“They’re all proper hard Irish blokes and I was right young.”   
It was odd to think of Liam being too scared of someone, even though he was really little at the time.  
Liam disappeared upstairs while me and Noel watched telly.  
…   
While Noel was making a cup of tea, a man came in without knocking. “Where the fuck were you?” he shouted.  
I jumped at the strange voice. I got to my feet and limped to the kitchen door. The man had Noel pinned to the wall, holding his collar in his fist.  
“D’you know how much you’ve set me back, not turning up today?” he bellowed, getting right in his face.  
“Dad, I told you we aren’t working for you any more. I told you a fucking year ago, I told you this morning and I’m telling you now.” I couldn’t believe Noel looked so calm and unintimidated.  
This was the man they purposely never talked about. They hadn’t spoken to him since last may as far as I knew. I was so scared of him and he’d paid no attention to me.  
“You work for me when I say you do.”  
“No, no, we don’t, we’re in a band now. In fact, we’ve got a record out on the 13th. Why don’t you go off and buy them and pretend to be interested in your kids for a bit. You recognise Liam, don’t you? He’s on the front of Supersonic.”  
They were in a standstill, Noel’s calmness was making his father more angry. I was sure Noel was going to provoke him into hitting him.  
I climbed the stairs to get Liam, doing my best to ignore my ankle pain. He jogged straight down the stairs to help.  
“Dad, get off him!” he shouted. “You’re not fucking supposed to be here, you’re not a-fucking-allowed. Get out!”  
I saw him let go of Noel. “I’m going. I’ve wasted enough time on you.”  
“Good, fuck off before I call the police.” Noel told him.  
He left as though he was the gas man or something and he hadn’t been here threatening his own sons. Liam went straight back to his room and I heard Noel punch the dinner table. I went to my room, stupidly scared by the situation.  
“You alright?” Noel brought two cups of tea to my room and passed me mine.  
“Course, I just…”   
“Didn’t know how to deal with my Dad? Don’t worry about him, I doubt he’ll come back anytime soon.” he shrugged.  
“Was he always like that?”  
“No, didn’t hit me or anything this time.”  
“Would you have called the police?”  
“For them to start snooping around and find my Charlie? Nah.”  
“What if that lad gets the police?”  
“Ha, he wouldn’t involve the police if…” he paused to think of a scenario. “If his family were being murdered. He hates them, the pigs, not his family.” “He’s a good lad really, wouldn’t have asked him to come if I thought he’d do something stupid like that.”  
“I’m fine, really. You shouldn’t have headbutted him.”  
“To be fair, I did warn him. Y’know I wish I wasn’t like me dad but just today I’ve nutted someone and I want to drink a shitload of cider to deal with it.”  
“I don’t know him but I don’t think you’re anything like him. Doubt he’d stick up for me like you did and you’ve made tea.”  
“You’re coming to Paris with us, aren’t you?”  
I shook my head, they had one gig there and I couldn’t be bothered with all the messing around and traveling when there was no way we were actually going to see any of Paris. “Saw you play at the University yesterday.”  
“But it’s the city of love and all that.”  
“How much time are you actually going to spend in Paris though?”  
“What about New York? We’re there about a week. Think we’re getting Live Forever filmed.”  
“That sounds fun, you lot complaining about it all the time! You were just messing about in Shakermaker and that was hastle. No, I would love to go to New York with you but I haven’t got a passport.” I admitted.  
All the holidays I’d been on were in the UK (and Ireland) so I’d not needed one, it also meant I’d never flown before.  
“You can get one by the bloody 19th (I think) of July, can’t you?”  
“I’ll look into it.” I promised.  
When Peggy got home we were still chatting in my room. “Oi you lot, why’s there a bag of fecking peas thawing on my settee? What’s happened now?” she shouted, she didn’t seem at all worried, further evidence that this happened a lot raising three lads.  
Liam went downstairs and explained the events. She told him he “could help make tea tonight, then.”  
“Mam!” he whined. “I’m a fucking rockstar, I can’t make tea.”  
We sniggered when we heard him “Ow!” and Peggy told him “Tonight you’re a bloody cook, get cooking.”  
They made chips, pie and gravy. We could have done with those peas after all.  
…  
They were off to the Avenham Park Festival the next day and then two days in Glasgow. While they were probably doing soundchecks on the 13th I went and bought Shakermaker.   
While I was in the record shop I saw Pet Shop Boys’ new album Very and bought it as well. The cover was bright orange and they were electronic, Synthpop, the lads were going to hate it. I remembered my collection and convinced myself to go back home and get them.  
“Could you pick much different records than these?” the lad commented at the till.  
“Hmm, any grunge and either of these?” I suggested. I never liked chatting to people at the till, I just wanted to pay and get out of there.  
When I was done I went to the post office for a passport application. They told me the process took six weeks. I wasn’t going to New York with them, this time.


	22. Chapter 22

I still couldn’t drive for days after because of my ankle. I visited my parents on the 17th while Oasis were traveling back from Paris and to Brighton where they had a gig the next day.  
As I walked down the drive I noticed my dad had gotten a new car, a black Ford Escort. I missed the Cavalier already.  
“Where’s the Cavalier?” I asked my dad who was sat reading a newspaper with his ankle crossed over his knee in the living room.  
“Stacy!” he got up and hugged me. “It had a problem with the engine. How’s the Metro going?”  
“Oh no.” We both really liked the Cavalier but he had, had it ages. “The Metro is still great.”  
He patted my back before stepping back from the hug. “How come you’re back on this fine Friday? Back to watch the World Cup with your old man?”  
“I’ve just come for my records actually.”  
“Wait right there.” he instructed. “Guess what I bought the other day.” he went off and came back with two vinyls, their blue and green covers looked familiar the moment I saw them.  
He passed me Supersonic. “ Doesn’t he look like that lad? What was his name?” he rightly commented. “They’re called Oasis, they’re just starting out, thought I’d give them a go.”  
He had a keen interest in music and great taste. He always knew the latest trends and could always spot an Artist that was going to go far.  
“What did you think?” I hoped he wasn’t about to slate them when I’d have to reveal they’re my mates.  
“Yeah, it’s good.” he nodded. “You should have a listen.”  
“Erm, the thing is, he looks like Noel because that’s his brother, Liam. Noel’s that one.” I said and pointed him out.  
I hadn’t told them about the brothers’ career path. In fact I’d not told them much about my life in Manchester at all.  
“Really? What are they like?” he asked sounding a bit too much like a young fan.  
“They’re just normal lads.” I shrugged. “You know what Noel was like, quiet and nice, Liam has a frontman personality, obviously. Bonehead, Guigsy and Tony are alright anall, they’re good mates.” I pointed them out.  
“What are they up to today?” he said reverting to talking about them like the regular lads that they are.  
I grinned, about to reveal they were essentially on tour. “They are somewhere between Paris and Brighton, I haven’t spoken to them since they went to Glasgow on the 12th so I’m guessing everything went alright and they’re traveling.”  
“Don’t you go with them?” He sounded sorry for me, like the lads had purposely left me behind, on my own.  
“Yeah, I’ve been to a few in Glasgow and places. I might be going aboard with them when my passport comes.” I didn’t want him to start worrying about me traveling.  
“Nice one. Let me know if you need a suitcase or anything.” He looked up at the clock for a moment, it was nearly three already. “I bet Billy could do with a lift home.” he suggested.  
I took the hint and went to get my now nine year old brother, I had no idea how he was going to react. He was usually quiet and a bit indifferent to me, I shouldn’t have left him, Noel was right to predict the situation would make me regretful.  
When he saw me, he ran up to me, nearly dropping his bag straight onto my foot and asked “What are you doing here?”  
He’d grown so much since the last time I’d visited.   
“Right now? Giving you a lift home.”   
We got in the car and drove the short journey back home. “Are you staying?”  
“No, no, I can, if someone wants me to though.”   
He just shrugged. “I did right good in Maths today. I was the only one who knew how to do fractions.” he boasted.  
“That’s good, are you getting on in your other lessons anall?”  
“Yeah, well Science is right good but Literacy is kind of boring and they make us do P.E. I hate it.”  
It was odd to know I’d produced an unathletic, nerdy kid. I didn’t know much at all about his Dad but he definitely did something to build his muscles and people were always roping me into playing football.  
“Are you not on the breaktime football teams then?” I remember playing football at break was the ultimate status symbol for lads in primary school.  
“No we just play with pogs and stuff, I won loads of them.”  
“What are they?”   
He rooted around in his bag and pulled out a load of little discs while I parked the car. I couldn’t believe kids were playing with cardboard circles these days.  
He went straight upstairs to his room. I went and got my records and took them to the boot of the car. I wanted to get straight back to Manchester before anyone had chance to fuss.  
“Aren’t you staying for birthday dinner or something?” Dad asked standing at the front door.  
I didn’t like celebrating my birthday, being born on the 17th of June didn’t seem that significant to me and I just didn’t need the attention. No one in Manchester even knew I had a birthday.  
“Sorry dad, I need to go see Luke’s grave. I haven’t been in too long.”  
“Well I’m glad you came. Are you sure you can’t stay ‘til your mum gets home?” he came and hugged me again.  
“No, it’s a really long drive. Love you Dad.” I escaped his hug and got in the car.  
“Me, Mum and Billy love you too. Don’t stay away too long and don’t be sat in that graveyard all night.” he tapped the car roof and went back in the house.  
…  
It was nearly five o’clock when I got to Liverpool, it was still bright and sunny though.   
I found Luke’s grave and sat crosslegged in front of it. I stared at the shining golden letters that read his name, trying to form my words before I spoke. I knew it was useless to talk to a gravestone but I needed to.  
“I’m sorry.” I sighed, they were the most important words that had to be said. “I never meant to do anything with Jamie, I wouldn’t, you know I wouldn’t.”  
“I’ve done so much wrong, made so many mistakes because of losing you. I’d do anything to have you back.” I admitted. “I miss you so, so much.” A tear rolled down my left cheek.  
The air always felt so much colder here like the breeze was Death’s breath, reminding me of what he’d taken and what he could take.  
I kept talking and talking, I didn’t stop, even when I heard the slow, forlorn walk of a fellow mourner, each step crunching the gravel beneath their shoes. They approached me and put their hand on my shoulder.  
“I know why you’re here and I’m sorry too, to both of you.” I immediately recognised it was Jamie’s voice.  
“What are you doing here? Did my Dad tell you I was coming.” I realised I was still angry at him.  
“No, I just thought you would be here and I saw the car.”  
I got to my feet. “You’re not mad at me for being here?”  
“Of course not, I shouldn’t have said you’re not welcome. That’ll never be true. You know that, don’t you?” he put his hands on my arms.  
I nodded. “We can’t go back to how we were, I just can’t do it to him.”   
“I know, I won’t say I regret it because I don’t but I want you, I need you as a friend. Tell me I haven’t lost you.”  
“You haven’t lost me as a friend but the jealousy, accusing me of lying, using Luke’s name to hurt each other, it has to stop.”  
“I promise it will and I’ll love you but only as my friend.” he locked his arms around my back, pulling me into a hug. “I took advantage and I’m so sorry for that.”  
I didn’t think he’d taken advantage at all. If there was an advantage taken, we’d both taken it equally.  
“Come on, it’s getting late. They’ll be locking up soon.” he said keeping his arm around my shoulder and encouraging me to walk. “You can stay in my flat if you don’t want to drive back tonight.”  
It was a tempting offer, my “chat” with Luke had made me so emotionally tired but I couldn’t help but think it was too soon in our friendship. “I just want to get home.”  
“At least let me make your tea and then you can go. We can get something from the chip shop if you’re in a hurry.”  
“I really don’t fancy chip shop food right now. Can you cook?”  
When we got to my car he offered to drive, I enjoyed being a passenger for once even for this very short journey.  
We ate dinner and settled down to watch the first World Cup game, Germany v Bolivia. I fell asleep before long before kick off while the commentators were still chatting away.


	23. Chapter 23

I went home early the next morning, relieved that I hadn’t chosen to drive and fell asleep at the wheel. I put my records in the Gallaghers’ collection, following their alphabetical system then put on Erasure’s The Circus album, a bit too loud.  
I found myself singing and dancing like no one was watching (I was pretty sure no one was), to Sometimes when I saw the brothers walking up the driveway. I very quickly dropped into the sofa, hoping they hadn’t noticed.  
“What’s this crap, you’ve got on?” Liam asked as he swaggered in. “Could hear it down the fucking street.”  
“Hello to you, too.” I rolled my eyes at him. “This brilliance is Erasure.”  
“Well we’re back now so you can turn it off.” he went and turned the record player off.  
“Show her your glasses.” Noel said as he sat on the arm of the sofa, right next to me.  
Liam pulled a pair of glasses from his coat pocket and put them on. They were perfectly circular, exactly like John Lennon’s. It was like the legend was in the room, but had picked up a taste for Mod jackets.  
“Anyone fancy a cider?” Noel asked, leaving for the kitchen once I’d declined and Liam had nodded.  
“Did you miss us?”  
I got up and approached him. “Loads.” I whispered in his ear. “You look so fucking hot like that.” I couldn’t help myself, for a moment I wished Noel wasn’t in the house.  
“Yeah, I know. D’you dance as well when people are watching? I wouldn’t mind being your private audience.” he whispered back.  
I nearly went bright red, knowing he’d seen me.  
He wrapped his arms around me. “You should just come with us, then you won’t have to miss us so much.” he spoke, seeing Noel come back into the room with their ciders.  
“She is, aren’t you? To Glastonbury and New York.” Noel passed a can to Liam and sat back on the arm of the sofa.  
I didn’t know I was going to Glastonbury but I didn’t have a reason not to. “Passports take six weeks to come, I can’t go to New York this time.” I admitted. “How was Paris?”  
“Fucking hate the government, taking six weeks to get shit done.” he muttered. “Paris was really good, it feels like we’ve made it now y’know?”  
…  
I woke up late on the 21st, I could hear Liam and Noel playing a card game in their room. Downstairs the living room curtains were oddly and suspiciously still closed. I pulled them open, letting light into the room. I half expected to find the window broken.  
The window was fine but my car was different. I screwed up my eyes and looked again, a navy blue BMW was now sat where I’d left the Metro.  
“Lads! Liam, Noel!.” I yelled. “Can you come downstairs a second?”  
They came completely nonchalantly, both holding their cards so the other couldn’t see. Naturally Noel was dressed while Liam had yet to put trousers on. “What?”   
“Where’s the Metro? Why’s there a different car there? How’s there a BMW on our drive?” I was so baffled that I could barely form the questions.  
“Surprise!” Noel smiled stretching out his hand, still keeping his other hand still to protect his cards.  
“What d’you mean surprise? Where’s my car?”  
“Thought you’d be a bit more… grateful than this to be honest.” he commented letting his hand drop to his side. “I bought you the Beemer, for your birthday and that.”  
“It’s a drug dealer’s car. I was happy with the Metro. How did you even…?” I interrupted myself “How do you know it’s been my birthday?”  
“Your dad rang to see if you got home safe and he let slip about your birthday.”  
I sighed. “I am grateful, really, thanks. How did you manage this? You can’t drive, you aren’t the Metro’s owner, you know nothing about cars, what if that thing is a… stolen, cut and shut thing?”  
“My mate’s dad has a dealership. They’re proper honest blokes. The BMW is legit, they said something about you having to go and sign the papers. It’s a 1992 3 Series.” he explained. “Come on, the Metro was fucking getting on a bit.”  
“Alright, you didn’t need to insult my car, thanks for the present. How much did the drug dealer car set you back?”  
“Can’t tell you that, can I? It’s from him, Bonehead and Guigsy as well for paying for the van and all that.”  
…  
I got used to driving the BMW (it was bigger, comfier and had a better interior than the Metro but I was reluctant to openly admitting it) just in time to drive Oasis to Glastonbury Festival, following Bonehead in the equipment van.  
They were playing the NME stage on sunday but we were there from early on friday right up until monday morning. Four nights in a tent, who needs nice, fancy tour buses?  
I stood back and watched the tents being put up, leant against Noel who couldn’t help because he was “having a fag.” Liam put his tent up like an expert while Guigsy and Bonehead struggled with the other. Tony was off somewhere trying to phone Kenzie.  
“Did you used to be in the scouts or something?” I asked checking the guy lines nearest to me, I could see nothing to fault.  
He laughed. “No fucking way. I wouldn’t hang around with those little poofters if you paid me. I just know how to put up a bloody tent.”  
“You’d better take over from those two then or they’ll never get it done.”  
He wasn’t happy about having to do both tents but he got the job done and we went to see who was playing on the two stages. We didn’t actually know or like most of the bands that played that day so we didn’t bother to try to meet any of them.  
…   
By the evening we’d all gotten inebriated, thinking it was the only way to enjoy the music and get through the day.  
“D’you want to go to the car for a bit?” Noel asked me quietly so the others wouldn’t notice, I doubt they would have if he’d shouted since some nice fan girls had their attention.  
“Why?”  
“I want to talk to you alone for a bit, don’t I?”  
I agreed to go with him with an idea of where this was heading.   
We sat on the back seat, the first bit of comfort I’d had since leaving the BMW. He got a cigarette and a lighter straight out of his pocket.  
“Noel! I told you, you can’t smoke in my car. That includes this one.”  
He put them down and kissed me. I didn’t reject him, I kissed deeper, losing my hands in his hair. He broke the kiss to kiss my cheek, then my neck and my ear. “It’s grass.” he whispered.  
His allure had gotten to me. “Alright.” I took my hands away and allowed him to light up.  
After taking a deep drag he passed it to me. “You’re going to love hotboxing, trust me.”  
“Are we… you know or is this still just sex?” I asked after taking my drag, watching the smoke fill the car.  
“We were never just sex, we just always had someone else in our way. I love you, I promise you that.” he took the joint, did a drag and kissed me again as soon as he’d blown out the smoke.  
“I love you Noel.” I wanted to giggle, I knew the high had come fast and strong. “I want you, just you.”  
He slipped off my t-shirt and kissed my chest and stomach in between drags. “I’m yours.”  
As soon as we were finished with the joint he shoved it in the ashtray compartment and worked on getting off my bra. Smoke filled the air, we were both drunk and sky high, it took him way longer than usual.   
He caressed my breasts, sucking on them and teasing them as I sighed with pleasure. “Your tits...” he moaned, trying to complement them but too aroused in his actions to speak.  
As I grabbed his hair to encourage him, he moved slowly down my stomach, leaving tiny kisses until he reached the waist of my jeans.  
He unzipped my jeans, pulling them off with my underwear as I giggled and moaned, expecting his next move, letting the high get the better of me.  
He very slowly teased me with his fingers, making me squirm for his attention. He kissed my thighs and allowed his mouth to get so close to sensitive skin. “Say my name.”  
“Noel! Gallagher!” I moaned loudly, feeling the warmth of his breath. “The Chief!” I spoke as he used his tongue.  
I felt myself becoming so ready for him. He got his jogging bottoms off, leaving his boxers on to tease me with his hard cock, allowing it to touch my entrance with the material separating us.  
“Noel, please. I’m ready, please.” I begged, I tried to grab the elastic of his boxers.  
He pulled off his boxers and pinned down my wrists, putting a bit too much of his weight on them. He filled me and thrusted fast. The car shook with his movements, I moaned his name over and over until I finished.  
“Stacy, I love you so fucking much.” he groaned as he filled me with come.  
…  
I woke up with the sun rise, it was blinding. It was probably five am, Noel was still laid on my chest. I reached for a t-shirt, put it over my eyes and went back to sleep, feeling a bit self conscious. I was in no mood to appreciate the beauty of the morning sun.  
We saw Paul Weller play on the Pyramid stage. I had a huge hangover so I didn’t get to enjoy it at all, it just felt like noise to me. I even wore sunglasses to block out the light.  
“Y’know I never got why celebrities wore sunglasses all the time, it’s all the booze, ain't it?” I commented as we walked from the stage field to the backstage to find Weller.  
Noel took my hand. “It’ll be quieter in a minute. Just don’t say you hated it.”  
No one noticed we were holding hands, they hadn’t questioned where we’d gone all night or anything.  
“I didn’t hate it at all, I just couldn’t listen properly, my head’s killing.” I held my hand on my forehead.  
They spoke to him for ages and ages, after that we went to see the bands James and Ride, they went and met them too but they didn’t pay as much attention to them because they lacked the fame and prestige that Paul Weller had.  
They coped with the rest of the day drinking beer. “Best cure for a hangover, more booze.” Liam advised as he gave me a can of cider he’d fetched from the car. Perfect logic, as usual.  
…  
Me and Noel ended up sat in the car again. This time we took acid, we kissed for a while until the trip took off. We ended up chatting about how different our own hands looked and other weird nonsense like that until we came off of the trip. We just went back to the tent after that.  
Oasis got up early and were raring to get on stage the next morning. They weren’t on until much later in the day, they were like kids waiting to go on holiday.  
Blur, the Inspiral Carpets and Pulp, played before Oasis. We hung around with them all for ages. Noel was particularly happy to see the Inspirational Carpets again.  
“Meet me here when we get off stage.” Noel told me before they left to go on stage.  
I went to the NME stage field, it was already crowded. I hated not knowing anyone there, I wished Kenzie could have come or even Jamie.  
The crowd loved them, there were loads of girls screaming their names, especially Liams. He was going to get laid if he played his cards right, or basically talk to one of them.  
Some idiot threw their Guinness over me as they threw their arms in the air (apparently forgetting they were holding it) when Oasis came close to the end of their set. It was the worst part of going to gigs or clubs, there's always someone incapable of holding a container of booze.  
I went off to our tent to change my t-shirt, there was nothing I could do to get the stout out of my hair. It had made it sticky and horrible, as if three days on a field wasn’t bad enough.  
…  
“Gave me a right hard on. Come on.” Noel commented. “Nice shirt, should I ask what happened?” he asked, he kissed my cheek and took my hand.  
We walked towards the car. “Mine’s covered in a dry stout, as is my hair.” I said accidentally sounding a bit posh.  
“They’ve got Guinness here?” he sounded surprised, we’d mostly just drunk cans we’d brought in the car, making use of the BMW’s bigger boot. “Why does someone spilling booze always end in you in a footie shirt?” he grinned. “Least it’s sky blue, this time.”  
“This is only the second time.” I pointed out.  
We got in the car and he pulled a bag of cocaine from his pocket.  
“I can’t.” I shook my head. “I have to drive you lot home tomorrow.”  
“Fair enough.” he shrugged.  
He got me to lay on my back, pulled the shirt to just below my breasts and poured some of the powder onto my stomach above my belly button. He formed it into a line with his fingers, snorting the powder stuck to his fingers and snorted the line. He licked the area, making sure he ingested every grain.  
“Ah! You’re missing out.” he kissed my stomach and pushed the shirt up, exposing my already freed breasts.  
He caressed my boobs as he kissed the shirt’s badge and then my collarbone and neck. I started moaning. I moved, shoving him into the seat, determined to be on top.  
I pulled his trousers and boxers off, he wasn’t joking about getting hard from performing. “I’m supposed to be the one getting you hard.” I complained sounding really clingy, I started to suck him off.  
“Couldn’t help it, all those birds screaming my name over and over.” he shrugged before letting out a moan.  
“I only heard them screaming Liam! Oh Liam! Love you Liam!” I said giving my best impression of their sexual screaming.  
“Oi! They were screaming my name anall.” he protested.  
I pulled my trousers and underwear off, banging my head on the roof in the process. “Fuck!”  
“This is why you should wear skirts.” he smirked, he put his hands on my thighs, stroking them gently, getting close to my sensitive area.  
“You’re not meant to laugh at your girlfriend.” I instantly regretted being the first to use the word but I soon forgot when he made me moan.  
“Wasn’t laughing, was smiling at how beautiful you are.” he lied as he grabbed “my” shirt, encouraging me onto him.  
His cock filled me and I rode him until we’d both come.   
Once I was done I put his boxers on and laid on his chest. He played with my hair at the back of my head. I felt his heartbeat and his breathing as we let silence fill the air.  
“You’ve got Li’s shirt. Says LG on the tag.” he said as he pulled the collar with the tag. “You shagged me in Our Kid’s shirt.” he laughed.  
“Thought it was yours. You two shoved all your clothes together, haven’t you?”  
“Didn’t think I’d brought mine.”  
“Are you going to be the one to tell him we’re… going out?”  
“Think you should when you return his shirt.” he laughed.  
“Are you on drugs? Oh wait, you are.” I thought it was a mad idea, if he saw me with his City shirt and he had his glasses, I didn’t think we’d be able to stop ourselves.  
He took a deep breath. “Yeah, are you sure you don’t want a line? Why don’t we just go and friggin’ have a snog in front of them, get it over with?”  
“I’m driving tomorrow, I can’t even bloody drink.” I reminded him again. “If that’s how you want to tell them, fine but that’s not how I’m telling your mum.”  
…  
Liam and Guigsy slept on the back seats and Noel slept in the passenger seat as I drove home. Bonehead and Tony were in the van just ahead of us.  
As I left the motorway (heading to Birmingham for our planned stop) I saw a police car behind me. They indicated for me to pull over, I had no idea why, I hadn’t been speeding or anything and there was nothing wrong with the car.  
“Noel! Wake up!” I punched his arm.  
I indicated that I was stopping. “Ow, what?” he groaned, he didn’t even open his eyes.  
“Are there any drugs in the car?” I asked in a sharp, ultra serious tone.  
“Think Bonehead’s got…” he said quietly in a childish, just woken up voice.  
“No, Noel! I’m not fucking asking! The police are stopping me.” I explained. “Are there any drugs in THIS stupid fucking dealer car?”  
I slowed to a stop as he took way too long to think about it. “No, nothing in the beemer.” he shook his head, still not taking it off the seat.   
I rolled down the window and waited for the officer. I became aware of the smell of Cannabis that still filled the car, making it increasingly difficult for me not to panic.  
“West Midlands Police. Just a random spot check.” The officer spoke, showing me their identification. “Where are you heading?”  
“I’m going in to Birmingham for a quick rest and then we’re going home to Manchester.”  
“Could you pass me your car keys and step out of the vehicle?” They’d smelt the weed, I knew it. I did as they instructed, feeling my legs shake with nerves as I stood up.  
“Are you the legal owner of the car?”  
“Yeah, it’s insured and everything, to me. I’ve only had it since the 21st.”  
“Right, are there any drugs in the car?”  
“I don’t think so. We’ve been at Glastonbury, at least six people have been able to get in my car all weekend.” My words were shaky. “No one else drove it, just me.”  
They radioed to the other officer who brought a drug dog, a mad, chocolate brown Cocker Spaniel. They had a lot of trouble getting Liam, Guigsy and Noel to wake up and out of the car.  
As the dog searched the car, we were searched and they tried to determine if I was under the influence of drugs or not. They found nothing.  
They gave me an informal warning because of the smell and let us get on with our journey. Liam gave them the V sign behind their backs and did the wanker sign at them as we drove off, I was surprised he didn’t kick up a fuss while they were there.


	24. Chapter 24

When we got back Noel ran straight upstairs and ran a bath leaving me and Liam to unload everything from the car. Liam was in a much better mood now he was home and boasted about the weekend.  
“Can’t fucking wait to do that again. So many hot birds that just want to shag you and get high.”  
“Got through a lot of condoms then, did you?” I was reluctant to hear it.  
“Yeah, they all bloody love me. Had to keep going and getting more, din’t I?”  
“Glad fame is getting you somewhere, even if it is just sex with random strangers.” I accidentally allowed myself to sound irritated.  
“What about you and Noel? You kept bloody disappearing. We both know that dog could smell more than a bit of grass in the Beemer.”  
“So? You going off with any randomer that will isn’t comparable to me and Noel.”  
“You like a couple now then?” he let himself sound quiet and hurt.  
I thought he was over us. “Yeah, I guess. What’s up with you now? You just went on about all the girls you’ve fucked and it’s not like you didn’t know.”  
“I’m happy for you, I don’t care. Better than that Scouse.” he shrugged. “It’s just friggin’ good he’s stopped going after Louise.” “Does he know you got off with that Blur lad, er Damon?”  
It was a huge misjudgment but I’d convinced myself that it was okay because it was just a kiss and Noel hadn’t found out.  
“Please don’t tell him, it wasn’t even good, posh boy Southerners are not for me, he’s a fake. I’ll keep a secret of yours or something?” I wasn’t sure what I could bribe him with.  
He stopped me, kissed me and whispered. “What if my secret is I kissed you and all that, knowing you’re going out with my bloody brother?”  
...  
It felt like no time at all before they were off to New York. Liam was still the only one who knew about me and Noel. Neither of us were that keen to actually tell people we were meant to be official. They didn’t bother to call home much but to be fair they were only gone a week.  
I visited Kenzie and Thora so Kenzie didn’t get lonely without Tony. Thora was now four months old already.  
“How are you growing up so quick?” I asked thora as I sat her on my knee, she played with a crinkle toy.  
Kenzie brought our cups of tea into the living room where we were sat and got sat down.  
“I can’t believe it sometimes anall.” she smiled.  
“You would have enjoyed Glastonbury, I don’t get how everyone else enjoys it that much but we met the bands and stuff.”  
“I wish I’d gone. I had Tony on the phone complaining about it a lot of the time, he really didn’t like being away. If you want to keep going with them, don’t get pregnant.”  
I shook my head. “There’s no babies coming from me any time soon. I’ve only just started going out with Noel and he’s not ready for any of that.”  
“That’s what I thought but now look at me, I’ve got Thora and number two.”  
It took me a while to register what she’d just told me. I didn’t know whether to be excited for her or disappointed that she was going to be even more stuck at home than she was now. At this rate I’d need a new girl friend for the gigs.  
“Promise you won’t tell anyone, I shouldn’t have said. It’s way too early yet.”  
“Course I won’t. When did it happen? How early are we talking?”  
“When you all got back from Glastonbury. This wasn’t exactly planned… again.” she admitted looking a little embarrassed.  
“Doesn’t matter does it? It’s not like it’s with some randomer like Liam, Guigsy and Bonehead probably have probably done. You and Tony have been together ages. Who cares whether you have another kid?” I shrugged.  
“You reckon they knocked someone up?” she laughed.  
“Going by Liam’s claims, it seems likely.”  
“Liam isn’t exactly one for telling the truth though, is he?” she looked at Thora.  
Thora now had dark curls of hair, just like Tony’s. I’d never worked out why Liam tried to claim paternity or why I let him convince me.  
“I’m so happy I’ve got you as a friend. You’ve been so understanding. None of my other friends want to know anymore and my parents still don’t talk to me, much. I’m scared Tony will have left on tour and everything by next year.” she admitted.  
...  
The video for Live Forever was another weird one where Tony gets buried in a shallow grave. I wondered how that really went with the song but it did look cool. They’d waited until the release (the 8th of August) before they showed me, I had to watch it on the telly with the rest of the population.  
“Director just wanted to bury the drums, I told him to get the drummer buried.” Noel took credit for that idea.  
“Yeah? How come you’re not on any of the burial bit? You didn’t show up did you?”  
“I admit it, I was proper rat-arse pissed when they did that. I was there to put the wreath on at the end… the next day. And I did loads of guitar playing for it.”  
“Why were you that drunk in the day?”  
“To be honest, the Americans don’t like us. They just want to kill themselves like Kurt Cobain did. Good job you didn’t listen to all that crap or you might have jumped.” he kissed my cheek, shocking everyone including me with the sudden public display of affection.  
Guigsy clapped. “Tenner, pay up.” he said holding his hand out expectantly to Bonehead who got out his wallet and handed over the money.  
“Didn’t you bet Tony?” I was too used to them betting over everything to be offended by it.  
“Wouldn’t be fair to take twenty off him, I do talk to Kenzie.”  
“Can I ask what the specifics of this bet were?”  
“Just that yous are actually together and you wouldn’t hit him or owt if he did owt in front of us.” Guigsy shrugged.  
I thought about it for a minute. “You knew in April, you spoke to me about it. Do you have to give the money back if I slap him?” I raised my hand in anticipation.  
“Oi!” Noel grabbed and held my wrist.  
“He was with Louise and you was with The Scouse, doesn’t count. No, the money’s paid, no take backs.” Guigsy put the note in his back pocket.  
It was interesting to hear Jamie upgraded to The Scouse.  
“Have you told Mam yet?” Liam asked, I was sure he knew the answer.  
“No, so you lot better keep your fucking mouths shut.” Noel warned. “I’ll tell her when I’m ready.”  
…  
Noel and I sat on my bed later that day, drinking tea together like an old couple.  
“You are coming to Newcastle, aren’t you? You’re only nearly three years late for whatever you were going to.”  
They had a tour stretching from the 9th to the 18th finishing in London before they had another short break.  
“Have I really known you lot three years?” I tried not to dwell on the fact that it also meant it was three years since I lost Luke.  
“Yeah, on the 16th. Two days before the Boardwalk gig, weren’t it? Celebrate with us in London, come on.”  
“Are you asking me to tour with you?”  
“That’s what girlfriends of rockstars do, don’t they? Maybe Kenzie can get a babysitter so we can all party like we used to.”  
They always made it so difficult to keep secrets. “She’s not going to do that. Can’t you get a tour drummer, one that doesn’t just want to be at home?”  
“I bloody wish I could. It’s only ten days, can’t the grandparents have her?”  
“Why d’you want Kenzie there so much?”  
“Stop Tony whining all the time and so you’re not on your own when we’re on stage.”  
I knew she couldn’t go but I still promised to try to convince her. I only really had a few hours in the morning to do it so I could use that as my excuse for failure. It was sweet that he’d noticed I didn’t like being alone.  
I wanted to suggest Jamie but I wasn’t sure if it was too soon to admit we were friends again, especially since that would involve having to tell him I spent the night in his flat.


	25. Chapter 25

I woke up the next morning laid against Noel. We’d stayed up ages, chatting all night long until we’d fallen asleep. I didn’t want to move so I sat and thought about the dream I had.   
In the dream I became a journalist or something, writing just for Oasis, getting them articles in all the best magazines. Reviewing all their new music, not having to wait until the general release like they usually made me do. Being able to go to every single gig, watching them rise to the Beetles’ level of celebrity. It felt amazing but now I was awake, all that just seemed isolating and it was ridiculous, I always hated English at school.  
When the hands of my clock were approaching ten, I decided I had to get up and I had to wake Noel. I kissed his his lips and saw him opening his eyes as little as he could to see who it was.  
“Morning.” I smiled.  
He let out a sigh of relief. “Thought it was Liam for a moment, fucking hell.” he sat up and quickly kissed my lips. “Time is it?”  
“Ten, we need to get ready for Newcastle.” It wasn’t just Newcastle, it was ten days away we hadn’t packed for it anything.  
“Stop the clock, let your love lay me down.” he said and kissed me, trying to get me to lay back down with him.  
I kissed him back. “We really don't have time, especially since you're insisting Kenzie has to go with us.”  
“Yeah, get your stuff packed then go help Kenzie.” he left the room before I had the chance to argue how unlikely it was that Kenzie was going to be joining us.  
…  
When I got to Kenzie’s, she was already packing.  
“Where are you going?”  
“Oh my God, Tony would not stop going on about it. kept threatening to refuse to go if I didn't. He's gone nappy shopping with Thora.” she explained, sounding so excited.  
“Oh thank fuck! Noel sent me over here to try to force you to come, to make Tony happy. Is she coming or not?”  
“Tony's parents are having her. We’ve bought everything she needs and packed her a load of clothes so she should be alright.” she pointed to an already packed suitcase.  
“Have you told Tony about the...?”  
“Not yet, I'll tell him when we get back. I'll be two months by then.” she was so scared of losing it even though she drank at the start of Thora's pregnancy and she was fine.  
…  
When I got back to the Gallagher house with Kenzie and Tony, Noel was carrying the suitcases down the stairs with his guitar on his back, he'd probably been playing it all while I was gone.  
“You're supposed to have the guitar in the van already!” I complained.  
“Want it in the car with me, don’t I?” he dumped the cases right by the front door.  
“What makes you think me, Kenzie and whoever else is going in the Beemer wants to put up with you messing with it all the way to Newcastle?” I grinned so he didn't get annoyed.  
“Good job I love you or you’d be in trouble with comments like that.” he commented. “Are you making dinner?”  
“I've got to go fill up the Gas Guzzler. Anyone want anything from the shop?” My latest nickname for the BMW.  
“Monster Munch and fags.” Noel said and I went off to the petrol station.  
…  
A few people came and watched Oasis do their sound check. Kenzie and Liam had gotten bored of it ages ago and had gone to the dressing room. I soon got bored as well and went to join them, there's only so much practicing bits of songs you can put up with.  
When I walked in Kenzie was sat on Liam’s lap and they were kissing. They didn't stop, they could hear the music and knew it was me or someone from the venue. I wanted to know what the hell Liam had said to Kenzie to make this happen.  
I grabbed a magazine and read it sat on the other sofa, trying to ignore them. I noticed Liam was staring at me, like he was trying to get my attention.  
After a couple of minutes I threw the magazine onto the seat beside me and decided to do something he wouldn't be expecting.  
I sat on the arm of the sofa next to them and kissed Kenzie’s cheek, ignoring Liam. I left kisses along her cheek and her neck, her skin was so much softer than any lads I'd ever kissed.  
As I was about to whisper in her ear, Liam pulled away and spoke. “What the fuck d’you think you’re doing, Stace?”  
“I should ask you the same.” I shrugged and whispered “kiss me.” to Kenzie.  
She did, her lips were sweet, with a hint of cigarettes and Liam's breath. I was already out of my depth, I hadn't counted on her kissing me.  
“As much as I'm fucking loving this, just stop.” Liam objected with a deep breath.  
I brushed her hair to the side and held her neck, pulling away from the kiss. “Are we making your kecks tight?” I looked down at his jeans, I couldn't tell. “I'm sorry.” I said putting on an innocent tone.  
“You always do, Yorkie.” he admitted.  
“Why are you making Kenzie cheat on Tony then?”  
“He ain’t my brother.” he shrugged.  
“I’m just the cheat that’ll be the less hassle to you” Kenzie said sounding upset, as if she didn’t already know.  
She got up and walked away.  
“Well done.” I rolled my eyes and went after her.  
…   
She went into the toilets and leant against the row of sinks. “I shouldn’t have come, should I? Please don’t judge me, I really don’t want to hurt Tony especially not by messing about with Liam.”  
“Yeah, you should, I want you here.” I gave a reassuring smile. “I promise I'll never judge you. Why’d you do it?”  
“He wasn't treating me like a mum, me and Tony are great but I know he sees me as Thora's Mam before anything else now. For those few minutes I was just a twentyfive year old getting off with a rock star, bloody Liam Gallagher. Anyone else would love his attention, not me.”  
“I know what he’s like, I know he manipulates until you think you want him, he does it all the time. Just stay away from him if you can, yeah?”  
“Does he still do it to you?”  
“To be honest, yeah. I don't love him and I don't want to be with him but a flash of attention like that and I'm practically his.” I admitted.  
“Let’s both stay away, yeah? And please make sure I don’t drink.” she took my hand and led me out of the bathroom.  
…   
We stayed in a nice hotel, four rooms between the eight of of us. They’d already gone so far from all of us squashing into two rooms after King Tuts’. Liam was supposed to share with the tour manager but no one saw him after the gig.  
Noel laid flat on his back on the bed as soon as we got in our room and stared at me.  
“A little birdie told me you’re into girls now.” he gave a naughty smile, it had clearly been on his dirty, drunk mind for a while.  
I wondered exactly what Liam had said.  
“Making me hotter than listening to all those girls screaming.”  
I smiled shyly. “It’s true, I'm going to find a beautiful Geordie lass. You’re just not doing it for me.” I pretended to turn to the door.  
He just looked so hurt. “Don’t go, I’ll make you scream, I promise.” the words were more threatening than alluring but he usually kept his romance to his song writing.  
I took my top off as slowly and sexily as I could, inviting him to join me. He crawled down the bed to join me as I dropped my top.  
“Is it really, really true? You snogged Kenzie?” he put his hands on my waist, kissing my chest and neck.  
“Yeah, I miss her sweet, soft lips already.” I whispered in his ear.  
I moaned as he started nibbling and brought his hands up my back to my bra.  
“I wish I'd seen it.” he rubbed himself against me, our jeans separated us but I knew he was ready.  
“Let me go chat up a stewardess.” I offered in an alluring whisper.  
I expected him to insist on doing it because being a rock star would get the job done faster but he just stayed silent for a moment, still kissing.  
“No, I just want you.” he said as he undid my bra and slipped it off.  
I couldn't help but smile, he refused a threesome for me, maybe he knew I didn't actually want to. I lost my hands in his hair, encouraging him as he focused all of his attention on my breasts.  
…  
As we laid resting we heard the bed in the next room and Kenzie shouting Tony's name.  
“I forget Tony’s proper name is Anthony.” Noel spoke holding back a smirky laugh. “Someone isn't going to be a whiny twat tomorrow.”  
“Yeah.” I didn’t want to comment on their sex life, I already knew enough without hearing it.  
“Y’know, I don't remember seeing Kenzie drink anything but water and she certainly don't sound drunk. What’s that about?”  
I shrugged. “Doesn’t think she can get drunk now she’s got Thora.” was the best I could come up with.  
“She’s miles away, don’t tell me she’s going to be sober the whole ten days.”  
I shrugged, not saying anything.  
“She's pregnant, isn’t she?”  
I wish I knew how the fuck he kept doing that. “I don't know, what makes you think that?”  
“That don’t sound like they stopped for condoms.” he pointed to the wall.  
“Neither did we.”  
“You've got that thing, she hasn't.” he poked my arm. “And “I don't know” is lying without being committed to it.”  
“Swear to God you won’t say a word.”  
“Don't believe in God, Love, if it’s who claims to be God most, that’s Liam and I don’t know where he is.”  
“Swear to me then. Swear you won’t tell anyone your theory.”  
He sat up and lit a cigarette. “Alright, I swear, I couldn't care less as long as Tony turns up for work.”  
“Do you have to smoke right now? You’re not Blackadder or Boyce.” I smiled.  
“No I’m not an 80s TV character. I’m the one and only Noel Gallagher.” he gave such grandiose to his own name, blowing out smoke into the air. “Just enjoying an after ciggie, you’d want in if it was weed.”  
…   
The next morning we were all up early and ate breakfast together, Liam was still nowhere to be seen.  
“If he doesn't turn up soon I'm going to kick his head in. I don't want to stay in Newcastle waiting for him.” Noel threatened.  
“Calm down mate. He’s just off in some bird’s bed.” Bonehead shrugged.  
A few minutes later Liam strolled in, grabbed a chair and sat next to Bonehead.  
They whispered to each other and Bonehead patted Liam’s arm in congradulation. He handed Liam some money from his wallet. I didn’t want to know the terms of this bet.  
“Where’ve you been? We need to get going.” Noel said.  
“Doesn’t fucking matter. I’m here now, ain’t I?”  
We were off to Leeds by the afternoon. After two hours drive, we got settled into another decent hotel. The gig was that evening so the band went straight to the soundcheck while me and Kenzie went shopping.


	26. Chapter 26

We found ourselves in a baby shop, browsing newborn clothes.  
“You think number two is a little boy?” I asked as I saw her hold a baby grow that said “No.1 Son.”, against her stomach.  
“I kind of hope so.” she shrugged, putting it back and getting another with generic footballs.  
“No, I think it’s a girl.” I passed her one with “Daddy’s little girl” on it. “Oh and Noel knows, I didn’t tell him. I swear.”  
“Thora’s never had anything that said “Daddy’s” anything, would too easily kick up shit.” she put it back. “Can he not keep out of anyone’s business?”  
“But this time there’s no wild claims.” I shrugged.  
She picked one that said “Mummy’s boy” and looked at me. “You told me you had a son, Billy. What happened to him?”  
I explained the situation to her quickly. “I didn’t get to do any of this, Mum made sure she got everything.” I sighed.  
“That’s so messed up. You would have handled it. You’re great with Thora. I don’t know how you do it, I already miss her loads.” Tears rolled down her face. “Damn pregnancy emotions.” she smiled quickly wiping them away.  
…  
The next two days went very fast, the lads preoccupied their time with band work, being on stage and partying the rest of the night. I mostly tried to stay sober for Kenzie’s sake and on the 12th we headed to Hultsfred in Sweden.  
They weren’t performing until tomorrow so we got to spend time in the country, with each other. It was another festival, but it was nothing like Glastonbury.  
Liam was gone for most of the two days, I was almost surprised that he actually found his way to the stage on time.  
While they were on stage, a couple of lads came over and tried to bother me and Kenzie.  
“Hey! You two are gorgeous.” one of them said and put their arm around my shoulder. “Enjoying the festival?” They sounded local.  
The other put his arm around Kenzie’s waist. They both looked like they’d been partying a little too hard.  
“Yeah, great music!” I smiled.  
“So, what’s your names?” the one next to Kenzie asked, leering at her. “I’m Jakob, this is Oliver. Are you two here together?”  
“Kenz and Stace.” she said quietly, he was making her uncomfortable, I’d not seen Kenzie like this before.  
“Yeah, we are. Our boyfriends are on stage.” I spoke up, hoping they’d back up.  
“That’s cool, they’re really good.” Oliver said, I could feel him staring at my boobs and his hands were getting closer  
“You have beautiful names. Maybe me and you could go somewhere for a little while. I’m sure they won’t mind. Stacy doesn’t mind, do you?” Jakob said, trying to get Kenzie to walk with him.  
Before either of us had chance to say anything, Kenzie threw up. It went all down Jakob’s top and his jeans. They’d physically sickened her.  
“Stupid little bitch!” he growled as he ripped his top off and threw it to the ground.   
He grabbed a handful of her hair, making her yelp. “Stupid little whore, can’t you handle your drink?”  
“Leave her alone!” I shouted, forcing Oliver’s hand off my shoulder. “Please let her go!”   
Oliver sighed. “Come on, man. They’re not worth the trouble.” he patted Jakob on the shoulder. “Plenty of other sluts about.”  
They walked off as though they’d done nothing wrong, as though we’d simply rejected their advances and they were moving on.  
“Are you alright?”  
“Yeah, just a regular dickhead meets pregnancy sickness.” she shrugged. “Shall we go backstage and wait, avoid the rest of the creeps?”  
As we walked I worried that it wasn’t morning sickness, it wasn’t alcohol but she could have gotten sick with all the people we’ve been around.  
…  
While we were waiting in the airport Liam took me away from everyone else, claiming to want to see the planes.  
“You owe me.” he said as we looked out of the huge glass wall at the planes.  
“What?”  
“I’m keeping more secrets for you than you are for me.”   
I didn’t like where this was heading. “I don’t know what you’re on about so can we get to the part where you tell me what you want.”  
“I know you shagged Jamie when we were in America, don’t care but Noel might.”  
“Right, that’s ridiculous but go on.” I laughed. “What do you want? I’m not shagging you in the airport or the bloody plane if that’s what you’re after.”  
“I wouldn’t friggin’ say no to that, now you mention it, I’d bloody rather have you.”  
“No Liam.” I sighed. “Go on, where’d you disappear to? What’s the secret?” I questioned growing impatient with him.  
He pulled up his sleeve and pointed to three little red dots on his inner elbow. I didn’t get what he was trying to show me.  
“What? What have you been doing?”  
“Gear, it’s fucking brilliant.”  
“Gear…? Heroin? You’re shooting up fucking heroin now? What the fuck’s wrong with you?” I was so angry, I was having a hard time not lashing out at him. “You are a fucking retard.”  
“Keep your voice down. I’m not having some security bloke stick his fingers up me arse.” he shushed. “You’ve never once objected to Charlie, don’t be a friggin’ hypocrite. It’s not a big fucking deal.”  
“If it’s not a big deal why are you asking me to keep it secret, bloody blackmailing me with things that haven’t even happened?” I had no chance at keeping calm. “What was the appeal, the HIV, the Hepatitis, the addiction or the overdose?” I said counting them on my fingers. “It will kill you.”  
“I’ve only bloody done it once.” he admitted, he sounded regretful, he knew I wasn’t backing down on this, I wasn’t going to let it ruin his life. “I won’t do it again if you tell me you love me. If you tell me, I won’t need that fucking shite.”  
“You’re blaming me? You think this is my fault? I’ve never made you do owt, certainly not pump shit into your veins.”  
“It is your fault when you rejected me for That Scouse, for my brother, even for friggin’ Kenzie. I needed it, I needed you.” He was back to bullshiting to try to get what he wanted.  
“No I’m not having that, we broke up a year ago, you were fine with it, I’m not with any Scouser and I didn’t reject you for Kenzie, I stopped you and her for Tony’s sake.”  
“Since when do you care about Tony?”  
“Since my best friend chose him as her boyfriend. Is that why you don’t like him, because Kenzie could have gone after you and she didn’t?”  
“Don’t give a fuck about Kenzie, wouldn’t say no but I’m not interested. I want you and only bloody you.”  
“You don’t say no to a lot of people these days, do you?” I scoffed. “I do love you Liam and I want you to never go near that stuff again. Promise me, or we can’t even be friends.”  
He looked at me like I was being ridiculous. “Show me you fucking love me and I’ll never need to take the fucking pain away again.”  
I looked around the room, there were only a few people dotted around, reading newspapers, killing time before their flights. I wasn’t going to kill any more time. I wrapped my arms around his waist and allowed my lips to touch his ear. “Is this what you want? For me to show you just how much I love you?” I whispered.  
“Yeah.” he moaned as I passionately kissed his lips, grabbing his hair at the back of his head.  
He cupped my cheeks and very quickly got lost in the moment. He started rubbing his body against mine until I pulled away. “What are you doing?”  
“Middle of an airport.” I reminded him. “Are you still high or something?”  
“No, I’m friggin’ not, unfortunately.” he stared at me, his eyes looked different, like something had corrupted their usual shade of bright blue. “I love you, I don’t fucking care who sees or where we do it.”  
I took another step back. I didn’t believe him. “I’m going back to the lads and Kenzie. Pretty sure we have to board soon.”  
…  
Guigsy got me to walk off with him to look at sunglasses in one of the shops. Liam hadn’t followed me back to our flight’s gate.  
“What’s up?” I asked as he spun the sunglasses stand, pretending to be interested in them, never picking any of them off the stand.  
“Tell me you’re not messing about with Liam.” he didn’t look at me, he just kept looking forward at the stand.  
“No, no way. Why’d you say that?”  
“He accidentally told me something. I know he didn’t mean to, he was properly off his head. Y’know, proper eyes rolling back, vacant and all that. If I didn’t know better I’d have said the idiot had done brown sugar.”  
“What did he say?” I tried to sound uninterested.  
“Told me you and him had a go when we got back from Glastonbury. Newcastle, you tried to have a go with him and Kenzie, of all people.”  
“Have you considered that Liam isn’t really one for sticking to the truth? Neither of those happened Guis. I love Noel, I’m not going to cheat on him with someone I chose to break up with, am I?”  
Before he could argue or accept my version of the truth there was a boarding call for our flight. We went straight back to the gate and boarded with our group.  
I was put with Noel taking the window seat and Liam on the aisle seat, everyone else were put somewhere right down the other end of the plane.  
Liam took my hand as soon as we noticed Noel was asleep, I was still holding Noel’s hand with my other hand. “I want to join the mile high club, with you.” he whispered.  
“I said no and I meant it. You told Guigsy, I should be mad at you.”  
“But you’re not because you wanted it then and you want it now.” he whispered in my ear, letting his lip touch my ear.  
I shivered and freed my hands from Noel’s, being careful not to wake him. “You’re not going to stop, are you?”   
“Never. I want you too much.” he moved my hair to the side gently and started kissing my neck.  
“Liam! Not here! What if he wakes up?” I pushed him away.  
He stood up. “If it’s a bit of privacy you want, there’s only one bloody option.” He walked straight down the aisle to the toilet, confident as ever.  
I watched Noel sleep, he was so peaceful and beautiful. He didn’t deserve me, what I was doing to him. “I love you. I’m sorry.” I sighed.  
The walk to the toilet was sickening, it wasn’t just how nauseous my second ever flight was making me, it was the guilt, it was so wrong but something in me just didn’t want to commit to one person anymore.  
Liam grinned as soon as he saw me enter the tiny room. He hadn’t expected that I’d actually join him. He locked the difficult sliding door and immediately tried to take my top off.  
I felt so claustrophobic and ill. “I can’t do this.” I managed to say before throwing up in the sink, holding my stomach.  
He quickly grabbed my hair and held it back as I threw again. “Well, I’ve never made a girl sick before.” he joked as he rubbed my back.  
“I’m sorry.” I groaned, I’d always been apologetic when I was sick but this time it was so much more than the vomit.  
“Don’t be. I’ll get you some water.” he took a bobble from my wrist and tied my hair back before leaving me.  
He came back with an air stewardess a few minutes later as I puked again. “Make her stop.” I heard him order.  
“Drink this water. Small sips.” she said as she moved me so I was sat on the toilet. “Is there any reason you could be vomiting other than air sickness?”  
Liam passed me the bottle of water and I did as she said. “No, I’m not ill.”  
“She’s not flown before.” Liam told her.  
“Okay.” she gave him a polite smile, his protectiveness seemed to be making her a bit nervous of him. “Is it possible this is morning sickness or anything?” she crouched to my level and asked quietly, doing her best to exclude Liam.  
“No, not a chance.” I shook my head. “I feel a lot better now. I think I can get back to my seat.” I said still sipping the water.  
“Okay, it’s not long until we’ll be landing now.” she smiled as she got up and left us to it.  
“Maybe on a longer, much more stable flight. Or you could just seduce one of them, not that one, she really didn’t like you.” I grinned.  
“She was too fucking old and snooty. I’d rather wait til you can manage not to puke your fucking guts up.” he shrugged. “You sure you haven’t been hitting the drugs too hard?”  
I stood up. “I’m certain and I can tell anyone about the brown sugar since you’ve got nothing on me.” I passed him the empty bottle and we slowly walked back to our seats.  
“No you can’t! You fucking promised!” he grabbed my arm and stopped me from walking any further.  
“I promised fuck all. I’m still worried you’ll do it again. I can’t lose you, especially not by bloody overdose.”  
“I’m not friggin’ going to. Tell anyone and I’ll tell Noel and anyone who’ll bloody listen, every fucking thing I know about you.”   
“Fine but one tiny sign that you have and I’m… I’m going straight to your mum. She’ll sort you out. I don’t even care what you have to tell, this is more important. People die Liam.” I pulled my arm free and we got back to our seats.  
Noel didn’t wake up until the stewards were coming around to make sure everyone was ready to land. Me and Liam had sat in silence the whole time.  
“What’s up with you two?” he asked.  
“She chucked up, loads, disgusting.” Liam said, making a face. “Need a waz, back in a min.” he said as he got up and walked away, ignoring what the Steward had said.  
“You alright now?” Noel asked, taking my hand.  
I nodded. “Just getting used to flight.”  
“You sure you two’s only problem is puke? He don’t usually care about stuff like that.”  
“To be fair, it was a lot. He probably didn’t think it was fair that he had to look after me.” I shrugged.  
“Selfish git. Could’ve come and got me.”  
…  
It seemed to be no time at all before we were in Nottingham and getting settled into this hotel. I was glad to be back on English soil and that they weren’t performing until tomorrow. This stretch of tour was going way too fast, we needed to sit back and enjoy it for a while.


	27. Chapter 27

We all sat around in the hotel lobby, drinking and chatting. Bonehead had found a pack of cards in his suitcase so we’d been playing card games as well.  
“I’m bored. Can’t we do something else?” Liam asked the moment he was out of a game.  
“Like what?” Bonehead asked, he was already out of this game.  
“Don’t fucking know, truth or dare or some shit like that. Anything but this.” Liam shrugged.  
“We’re not twelve.” Kenzie objected. “If you can’t wait for the next game, go watch the telly or something.”  
“No, stay. He keeps disappearing off, I want us all together today.” I spoke up, sounding too needy. “There’s go karting or bowling or the cinema near here.” I suggested.  
“Go karting, nice one. Come on, it’s better than bloody cards.” Bonehead said enthusiastically.  
“I’ll just get my camera.” Tony said and rushed off to his room.  
When he came back, he had a grin on his face. No one questioned it but I had a feeling it was nothing to do with go karts.  
…  
They used their band status to bypass the usual booking requirements and steal the next track time. I didn’t think they had that much fame already, their album still wasn’t out yet. I suppose it’s difficult to tell in the eye of the storm.  
While we were getting booked in I saw Kenzie and Tony talking, stood as far away from everyone as they could. I wondered if she was telling him but it didn’t look like it.  
“There’s not rules against pregnant drivers, are there?” Tony asked the man at the desk.  
Bonehead, Guigsy and Liam stared in surprise. We were all stunned into silence. The reception bloke was unfazed by the revelation.  
“There is, crashes can be quite harsh. We don’t want to take the risk so there’s no prenant drivers on our tracks.”  
“Me and Kenzie are sitting it out then. You lot need an audience to make sure you play fair, anyway.” he shrugged.  
The bloke crossed off their names and told us where to go for the driver training.  
I hugged Tony. “Congrats man. I’m so proud of you.”  
“Did you know about this?” he asked showing us a sky blue Man City newborn baby grow.  
“Not a clue.” I smiled, I didn’t know anything about a baby grow.  
“Found it in my suitcase.” he grinned. “Enjoy the race, we all know Stacy’s going to win but we’ll have fun watching.”  
Naturally they all betted otherwise even though only me and Bonehead could actually drive. I didn’t bet, I didn’t want to take their money.  
“What are you proud of him for? All he’s done is fuck without a johnny.” Liam complained as soon as Tony was far enough away.  
“D’you need a hug?” I asked, pulling a fake sympathetic face. “What do you want me to say? I’m proud of you lot for not knocking someone up?”  
…  
“If I win you’ve got to suck my cock tonight and show me how you get off with some lass.” Noel whispered as we got in our karts.   
The deal was on, after the practice lap I was pretty confident he wasn’t going to get what he wanted. I decided I would let him win for a few laps and steal victory right at the end.  
Sibling rivalry took over for Liam and Noel for the first two laps, forcing each other to crash whenever they could, almost getting themselves disqualified.  
In fact Liam did get disqualified when he made Guigsy crash on the second to last lap. He stood and argued with the official (who was pretty much just a scrawny seventeen year old lad) while we finished the race. I was surprised he hadn’t simply ignored him and carried on the race.  
Bonehead finished first, he’d managed to keep out of all the cheating. Noel slipped past me right before the finish line quickly making me and Guigsy third and fourth.  
“Come on, Li’ just drop it.” Noel told him as we got out the Karts.  
“No! I want a fucking rematch. I could’ve won, easy.” he was too angry for the situation, as usual.  
“Let us have one more lap, please. None of us will cheat this time, will we?” I asked knowing this could end up with Liam in a police cell and the kid in hospital. “They’ll sign something for you.”  
The lads agreed and we were quickly lined up for the extra race.  
“You can have two laps, okay? Any cheating and I have to disqualify you all.” the official said and waved the starting flag.  
Liam did actually manage to win, now he wasn’t so focused on making people crash out. Noel came in close second again, just in front of me, annoyingly. Guigsy was fourth and Bonehead came in last.  
“Something was up with me kart.” I heard him mutter as we went to put the karting gear back.  
…  
“So I won earlier.” Noel said as soon as we got to our room.  
“Actually Liam won, if anything the reward should go to him.” I shouldn’t have said that, I was getting complacent.  
“After friggin’ getting disqualified and cheating.”  
“Alright Bonehead then.” I shrugged.  
“They finished last or disqualified. I won, I want my prize.” he put his hands on my waist and and kissed my lips gently.  
“Alright, go find someone, whoever you want. Hurry up before I change my mind.” I nodded and encouraged him out of the room.  
I changed my underwear to much more sexy pieces than usual. I put my jeans and t-shirt back on to keep the surprise hidden. I sat on the edge of the bed and waited, getting a tad insecure about letting this other bird join us.  
…  
She was blonde, with loads of long curly hair. She had stunning green eyes. She was utterly gorgeous. She was wearing the hotel uniform, she must have just turned up for her shift.  
After some awkward agreements (apparently Noel had forgotten to mention to her what he actually wanted) we got to it.  
She was more confident than me and didn't mind doing what we wanted even though she just wanted to sleep with Noel and it wasn't going to happen. If I was her I'd have walked off and got back to doing her job.  
Noel got comfy sat against the headboard and lit up a cigarette. I glared at him as we sat on the end of the bed together.  
“Don't get mardy at me cos it's just a fag.” he said after taking a drag. “Get on with it, she's got to get back to work, haven't you, love?” he said impatiently, pushing his luck.  
We kissed, she tasted minty, she’d probably been chewing gum on her way to work. I didn’t get into it, it felt too forced. She let her blazer slip off and started undoing her blouse, she clearly wasn’t intending to leave this with just a kiss.  
I kissed down her neck and chest, right down to her bra. She moaned and I heard Noel do the same as he unzipped his fly.  
She pulled my t-shirt off. “Don’t be scared, it’s just sex.” she whispered in my ear.  
When Noel noticed what I was wearing and that she was trying to unhook the lingerie, he stubbed out his cigarette and got up.  
“Shift out.” he ordered her, coldly.   
“What?” she asked pulling all of her hair to one side and turning to him.  
“Get out, you’re done.” he said pointing his thumb to the door.  
“You are a disgusting little dickhead.” she stood up, buttoned up her blouse and grabbed her jacket.  
He shrugged. “I’m not into easy blondes, to be honest. Save yourself the embarrassment and fuck off already.”  
“You don’t have to be that rude.” I laughed, appearing shocked at him as soon as she was out the door.  
“But I’m ready for your mouth.”  
“You got any pills or owt?”  
“Thought you’d never ask.” he grinned, digging a little bag of white powder out of his pocket.  
He chopped a line and snorted it then prepared a line for me. It wasn’t long before it took effect and I took his cock, as promised.  
…   
As we rested, panting from finishing I felt his heartbeat against my cheek. I realised in that moment that I was so glad that I hadn’t managed to have that stupid quickie with Liam.  
“What are you thinking?” he asked, stroking my hair.  
“Just about how great this is. How great you are. How you make me get out of bed in the morning.” I admitted.  
“I’d rather keep you in the bed, to be honest.” he said cheekily.  
“Oh yeah?” I moved so I was knelt over his thighs, allowing my hair to fall and cover my chest.  
“If you ain’t going to give me round two, don’t sit like that.” I noticed his attention was more focused on the bag of coke than on me.  
I moved off of him and we did more white lines. Cocaine fueled sex was just better, more passionate, more aggressive than without. I really was a hypocrite.  
…   
While they were waiting to go on stage we all sat around on the comfy backstage sofas. I was sat on the arm of the sofa, next to Noel, basically behaving like a band slut. It was one of those rare times I wore a skirt, a bit too short one.  
We were all really minding our own businesses, passing time before someone came and ushered them on stage. Tony and Kenzie were chatting. Bonehead was reading a car magazine. Guigsy was reading a newspaper. Liam was just staring into space.  
There was a knock on the door, that caught our attention since no one usually knocked or if they did they’d walk straight in after.  
Liam reached over to the handle and pulled the door open, not moving from the sofa. I jumped to my feet as I saw who it was.


	28. Chapter 28

“Ey up.” Noel greeted with a lazy wave.  
“Hey, can I borrow Stacy for a minute?” our guest asked politely.  
“See ya, Yorkie. Be good.” Liam said and put his hand on my bum as I walked past him, he had no idea who it was.  
“That’s her dad, fucking retard.” I heard Noel laugh as the door shut.  
“What are you doing here?” I asked, trying to pull my skirt to cover as much of my legs as it could.  
“Nottingham’s not far from home. Thought I’d see Oasis live, meet them and maybe get a chance to spend some time with my daughter.”  
“Yeah? Let's go to the bar.” I walked him to the venue’s bar.  
“About that, I’m not here alone.” he admitted.  
“Who’s here?” As I asked I saw Jamie and Billy sat at the crowded bar together, I hoped I’d mistaken someone else for them.  
I couldn’t help but notice how well they were getting on, just like Billy had gotten on with Luke whenever they met.  
He pointed directly at them. “I know you haven’t seen either of them in a while.”   
It had only been two months, it didn’t seem that long ago to me.  
“I’m going back, I don’t want to see Jamie. Things are too complicated.” I said standing on the spot.  
“What do you mean? He’s your mate, he’s excited to see you and you know he’s come a long way to be here.”  
“Liam thinks there’s something going on between me and Jamie.”  
“What is going on exactly?”  
“Me and Noel kind of started going out at the end of June. We’d thought about it for ages before that. I don’t think I told him we’re friends again. I don’t want anyone to think anything of him being here.” I admitted.  
He took my hand and walked me the rest of the way. “If you can’t be friends with our Jamie, this Noel lad isn’t worth knowing. I don’t care how good his band are.”  
After talking for them for a few minutes Oasis came on stage, they did their best to be happy and enthusiastic but I was sure something had gone on from the look on the brothers’ faces.  
“Kenzie’s backstage on her own. I’m going back, you can come if you want.” I said as the first song came to an end.  
“Is it quieter back there?” Billy asked, removing his hands from his ears.  
Great, gigs are too loud for my kid. “Yeah, you’ll still be able to hear it so you won’t miss anything but it’ll be much quieter.”  
We got sat on the sofas and I introduced my dad and Billy to Kenzie.  
“What happened?” I asked her as Dad was distracted with Bonehead’s magazine and Jamie and Billy were sat listening to the music.  
She rolled her eyes and sighed. “They had a fight, din’t they? Bonehead had to pull them apart.”  
“Who’s Bonehead?” Billy asked, sounding excited as though he’d assumed he was a Skeletor type figure.   
“The guitarist with the really short hair.” Jamie told him.  
“Oh.” he was utterly disappointed at the lack of supervillains. “Is that his real name?”  
“No, Bonehead and Guigsy’s names are Paul but I don’t think anyone has ever called it them.” Kenzie laughed.  
Eventually the band came back when they were finished on stage. Billy had fallen asleep about ten minutes earlier, waking up as they entered the room.  
“Who’s got the ciggies?” Noel asked, looking around the room.  
I picked up my bag and stood up. “Liam, are you coming annal?”   
“No, I’m alright. Who’s the kid?” he found some beers and cracked one open. “Want a beer kid, Stace’s dad?”  
“Course he doesn't want a beer, he's nine." Dad said with a tone of superiority, he probably thought Liam was a complete idiot based on tonight's behaviour. “And I'm driving so no thanks.”  
“Billy.” I told him.  
“What? Billy, your fucking…”  
I’d forgotten he has no polite, talking to parents mode. I interrupted him with an intense glare.   
“Are you definitely sure you don’t want to come outside and have a cigarette?” I said really trying to get through to him that I wanted to talk to them alone.  
He dropped into a sofa seat and shook his head defiantly.  
…  
“What was that about?” Noel asked as he got his cigarette out the packet.  
“What was your fight about?”  
“It wasn’t a fight, there was no blood.” he shrugged, put the fag to his lips and lit up. “It was nothing.”  
“There was no blood when you headbutted what’s his face.” I didn't want to remind him of that but I wanted the truth more. “What happened?”  
“He didn’t appreciate being called a fucking retard.” he shrugged. “Look, I’m not at friggin’ school, I don’t need to be brought outside to explain myself and neither does he.”  
“I know.”  
“What’s your dad, Your Kid and fucking Jamie doing here anyway.” he interrupted.  
“Don’t call him my kid.” I sighed. “As far as I know Dad wanted to go to your gig and brought them along.”  
“You know I mean brother. Nothing else is going on?”  
“I’ve barely spoke to Jamie all night if that’s what you mean. We are just friends and I stayed at his because I was too tired to drive, nothing else.”  
“Alright.”  
“I’m going back before Dad starts fighting Liam.”  
He laughed. “What d’you mean?”  
“He hates swearing, that’ll be winding him up. He offered Billy a can and he’s Liam.”  
“Fair enough. Won’t be long.”  
…   
I was surprised to see them calmly talking and Liam seemed to be trying to limit his swearing which was a complete first for him.  
“He’d never make it in a band, he’s a ‘cking square.” Liam commented, seeing Billy had fallen asleep again.  
“Oi, just because he’s a good lad, doesn’t mean you can insult him.”  
“He’s not going to have the birds chasing him though, is he?”  
“Actually, us girls like lads like him in the end.” I said and glared at Liam.  
“Like shagging us bad boys though.” he replied as Noel walked through the door.  
Dad stood up and shook Bonehead, Guigsy, Tony and Kenzie’s hand, telling them it was nice to meet them. He shook Noel’s hand last telling him it was good to see him again.  
Jamie woke Billy up, sensing it was time to leave.  
“He’s just being an idiot, don’t take no notice of him.”  
“It’s getting late anyway, we need to get home. Come on Billy.” he ushered Billy out the door and Jamie followed. “If any of you hurt my daughter, I will come after you.” he warned before they left.  
It was so embarrassing, sometimes I really wish I could make Liam shut the fuck up but it wasn’t possible.  
…  
We went straight down to london the next morning.  
“So what are we going to do to celebrate?” Noel asked.  
“Celebrate what? Going home again in a few days?” Guigsy asked.  
“Three years of Oasis, three years with Stacy.”


	29. Chapter 29

29th of August 1994. Their first album was released and we were traveling from the Netherlands to London where they were doing a signing in the Virgin Megastore the next day.  
Noel had liked London so much he’d moved there after the London gigs, I begrudgingly moved with him. I hated being down south away from everyone. The band stayed at ours overnight.  
Liam had answered our landline, treating everything as his own, as usual. “Yeah, yeah, alright, cool. I’ll let them know.” was pretty much all he said to them in a casual, uncaring tone.  
“Oi, lads.” he said putting the phone down and turning to us. “That was McGee, says us album went in at number one.” he said it like McGee had remembered to record a program they liked for them, I didn’t get why they weren’t jumping around like they do when someone scores in football.  
“What’s wrong with you lot? You are at number one, that’s like at least a Champions League win, isn’t it?”  
“Yeah but we knew it was going to happen or we wouldn’t have bothered.” Noel shrugged. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not ungrateful but with the crowds we get, how can it not be top of the chart?”  
We celebrated with a couple of beers before another phone call came through and spoiled the atmosphere.  
I answered, it was their dad. “Get Noel for us, love.”  
I knew this wasn’t going to go down well at all. I sighed and reluctantly announced. “Noel, your dad’s on the phone.”  
“How did he get our fucking number?” he commented. “Li’, d’you want to take this one? Pretty sure we’re thinking the same and your delivery is better.”  
Liam got up, swaggered over the phone in his moment to shine and took the phone from me. “Piss off!” he spoke into the speaker and put the phone down.  
I sat back next to Noel.  
They high-fived as he went back to his seat. “If he’s been bothering Mam, I’ll fucking have him when I get home.”  
“Could have got it off loads of people.” Tony shrugged, not seeing the big deal.  
“Nah, only you lot in this room, McGee, Mam and Kenzie know this number so unless you want to own up, I’d shut up.” Noel warned. “How did he even friggin’ know I moved? All that time in the same city and he knew shit all unless it was what time I’m turning up for work.”  
I looked for a clock, there wasn’t one in this room “Shit! What time is it?” I’d forgotten I had work.  
“About half seven, why?” Guigsy answered, checking his watch.  
“I was supposed to be at the bar about half an hour ago.”   
I hated working at the bar. They weren’t happy to allow me to take time off whenever I wanted but were too scared of bad publicity from Oasis to sack me. They hated me because I was a working class Northerner and I shouldn’t be there. I hated them because they were posh Southerners and they tried too hard to be on trend.  
“Might as well stay here now. Don’t know why you bother working for them. It’s not like you have to.” Bonehead pointed out.  
“I like earning my own money, what if one day me and him break up and I don’t want to be Stacy, “friend of Oasis” anymore?”  
“Never going to happen, you’d not get into gigs without us. You’d just move back to him.” he said, pointing his thumb at Liam.  
I groaned. I hated everyone knowing I’d had them both and Liam thought he was good at hiding that he still wanted me but he just wanted. “I don’t want to go back to Liam.”  
“What?” Liam asked, snapping out of staring into space the moment he heard his name.  
“Nothing, we were talking about you, not to you.” I cringed at just how childish my reply was. “What are we having for tea?”  
They ended up celebrating by way of cocaine use but it still didn’t feel like they realised what they’d achieved already.  
…  
I could hear Liam arguing with a Brummie. I opened my eyes slowly, not recognising anything. It looked hospital-ish but I had no explanation for why I was here.  
“Liam, what’s happened?” I asked, trying to sit up.  
“They won’t fucking tell me.” he held his hands out and shrugged his shoulders.  
“Hello, Stacy. You were in a road traffic accident, you were admitted to Queen Elizabeth Hospital Birmingham this morning.” The doctor said after approaching my side, I assumed he was doctor.  
“She was in a fucking car crash?”  
“If you don’t stop the aggressive behaviour, I will call security. This is your last warning.” the doctor said, turning to face Liam for a moment. “I don’t care who you say you are.”  
I groaned in annoyance. “Just sit down Liam. Let the doctor speak, please.”  
“Actually, I’m a junior doctor…” he said as Liam sat in the chair next to me and took my hand.  
“See, can’t even be bothered to get you a proper friggin’ doctor.” Liam interrupted.  
“Shut up and let him speak.”  
He explained my injuries. It didn’t seem that bad, apparently I broke some ribs, my right ankle and my right wrist.  
“Is my car alright? When can I go?” I questioned, full of pain relief and not really caring about my health. “Why are you here, Liam? Where’s Noel?”  
“Well, I have no idea about your car. You’d have to speak to the police about that, they want to speak to you when you’re ready. We want to keep you in for observation overnight, all being well, you’ll be discharged in the morning.”  
“They phoned me and I’m here, that’s all I know.” Liam shrugged.  
“Someone will check on you every so often.” The doctor said and left the room.  
“Why was I in Birmingham?”  
“Coming to see me, obviously.” At least his ego was familiar. “Or Kenzie or anyone up north. I don’t fucking know.”  
“I’m so happy you’re here. I couldn’t cope with being here on me own.” I admitted. “Stop being moody though or you can go.”  
He leant back in his chair. “I fucking love you, been here bloody ages worrying and you don’t even care.”  
“I do care, I don’t have a clue what’s happened to me and I can’t deal with aggressive, self-important Liam right now.” I sighed.  
“You try being in my bloody shoes, rushing down here, being told shit all and as soon as you’re awake all you care about is the fucking BMW and Noel. I’m here, he’s not, end of.”  
“I’m sorry, I’m okay, alright. You can stop worrying.” I assured him. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”  
“So what do we do til tomorrow?”  
“You’re going to sit here ‘til I’m discharged?” I was really surprised, he could be doing anything else with anyone else.  
“Course, what else am I supposed to do?”  
“Thanks. I don’t know, you couldn’t get us some magazines and maybe see if the telly works could you?”  
He put the tv on, passed me the controller and left the room.  
The six o’clock news was on, reminding me that I was missing another shift, if I was meant to be at work today. It was the 2nd of September, I didn’t care for the local area’s news but I couldn’t get the controller to work so I was stuck with it.  
Liam came back and passed me a bag of five magazines. He sat down, searching through a bag of junk food. He settled on a bag of crisps.  
“Think this one’s yours.” I said trying to keep a straight face, seeing the first magazine was Loaded, a lad’s mag.  
“No! They’re all for you!” he sounded offended. “It’s got stuff about er Brookside and Fawlty Towers and that.”  
“I’ll keep the “swimwear special stars get their kit off” bit to myself then, since you definitely didn’t buy it for that.” I smiled.  
“Didn’t even friggin’ see that, d’you want some food?” he passed me the bag.  
I got a chocolate bar and couldn’t open the wrapper. “They’ll bring dinner around soon, won’t they?” I said, refusing to ask for help.  
…  
They brought a shepherd's pie, it was on the same level of quality as plane food, school dinners and cheap ready meals. “I can’t eat that, makes me want to be vegetarian.” I pulled a face at it as soon as we were alone.  
“I’ll have it.” he shrugged.  
As he took the tray a police officer came into the room.  
She interviewed me, forcing me to remember every last detail I could. She told me the BMW hadn’t been written-off by the crash and the other driver had been arrested for dangerous driving.  
“I don’t want to go to court or anything.” I spoke.  
“Why not? They broke your bones, get them fucking sent down.” Liam interjected after swallowing a mouthful of pie.  
“I’ve done a statement, haven’t I? I don’t want to do anything else, I just want to go home and get better.”  
She said I’d be contacted if they needed anything else from me and left. I was glad the Beemer wasn’t wrecked, it made it easier to play down the situation.  
“Are you going to ring Noel or Kenzie? They need to know I’m safe.”  
“Oh, I rang Noel when I went to the shop. Said he’d sort a taxi out for tomorrow and get the Beemer back. He’s pissed off that I’m here.” he remembered. “I’ll go and ring Kenz’ now, I’ll sneak you in some proper food in if you want.” he stood up and I said “please” to the offer of better food.  
…   
After he was gone I couldn’t help but get upset. If it was Noel in the hospital, I’d be by his side and all he could be bothered to do was get me a taxi home.  
I couldn’t think of a single reason why he couldn’t be here and it was really making me mad. I came to the conclusion that I’d settled for the wrong brother, at least Liam could be arsed to travel and stay with me.  
Liam brought back fish and chips. “That alright for you?” he said as he unwrapped the paper and got the fork, packets of tomato sauce and salt from his coat pocket.  
“Perfect. I love you.” the words slipped out as I attempted to pick chips up using fork with my left hand.  
“I know.” he said, cheekily nicking some of the batter from the fish.  
“Oi! I’ll stab you with the stupid wooden fork.”   
“You won’t cos I’ll take the friggin’ snap back and eat it me self.” he smirked. “You wouldn’t stab me, you love me.”   
He quickly grabbed the fork and kissed me, knowing he could get away with it. I didn’t try to escape the kiss. I tried putting my arm around him, forgetting my wrist was broken until I felt the pain.  
“Agh! My wrist.” I groaned, jumping away.  
“Want me to get drugs?”   
“No, no, I’m fine. I just can’t put my arm like that.” I finished my tea while he read through the TV guide he’d bought.  
“I’ve still not got bloody Sky setup.” He commented.  
He’d moved out of their Mum’s house as well after the London gigs but he’d stayed in Manchester. Both their priorities seemed to be more tv channels.  
“You haven’t needed it for the last, I don’t know how long.” I shrugged.  
“Sky Sports, I need it for the friggin’ footie and that.”  
I smirked. “First Division isn’t shown on telly, is it?”  
“We’re not getting fucking relegated, we won West Ham three-nil and Everton four-nil. Can’t tell fuck all from two early away losses.”  
“I guess not but Liverpool won all our three, we’re going straight to the top.” I shrugged.  
…  
After a rough night of being checked on unnecessarily by nurses every few hours (which Liam slept through) I was issued crutches and discharged. Noel’s taxi was waiting as promised and drove me and Liam to Noel’s place. The driver wasn’t happy and neither was I, it didn’t make for a pleasant journey.


	30. Chapter 30

“I need ciggies, take us to a shop with a cash point after you’ve dropped her off.” Liam ordered as we got close to Noel’s.  
“Okay, it’ll cost you extra.”  
“Yeah, yeah, I know.”  
I went straight inside our house and called. “Noel, I’m back!” I kept my tone calm, I wasn’t going to let him know I was mad at him that easily.  
He came straight to the hallway and greeted me with “Where the fuck have you been? What the fuck have you been doing?”  
“I’ve been in hospital, you know I have.”   
“No, I fucking don’t. All I know is you were going to Kenzie’s and never friggin’ came back.”  
“But Liam said he’d rang you. You got us the cab home.” I felt sick, Liam had manipulated the situation and I believed every word. “I need to sit.”  
He helped me over to the sofa in the livingroom.  
“What cab? What happened?”  
I explained the crash and how Liam ended up at my bedside. “I thought you didn’t care.”  
“Did he come back here with you? I’ll fucking kill him. Course I’d be there if I’d known, he’s a fucking Liar, that lad.”  
“Forget about it, he was really worried, he probably didn’t want you to be the same. He went to get cigarettes, I think.”  
“Didn’t want me to worry? You disappeared for a fucking day, anything could have happened. Rang Kenzie, she had no idea, your phone’s off. Haven’t stopped worrying, have I?”  
I couldn’t believe Liam would stoop so low. “I’m sorry, I trusted him when he said he’d told you, I’m an idiot.”  
“No, you’re not. He’s a manipulative little cunt. Why’d you think we moved to London?”  
…   
Liam didn’t show up until much later, way longer than it should have taken to buy cigarettes and get back to the house. In fact, I’d called Kenzie and had lunch. Noel was playing his guitar upstairs, probably writing songs.  
He strolled in and found me tidying the kitchen.  
“Didn’t realise the nearest shop was that far away but you had to keep out of the way for a bit, didn’t you?” I commented. “I told you before, your lies will catch up on you. Now they have so you can fuck off before Noel realises you’re here.”  
“I only did it for us, so we could be together for a bit without him or anyone getting in the fucking way.”  
“There is no us Liam. I’m with Noel, I’m living with him and everything. You are one of my best friends, I don’t want to be with you.” I sighed.  
“You told me loads yesterday, you bloody love me, care about me, want to friggin’ be with me…”  
“I was pumped full of pain relief, probably off my head.” I interrupted.  
“Still worse lies than what I fucking told. Does nothing we’ve done mean anything to you? You nearly shagged me again less than a month ago, you kissed me last night. You want me and I’m going to get you to admit it.”  
“No, you just can’t stand to see your brother happy. You’re just using me to hurt him and I’m not doing it anymore.”  
“I couldn’t care less about him, don’t even care he took you from me. I fucking love you, always have. Don’t care if I can’t have you to myself, I still want you and I always will. I’d friggin’ do anything for you and you just don’t get that.”  
“What you can do for me is go back to Manchester and I’ll see you before you leave for Japan.”  
“You’re not coming to Japan? Why?”  
“I can’t go hobbling around Japan. Even if I hadn’t had the accident, I can’t have the time off work.”  
“Then quit, it's a shite bar anyway.” he shrugged.  
“No, if I quit all I’ve got is association with you lot and I don’t want that. I love you all for looking after me all this time but I need to be independent as well.”  
“You are way more than that. Join the fucking tour management, you’ll have a job and an excuse to tour with us whenever you want.”  
“Except then I’d have to deal with all of your arguments, all your falling out, getting deported and all that shit. I don’t want to do that professionally, no way.”  
“It’s not fucking like that most of the time. Guigsy and Bonehead are our best mates, they sort us out, don’t they? Me and Noel are brothers, it’s how it works, it doesn’t mean anything. Most of it’s for the headlines.”  
“You two need to learn to walk away and actually come back later and make up. Forget about me. Go find a nice bird who won’t cheat on you, never thinks they’d be better with someone else and loves you for who you are.  
“Thats you, I don’t give a shit if you cheated or anything. No one’s bloody perfect, are they? Well… I am but someone has to be, don’t they?”  
I smiled and shook my head at him. “Must be such a burden for you.” It was so difficult trying not to fall for his charm.  
He took my hand and held my arm like we were about to dance. “I’m not asking you to break up with Noel. I know you want both of us. I can’t promise I’d never fucking cheat so I’m not asking you to either. Tell me honestly, you don’t want this and I’ll try to move on.”  
“I can’t, I just can’t face the idea of being alone. I can’t chose between you, I can’t commit to one of you. I’m a mess, I know.”  
“No, you’re not. How could you not fall for us gorgeous lads?”  
…   
After an argument with Noel, he ended up staying the night because he couldn’t be bothered to travel back to his.  
“Has she told you she’s not coming to Japan” Liam ratted me out as we watched tv after dinner.  
“No, but I had an idea she might not be when she turned up with broken bones. We’re in Germany on the 8th, there’s no way she’ll be able to travel by then.”  
“I’ve got work, if I could join you later in the tour I would. I’ll just see you when you get back for Christmas. Kenzie’s after a proper family Christmas with Kate and everyone, it’ll be great.”  
“Do we have to buy presents?” Liam asked, sounding unimpressed.  
“Probably, yeah. You know if you mess it up you’ll get the wrath of a pregnant Kenzie, no one wants to see that.”  
“None of us are going to have our girlfriends with us for ages. This tour is going to be just great.” Noel commented sarcastically.  
I guessed he mostly meant that Tony would end up missing his girls and letting it get him down again. I tried not to think about all the opportunities they would have to sleep around with whoever they wanted while I was stuck in London, on my own.


	31. Chapter 31

Noel rang nearly every day until the 30th September. They'd been to Tokyo, Seattle, San Francisco and other places I wished I'd gone to already.

I assumed he was too busy but he didn't ring for days after that. On the 5th I tried calling him, his phone was off, I tried Liam next, I had no idea where they were staying so I was running out of people to contact.

"What do you want Stacy?" he sounded really angry and frustrated.

"I want to talk to Noel."

"Yeah? Well if you fucking find him, let us fuckers know." 

"What do you mean "If I find him"? He's with you, y'know he's kind of your band's lead guitar." I misjudged the situation.

"Stacy. He quit the fucking band and fucked off to fuck knows where." he said pronouncing each word slowly and clearly.

"What are you talking about? When did this happen? Why did no one tell me? I could have..."

"You couldn't do shit." he interrupted. "You're half way round the world. He just walked off stage in LA on the 29th. We've been trying to get hold of the bastard ever since."

"Calm down, he's just..." I had no great explanation or any explanation. "He'll probably be in a hotel room right now writing songs, clearing his head. You know he'd rather be alone sometimes."

"Well you find him and you bring his arse back here or there will be fucking trouble."

...

The next day Tim Abbott (someone from Creation Records) called me inviting me to Las Vegas. I resented my injuries and I resented work. I couldn't believe I was declining an invitation to "The Entertainment Capital of the World" but I doubted it would be much fun with broken bones. Noel took the phone off him and we ended up in a long, long conversation with him trying to convince me to join them.

"If you promise me that this is just a quick, emergency holiday and you definitely haven't actually quit."

He agreed and made me promise I wouldn't tell anyone where he was until he was ready to go back to them.

Before I knew it I was on a plane to vegas, paid for by Creation. They picked me up in a clearly unnecessary limo and took me to the hotel they were staying at.

"Are you going to tell me why we're in Vegas and not wherever Oasis is supposed to be?" I asked as I got sat on the hotel bed.

"Don't know if you know this but my brother's a dickhead."

"What? Paul? No way, he's so unassuming." I smirked.

"I wish it was Paul I was touring with. Y'know I fucking wish Mam never had him, wish I'd never had to fucking put up with him."

"Woah, you can't say that, you don't mean that." I stared at him wondering how things had gotten that bad in less than a month. "What happened?"

"Don't tell me what I don't mean. Liam was singing shite over and over again, kept abusing the Yanks. We had a fight and I've had enough so I walked."

"Had a fight as in..."

"Well he hit me over the head with his instrument and if I see him again I'm going to leather him."

I couldn't take the tambourine attack seriously. I had to force myself not to laugh or even smile at the thought of the incident. "So, what, you're just going to walk away and let them use your brilliant songs without you?"

"I'm going back." he reluctantly admitted with a sigh. "I definitely haven't actually quit... they just think I have." he repeated my words. "I've got to, I've got another song to record."

"Ah thank fuck. Thought I was going to have to find a new band to sponge off of." I smirked again.

"The fucking cheek! D'you want to hear it?" he got his guitar.

"I'm going to say no since you're going to play it anyway." I was in a really unusual mood since landing in America.

He got comfy on the bed next to me and started playing. "Sittin' on my own, chewin' on a bone. A thousand million miles from home..."

I listened carefully to each and every word, trying not to let my odd mood distract me.

"I know I'm leavin'. But I'll be back another day. I wanna talk tonight, until the mornin' light. 'Bout how you saved my life." he finished.

I took a really deep breath and sighed. It was so sad, I was fighting tears. "It's so... moving, who's it about? Who saved your life?"

"Just some girl who saw me standing on a ledge..." he put his arm around my shoulder to comfort me. "It's not meant to make anyone cry, it's just a thank you."

"Should I have written you a song?"

"Nah, the shagging and simply knowing I saved someone is enough." he boasted.

We spent the rest of the week partying typical Las Vegas style. Gambling and drinking too much, all day long. Since it was us we scored coke to and took dangerous amounts. Nothing was enough in this city of excess.

...

"We could do that." he pointed at a couple celebrating their marriage outside a really cheesy looking chapel.

"Ha, ha, no way am I getting married here!"

It was my last day already, in fact Noel and Tim were flying to Minneapolis to rejoin the tour later as well, I had no intention of wasting our time in a dodgy Vegas wedding.

"Why not? Don't you want to be Mrs Gallagher? Don't you want to marry me?" he questioned, trying to sound upset.

"Maybe when your money's in the bank." I shrugged. "If you're going to marry me, you're going to do everything properly."

"I'm going back to those idiots because of you, if that's not a symbol of how much I love you, I don't know what is."

He waited with me at my gate at the airport even though his flight was still hours away and kissed me goodbye as I left.

The journey back to london was way longer than it had been going, I suppose it was because I was going to be in the house alone again and I wasn't entirely sure he would get on the plane to Minneapolis.

...

Bonehead rang while I was at work the next day. I hid in a toilet cubicle hoping no one would notice I was gone, I wasn't much use anyway with my wrist and ankle still in casts.

"What's up?"

"Just wondered if you had a good time in Vegas?"

"Yeah, it was alright. He made it back then, how's things?"

"Last night, yeah. They kissed and made up, everything's normal again." he said really casually. "Think we're all just sick of America, it's so... full on, all the time."

"You've only been there like three weeks." I tutted.

"We'll be back in Europe the day before bonfire night, we'll be happier then."

"Have you spoken to Kate?"

"Yeah, I miss her like I didn't think I'd miss anyone." I heard someone shout him, it sounded most like Guigsy.

"Sorry, we've got to go to dinner. Bye!" Guigsy said and the phone cut off.


	32. Chapter 32

Noel got back on the morning of the 19th of December and climbed into bed with me. "Fucking exhausted." I heard him say before he fell asleep.

It was so good to finally have him back with me, even simply laying together asleep as we did for the next few hours.

...

"Stacy, where the fuck are you?" Noel shouted, it was the afternoon already, I'd been doing housework for ages. "Come and sit with me, I've brushed my teeth and that."

I tried not to think about the fact that I was wearing indoorsy, housework clothes and my hair was tied in a quick bun. I should have been wearing something a bit more flattering for the first time we've been together in a month.

"Alright, d'you want any food bringing up?"

"Got any champagne? Thanks."

I walked to the fridge, unsurprised by the distinct lack of champagne. "No, no champagne, sorry." I shouted.

"Alright, council pop?"

I brought a bottle of sparkling water and two glasses to the bedroom and sat in bed with him. I poured our drink like it was champagne.

He was sat wearing boxers, socks and a black Adidas t-shirt, it didn't look like he'd brushed his hair yet.

"Welcome back." we clinked our classes as though it was a toast.

"So glad to be back. I've missed you, I've missed us." he drank about half the glass in one go and burped.

"How romantic." I said sarcastically. "How was the tour?"

"Ignoring America, bloody brilliant but I think, for the next few days I want nothing to do with it. Just me and you, y'know?"

I kissed him. "I love that idea."

"What have you been doing without me?"

"I made it into work a couple of times, visited Manchester and stuff. Other than that it's been wall to wall orgies in here."

"You'll be too tired for me then." he finished his drink and put the glass on the bedside table.

Why was he never phased by anything? I didn't deserve to get away with jokes like that without at least some suspicion, especially with how I'd behaved in the past.

"I'll never be too tired for you." I put my drink aside as well and moved closer.

He slid his hands underneath my t-shirt. "I've got to keep that remembered." As his hands worked on my breasts he kissed me with the passion I'd missed while he was away.

...

When we finished we had a shower together, got dressed and then went to the kitchen.

Noel had breakfast (toast and a cigarette) while I started to sort his washing into piles for the washing machine.

"You don't have to bother doing that, we can get someone in." he commented.

"Why pay for something we can do ourselves? Anyway you said you wanted to be normal for a bit, us non- rockstars do housework."

"I meant I don't want to be with the band, the staff and the fans. I want to relax."

"The job needs doing and it'll be quicker if we get it done together."

"Fine." he put his plate in the dishwasher and got rid of his cigarette. "It'll be your fault when tomorrow's headline is "Noel Gallagher pegs the washing out!" or something and ruins my image."

"And then you can sue the reporter for invasion of privacy." I shrugged.

I noticed something bright red in with his mostly dark clothing.

"What's these?" I stare at him sternly as I held the lacy knickers in the air in front of him.

There was no way he was stupid enough to cheat and bring the evidence home but I pretended to be angry anyway.

"They are an obviously hilarious joke." he took them. "I'm surprised they remembered to take the tags off." He showed me they were clean.

"Whose idea do you think it was?" I rolled my eyes.

"My bet's on Tony, he's really starting to get on my friggin' nerves but then again, this is right up Liam's alley." He threw them in the bin and we got on with the task at hand.

I wondered if it was more malicious on Liam's part.

...

Noel doing housework didn't make the news. We mostly spent the next week relaxing, watching the telly like the good old days.

He tried to make a sunday dinner meal with yorkshire puddings and everything. I refused to eat the chicken and it made him ill. If we'd been vegetarian it would have been a success but he vowed to only making Pot Noodles.

One day he suggested going to a restaurant for dinner when I had a shift at work. It wasn't a cheap place, I was sure we couldn't afford to spend money at places like that, especially while missing work.

"I'll get sacked."

"You hate it there."

"We'll have no money until Creation pays up."

I went and got changed for work, he followed me to keep the argument to going.

"I've got money, don't tell me I've done an album and all that touring and you're worrying about our finances."

"No, I know you've got money coming but the way you lot are borrowing from Creation, you'll bankrupt them."

"I just want to treat you. I've had enough experience not knowing if we can pay the fucking bills, all three of us skipping school to work with Dad or do stupider things for money. I'm not living like that ever again."

"Why do you think I keep going back to that bar? I need the money. I can't let myself rely on you or anyone else."

"All I've wanted to do since I first saw you was to take care of you. If you want to spend your night at your shitty job instead of with me I'm not going to stop you."

"Just because you're a rock star it doesn't mean you have to act like it all the time." I sighed.

I went to work and put up with the obnoxious staff and customers who all thought they were better than they were. I wished I hadn't argued with Noel and had spent the night with him.

...

I got up early on christmas eve, we had to travel back to Manchester because this year we were trying to have a proper family christmas with the band and everyone. Times like this made me hate living in London, I was too far from everyone I knew but Noel insisted he loved it.

"Noel? Do you know anything about this car?" I asked after opening our curtains to see a new car parked next to my BMW.

"What new car?" he yawned, still laid in bed.

"Er, it's chocolate brown." I described. "I can't quite put my finger on the make." I put my finger to my lip like I was searching for the answer.

He got up and walked to the window, yawning again. "My fucking Rolls Royce!" he exclaimed, putting his arm around me and kissing my cheek.

"Care to explain?" I had no idea why he'd have a Rolls Royce or even want to.

"McGee promised he'd buy me one from Creation when we made it and here it fucking is. I can't believe it."

"You know you can't drive, right? And no one in their right mind would give you a licence. It's useless to you."

"It's alright cos this means Li' has a Rolex on his arm and we both know that's useless to him anall." he grinned. "I prefer being driven around anyway."

I shook my head. "You've changed."

"No I haven't."

"We live in a poncy house in London, too far away from our friends and family and now you own a Rolls that you'll have to be chauffeured in. Where's the lad that's "got nowt", that cherished a new pair of trainers, that had a bloody local pub down the road."

"He's worked hard and got money so he doesn't have to be a stupid, working class, yob anymore. I'm still him, you know I am. I just have nicer things now. If you don't like that you can fuck off back to Manchester or where the fuck you came from."

"Alright, maybe I will. I don't like anything about us being here. I don't like the bar, it's too "new and edgy" I'd rather go back to the Nag's Head and talk to real people."

...

We drove all the way to Burnage without speaking, the only sound came from the CDs I played. I knew things were bad when he didn't object to the electronic, synth-pop sounds I blasted.

I dropped him off in Manchester and went to spend some time at my parents' house but I ended up annoyed with them as well because they tried to insist I stay for Christmas.

We spent the rest of day at the Gallagher house with everyone, even their older brother Paul was there.

I finally met Kate, Bonehead's girlfriend. She was so nice, I wished I'd met her before but she wasn't into going to gigs so we'd never had the chance. She was pregnant with their first child.


	33. Chapter 33

"Bet you're glad I moved out when I did." Paul, the older brother said, seeing me sat in his room, alone.

"Yeah, I don't know what would have happened if this room wasn't free."

"What are you doing up here anyway? Sick of everyone already?"

"Me and Noel had an argument this morning, we've not been talking to each other since. It's never happened before, I don't know what to do." I admitted.

He sat on the edge of the bed like Noel had the first night I was here. "That's not like Noel, I've never known him shut up from an argument. What was it about?"

"He got a Rolls Royce that he can't bloody drive for Christmas. Made me realise how much I hate London. "Fuck off back to Manchester." is pretty much the last thing he said to me."

"Wow a Rolls Royce." He raised his eyebrows, impressed. "Move back here if that's what you want. You lot are always going off on tours anyway, aren't you?. It's not like you'll be away from each other long."

We hugged and before I knew it I'd forced our lips to collide. Making the situation instantly worse, as usual.

"Well done! Got the fucking hat trick now!" Noel clapped, making me jump away from his brother. "Don't let me stop you. I'm just up here for a piss."

"Noel, kid." Paul went to talk to him while he was on the toilet. "She's just upset, lad. She needs you to talk."

"I'm friggin' done with her, Paul. There's plenty of birds that don't fuck around whenever they can, I'm going to find one of them."

"Come on, just talk to her..." the rest was drowned out by the flush and then the running tap.

Noel came and stood at the bedroom door. "Want to talk, then get talking." he said impatiently.

"Noel, I didn't mean to."

"You never mean to, do you?"

"I'm so sorry. I just want to move back up north, get my old job back and everything. I really don't want to break up. I can't lose you." I admitted.

"It's over Stacy. I can't fucking do this anymore." he crossed his arms. "I can't be arsed to listen to what you've got to spin to keep us together."

"Please Noel..."

"Have my brothers, have the Scouse, have whoever, I don't care." he interrupted. "Don't worry, I'll be civil especially tomorrow, for Kenzie and everyone else." He walked away like nothing had happened.

...

The next morning I felt someone push me, waking me up as they sat on the bed. I'd slept in Noel's old bed so Paul could use his. I'd laid staring at the ceiling until the early hours, too upset to get to sleep.

"Merry Christmas." they spoke as I sat up.

I was relieved to hear Noel's calm, gentle tone. Maybe I'd been dreaming and we weren't broken up at all.

"Look, I stayed at Liam's last night. What happened yesterday was stupid, I shouldn't have a Rolls, the money hasn't even come yet. Can we like, forget about it and start over?"

"I'm so sorry for kissing Paul, I don't know what the hell I was doing. I still want to move back up here but yeah, let's forget yesterday."

"Right, I got you a present." he passed me the wrapped box he'd been holding.

"You've got wrapping skills." I admired the work as I tried to guess what it was.

"Obviously." he said as I tore the paper.

Inside the box was a white gold bracelet with emerald stones, it was gorgeous. "It looks so expensive, you can't afford this."

"Creation can" He shrugged. "And I've done them a favour... Making a fucking brilliant number one debut album and touring my arse off."

I couldn't argue with that. He put it on my wrist. He kissed me and asked "Where's my present?"

"Under the tree."

...

When I was left in charge of several pans and the oven I began to dislike Christmas. The dinner was way too much fuss and I had no idea how everyone was going to eat around Peggy's table even with the folding table and chairs Bonehead brought.

Peggy, Paul and Noel had gone to church. Kate, Bonehead, Kenzie and Tony had taken Thora to the park in the snow. Liam and Guigsy, they were sat being lazy in the living room, they were listening to the Sex Pistols, loud to make up for not being allowed to swear around Thora.

When Guigsy went outside for a cigarette Liam came into the kitchen.

"I hear my brother got a Christmas kiss, do I get one anall?"

"It wasn't for Christmas. I kiss Noel all the time."

"Are you fucking stupid or something? You know I'm not talking about Noel."

"Oh, I'm stupid, am I? Course I'm not going to kiss you, you pillock, especially when you decide to insult me."

"Never said you were stupid, I just asked cos I never thought you'd mess about with Paul."

I shook my head at him in annoyance deciding to give him the silent treatment..

"Look, you're not stupid." he sighed, not knowing what to say to redeem himself. "How come you're moving back to the shithole?"

I'd not heard him insult his hometown before. "Thought Manchester was like the greatest place on earth."

"I mean bloody Burnage, you're not planning to run from one expensive house to another, are you? Moving back in here, ain't you?"

I adjusted a pan that was about to boil over. "I don't know, I only decided I was moving yesterday. I might not want to live in Manchester at all."

"Fuck off! Course you do. Where else are you going to go?"

"My parents', Jamie's, any town north of Birmingham, might turn up on the mates I abandoned for you lot." I shrugged.

"Nah, I'm not having that. You abandoned your mates to jump in a fucking river."

I screwed up my eyes for a moment. "Thanks for reminding me, I was just trying to lighten the mood a bit. All I know is I don't want to live in London."

"In London or with Noel?" he didn't give me a second to think about it before he was snogging me and holding my waist.

Naturally Guigsy walked in singing along to Liar before I could push Liam away. "Broke a confidence just to please your ego. Should've realised. You know what I know..."

He stared at us, not knowing how to react. I tried to look away, focusing on the boiling vegetables. Liam was unphased, he just waited for Guigsy to speak.

"How long were you going to lie to me, Stacy?"

"I didn't, I haven't. That wasn't me." I pointed at Liam to separate myself from the event.

"You know, I believed you over him." he flicked his head towards Liam. "That was fucking idiotic of me, sorry mate."

"Fucking forget it. Just don't bother telling anyone, yeah?" I was just Liam's secret, he wasn't particularly bothered what Guigsy did about it.

Liam used the fact that "Problems" was jumping to leave and sort the CD out.

"I didn't chose to kiss him, please don't tell Noel."

"Alright, I've got no intention of spoiling Christmas. Kenzie will have my balls."

Liam had put the TV on and started singing along with Mariah Carey, she was second in the singles chart. "I don't want a lot for Christmas. There is just one thing I need. I don't care about the presents. Underneath the Christmas tree. I just want you for my own..." his voice didn't go well with Mariah's.

We sniggered at him before Guigsy went and told him to give his voice a rest.

I don't think there was a single argument for the rest of the day, I didn't think that was possible especially under Christmas conditions. We did all the traditions, eating too much, watching the Queen's speech, wearing the paper hats all day long.

...

On boxing day Peggy took me to one side for a chat. Kenzie, Thora, Bonehead and Kate were there again for turkey sandwiches.

"Did you know Liam didn't go back to his last night?" she sounded dead serious and more threatening than usual.

Me and Noel had stayed at his, we definitely noticed his absence. "Yeah, why?"

"He stayed here and talked with his Mam. He's not happy, alright."

"What d'you mean? What's up with him?"

"He told me about you and him and Noel. I don't think it's fecking right. You're the closest I've got to a daughter and I want the truth."

"I am your daughter, I haven't lied to you..."

"Never said you'd friggin' lied. I just want to know what's going on."

I really wish I knew what he'd said, I wished I would have stopped him from saying anything at all to anyone.

"There is no me and Liam, there was for a short time last year. I'm so sorry we did that behind your back. What has he told you?"

"If that's the absolute fucking truth, he needs to know. You better not be messing around with Noel to get back at Liam, it's not fair and neither of them deserve to be put through shit like that."

"No, I know that. I wouldn't do anything to hurt either of them."

"What was kissing Paul then?"

I didn't know what to say. I didn't want her to know how easily me and Noel got into a fight and broke up. "A really stupid mistake, I didn't want to and I didn't mean to."

"Look, I can't claim to understand what you've friggin' been through but you can't treat people like this. I love my boys and I'll do fecking anything to protect them including removing you from their lives, if I have to."

I really wanted to argue back, I almost used the fact that they lived with their dad until Liam was ten against her. I couldn't say it, she'd been too good to me, they all had.

"You don't need to do that, I promise I'll make everything right again."

"I know you're a good girl, my lads saw something special in you, they must have because they chose to help you, they've never fucking done that for anyone else. So we're going to forget this conversation and move on for the better, aren't we?"

...

Liam came and presented me with a match ticket. Noel, Guigsy and Tony were already at Maine Road. "Happy Boxing Day."

"I'm not going to sit in the cold to watch City lose."

"It's Rovers, I'm confident."

"You're an ignoramus then, Rovers are heading for at least top four, you're heading for relegation. If you weren't off touring again tommorow I'd tell you to get Liverpool/ City tickets and we'll show you how to play."

"We're not getting fucking relegated. Are you coming or not?"

"No but I might go round yours to watch us beat Leicester City on the the telly."

I had no intention of watching the match but it was fun to rub in the fact that my team was doing better than his again.

...

Me and Kenzie took Thora back to their flat so we could chat.

"Thanks for making her first Christmas great." she said as she made tea.

"That wasn't me, I nearly ruined it several times." I admitted.

I explained everything she'd missed.

"Wow, I can't believe you sometimes."

We got comfy in their living room while Thora crawled around and tried to walk, holding on to furniture.

"Please don't have a go at me, maybe next year I'll stop making all these mistakes."

"Liam's never going to though."

Thora made her way to me and held my knees to keep her upright. "Liam 'uck!"

She'd been getting close to talking for about a month. "Every time, the thing is I know he's tried not to swear around her."

"Yeah, I remember him trying to use duck for a while. "For er, duck's sake." and "Ducking hell." was so funny."

"Ask her if she means duck."

"Thora, are you saying duck?"

She shook her head. "No! 'uck."

"Who says that?" I asked her.

She climbed onto the sofa and sat next to me. "Dada Liam."

"She's calling everyone Dada, never attempts Mum or owt."

"Oh well, least she's talking." I shrugged. "Billy called everyone Mama for ages."

"It's just really hard not telling her off for calling him Dad. I don't think I could stand it if there was any doubt in my mind."

"He just wanted attention, din't he? Don't know why the hell he'd claim it when he's got no interest in being a dad."

"To annoy Tony, they all were saying it."

...

"Lost three, one." Liam admitted that evening. "Was terrible." he sulked.


	34. Chapter 34

Last year a night on the town (for New Year's Eve) with Liam and Noel ended in a fight and an almost threesome, this year Guigsy celebrated with us, everyone else was preoccupied with parenthood already.

Guigsy pulled a tall model like brunette called Dawn, he'd convinced her that he was the lead singer. Liam had a black haired, punk looking lass for a while but even of their heads on New Years, they didn't suit.

Somehow we ended up at Guigsy's bird's place playing strip poker. We were all really drunk already but the lads suddenly became much better at card games than they had been before.

"Dawn, you lost the round, you have to lose your skirt, it's the rules." Guigsy insisted when she refused to play along.

We'd already lost our tops, she stood up and dramatically took off her skirt. She was wearing lingerie almost identical to the red knickers planted in Noel's suitcase.

"Do these look familiar?" I put my hand on the side of her waist as she sat back down.

Liam and Guigsy looked like they had no idea what I was talking about. They'd probably forgotten about that "prank" by now.

"Do you like them?" she asked as she played with her hair.

"Yeah, I suppose so."

She put her hand on my shoulder and started playing with strands of my hair. "I love your hair so much." she complimented, ignoring the lads and kissed me.

"Er, we're meant to be playing poker." Noel pointed out.

"Shut up, man! This is better than fucking cards." Liam said as she continued to keep my attention.

She took my hand and we stood up together.

"Happy New Year boys." she blew them a kiss and waved.

We'd completely lost track of time, I had no idea whether it was the new year already or not, not that it actually mattered in the slightest.

She led me to her bedroom. I let the alcohol and the drugs rule me.

...

I woke up to the sound of the radio. I looked around without moving. The room was tastefully decorated in a boudoir style. I didn't know where I was at all. I realised my right hand was attached to the metal headboard with a cheesy pair of fluffy handcuffs.

"Oh you're awake. Welcome to 1995." A woman said standing at the bedroom door, her name was something time related but I couldn't think what, April, maybe.

She was wearing a vest top and jogging bottoms. Her hair was held in a messy ponytail.

"Er, where am I?" I sat up and tried to get my wrist free.

"You're in my place. I'm Dawn, by the way, if you can't remember."

I shook my arm trying to force my arm free. "What am I doing here?"

"Wow you need to lay off the drink, there's a resolution for you. We were with three lads from a band, I guess they left when we went off together."

She released my wrist. "Sorry I left you like that, couldn't work out how to get them off, could I?"

"Oh right, I remember." I lied, I knew she meant Noel, Liam and Guigsy but that was all. "I'm going to get dressed and leave you to it, if that's alright?"

She nodded and closed the door to before walking away. I wasn't sure what she meant by "went off together" or why Noel, Liam and Guigsy would have left me.

I found my clothes and got dressed in a hurry.

"Pass this on to one of the lads, will you?" she passed me a note with her name and number written on it as I went to leave.

I didn't see the point in giving them her number but I gave a friendly nod and left. My head was killing me and she was just confusing.

...

I walked around with no idea where I was until I found a man walking a Boxer dog.

"Middlesbrough, love." he told me. "There's a phone box just up here."

I remembered we'd been in Middlesbrough for the last gig of 1994. I walked with him.

"Are there any hotels near here?" The lads had to be back at the hotel but I couldn't remember where we were staying.

"Er, no it's a housing estate."

He left me at the telephone box. I picked up the phone and hovered my finger over the buttons. I couldn't remember the numbers I needed. I tried that I hoped was Bonehead's number with the reverse charge thing.

"What happened last night? How'd you end up on your own?"

"I don't know, do I? What hotel were we at?"

He gave me the name of a hotel. "Ring me when you find them, yeah?"

...

We got the train back home. Middlesbrough to Manchester on New Year's day isn't a journey I'd recommend, especially with three hungover lads like Noel, Liam and Guigsy.

I passed Dawn's note to Guigsy.

"What's he meant to do with that? She's a lezzer." Liam laughed.

Guigsy screwed up the paper and flicked it away, trying to look like he wasn't bothered.

"Yeah, you picked a right one there Guigs', I mean it takes real skill to pull someone who plays for the other team." Noel joined in.

I held my head in my hands trying to to listen, the headache was too much and I knew they'd turn their taunts to me eventually.

"Better look friggin' next time. You'll have to take Yorkie to test them." Liam continued to joke.

"She was interested in me, she was just too drunk." Guigsy really wasn't seeing the funny side.

"I've never been so out of it that I've fucked a lad. She was after Stacy, not you, from the moment she saw her."

"Well at least none of my girlfriends have had to go fucking around, especially not with other lasses." Guigsy retorted.

He got up and walked down the carriage, finding another seat away from us.

"Well done." I mumbled, trying not to move or make any more sound than I needed to.

"What? I just pointed out that you broke in 1995 fucking his bird."

"Is Guigs' right? Am I not enough for you?" Noel asked insecurely.

"No, he's not. Course he's not!" I objected. "Why didn't any of you stop me?"

Guigsy wasn't entirely wrong but I couldn't explain why I'd chosen Dawn over Noel or Liam or even Guigsy.

"Why would we?" Liam said with a cheeky grin.

I groaned. "Because I'm not a Lesbian..."

"Definitely was last night." he interrupted.

"I'm not!" I objected. "And it upset our friend, so excuse me while I go talk to him."

I reluctantly walked to where Guigsy was and sat on the seat facing his.

"I don't want to talk to you Stacy, if I'm honest."

"Come on, you can't be that upset. It's not like it was going to be more than a one night stand. We live hours away from Middlesbrough."

"No but you still took her. I knew you'd never stop cheating but I never expected you'd do it like that."

"What? You're upset on Noel's behalf or is it that you're jealous that I won't get with you?"

He shook his head. "You're full of yourself today. Can you just piss off because I don't want you near me. You're a selfish bitch. I don't know what they see in you."

"I'm sorry, I really am. Please forgive me. I'm trying to be a better person, I promise I'll stop drinking and taking drugs and everything."

"Alright, new year, new start and all that. Promise, and mean it, that you won't cheat on Noel this year. I don't care about you drinking and that but you should probably lay off it if that's what you're blaming."

"Thank you so much Guigs', I just want us all to be friends. I'm not even going to blame any more. I've hurt too many people who I love."

...

I moved back into the Gallagher house just as Liam said I would. I didn't want to drive back once I had my belongings packed into the car. I wanted out of London but I didn't want to leave Noel behind.

"You're coming to America, ain't you?" he asked as he encouraged me to the car.

I nodded.

"Then you'll be sick of me in about a month's time. Plus Bonehead'll have his baby soon and I'll be made to visit it."

I laughed. "Think it's Kate having the baby."

He took off his leather jacket and put it over my shoulders since I was already wearing a coat. "Can't leave without you now, can I?"

It was his favourite, he'd taken it on every tour. It was a bit like a cool version of a security blanket. He didn't normally trust anyone with it.

"I'll take good care of it." I smiled, taking it off and folding it over my arm.

He opened the car door for me. "Can you just go before it starts getting dark?" He took my hands and kissed me. "Be good."

"You too." I got in the car and put my seatbelt on. I put the jacket over my lap.

"Drive safely, don't speed."

I pretended to be offended. "I always drive perfectly."

"For a girl." he grinned. "Get gone home." he shut the door and I drove off.

...

Kate gave birth on January 23, 1995. I went to visit them as soon as I could. Bonehead was a completely different person afterwards, he thrived at being a dad.

"D'you want to hold her?" Kate asked, knowing I couldn't wait.

I nodded and she passed her to me.

"Meet Lucy Oasis Arthurs." Bonehead said proudly.

I smiled. I hadn't expected them to follow suit and name her after the band as well. She was beautiful, taking after kate.

"Paul insisted on the middle name." Kate pointed out, she didn't sound impressed.

Once again I was confused by her not calling him Bonehead and my mind flashed back to the morning after King Tut's. I couldn't allow myself to think about that, especially while I was holding their child.

"I like it, I think her name's really cute. Bet Noel and Liam will too."

"Noel's coming up tomorrow now, isn't he?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, can't wait to meet the newest member of the band family."

That was a lie, he didn't care about meeting babies. He was still convinced Thora hated him.

"I'm so grateful that we've got so many close friends supporting us." Kate commented. "Bet you can't wait to join me and Kenzie. You're a natural."

"Unlike you, she wouldn't know who the dad was though. Would you?" Bonehead joked.

I wondered if he'd been told about Dawn, who obviously couldn't father a child but was someone I'd cheated with.

"Oi, that's horrible Paul, take that back." Kate scolded.

"Sorry Stacy, you know I didn't mean anything by it."

"No harm done mate." I shrugged. "Oh we've got you a present. I've left it in the car." I remembered.

I handed Lucy to Bonehead and went and got the gift bag I'd left in the car.

"You didn't have to get anything." Kate said as I passed her the bag.

"It's nothing really. The biggest present is the offer to babysit although I will be in America with Oasis."

I'd made meals so she didn't have to cook and bought magazines for her to read. I bought Lucy some clothes and nappies.

"Where's my present? I worked hard to get Lucy." Bonehead said, sounding left out and hard done by.


	35. Chapter 35

I saw Noel's Rolls Royce park up on the side of the kerb as I watched TV. I was already packed for the tour (we were leaving for America in two days) and was waiting for him to come home. I was sat wearing his leather jacket.

Now I wasn't in London, surrounded by hipster types, I saw the funny side of someone like Noel being driven around in a Rolls Royce. It was like a revolution had happened and he'd come out of it on top.

I couldn't help but smirk seeing the driver get out and walk down the drive to the front door. He wasn't in the full posh person's driver uniform but he did have that look about him.

"How much do you get paid for this?" I asked as I stood at the front door.

"I can't say. Mr Gallagher wants you to visit Mr Bonehead's residence."

I chuckled "Yeah I'll go to Bonehead's gaff."

I joined Noel, sat on the back seat. It was so much nicer and posher than I imagined. Noel looked so out of place in his dark blue Adidas tracksuit and white trainers but the shades confirmed he did belong.

"Love the jacket." he said and kissed me on the cheek.

"Are we ready to go sir?" the driver asked patiently.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, drive on." he'd obviously forgotten the protocol already.

I took his sunglasses revealing his bright blue, alluring eyes and famous thick dark eyebrows. "Look at the world through your own eyes for a bit." I hanged them from the jacket's collar.

He gave me a strange look. I hadn't made sense but he wasn't going to argue, he kissed my lips instead.

"When we get to "Mr Bonehead's residence" try to be excited about Lucy Oasis. I told them you were."

He laughed. "I don't know why he keeps talking friggin' weird like that, I haven't told him to. We're just picking Bonehead up and going round Liam's."

The time apart had definitely done good for us. I'd stayed out of trouble like I promised, I'd spent too much time working or being with Peggy or Kenzie to get up to anything I shouldn't.

After less than ten minutes with Kate and Lucy we left for Liam's house.

"Y'know I never thought I wouldn't mind being woken up several times a night, having someone talk through screams and that." Bonehead commented on the drive over.

"Well I'm glad we're not going down that road. Think of all the stuff you're missing like New Year's..."

I stopped listening. I didn't want to hear how unprepared for parenthood Noel was and how little he wanted it. I enjoyed the party lifestyle as much as anyone else but we weren't getting younger.

...

"Let us have a look at the 'Royce." Liam asked excitedly.

He didn't know anything about cars and didn't usually care but it's not every day people like us have access to cars like that.

"Damage anything and I'll kill you." Noel warned and threw him the keys.

He'd dismissed the driver after the Rolls' was safely stored in Liam's garage. I wondered what the driver was supposed to do in a foreign city until he was needed again.

"Come with us Yorkie, you know about cars." he said, tapping my arm.

Being alone with Liam wasn't usually a good idea and I wanted to spend time with Noel, not him. "Bonehead knows more than I do."

"But he'll bang on about his kid." he pulled a face to make me feel sorry for him, his blue eyes got to me, like always.

"We all know he's not going to give in. Just go with the annoying cunt so I can have a look 'round his gaff." Noel said rolling his eyes.

"You better not touch any of my shit." he warned Noel.

We went off in opposite directions.

...

"You've been avoiding me, ant you?" Liam asked as we got in his garage.

The room had none of the usual garage junk anywhere, without the car it would just be an undecorated room. There was shelves but there was nothing on them. I guessed this was the first time he'd actually been in here.

"No, what makes you think that?" I asked innocently.

"I haven't friggin' seen you since like New Year. You're trying to dodge out of my company now."

He was right but I couldn't let him know that. "You're at your Mum's house all the time, where I live. Sure we haven't done anything, just me and you but it don't mean I'm avoiding you."

"Then let's go for a quick drive, right now."

"No, I'm not insured, I can't."

"I'll drive." he walked to the drivers side and unlocked the door.

"Noel said not to damage it. We're not doing this." I shook my head.

"Stop being so fucking serious. I drove your car, I can drive the toff-mobile. Come on, what's the point being Liam Gallagher if I can't do what I want?"

I opened the passenger door, got in and shut the door, trying not to laugh, he got in the driver's side.

"Give me the keys. You're not driving, it'll just end in trouble." I said holding out my hand for him to hand them over.

He put them down the front of his jeans. "You want them, you get them." he responded childishly.

"No, that's fine, they can't start the car from there." I shrugged letting my hand drop to my lap.

"What are you wearing Noel's coat for, anyway. Didn't think you were the kind of girl who lets that happen."

"I'm looking after it. What are you on about?"

"Dominance, int it? Lads get their birds to wear their jackets so everyone fucking knows they're taken. He's saying he owns you. I wouldn't friggin' stand for it if I was you."

He was probably right but I knew he wasn't looking out for me, he was just trying to make me mad at Noel. "Well I am his girlfriend." I shrugged.

"Have some fucking respect for yourself." He took my hand.

"It's a jacket, I like it, I chose to wear it. I think you've seen enough of the car now." I pulled my hand away and grabbed the door handle.

"Don't go. I can't fucking stand seeing you with him, not when I know we could be together."

"I'm sorry but you have to. I'm not cheating ever again. That includes you."

He took my hand again. "One last kiss for old time's sake. You don't get how much you mean to me. Why d'you think I've never got with anyone else?"

"Your personality, your ability to lie and bullshit about everything under the sun or maybe it's just the thick accent." I suggested. "Liam, you're my best friend. It's time we started acting like it." 

He put his hands on the steering wheel and tapped his thumbs. "Fine but I'll be bloody waiting for you to change your mind. For you to get bored of him."

I felt guilty as hell.

"D'you think he'd still want you if he knew everything I do?"

I tried not to think about it. "Probably not no, which is why I'm not going add to the list of things I've done behind his back."

"I could tell him right fecking now, see what happenes."

I ran my hand through my fringe, deciding what to do. "Tell him anything and this is the last I'll ever say to you." I retrieved the keys from his jeans. "And that'll be the last touch."

I got out the car and went to find Noel and Bonehead.

...

I went to work that evening, I was so lucky to have Mike as an employer. He took me back as soon as I moved back.

A man in his fifties sat alone at the bar, drinking pints. He was a regular in the pub.

"Y'know, someone like you shouldn't be stuck working in an old man's place." he commented as I pulled him another pint.

"I love working here. You lot are so much nicer than Londoners."

"Well yeah, but you should be getting life experience while you're still young and free to do what you like."

"I'm twentyfour, I've been on band tours before, it isn't as fun as it sounds. I'm happy here."

"As fun as pulling pints for sad, old men?"

"Well I'm on tour with them again until April, we go to Seattle tomorrow. They want me to join their management team so I haven't got an excuse not to go."

Noel had asked me again since he got back to Burnage. I still wasn't sure about being employed by them. No one had insisted Kenzie quit her job at the clothes shop so she could always be with the band, the lads enjoyed her company almost as much as mine. She loved being with the band more than I did, it made me think she made a mistake choosing Tony.

"What d'you have to do there? Travel all over and look after your mates?" he questioned. "I'd snap your hand off for that opportunity."

"Alright, if you put it like that, I'll just be getting paid for what I do already but who'll keep your glass topped up?"

"Mike'll cope, I've got to the point where I regret all the things I could have done. I got straight into work after school. Got married, had children. This is the excitement in my life." he sighed and lifted his pint.

"At least you've got a good family around you, right?" I smiled politely.

He was right, I had the world in my hands. Sure it wasn't always easy to get on with the band but they weren't bad people. I decided I had to accept the offer even though I wasn't sure what I'd have to do officially.

"What are you two on about?" Mike asked, holding a load of collected glasses.

The bloke (I was terrible at getting people's names and learning them) spoke of my situation, leaving out the part about how dull his life had become.

"Go for it Kid. I'll see you next time you're in Burnage." he encouraged.


	36. Chapter 36

Oasis went to tour in America. The first gig was on the 28th in Seattle.

I head Noel call Mr McGee, a few minutes later I was appointed Noel's personal assistant and stylist, it couldn't be much more of a bullshit title. He didn't need a PA and he always said his only stylist was his mum and she got the sack when he was eleven. I felt a bit guilty being paid without really having to do anything.

Kenzie brought Thora along despite the fact that Kenzie was about seven months pregnant, she was huge already.

They had dates in Vancouver (Canada) and Oregon before three nights in California, San Francisco, Hollywood and San Diego.

Liam insisted I go shopping with him when we were in Hollywood, they'd done the gig and we were meant to be getting ready to leave for San Diego. We'd traveled so much already, I didn't know how he had the energy to walk around.

"How can people want to wear all this grunge shit?" he complained as we walked around a shop full of grunge style clothing.

"They're following their heros, duh. It's just the same as you and those glasses. You like the jeans and trainers over here."

"But the glasses are cool, don't dis' them, I know you friggin' love them and the stuff's fucking cheaper."

I thought back to when he bought them. His Lennon-esque look had come so close to winning me over, right under Noel's nose. "I'm just saying you like the Beatles, you've used their style, they like grunge so they wear grunge clothing."

"You're not the only one who likes my style, y'know."

"Go on." He clearly had something he couldn't wait to reveal.

"I've never done a pregnant bird before."

"What?" I wasn't expecting that, I couldn't remember seeing any pregnant girls at the gigs.

"Kenzie, when we got here yesterday."

"Please tell me you're bullshiting." I shook my head refusing to believe this one.

"Straight up, cross me heart and hope to die." he literally crossed his heart with his finger.

"Why? How? Why would you do that?" I asked, lost for words. "She's hugely pregnant."

"I don't know, for the experience. Think she thinks it'll bloody save Tony." he shrugged as he found a rail of blue Levi jeans he liked. "Was definitely different."

I cringed at the idea. "What d'you mean "save Tony"? Why does Tony need saving?" I questioned to get the thought out my head.

"She heard me and Noel talking, we don't think he's going to be good enough for the next album. He's fucking holding us back."

"So you're claiming you fucked her to keep Tony in the band?"

He measured a pair of jeans against himself. "No, I fucked her cos I wanted to. I never promised to keep Tony, I wouldn't lie to her like that."

"How good of you? Why don't you have some respect for yourself? Any way you put it, you got a heavily pregnant woman to cheat on your mate."

"Nah, nah, she came on to me. It's not like Tony would give her up if he knew. Everyone thought Thora was mine and he did nothing."

"Which is why I'm struggling to believe you now. The boy who cried wolf and all that."

"It's 100% the truth. I shagged Kenzie yesterday, like I might have if you hadn't interrupted in Newcastle. You're my best friend, you have to act like it and believe me." He said, using my own words against me.

"Pinky promise you're telling the truth and I will." I didn't know what I was thinking, I held out my little finger.

"I'm not gay. It's gay enough having you as a best mate and us not fucking without shite like that." he objected.

"Liam! There's nowt wrong with being gay and promising you definitely had sex with a girl isn't gay."

"Oh yeah, forgot you're a gay now. Is Noel enjoying being a beard?" 

"He's not a beard, I'm not gay and you're deflecting. Either do the promise or I'll have to assume you made it up."

He reluctantly did the pinky promise. "I had sex with Kenz' yesterday. I can tell you what position if you like. Don't you dare tell anyone I did that."

I decided I had to trust his word since he'd promised twice. "There's no need and course I won't tell even though all you did was link little fingers."

He took my hand and held it in his coat pocket, his green parker, as he went and paid for the jeans. It was colder and rainier than we'd expected, it wasn't much different from England.

"What was it like?" I asked curiously as we walked out the shop, I definitely hadn't had the experience when I was pregnant.

"Like normal but there's like a friggin' basketball strapped to them so you have to work around that. The friggin' baby kicked my hand."

"Probably didn't like the intruder."

"What? It could feel me? She said it couldn't."

"No, you gullible idiot." I laughed.

We went in yet another shop, this time it was wall to wall shoes. Huge, bright shoes, a much bigger display than English shops had. A lot of them wasn't out in England yet.

"We should really be getting back, I don't think we have time. Noel don't like like it when people are late."

"I didn't like it when he nicked me bird." he shrugged. "Y'know I have no i-fucking-dea about these sizes." he let go of my hand and picked up a white Nike display trainer.

"That's not fair!" I objected, ignoring his stupid footwear comment, there was a conversion chart right next to the display.

"What? I might not be talking about you. We did have lives before you turned up."

"So you're bringing up something from over three years ago so you don't have to go get ready? Who, you can't be on about Louise?" I questioned.

I didn't know about any other girls before Louise but it was a stupid suggestion, no way was Louise, Liam's seconds.

"No, not fecking Louise, I wouldn't touch her if you paid me." he went "eugh". "Forget about it. Let's just go back. What kind of girl are you, wanting to get away from shoe shopping?"

He took my hand again and walked with his hands in his pockets (I loved Liam thinking he could get away with anything), we went back to the hotel which wasn't far from the shops.

...

We had a three hour drive to San Diego, I made the mistake of sitting next to Kenzie and having to avoid bringing up Liam's revelation. I was lucky that Thora chose to sleep on Kenzie's lap most of the way there so we had to talk quietly.

Everyone else seemed to be sleeping as well, or just quietly keeping themselves to themselves. Rock 'n' roll, man (!)

...

After that they had dates in Arizona, Utah, Colorado, Texas, Tennessee and North Carolina, before we were in Atlanta, Georgia on 18th of February.

It was a long span of gig after gig, almost every night of the week, making for a long, stressful time, it wasn't good for us all to be close together for that long but it had to be done.

...

"Can't wait for tomorrow, I'm just going to kick back and relax until we're shipped off to New Jersey." Bonehead said while he was taking a cigarette break from the soundcheck.

I'd gone outside with him for some fresh air. In fact most of the smoking was done outside to have a break from everyone, although if anyone asked the reason was not smoking around Kenzie while she was pregnant or Thora.

"I know, like two full weeks without traveling." I gave an exaggerated sigh of relief. "Might actually be able to see some of America.

"We see plenty of America, its roads, its airports, its hotels, its music venues." he shrugged.

"I meant the culture, if there is any over here."

"What? Are you going to drag us around museums and that?" he groaned.

"No, I don't know but we need to do something, nothing to do with the music. Just go and have a laugh for a bit."

"What are we supposed to do? Kenzie is huge, she can't do owt."

"She's pregnant, not an invalid. She can't go on roller-coasters but that's about it. She's surviving being on tour, looking after a baby as well." I shook my head at him, he should understand since he just had a kid, himself.

"Yeah and she'll be dropping it soon."

Her due date was a month away and as far as I knew they hadn't planned what they were going to do when the time came.

"She's got ages yet." I shrugged.

Enough time had passed that I didn't specifically remember much of my pregnancy, I didn't remember what it was like other than having to hide it from everyone.

"Can't believe our Tony got her up the duff twice." he stubbed out his cigarette. "Back to work." he said as he went back inside.


	37. Chapter 37

Kenzie went into labour that night while Oasis were playing at the Masquerade. She rang from the hotel room and told me she was having Braxton Hicks but they just never ended. She wasn't due for another month but her contractions kept coming, by the next morning she was taken into the nearest hospital.

I stayed up all night and went to hospital with her again while the band slept. A few hours later she was sent home because she wasn't far along enough for them to do anything.

February 20th. After a very long labour (about thirty odd hours) number two was born, a beautiful baby girl.

As soon as Tony got to the hospital I headed back to the hotel. I was stopped by a reporter as soon as I got outside.

"Hey! You're that girl with Oasis, aren't you?"

"No, no. I wish, that'd be cool, wouldn't it?" I lied, failing to put on a cheery American accent like his.

"Oh come on, work with me." he said, seeing through the lie. "Tony McCarroll, the drummer, is in the hospital, isn't he?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. They'll be back at the hotel, recovering from last night." I shrugged.

"Has his girl had the baby? Is that why you're here?"

"No, nothing like that."

"Why were you in the hospital then?"

I searched for a lie that wouldn't put any attention on me. "I don't know how the health service works over here. I went to ask about insurance and all that. I'm going now, I'm not in the band, I'm just their friend. There's no need to interview me."

I walked off, quick. I missed having the BMW to just drive away whenever I wanted. I missed just being in England.

...

"She had it?" Guigsy asked.

He was sat on a couch in the hotel, having a fag.

"Yeah." I nodded.

"What's it look like? It got a name?"

"What d'you mean, "what's it look like?", she looks like a baby." I rolled my eyes.

"Does she look like me?" he took a drag of his cigarette as though he was a suave, ladies' man figure.

"Fuck off, Guigs'. We're not doing this again." I wanted to go sulk on my own and rest for a while.

He grabbed my hand and got me to sit next to him. "C'mon, talk to me. It was just a joke. I wouldn't do that to Tone."

"Ha, ha."

"What's got your knickers in a twist?"

"Nothing."

"We're mates, aren't we? You're always with Noel or Liam. When was the last time we sat and talked as mates?"

I couldn't remember. I was meant to be the rest of the band's mate but I hardly ever spent time with any of them. "Sorry." I told him about the reporter.

"What a dick?! Whoever he's reporting for isn't going to give a shit about Kenzie's baby, what's the fucking point of him hassling you lot?"

I was glad he was as mad as I was, even if he was just sympathising with me.

"They love creating as much shit as possible about yous, don't they?" I shrugged. "The more people that know Oasis' name, the better, right?"

"Are we ever going to get you to ditch the scouse accent, we brought you to America for God's sake." he smirked.

"Just cos you're stuck speaking Manc for the rest of your life. I can't do American and quite frankly I don't want to. They're so... not British."

We talked and joked around for ages.

...

When they were discharged they came back to the hotel and proudly showed off their new girl to the band. They'd put her in the Man City baby grow already.

"She got a name yet?" Guigsy asked, he was the first to hold her.

"Yeah, Charlotta Rose McCarroll." Tony smiled proudly.

We all fussed over the baby for a while, eventually Kenzie went off to catch up on a lot of sleep, leaving me in charge of the newborn and Thora.

Noel, Liam, Bonehead and Guigsy had betted on the sex and the name. None of them guessed the name.

...

"Noel, I want a baby." I said quietly as I held Charlotta.

I'd longed for it from the moment I first held Thora but I hadn't said a word until now, babysitting, being Thora's auntie had been enough.

He put his head in his hands for a while, contemplating his decision. I knew he was scared of becoming his father, not that he'd admit it. I was sure he'd say no, in fact I regretted letting the words slip from my mouth.

He sat up, looked at the baby and me and said "Alright."

"We don't have to rush or anything, I just think we are ready to consider it." I pointed out hesitantly.

The baby had made me forget how easily we'd broken up at Christmas and the general lack of stability in our lives.

"Yeah, course. If you're ready then maybe I am but think about it, when was the last time Kenzie went out and had fun with us lot?"

He was right, of course it would mean giving up drugs, partying and doing whatever the hell we wanted but I thought I was ready to give it all up.

"Think we'd better get a lot of practice in." he smirked, he snogged me, making me almost forget that I was holding the newborn.

...

Noel took me to a restaurant (the next day) that wouldn't allow us in because we weren't dressed smartly enough. Noel wore a shirt, dark jeans and black trainers. I wore a plain top, jeans and converse style shoes.

"I'm Noel Gallagher, I'm famous, let us in." he attempted to argue his way in, keeping a polite tone.

"I'm sorry, Sir. We don't allow jeans or trainers here." the waitress pointed out. "I can't admit you."

She was young and attractive, probably the owner's daugher.

"Look, just overlook that for me and I'll get you tickets for our gig."

"I don't actually know who you are, Sir."

"Oasis, biggest rock 'n' roll band in the world, we played the other night."

"I'm going to have to ask you to leave." she gestured to the door, completely unaffected by his status.

"Come on, I just want to eat a meal with my bird. I can get in strip clubs dressed scruffier than this."

She was shocked about his casual mentioning of his use of gentlemen's clubs and I wanted to punch him. "Please leave or I'll call the police."

"What? You can't have him arrested for arguing." I protested. "Come on, let's just go somewhere else."

"No, go on love, get the pigs in." he encouraged as he leant against the podium.

She walked off to get reinforcements or a phone.

"This is stupid Noel..."

"No, it's not, they've got no fucking right and I'm not moving 'til I've got 'cuffs on."

I didn't realise I had a drunk, drugged up Liam with me. I leant against the wall next to him, joining his ridiculous sit-in protest.

"You're a right wazzock." I sighed.

I was hungry and unimpressed.

The girl returned with another member of staff who introduced himself as the manager. A big, dull American stereotype.

He asked Noel what the problem was, ignoring both the girl and me. "Oh you're an Alumni, where did you go to school?" The manager asked, staring at the red ring Noel had got from Japan.

"Manchester." Noel gave him a confused look, not understanding what he meant.

"Look, we just want to bloody eat here and this bird won't let us." His accent dropping to deep Mancunian, faced with an American figure of authority.

"Could you repeat that, sir?" Americans had trouble with the dialect on good days.

I stood up and spoke slowly, as clearly as I could. "We want to eat here."

"I'm talking to your husband, Mam. Let the men speak, if you can call this chimp a man." the manager let his misogyny and xenophobia slip.

"Right, I'm fucking warning you now, insult me or my lass again and I'll have you." Noel looked like he was close to grabbing the manager by the throat.

"Call the police." the manager ordered the waitress and she went off to do so. "I don't know how they do things in your country but in mine we don't tolerate violent behavior."

"No, you don't tolerate shit all, do you?" Noel said as he started squaring up to him.

I grabbed his hand, in an attempt to get him to back off. "I think we should get out of here. We're supposed to be on a date, not a trip to the cells." I decided to wind up the manager, who I assumed would be a conservative Christian. "Remember that unmarried sex you wanted, I'll have to give it someone else if you get arrested."

Somehow the situation had gone unnoticed by the customers until this point, some couples stared while one tall, skinny man approached to confront us. "You have to leave, sir."

"Ha! He can't shift me and you think you've got a hope in hell. I'll have you both."

I wished someone else was here, I wished for Bonehead, he would have set him straight but he and Guigsy had gone off to a pub.

"Think about the baby Noel." I put my hand on my belly, hoping to distract him by confusing him.

The manager and the tall man used the "revelation" to usher us out the door, barring us

"What?" Noel finally spoke as we hurried away.

"You were going to end up doing something stupid. I had to say something."

"There's definitely no baby."

"At what point in the last two days have I had the implant out? I just said it, forget it and find us somewhere to eat. I'm starving."

He took my hand and we went in search of another restaurant. "Sorry I got like that, I had a couple of lines earlier."

"When?" I should have known he'd done coke behind my back. "Where was my cut?"

"Thought you wouldn't want it anymore since you want a kid."

"Yeah but not right now, I mean thanks for looking out for our future kid but we're not trying yet there's no reason..."

"It's illegal." he interrupted with a cheeky grin.

We found a friendlier restaurant near by and enjoyed the rest of our date.

...

"Sorry I was a dick but people like that really wind me up." he said after we finished the main course.

"It's why I like you, you take no nonsense from anyone."

It felt weird to be on a date like a normal couple, it was normally too hectic or there was fans about anywhere public.

"Nothing to do with my stunning blue eyes or my career?"

"They certainly help, Chief."

"Shall, shall we have dessert back at the hotel?" He asked, allured with the fact that I'd called him Chief.

The lads called him the Chief a lot but I tended to saved it for intimate moments.

"Yeah, you're the only thing on my menu." I said then cringed at how lame that sounded.

"I'm glad we're not just dating cos I'd have to sack you for that." He smirked. "Shall we do a runner?"

None of us liked using Dollars or understood tipping. He produced twenty dollars from his wallet, assuming that would cover the cost of the meals and left it on the table.

I nodded, we downed the remainder of our drinks, he took my hand and we calmly walked out.

A waiter noticed us and chased us, not realising we'd technically paid. We legged it to the hotel. No one would have guessed we were living in London with a Rolls Royce in the garage.

...

"Louise would have never let me get away with that shit." He said and grabbed my waist as soon as we were in our hotel room. "You're more fun."

He started kissing me not giving me the chance to think about Louise. He kept telling reporters that she was his soul mate and he'd never get over her. While ever he thought that I knew I'd never truly be his but I kept it out of mind as much as I could.


	38. Chapter 38

They were nominated for four awards at the Brit Awards so we all flew to London to attend. Kenzie stayed at Noel's, obviously unable to go to the awards with a newborn and an eleven month old.

I decided to stay with her. It was their first time at the Brits and I was sure they weren't going to take home any awards which would probably mean they'd get too drunk and in the mood to kick off.

They came back surprisingly early, it was only just after midnight. I was sat in the living room with Thora sleeping next to me. I'd got her back to sleep after she'd woken up a bit ago and I didn't want to disturb her by bringing her back to her cot.

"Those Blur lads took the lot." Noel told me looking sad for himself but with his hands suspiciously behind his back.

The lads kept the same disappointed faces.

"Oh, nevermind, you won at the EMAs and Q last year and NME this year." I reminded him of the ones I could remember on the spot

"Well, there was this one." He revealed the award.

They won Best Newcomer, losing Best British Group, Best British Album and Best British Single to Blur. They dropped their sad faces.

I jumped from the sofa and threw my arms around him. "Knew you were lying."

"Oi, where's my hug? Best Newcomer is all about me." Liam complained.

"Come here, you egomaniac." I hugged him as well. "I'm proud of you all."

I let go of him.

"Least we din't lose to Wet Wet Wet." he shrugged "Blur aren't bad if you like." he did his exaggerated, drowning impression of Boys And Girls, bobbing along like Damon in the video.

"They've been around longer, that's the only reason." I suggested.

"You fucking like him though, the singer, don't you?" Liam remembered.

He had a strange inability for remembering the names of people I "like". I was scared that in his drunken state he'd forget to keep what happened at Glastonbury secret. "He's not a bad lad but you know me, I don't get along with Londoners."

I regretted that kiss or just the fact that he knew about it. I was sure he'd never tell anyone about us but nothing but a promise was stopping him from revealing anything else.

"What are you doing, looking after my kids? Where's Kenz'?" Tony asked sounding really suspicious of me.

"She's asleep or looking after your two day old baby upstairs." I didn't understand where the hostility was coming from, probably one too many lines of coke. "Sorry for helping my mate." My tone adopted an aggressive sarcasm.

Noel punched his arm lightly. "What's your problem?"

Tony picked up Thora. "She's too involved with her, all the time. That's my problem."

"You're an effing idiot man." Bonehead shook his head in disgrace. "D'you expect Kenzie to do it all?"

"Sometimes I think you're too friggin' involved in this band." Noel commented.

I took Noel's hand. "Please, not now, not in front of Thora. You'll wake her up."

"Doubt we'd find a replacement by the next gig. Just remember you're still here cos you're his mate." he pointed directly at Tony and then towards Liam.

"And you're here cos you're his brother." Tony mumbled, almost inaudibly as he walked away with his daughter.

...

We went to the doctors while we were back in England. Noel sat vacantly while they explained what would happen once the implant was out, I didn't mind, I wouldn't have listened either if it didn't directly involve me. I was just happy for him to be there and supporting me right from the beginning.

We agreed we weren't going to try for ages yet, especially with the doctor's advice about coming off the implant. Once the implant was out I was scared of only relying on condoms.

...

Everyone went back to Manchester for for the short break while Noel and I stayed in London. Kenzie wasn't coming back to America.

"You're not going to get rid of Tony, are you?" I asked as we sat and watched telly, eating lunch, like old times.

"What do you care?" he shrugged.

"I'm just asking, you can tell me what you're thinking."

"What I've written, I don't think his drumming is good enough for it, it's nothing personal, if he goes, it's what's best for the band." he spoke carefully like I was a journalist.

"Cut the bullshit Noel, if it's just his skills why are you getting into arguments and stuff with him?"

"Alright, he's getting on my tits as a person, as well but I'm not going to kick him out for that or Liam would be long gone." he joked.

"I don't think brothers are ever gone, are they?"

"Don't know, when was the last time we talked to our Paul? When was the last time you spoke to your Kid?"

That was a good point. "That's complicated and you know it's not comparable."

"I still don't get how you did what you did." he shook his head.

"You know I didn't have a choice. I was fourteen, what was I supposed to do?" I said, getting defencive.

"Alright, I'll drop it as usual." he got up and walked away.

...

Jamie rang later, it had been forever since I last saw him because of tours and everything.

"Will you come up and see us?" he asked.

"Why, what do you want to do?"

"I just want to hang out with my mate, Stacy. Bring the lads if you want, I don't care."

"I'll ask Noel if he wants to go to Manchester, I'm not going to Liverpool though."

"Alright, but why not? Don't they let you do what you want?"

"No, I don't want to go. I'm Noel's PA now, he might need me." I lied, I didn't want to give myself the opportunity for trouble.

"Personal Arse-licker? Didn't know you did that."

"Real mature Jamie." I sighed. "Met us at their Mum's tomorrow afternoon."

...

I told Kenzie we were coming and she decided to throw an impromptu birthday party for Thora since we'd be away on her actual first birthday, the 3rd of March.

The party consisted of the band, Kenzie, Kate, Jamie, me and the children in Kenzie and Tony's new house. Unsurprisingly a one year old's birthday wasn't the lads' scene.

"Do I have to be here for this? It's not even her birthday." Liam complained quietly to me.

"Have you got something better to do? Missing some daytime TV?" I replied.

"Watching paint dry would top this."

Jamie held out his hand and they highfived to that. "You didn't bring me here for a kid's party, did you?"

"No but I couldn't tell her I wasn't going, what would you rather do?"

"Round up the troops and go?" Liam suggested.

"You lot play footie, don't you? I wouldn't mind showing you how to play." Jamie suggested.

"Oi, we know. Some of us had trials when we were kids."

I was surprised I'd never heard that boast before. "If we're playing, we forget the Premier League. I'm not having you two fighting."

"Alright Mum." Jamie rolled his eyes. "We're mates now, aren't we?"

Liam nodded. "Oi, Noel. Yorkie and the Scouse want to play football, you in?" he asked loudly, subtle as ever.

"Aye, why not?"

"Guigsy?" Liam asked next.

He nodded.

"Bone'?"

"Kate, do you mind?" Bonehead asked his girlfriend.

"You are so whipped." Guigsy commented. laughing at him.

"Go ahead, we might come and spectate later." she said. "Eh Lucy, shall we watch Daddy play football?" she asked her young daughter who responded by cooing.

"Tone?"

"No, man, I can't leave my daughter's first birthday. It's bad enough you lot are going."

...

We went off to the field near the Gallagher house. I'd driven to Kenzie's so we piled into my car with Jamie driving so I could sit on Noel's knee.

"This is not what I meant when I said "Can I ride with you in your BMW?"." he whispered in my ear.

There was some young kids already playing on the field.

"Oi lads, borrow us your ball." Liam yelled to them. "And get lost for a bit."

"No way, dickhead." the older of the bunch replied. "My dad said you're off fannying about being a singer and you can't afford a football? What a bellend!"

"Think you're hard, don't you, kid?" Liam responded, walking up to them using his fighting walk.

The kids all backed off as soon as he got close and ran when he grabbed the ball. "I'm bloody keeping this now. Gobshite." he shouted at them.

"Well done, you can intimidate eight year olds." I remarked as we joined him on the field.

"Who's calling teams?" he asked.

We all shrugged before Bonehead suggested "It was your idea. You pick."

Liam agreed and then spent too long trying to weigh up his options.

"Just say two names or pick another captain and let them pick." I said impatiently.

"Fine, you're captain, you choose your team."

"Bonehead and Guigsy." I decided, Liam and Noel didn't work on opposite teams and I didn't want Jamie to be their opponent.

Surprisingly no one argued my decision and we got on with the game.

I got the first goal, I booted it through the goal posts the moment Liam stopped paying attention to get a cigarette.

"Liam, are you kidding me? You have one job." Jamie yelled. "How are we supposed to win with you smoking?"

"You're us defence, don't let her have the fecking ball, it's not hard." he replied and then went off to get the ball.

"Well done, Yorkie!" Bonehead shouted. "We want three! We want three!" he chanted and clapped.

Liam booted the ball to Noel who ran straight towards the other goal, I couldn't run fast enough to catch up with him and Guigsy slipped as he tried to tackle him. Moments later Noel equalised.

Bonehead accidentally kicked the ball to Jamie.

"Thanks, mate." he said and held up his thumb for a moment.

He ran straight for goal. I managed to tackle him and turn back the other way but he pushed me forcing me away from the ball.

As he ran for goal again, I tripped from the force of the push. Noel ran over and helped me up. "You alright?"

"Fine, just lost my footing, didn't see anyone rush to Guigsy's aid."

The frozen ground made it kind of painful but I wasn't going to tell anyone that. Guigsy wandered over to check on me as well.

Bonehead saved Jamie's first attempt but he wasn't so lucky for the second shot.

"You never said the Scouse could play." Noel said to me as they celebrated the goal.

"Jamie is good at football, yeah."

Bonehead retrieved the ball and passed it to me. "You two have to score, come on."

We actually worked as a team, passing the ball, getting past both Jamie and Noel to shoot it about a mile wide.

"Yorkie, the goal's over here." Liam smirked as Jamie went and got the ball.

"Thanks for pointing that out. I had no idea."

Jamie passed to Noel who ran with the ball. Once again he was unstoppable, they were playing to win and Guigsy looked like he couldn't be bothered any more. Jamie got into a good position near where the box should be, received the ball and struck it right into the goal, leaving Bonehead to run after it again.

He kicked it towards Liam as an attempt at goal but he caught it.

"Freezing me balls off over here. I'm done with this." he shouted before kicking the ball as hard as he could into the distance so the match had to come to an end.


	39. Chapter 39

On the 2nd march we left for New Jersey, for the rest of the American dates, starting the next day.

Noel and I had gone back to London soon after Thora's party and the football match so we were on separate flights.

"This is why I moved to London." Noel commented a short while into the flight.

The plane was quiet, there wasn't too many people on board, Noel had gotten us into business class so we were in the company of people minding their own businesses, reading newspapers and stuff like that. We were far away from difficult kids and the general atmosphere of economy class.

Noel went to the toilet and back again. After sitting for a few minutes (just staring at the chair in front of him) he pulled his wallet from his jogging bottoms. He opened up the wallet and let a bag drop to his lap before returning his wallet to his pocket.

I grabbed the package before he could. "How?" I asked, it was unmistakably cocaine. "Where'd you get that?"

"If you're after a cut you don't want to know."

"You're going to get us arrested." I pointed out.

I was suddenly scared of the law of the air, I didn't know who governed us up in the sky or whose laws applied.

"Not if you hurry up."

We snorted the pure white powder. It had been a while for me but it was still like having a cup of tea for Noel.

"I'm going to miss this." I said as the buzz began to take effect.

"Why? You're not bowing out already, are you?"

"Not yet, no but we'll have to if we have a kid."

"We meaning me?" he gave me a strange look like I was asking for the world.

"You did once promise you would."

He sighed. "Like none at all, ever again?"

"Not... I don't know, I can't tell you what to do." I was scared to lay down the law and upset him.

He took my hand. "I can stop any time I want, I'm not an addict." he leant towards me and kissed me. "let's have fun until then."

I leant in as well and held the back of his head as we snogged.

"Our Kid told me he joined the mile high club, what do you reckon?" he asked.

If he was asking if I thought Liam was telling the truth, he definitely wasn't, if he was asking for it I was sure I was used to flying enough not to puke.

A wave of guilt washed over me because of how close I'd come to joining the club with Liam, in fact the only thing that stopped me was motion sickness.

"I've got Johnnys."

"I think I love you, Noel Gallagher."

He took my hand again and we shuffled from the seats to the aisle. "I know you love me." he said as he led me to the toilet.

Even the toilet was bigger and nicer in business, it was still an awkward, tight squeeze, not designed for two people to be in there at once.

The buzz from the coke helped me forget the fact that we were doing this in a toilet with hundreds of people outside, enough to enjoy the experience.

When we got back to our seats we were well into our highs, we both wanted to sleep off the rest of the flight but the coke was making our brains race at 100 miles per hour

"Do you think we'll ever settle down and get normal jobs and stuff?" I pondered out loud.

"Never, my heart beats for this shit, I can't go back now. I'll have to just keep doing this 'til I die." he made it seem like it was a burden to him. "You could walk at any moment and just disappear forever. Oasis can't and I certainly can't."

"Do you want me to?"

"No! I wish you couldn't so I can keep you. I wish you was part of the band so you knew everything and was part of everything we do."

The airhostesses came around and plied us with drinks and the complimentary meal, even that was a step up from what they normally serve.

...

After New Jersey they had dates in Washington, DC, Virginia, Philadelphia, New York, Rhode Island and Boston Massachusetts. A couple of nights in Canada, Montreal and Toronto. Back to the US again, to places like Cleveland and Detroit.

I liked Detroit, it was a huge, famous monument to the car industry, it was supposed to be great but everyone was struggling because times had changed. It was so, so grey and industrial like Sheffield, it almost felt like home, except they had a rap scene and we had britpop.

The familiarity yet complete difference of America was unsettling, I wouldn't wait to be back in blighty. I missed my family, I missed peggy, I missed everyone back home.

...

Oasis spent some time in the Rockfield Studios inWales to start recording again, it didn't last very long though. I didn't go with them, choosing to go back to Manchester. They didn't tell me how much they'd gotten done. They were only there about a week, I doubted they'd gotten much done.

...

"Hows things going?" Peggy asked, it had been ages since we'd had the time to talk alone.

"Great, I mean it's a bit lonely, it'd be nice for them to call while they're off recording but they're doing what they need to do, I guess."

"And what we spoke about at Christmas."

"I set Liam straight and I've really focused on my relationship with Noel. Thanks so much for stepping in and telling me how much of a pillock I was being."

Not counting Dawn, I'd not cheated at all or wanted to with anyone since her talk. I was too focused on the prospect of the baby, our family.

"Anything to protect my kids." she shrugged.

If I ended up anything like her as a mother I'd be a great one, hopefully my kids wouldn't be troublesome like hers.

...

I helped Kenzie as much as I could since with Tony gone she was raising her daughters as a single mother again. Her parents still hadn't accepted her daughters because she wasn't married to Tony or even planning to. I ignored Tony's dislike of my involvement in his children's lives, he wasn't around enough to have a say.

"I'm so sorry we skipped out on Thora's birthday party and missing her real birthday."

Bonehead had gone back after the party but the rest of us went back to the Gallagher house for beers and sat listening to what was left of the record collection.

"No, it was stupid idea asking a load of lads to a baby's birthday. You've been there from the moment both of them were born, I owe you so much. I don't know what I would have done without you."

"I shouldn't have let Liam and Jamie talk me into leaving, even if they had to go I shouldn't of."

"What was Jamie doing here and getting along with everyone for anyway?"

"Honestly, I don't know. Maybe he's realised they're not a threat, it was really, really strange like they've always been mates."

Charlotta started crying so Kenzie went to see what she needed while I stayed in the living room and watched Thora play.

She was trying really hard to get the hang of walking on two feet. "Where Liam, fuck?" she asked as she stood upright holding the sofa.

"Mummy doesn't want you to say that word, Liam's in Wales."

"Oh, Daddy?"

"Daddy's in Wales too, drumming for some new songs." I got her to drum a beat on the sofa.

"You Wales?"

"No, I'm staying with you in lovely Manchester."

"Man-eser. Buddy Man-eser."

"Who says bloody Manchester?"

She took some time to think. "Er, Mammy, Daddy, angry."

I guessed she meant she'd heard them arguing. Kenzie came back carrying Charlotta who was growing like there was no tomorrow, it didn't seem like enough time had passed for her to be a month old.

"Baby Lotta." Thora said with very weak t's as she wandered over to her sister.

"She's definitely a Manc, she'll be confusing people asking for larre not latte in no time." I smiled remembering all the confused faces I'd seen over accents.


	40. Chapter 40

Me and Noel stayed in London for the rest of the break. I enjoyed London a lot better this time around but the downtime was difficult for Noel, it was hard to live with the come down from the high of the shows and the constantly moving from one place to the next.

We went to the pub on the 14th to watch Man City v Liverpool. Man City had lost their last three games, I was confident it would be a red victory. We were having a way better season than they were. I commended the lads' ability to keep supporting a team that continued to let them down.

"Come on!" Noel cheered almost throwing his beer when Summerbee scored in the first half. "We've got this." he commented.

The barman gave him a judgemental look, we seemed to be the only ones paying attention to the game. It was hardly worth having the telly on.

"We have to let you have one goal." I told him.

I wasn't that bothered, to be honest. Their season was going so badly they deserved a win to lift their spirits and it was only one goal.

"You're my girlfriend, you're supposed to be on my side." he complained.

He started singing Blue Moon as half time drew close to encourage another goal "Blue Moon.

You saw me standing alone. Without a dream in my heart. Without a love of my own."

"No wonder yous never win, your song's depressing." I commented. "You'll Never Walk Alone fills me with pride and determination, Blue Moon just makes me sad."

When the final whistle came both teams had scored another goal.

"City forever!" he cheered and drank his beer. "Told you, didn't I?"

"Nobody likes a boaster, Noel." I shook my head in fake disapproval. "Win, lose or draw, I'm red or dead." It was something Luke said almost ritualistically before every match, based on something their old manager Bill Shankly once said.

"I swear you got into football, specifically Liverpool, just to annoy me and Liam." he shook his head.

...

The break was over quite quickly and we were back on the road again. We were in Paris first for a gig on the 20th, there was a lot of rehearsal and sitting around waiting time for this one, I wished we'd used the time to see more of Paris than we did.

"What's he singing?" Liam asked nosily.

We could hear Noel in the other room, on his own playing his guitar and mumbling lyrics. He was barely audible from here, he always wrote shyly and secretively like this.

"I don't know, he's writing, ain't he?" I shrugged.

"Is he singing "So Sally can wait"?" he guessed. "Sounds like that." He got up and went to the other room to investigate.

I listened to them argue.

"I'm not writing nothing." Noel denied. "I'm just playing."

"Yeah you are, what's that there? Paper with your writing. You might as well tell me, I'll have to bloody sing it later." He made it sound like a chore.

"Alright, I'm trying to write. This one's just not that noteworthy."

"Well what you got?"

Noel went through the lyrics he'd got and when Noel mumbled through the "So Sally can wait" bit, Liam told him what he'd heard and Noel admitted the lyrics fitted.

"He is now. I'm a genius." he grinned as he came and sat back down.

This was Liam's first contribution to the writing of Oasis songs, from what would make it past the demos anyway. Naturally Noel wasn't too keen on the song.

...

They had their first arena gig on the 22nd of April, in Sheffield. The place was sold out or it definitely looked that way.

Jamie and a load of his mates were there, which was a complete surprise to me. He chose to reveal himself by tapping my shoulder and saying "I'll pay for those." when I was buying drinks at the bar.

"What are you doing here?" I asked a bit too excitedly and gave him a quick hug. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

"Some of my old Sheffielders told me to get over here for this. Couldn't miss my favourite band's biggest gig, could I?" he explained. "The favourite out of the ones I've talked to, anyway."

"Are you coming back stage?"

"Nah, I'll help carry your drinks back but unless you want about ten other lads with us, I can't." he offered.

"I'm alright, thanks. I might come and find you when they get on stage." I told him as I took the drinks I'd ordered.

I did spend some of the gig in the public area but I didn't find Jamie or any of his friends. I just took the time to enjoy the show like a regular fan.

It was huge which meant that the afterparty was huge. Jamie ditched his mates after the gig to join us in the partying.

...

I woke up with a massive headache, the sun shining on me because no one had bothered to close the curtains. I realised I was laying on someone's chest, it didn't look like Noel's.

I got up slowly, careful not to disturb them. "Fuck!" I exclaimed under my breath and screwed my eyes up. I'd fallen asleep on Jamie with Noel laid behind me, I couldn't remember the night. I was wearing a black t-shirt with a white Adidas logo, it could be anyone's.

Quiet as I could, I found some clothes and went to the toilet. I hated not being able to remember especially when I realised Noel almost always remembered the night.

I made sure not to talk about the night to anyone and no one really talked about it either. Whatever happened, I wasn't in trouble for it, not yet anyway. They were too focused on their success on stage and Jamie had snuck off before anyone else woke up. 

...

Some might say was released on 24th April. On the 27th they were back on Top Of The Pops again but this was to be Tony's last appearance.

"Can't believe they've done this to him!" Kenzie exclaimed over the phone the next day.

"What? What are you on about?"

"Marcus just called. They've kicked Tony out the band."

Marcus was just another manager type who thought he was in charge of Oasis. Technically he was in charge as a manager.

Tony couldn't have been back in Manchester long before he got the call. I must be a terrible PA because I didn't know Noel and Marcus had, had this conversation.

"Really? Why? What did he say? They haven't said anything to me." I tried to seem shocked, it was news to me but it was too inevitable for actual shock.

Tony and the rest of the band had been butting heads for ages now especially after "the grand (£1000) incident" but I didn't think he would actually have to leave any time soon.

"Noel told Marcus the drumming isn't good enough for this album. It's absolute bullshit, phoning his fucking Mum's house, haven't even got the balls to tell him themselves."

"I'll talk to them, this isn't right." I assured her.

There was nothing I could do, but I couldn't tell Kenzie that. Tony was out and that was it. It wasn't even that surprising, I'd predicted it when Thora was born.

"I can't believe they've made a father of two redundant." Her anger turned to sadness. "I'm not going to be able to on any more tours or even go to gigs, am I?"

I hadn't realised no Tony meant no Kenzie as well. I wished I'd gone back to Manchester so I could spend time with her but they had gigs and recording to do.


	41. Chapter 41

Without Tony to drum they had to find someone to take his place. Lucky for Oasis, they know Paul Weller who recommended Alan White. Once he was on board they were able to go back to recording their second album.

In May they went back to Monmouth in Wales to record their album. It took them until June to finish it. I went with them this time and spent time in the studio.

The songs were so different from the previous album but I couldn't wait to hear the finished product.

Alan settled in to the band. He seemed to be a better drummer than Tony. He didn't mind the lads calling him the Cockney Cunt because he was a Londoner. It was like he'd always been there and he got along with Liam.

...

One day Liam just left recording, he just walked out the studio without saying a word to anyone about where he was going. He was tired of Noel's criticism, the new songs were more challenging and Noel wanted nothing less than perfection. 

He also seemed to think he was being pushed out because Noel had taken lead on Don't Look Back In Anger. He'd been fine with Noel doing B-sides, I didn't get his problem with having one less A-side to do.

They did their best to work in his absence.

I went outside for some fresh air, it was too hot in the studio for me. Everyone else insisted the temperature was fine and they were all busy playing instruments and everything.

After a few minutes outside I saw Liam coming back, he wasn't alone, in fact there was about thirty people following him.

"What's going on Li'?" I asked but he ignored me and led his follower into the building.

I followed the crowd into the building. There was way too many people for the size of the studio and Noel didn't react well to the new company or that Liam had come back drunk.

The brothers very quickly started fighting, Liam's guests mostly fled, getting as far away from them as they could.

Noel suddenly picked up a cricket bat and swung it, hitting Liam's head as hard as he could. It made a sickening cracking sound against Liam's skull. He dropped the bat and I gasped as Liam dropped to his knees and was almost knocked out by the blow.

"There's going to be no second album, recording is fucking done." Noel said as he walked off, not caring about his brother's health.

"Liam, are you alright?" I rushed over to him and crouched trying to check him over. "Why is there even a friggin' cricket bat here?"

"Just leave it and get me some ice or something." he said as he held his head.

"You need to get to the hospital, for proper treatment, not ice." I was really worried how much damage had been caused.

"Nah, I'm fine." Suddenly he crashed his lips against mine, the force made me fall onto my back but he never broke the kiss, falling with me.

"Liam! No, stop it." I pushed him away the moment I had a second to think. "I told you I don't want this." I felt a bit harsh but I wasn't letting him get away with it.

"Admit it, you love me, you stayed for me, not him." he said to justify himself.

"You're seriously concussed. I care that you're hurt because you're my best friend, remember? Noel's not the one that needs medical attention."

...

Neither spoke to each other for three weeks and progress was completely halted in those three weeks. I didn't see either apologise but when they did get back to the studio, it was like nothing had happened.

It was a horrible time. Noel went back to London, as did Alan and everyone else went back to Manchester. Liam avoided visiting his mum because I was there and Noel didn't even bother to call me or his mum.

"Don't worry, love. One of these days they'll fecking grow up and start behaving themselves." Peggy assured me, seeing me moping about.

"I know but every time things are going right something goes horribly wrong. Liam was actually hurt and I can't see them reconciling."

"Get Paul, Paul and Alan together, it's their band too. Drag Noel back up north if you have to and make him apologize."

Guigsy and Bonehead decided against getting involved, they were confident that Noel was too much of a professional to abandon the album forever and he'd probably have to sell his house if they didn't get back to work.

Bonehead was happy to use the time to be at home with Kate and Lucy. It didn't exactly make him motivated to get back to Wales. He pointed out "The second album tour would have to be cancelled, we'd have to pay up for that and there'd just be a lot of shit to deal with if we don't get it done."

"He's coming back." they both assured me.

None of us knew Alan's home number so we couldn't talk to him and as the new member, he wasn't in the position to push the band back together either.

The last match of the football season was on the 14th of May while the brothers were not speaking to each other which meant I didn't see Liam to rub in the fact that Man City had finished only four points outside of relegation. I had to let it slide but next season I wouldn't miss the chance if they did as bad. Liverpool on the other hand finished fourth.

I couldn't spend much time with Kenzie because Tony was almost always there since he was unemployed. He didn't hide the fact that we weren't friends anymore. He didn't want me anywhere near Kenzie or their daughters.

"Noel doesn't want you, the lads don't want you, nobody wants you. So why don't you fuck off back to where you came from?" Tony told me when he saw me babysitting while Kenzie was at work.

"Why don't you get a job? It's been a month, stop being a dole rat and provide for your family."

"Get out of my house, get away from my kids, leave my girlfriend alone. We don't need a manipulative bitch like you around."

"I didn't get you sacked from Oasis, you did. You can't keep kicking up arguments and not even drum good enough and expect to stay." I couldn't help arguing. "I was your friend. I tried to help you."

"Help me, how?"

I shouldn't have said that and it was too late to back down. "I stopped Liam going after Kenzie or at least I tried to."

"You are a liar. She has never been interested in Liam."

"Don't believe the truth, I don't care but you know what he's like."

"Go on then, when was this supposed to have happened and how exactly did you stop him?"

"It was so stupid, forget I said anything." I tried to get out of telling him, knowing how much it could hurt Kenzie and the kids.

"Fucking tell me what happened. Now." he demanded.

Why couldn't I have just gone home when he got back. "They kissed, alright? I saw them kiss, that's all."

He shook his head, he was obviously angry but he didn't trust me. He still thought I was lying. "What did you do about it?"

"I snogged Kenzie." I admitted. "Before you ask, you're about the only one who didn't know and we enjoyed it."

"How does Noel stand being with a dirty little whore?" he commented. "Go on, go play on a motorway." he showed me to the door and I left quietly like I should have done in the beginning.


	42. Chapter 42

We were back in Wales, back in the recording studio like the cricket bat incident and the weeks that followed it hadn't happened. They were focused, working hard to make up for lost time.

"Does this tea taste weird to you?" I asked

We were cheekily hanging out together, having a cuppa and not really doing anything while the rest of the band were working to get their parts done. I was sure Noel would come and have a go at Guigsy as soon as he realised he wasn't doing something functional.

"No, mine's fine. It's probably just the different water." Guigsy shrugged. "You've not been here long enough."

We'd just gotten back but I didn't remember the tea being horrible before the cricket bat incident.

"I'm sorry. I can't drink it." I shook my head.

He took my cup and tried a sip. "Tastes fine to me. You just need to get used to the Welsh water." he shrugged.

I hadn't noticed the different taste of water anywhere I've been this much before, especially not in tea.

"I'm really sorry." I said getting upset.

"What's gotten into you? There's really no need to get upset, it's tea, not the rarest champagne or something."

...

Noel and I sat talking in our hotel bed a few days later.

"How's recording going?" I asked, it was a stupid question since I'd been with them most of the time when they were working.

"Better than last time." He put his hands on my ribs, catching my breasts.

I winced in pain. "My boobs are so sore at the minute. I think the monthlys are coming back."

It was a big downside to not having the implant but I'd been lucky enough to go without for years.

"Oh." He dropped his hands to my waist. "Can we not have sex then?" he was obviously disappointed.

"I would but everything feels so sensitive and not in a good way."

"Do I have to do anything?"

"What d'you mean?"

"I don't know, there's not some special thing Luke always did? Fetch drugs, stuff like that." he offered.

...

Liam and Alan took me to the local pub, I didn't know why I was invited when Liam just wanted another session with his official drinking partner.

"Can I have water for her, er..." Liam began to order as we sat at the bar.

"Liam! At what point did I stop being able to speak for myself?" I objected.

"Big mistake mate, never let a lass think you think you're better than her." the barman commented. "What can I get you?" he asked me.

"Coke, please."

"I wasn't, I don't, ugh, it's not like I told her to get back in the fucking kitchen or some shit like that."

They ordered their drinks and we moved to a table.

"What are you drinking cola for, anyway? We're out for a drink."

"My liver could do with the occasional rest. Why'd you try to get me a glass of water if we are drinking?"

"Wanted to see what you'd do."

"You're a right manipulative little cunt sometimes y'know." I told him. "What's it like being his official drinking partner?" I asked Alan.

"It's alright, he can handle his booze. I'll give him that." he shrugged. "He's a Manc fucker, I'd be shocked if he couldn't." 

"Why do they, well mostly him, call you Yorkie?"

"Cos she's a vicious bitch if you get on the wrong side of her." Liam told him.

I gave him a dirty look and was tempted to throw a drink at him. "I'm from Yorkshire, they refuse to call my mate Jamie anything but The Scouse annal."

"What was you doing before you met this lot?"

"I had a shitty job at a hairdressers. It was slightly less degrading than being on the dole." I shrugged. "This is miles better. What about you?"

"I've always been a drummer. I was with Starclub until our label just dropped us a few months ago."

"Must have been destiny."

...

We all went out for the night for Noel's 28th birthday on the 29th, they were pretty much finished with the album now so they were celebrating that as well.

"You sure you're okay to drink?" Liam asked when I asked him to buy me a drink.

The weird symptoms hadn't passed but I was sure it was just down to coming off the implant. "I'm fine, you're just scared I'll drink you under the table."

"I'm Irish, love. Don't question my ability to drink, it's in my blood." he said proudly before ordering some drinks.

"Open your veins and Guinness will pour out, right?" I quoted something he'd said a couple of times before while defending his ability to hold his booze.

...

Later on Noel had gotten pretty drunk.

"YORKIE!" he shouted a bit too loudly. "Come and dance with me."

I went to him and took his hands like we were going to waltz or something. "You don't dance, you never dance."

"All, all the alcohol in me says I do so dance with me tonight."

"Only if you tell me the album title."

He put his finger to his lips and shushed me. "What's The Story Morning Glory? With brackets, What's The Story in brackets."

"Seriously, that's what you've come up with? Doesn't morning glory mean...?"

He mimed wanking. "Yeah." he couldn't look more like a Chav stereotype than he did in that moment.

"Noel! Kids have to see that title." I rolled my eyes.

It was funny though, I imagined there'd be people looking at the album thinking "No, it can't mean that, surely not?"

The night carried on until I don't know when. When the pubs were closed we just drank the hotel dry instead.

...

I woke up alone in Liam's bed, I was fully dressed in the clothes I'd partied in so I assumed I'd just crashed there. I suddenly had to run to the bathroom.

Liam saw me throw up as he got back to his room.

"I'm quids in, ain't I?" he asked when I got out the bathroom.

Once again I had no idea what he was talking about. "Get us a drink, please." My head hurt, I wasn't in the mood for his games. "And a new top." I'd just got sick on mine.

He grabbed a glass that had a bit of stale beer in it and replaced it with water. He threw me a bright green t-shirt.

"The puking, everything else, come on, bun in the oven?" He suggested.

"A heavy night, that's all. I wouldn't have done last night if I was. We ain't even trying yet, I can't be." I drank the entire glass but my mouth still tasted foul.

"Well get a test done, I want the money."

"I don't want to lose you money because I'm not."

I wasn't lying, we'd been careful every time that I could remember.

"I'm just saying, I think you should." he shrugged.

"Look, I know you hate losing bets so pretend we didn't have this conversation because I'm not discussing my body to explain why you're wrong."

He understood what I was trying to imply. "But you're not mardy enough and there's no friggin' tampons or whatever about.

"Because we keep them scattered around the place like confetti." I said sarcastically to hide the fact that he was right.

"You need to know so you can stop drinking and that."

"Alright, I'll do a test." I gave in. "Who's betting against you?"

"Guigsy don't think you are, Bonehead and Alan took my side as soon as I said it, din't bet though."

I continued to avoid taking a test making every excuse up not to go and get one from, the shop workers will gossip to I haven't got the time. Honestly I was too nervous, I wasn't sure I knew what I wanted the result to be anymore.

"Go piss on that." Liam passed me a paper pharmacy bag. "I want my winnings."

I didn't get why he was this keen to win the bet but he'd been out and bought it so there was no more shying away from it.

"You realise you've just spent money to get this and I'm not paying you back for it."

"I don't want or need Guigsy's money. I want the win."

"Weren't you embarrassed, going to the shop and that?"

"No, it's got to be the least embarrassing of the STDs but I haven't had none of them so I don't know." he shrugged. "What's the problem? You did one with Kenzie."

I sighed. "I did it to support her, knowing there definitely wasn't going to be a plus sign."

"You're not really ready, are you? Or is it that it'll have the wrong father?" he raised his eyebrows expecting an answer.

"Never change Liam Gallagher." I told him before walking off the the bathroom.

He waited until the flush of the toilet died down before knocking.

"Get lost, this isn't a spectator sport." I shouted as I waited, sat on the toilet lid.

He walked in and I flashed him a death look to find it wasn't Liam. "What's not a spectator sport?"

"You can't just walk in on me guigs'."

"I really need a slash, move out." he wafted his hands so I'd get out the way.

I moved out the way and he went right in front of me. I tapped the test against my leg like a drum stick waiting as long as I could before I looked at it.

"You owe Li' money." I told him when he finished washing his hands.

"What for?"

I passed him the stick.

"This is a joke. You just drawn that on." he said, not believing me at all.

"Am I really the kind of person who would fake a pregnancy test to help Liam win a bet?" I gave him a stare like I was offended.

"Well you're not exactly giving it a proper reaction."

"You'll believe me if I jump around or cry or something?"

"It doesn't make sense, you've got upset over all sorts before. Now there's supposed to be a human being growing inside you and you're telling me like you're telling me the morning post has come and it's all junk." he put the test on the ledge of the sink. "Unless you already knew."

"Liam was sure and we both know he's always right." 

He laughed. "Of course. Alright I'll pay up, you'd better tell Noel if you can get him away from recording for a minute."

...

I tried to form the perfect sentence in my mind, I even rehearsed in front of the mirror but nothing seemed right. It was almost as bad as having to tell my parents as a fourteen year old, in fact that just made it worse, reminding me that I'd have to tell my parents and his and Kenzie and Jamie and everyone else.

Stressing over it simply led to another round of morning sickness.

"Noel I have to tell you something." I said and poked his arm.

He was sat at the recording desk listening to some music through the usual huge headphones. "Yeah, let me just..."

"No, now, I have to tell you right now or I'll walk away and keep putting it off." I interrupted, I could feel myself shaking and let the nerves make me nauseous.

He spun his chair around to face me, took his headphones off and held them around his neck. "Go on, what's so urgent?" he asked and took my hands.

"I'm pregnant." I exclaimed, forgetting every other way I'd planned to say it.

He jumped up and hugged me. "There's a little us? I didn't think I'd be this happy." He sat down and I saw he was beaming the biggest smile I'd ever seen.

"There's a very little you and me in here." I held my stomach.

"You know what? Fuck this, we're celebrating." he said as he pulled his headphones off, discarding them and turning off the equipment he was using.

He made sure to tell everyone he knew in the studio, getting all of them to abandon their work to join in his euphoria.


	43. Chapter 43

After confirming the pregnancy at the doctors in London I was left worried about the damage I could have caused by drinking and using drugs. They predicted I was about eight to ten weeks along (I wouldn’t let them test me to be more accurate), due on the 9th January.  
We spent about a week at Noel's house. He wanted me to move back in there but I still couldn't stand the idea of being so far away from everyone even if it meant being away from him.  
We tackled telling my family first, since their house was on the way to Manchester. I felt so bad that Noel had only met them a few times before. Last time I had this news they were obviously disappointed and upset, I had no idea how they’d be this time.  
We drove to my childhood home and hung out with my parents for a while, I tried to hide the big news until I could read their moods and I thought they wouldn’t be angry.  
“Do you two want to stay for dinner?” mum asked. “I’m doing a fry up.”  
“Yes, please.” Noel said and rubbed his hands together in anticipation.  
“Er, I don’t think I’m allowed to eat bacon or eggs. Can I have something else?” I remembered the leaflets the doctor gave us.  
“Of course you can, what do you fancy?” she asked. “What’s the matter? Are you pregnant or something?” she questioned jokingly.  
“I am.”  
Mum walked away announcing she had to get dinner started.  
“Tell me this is a joke?” Dad reacted like Guigsy but with a much harsher tone. “Did you plan this one? We don’t know him, at all.” He directed it entirely to me as though he could block Noel out.  
“No joke. Yeah, we planned it. I’m not a reckless person just cos I’m a rockstar.” Noel spoke up.  
“Will you be putting a stop to your cocaine habit?”  
My dad read the newspapers a lot and not any that portrayed Oasis in a good light.  
“Look… The press have exaggerated everything we’ve ever done, it’s not like you’ve read and I’ve stopped yeah.” I didn’t like him having to lie to my Dad.  
“Then congratulations are in order but remember I’m trusting you to look after my daughter and now my grandchild, if you let them down I will hunt you down.” he threatened passive aggressively with a polite tone.  
I was glad they had no idea about the times we’d split up and how bad of a girlfriend I’d been to him but if they did they might understand we’re in it for the long run.  
Noel nodded and stood up. “I think I’ll see if your Mam wants any help.” he’d rather cook than stay around my Dad.  
“He’s not exactly used to father figures.” I commented, trying to explain Noel without having to talk about his past. “You’re not mad at us, are you?”  
“No I’m not mad at you at all. It’s just that you’re all grown up, making adult decisions, getting into a serious relationship with a man we just don’t know.”  
“I’m sorry, they tour so much that we don’t get the time for family visits…”  
“But you’ve got time to raise a baby?” he interrupted my attempt to make excuses.  
“Yes, I know I’ll have to stop touring and living their life. I know all that but we’re ready for this.” I told him firmly.  
Mum and Noel made dinner, it turned out I couldn’t stomach being in the same room as the fry ups so I didn’t eat anything. Instead I watched TV in the livingroom. I heard them explain our news to Billy while they ate. He chose not to say a word to me.  
…  
After leaving my parents’ house we drove straight to Peggy’s house.  
“Did Mum talk to you about the baby?” I asked, she didn’t say anything on the subject around me.  
“No, I don’t think so. She was sort of… distant about everything but the food even we told Billy.” he said carefully. “Y’know it was hard bullshiting to Billy, saying he has a niece or nephew on the way.”  
He never accepted the situation, he couldn’t stand the fact that Billy had been lied to his entire life. I hated how angry it made him, especially since it was anger towards me.  
“I wish I’d never told you. It hurts enough without you judging me for it.”  
…  
“Mam, we’re back.” he shouted as was the custom for walking into that house.  
“How was Wales, Kid? Is Liam back annall?” she questioned.  
“Was good Mam, we got the work we needed to do done, everything’s recorded. Er, as far as I’m aware Our Kid went home, yeah.”  
I couldn't believe Liam hadn't visited his Mum since he got home, it got me worrying about him.  
“Promise me you’ll always look after him.”  
She worried so much more about her youngest as parents do and she was so angry when she found out about the cricket bat incident since he could have done Liam some real harm that time.  
“I do, most of the time but he’s a big boy and I’ve got my own to look after now.”  
“Y’know I’m so proud of you three.” to say she hadn’t registered what he’d said would be a huge understatement. “I always bloody knew you’d do well, didn’t I?”  
“Mam, I said I can’t babysit Liam anymore because I’ve got my own to look after.” he repeated impatiently.  
I couldn’t believe we were telling her like this, we were barely through the front door but she was his mum so it was his choice how he told her.  
Her eyes lit up when she realised what he was saying. “Oh, congratulations, love.” she threw her arms around me and held me. “When’s the wedding?”  
I gave Noel a look. We hadn’t spoken about weddings at all. As far as I knew, neither of us was interested in marriage.  
“Well… we’ve not thought about that.” he answered vaguely not wanting to upset his mum and not knowing how I felt.  
“There’s a baby on the way, you need to get married, you should have married before now if you wanted kids.” she stopped hugging me and started scolding Noel.  
“Mam! I’m not proposing because you and your religion say I should, marriage didn’t particularly work out for you, did it?” he remarked, incredibly rudely.  
“Noel! Don’t be rude.” I objected.  
“I’m just saying I’m not being forced to get married cos we’re having a kid. I’ll get married if and when I want to.” He walked past his mum and got a can of lager from the fridge.  
Peggy shook her head, disappointed in her son’s unwillingness to marry me. “Go and sit down love, sorry I brought up such a selfish son.” she told me.  
I didn't mind the fact that he didn’t want to propose, marriage didn't mean that much to me but it did to her. He didn't have to disrespect her beliefs like that.  
…  
I told Kenzie next when we went on a shopping trip with her daughters the next day.  
“Are you packed for Glasto’ and that?” she asked as we wandered around one shop’s summer collection.  
“Not yet no, I don’t know what I’ll fit into by the end of June.” I didn’t think I’d grow that fast but I knew she’d get the hint.  
She looked up from the shorts she’d been looking at. “No way, you’re not having a baby.” she clapped excitedly and hugged me. “I’m so happy. I can’t wait to be an auntie.”  
She got me to shop for maternity clothes but I refused to buy for the baby this early like it would be bad luck. I’d already told too many people, too early, I was still weeks away from being out of the miscarriage stage.  
“I’ve kind of got some news as well.” she admitted.  
I couldn’t tell if it was good or bad, I was sure she wasn’t going to be having her third already, Charlotta was only three months. “What? What is it?” I asked cautiously.  
“Tony’s left us.” she sounded unfazed by it. “Got into an argument and that was him gone.”  
“What? I know it must be difficult for him but leaving you isn't going to help anything.”  
“Said I was only with him for the band, I had the kids to trap him and neither are his, apparently I’ll go running to the real dad now and the best one, I told them to kick him out of Oasis so he’d have to stay home with me and the kids.”  
“What a dick. He's a retard if he actually believes any of that.”  
I guess the rumors got to him or it was just something he could throw into her face. I felt guilty knowing my arguement with Tony had to have contributed.  
“He seemed pretty convinced I was seeing Liam behind his back. Did Liam ever tell you about California?”  
“What happened?”  
“I got with Liam. I was feeling ugly and ignored and stuff. He was the one there assuring me that I’m not.” she explained.  
“He told me you were trying to keep Tony’s place in Oasis or something.”  
She sighed. “Course he told you. I didn’t want him to know how I felt so I lied and made out I was doing it for Tony’s sake.”


	44. Chapter 44

I drove to Liverpool without telling anyone, I didn't even take my phone. It was probably a bad idea but I just wanted to surprise Jamie. I hadn’t seen him since April and I was sick of being around Noel who was only in Manchester to be able to keep an eye on me.  
“Stacy, what are you doing here?” He answered the door, shocked to see me.  
“I wanted to spend the day with you.”  
“Come in, do you want a cuppa?”  
“Have you got cola? I'm off tea at the minute.”  
“Course, do you want any food?”  
“No, no I'm fine thanks.”  
We stood in the kitchen as he made us drinks and had a bag of crisps himself, prawn cocktail.  
“What do you want to do today or are you just happy looking at my face?”  
“Sorry, I need to go…” The smell of the crisps was overwhelming as soon as he opened them. I got to the sink in time to throw up, not for the first time that day.  
“You’re not here to spread a bug, are you?” He asked as he rubbed my back.  
I rinsed the sink and my mouth out. “Liam called it a STD but I'm not ill, no.” I put my hand on my stomach as I leant against the worktop.  
“I knew it!”  
“What do you mean you knew it?”  
“I don’t know I’ve had this feeling I can’t explain since Sheffield, I thought it was guilt or something but it’s not and then your Mum rang.”  
“What did she say?”  
“She wanted to know if... If we’d been together again since we split. I told her no and she acted like she'd read too much into something you said or something like that.” He shrugged.  
“She thinks it’s yours? That’s why she went quiet when I told her. Why would she think that? We broke up over a year ago.”  
“I don’t know but do you know exactly when it happened?”  
“No, the doctors predicted nine to eleven weeks which nine covers Sheffield but I know this is Noel’s baby.”  
“So your Mum could be right with those dates? I’m not trying to make trouble. I know you’re better off with him.”  
“Yeah but I'm sure she isn't.”  
“How did the lads take finishing seventeenth?” He smiled, completely changing the subject, to football.  
“I don't know, no one was talking and I don't want to bring it up now everything's good again.” I shook my head.  
“Okay, what the hell happened?”  
“Liam and Noel had a fight in the middle of recording, it was so bad, Liam was almost knocked unconscious and next time I saw him, he was on crutches.”  
“They fight in front of you like that? Doesn't that scare you, especially now?”  
“I'm used to it, it scares me seeing them get hurt but I'm not scared for me or the baby. They'd never do anything to me, I know they wouldn't.”  
“Well you know you can come over here if they get too much for you to take.”  
We went to Luke's grave and put down new flowers.  
“Do you think he’d hate me if he knew everything?”  
“You can't keep thinking what would he think. He would be chuffed to be a dad if he was here and everything would be different. You'd live over here, you might have gotten into Oasis and secretly fancied one of them. Instead he died, you live in Manchester and you're part of Oasis. You don't know what's going to happen.”  
When we got back to his flat his answer machine had loads of missed calls and several increasingly frustrated messages from Noel.  
“You didn’t tell him you were coming, did you?” he said as he deleted them.  
“He thinks I can’t do anything now, no driving, carrying, cooking or anything a frail ninety year old would find strenuous.”  
“It’s his first kid, least you know he’s not getting cold feet about it.” he shrugged before phoning Noel to stop him from worrying.  
“You’d better get off home before he goes mad.” he told me when he got off the phone.   
…  
When I got home Noel wasn’t there, Liam was though. He was sat smoking outside the front door.  
“Where is he?” I asked  
“Gone round Guigsy’s, he was doing my head in. Fucking told him you’d be round the Scouse’s.” He put the cigarette out and we went inside to the kitchen.  
“What are you doing here, anyway?”  
“To stop my brother fucking tearing up Mam’s house. Come on, you can’t just disappear like that while you’re carrying his friggin’ kid. What if you’d ended up in hospital like you did in September?” If this was him being the calm one I’d hate to see him worried.  
“Can you lot just calm down? I’m not suddenly made of glass.”  
“How’s the STD today?”  
“Shut up, Liam! Stop calling my baby that.” I complained. “What’s for dinner?” My stomach grumbled, reminding me I’m supposed to eat regularly.  
“I don’t know, whatever you make.” he shrugged.  
I rolled my eyes. “Thought I couldn’t do anything for myself. Please make me some dinner, I’m so tired.” I sat on the table.  
“Alright, I was joking. What d’you fancy, Pot Noodle or something?”  
“Sure, Pot Noodle is definitely nutritious enough.”  
“Joking, what do you want then?”  
“Er, jacket potato and fish fingers.”  
He sighed like I’d asked for the world. “Can’t you have something normal like pie and chips? You like my pie and chips.”  
“Yeah but my baby wants jacket potato and fish fingers and salad and that.”   
He made my meal and got himself pie, chips, gravy and a can of lager. We sat and ate together at the table.  
“This is really nice, you should cook more.” I reached over and wrapped my fingers around the can.  
He gave me a what do you think you're doing look. “Can't have that, it's mine… And they put that warning on for a reason.”  
“I'm thirsty.”  
He got me some water. “STD will end up like us if you start drinking.” He pulled a weird face.  
“Oh God, I'm never drinking again.” I laughed.  
“Serious. Can't drink or nothing.”  
I hadn't stopped worrying about how much I'd drank, especially on Noel’s birthday.  
“Can I tell you something and you won't tell anyone else?”  
“Yeah, you know you can tell me owt.” He focused on eating his dinner like he was trying not to be too involved.  
“I'm terrified of losing this one. I miscarried with Luke. It was only five weeks, I didn't get the chance to tell him or anything.” I spoke quickly, I hadn’t told anyone. “Where's your Mum?”  
“Woah, you can’t fucking say something like that and move on. Why do you keep hiding huge stuff?”  
Noel came crashing through the front door and into the kitchen. “Well, this is nice, isn't it?” He sounded jealous and resentful.  
Liam dropped his knife and fork on his plate. “You're off your tits, fucking idiot.”  
“What are you doing with my bird? You couldn't wait to get me out the way, could you?” he questioned in cocaine paranoia.  
“Fuck off, I'm only here cos of you.”  
“Please don't argue, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was going out but it’s nothing to do with him. Nothing is going on.” I didn’t know why I was bothering to deny, there was no point when he was like this.  
“I’m off home, I’ve got better things to do than stay here and deal with this twat.” Liam took his lager and left.  
“You promised you’d stop.” I sighed. “What a fool I was for believing it, ey?” I got up to clear the plates away.  
“I might have if I knew it was mine. Who’s is it, his or the Scouse’s? Is that why you fucking disappeared? Cos it’s his?”  
“The baby is ours, yours, no one elses. I don’t even know why I’m answering, you know it’s yours but nothing’s going to make you believe me in this state, is it?”  
“Once a cheat, always a cheat.” he commented snidely. “Should have stuck to me word at christmas.”  
“Go on, dump me then. Dump me and we’ll see who’s begging who to take them back in the morning.”  
“Alright.” He got right in my face. “Give me your keys and fuck off.” he growled.  
“I'm gone but I'm not giving you my keys, where am I supposed to go without my car?”  
“I remember I bought that car, it's mine. You were an ungrateful fucking bitch back then, I was stupid to get with you.” he shouted in my face.  
I gave him the keys. “Please don't do anything you'll regret.”  
I reluctantly walked out the house, I didn't want to leave him when he could get hurt but I couldn’t put the baby in any risk.  
I stayed at Kenzie's, I didn't tell her about the fight, just that Noel was being overprotective and I needed space. I headed back to the Gallagher house in the morning.  
Neither of us begged we just apologised and made up. I agreed not to suddenly disappear again, it was so inconsiderate and idiotic of me. I wished he'd promise to stop using the white lines and mean it but in my heart I knew he wouldn't, it had been part of his life for too long.  
“I'm sorry I left you to worry. I needed some time away because I'm worried too and you’re making it worse. Last time I was pregnant I miscarried.” I confessed. “I should have just stayed and talked to you.”  
“Last time? When the fuck were you pregnant before?” He raised his voice.  
“Before I met you lot, a few months after I got with Luke. It was just a mistake with the pill but I'm really scared it could happen again, to this one.”  
“It won't.” He hugged me and comforted me. “Nothing is going to happen to our kid.” He assured me.  
He was confident, just like he’d always been with the music, unlike that, he and I had no control over this. If anything happened to this baby it would destroy us.  
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’d do without you, Noel.”  
“No, I did coke when I was already being mad. I fucking shouldn’t of. Sorry I came back and took my anger out on you and Li’.” He took a deep breath. “I’m going stop with it, I really am.”  
He was sincere but everything about his lifestyle made it difficult for me to believe him.


	45. Chapter 45

They had a gig in Bath on the 22nd of June and then we were off to Glastonbury for another three days of festival fun.  
I stood on my own at Glastonbury as the sky darkened with the setting sun. The lads were getting ready for their set and I was looking for some new people to hang out with. A girl with bright red hair, not ginger but dyed red, came up to me.  
“Are you on your own?” She asked, probably feeling sorry for me. “You can come and meet me mates if you are.” I recognised Mancunian in her accent.  
“At the moment, yeah.” I sounded more sarcastic than intended. “Sure, I could do with some female company.”  
We walked towards her friends and their tents. She was really chatty. “Are you here for the whole festival? We are.”  
“Yeah, I’m with a band, I think they’ll want to stay again.”  
“You were here last year annal? Who are you with?” she questioned.  
“We were. I’m with Oasis.”  
“Nice one! What are they really like? D’you think we could meet them? We’ve seen them quite a bit at the Boardwalk, never met them though.”  
…  
“Right, this is Amy and Anna, I’m Emily and this is Jenny.” She introduced her friends. “I forgot to ask your name, din't I?”  
“I’m Stacy.”  
Amy and Anna were blonde twins, Amy had short hair and Anna had really long hair, they looked like they'd be difficult to tell apart if it wasn't for that.  
Jenny had ginger hair and loads of freckles.  
“You didn’t come to Glasto’ on your Tod, did you?” Jenny asked.  
“Don’t you recognise her? Anna asked. “She’s Noel Gallagher’s bird.” Amy revealed. “Aren’t you?” They asked in unison.  
I gave them a strange look for a moment, I was a little freaked out by the twin thing. I hadn’t been friends with twins before.  
“Tone down the twin powers.” Emily told them, she must have noticed my look.  
“I am.” I confessed.  
“So I read somewhere, there's a bun in the oven, is it true?” Jenny asked excitedly. “Think it was in the magazine I read earlier.”  
I wanted to know how the information was already being published when only a handful of people knew, obviously it was just the rumor mill at work. I was eleven weeks at the most but it was already getting difficult to hide it, especially in the summer heat.  
“Nah, no way would you do three nights in a tent if you was.” Emily shook her head.  
I liked my new friends already, I sat with them and got to know them.  
“You’re right, I couldn’t imagine like four days on muddy fields in the middle of summer if I was. I’m with lads that stay until they get kicked out because the venue wants to lock up as well, it would be too much.” I denied and then I worried I’d protested too much.  
“D’you want some wine?” Jenny asked, producing a bottle of red wine from her tent.  
“No, no thanks, I’m not a wine drinker.” I shook my head. “Have yous been friends long?”  
“Yeah, since school. We’ve just graduated.” Emily smiled. “Still can’t believe we all got into Manchester, nevermind graduated.”  
I didn’t know anyone who’d been to university. “Nice one. Great way to celebrate, this. Who are you here to see most?”  
“Well we were looking forward to The Stone Roses but Pulp’s playing instead so Oasis, Pulp and Verve, obviously.” Anna said, clearly disappointed.  
“The lads’ll be on stage in a minute, pretty sure they wouldn’t mind you going back stage when they’re done.” I knew they’d want to meet a bunch of girls.  
“We need to get to the stage field.” Amy stood up.  
…  
The crowd was huge and wild for the band. They were wild anyway, just because they were a crowd at Glastonbury but I still found it hard to believe how far they’d come.  
“You are so, so lucky to live with them.” Emily told me after the crowd clapped and screamed when they saw Oasis walk on to the stage.  
“They’re just like every other lad when they're not working. Hang around with us tomorrow and you'll see.” Knowing them for so long meant I didn’t really consider their celebrity appeal.  
“You sure they won’t mind us lot bothering them?” Anna asked, she was the quieter of the group.  
“They love meeting girls, they’ll love you, you’re gorgeous.” I assured them. “They hate reporters, not fans.”  
“Are the other lads seeing anyone?” Jenny asked. “The papers never say.”  
“I don’t know. They don’t talk to me about relationships, especially Liam. I was kind of going out with him for a while. Don’t talk to your exes about your currents and all that.”  
“What does he think of you and Noel?” Amy asked snidely, I barely heard her with the noise of the crowd around us so I ignored her.  
“I was just asking cos our Em' fancies…”  
“You're such a liar!” Emily interrupted, putting her hand over Jenny’s mouth. “No I don't.” Her face told a different story.  
“Who?”  
“No one, I don't fancy anyone from any band.”  
“Well Bonehead has got a girlfriend so don’t try anything on with him.”  
“No one fancies Bonehead.” Amy commented. “He's a weird looking drummer.”  
She was beginning to get on my nerves.  
“Hey is that Robbie Williams on stage?” Jenny asked.  
It was, he was doing the worst dancing I’d ever seen like a whole new level of dad dancing that he thought was good. It was strange to see from someone who was supposed to be a dancer.  
“Yeah, they met today.”  
…  
After their set I took them backstage, as promised but for some reason security decided to be difficult and wouldn’t even let me go through.  
“What’s the matter? I’m Noel’s PA and his girlfriend. Is something going on?” I questioned, feeling embarrassed.  
The girls were probably starting to think I’d been lying about everything, that I just looked like the girl in the magazines.  
I caught a glimpse of Liam pacing around smoking a cigarette. “Oi Liam! Get over here, quick.”  
“Why are you hasling security, Stacy?” he came and asked looking a bit confused.  
“They won’t let me and my friends past.”  
“Oh yeah, some fucking nutter got back here when we were on stage so they’ve stepped up the security for us.” he explained. “Stacy’s no maniac and I doubt her mates are, shift out their friggin’ way.” he told the huge security men.  
We walked through and I introduced the girls to the band. They paid most of their attention to Guigsy, Alan and Liam.  
“Are you alright? Sit down and have some water.” Noel fussed away from everyone else.  
He was getting annoyingly protective again. “This is the gazillionth baby. Please stop it, I’m fine.”  
“Sorry, tell me how to behave and I'll do it.”  
“Well you could take me back to the tour bus for a bit.” I suggested. “This year doesn't have to be so different from last year.”  
He took my hand and we sneaked off like we had done last year. It wasn’t going to be as crazy as last year for me but I was still having fun and I was going to remember it all without any substance use.  
…  
The lads continued to hang out with Robbie Williams, from Take That. I didn’t like Take That and I didn’t like him. He tried way too hard to be like Liam, trying to keep up with him with drinking, smoking and snorting but he wasn't rock n roll.  
The girls liked him, I'd met up with them again and we all hung out.  
Robbie produced a football from somewhere and tried to organise us into teams, immediately putting Liam on his team, still being Liam’s fanboy.  
“Come on, who's playing?” He asked, trying to rally us.  
Alan, Guigsy, Emily and Jenny agreed to play but everyone else needed more persuading and I couldn't.  
“What about you, Stace, you play, don't you?” He asked “Do it for girl power.”  
I wanted to, just to beat him. “Stacy can't.” Liam shook his head.  
I gave him a sad look. “You shouldn't have got that if you wanted to keep playing.” He pointed at my stomach.  
“Got what?” Robbie asked with no idea what he was talking about.  
“She's a bit ill today. Festival food and that.” He lied to cover up his mistake.  
“I’ll just ref, keep you lot in line.” I offered.  
“Oh right. Girls, show us what you're made of.” He turned his attention to the twins. “Come on.”  
They both agreed although they admitted they’d never played before. Bonehead had gone off to get ready to go home since him, Guigsy and Alan were going today. Noel couldn't be arsed, he decided to crack open a can and watch with me.  
Liam, Robbie, Emily and Amy formed one team. Guigsy, Alan, Jenny and Anna were their opponents.  
“Why are we all doing what dancer boy wants?” I complained to Noel once the match was underway.  
“Liam’s taken a liking to him. Stop being so hostile, I think he’s alright.”  
“He’s a peroxide prick, dancer boy.” I remarked.  
“Somebody’s jealous they’re not Liam’s favourite.” he grinned and drank. “Is that what you’re new friends are for, to distract you?”  
“I found some new friends so I didn’t have to spend three days with just you lads, I miss Kenzie coming on tour with us.” I told him.  
“Oi, oi, oi! That was not a fucking goal!” Liam protested loudly.  
We hadn’t been paying attention to their match at all.  
“It wasn’t, it went wide.” Robbie agreed, I think he was in goal.  
“Who’s goal is it meant to be?” I asked.  
“Anna’s.” Liam pointed to her.  
“Okay I say it was a goal.” I decided as referee. “What’s the score?”  
“One all now.” he admitted reluctantly.  
They kept playing until Alan and Guigsy had to leave, the match ended five- three, to Liam’s team. Noel went off to do an interview.


	46. Chapter 46

We met Pulp before their set that evening.  
“You lot getting nervous yet?” Noel asked.  
“No but we’ve got a few hours yet, like.” Jarvis, Pulp’s lead singer answered.  
He didn’t look like the nerves hadn’t kicked in but he seemed the shy, quiet type in person. His whole appearance made him look like a geek. Big glasses and a suit.  
“Well good luck man, we’ll all be watching.” Noel encouraged.  
“Thanks, happy to have your support.” Jarvis smiled politely.  
“Yeah. Me and Liam are off for a bit but the girls are staying, aren't you?” Noel announced.  
Us girls agreed and they left. I assumed they were going in search of drugs, that or they just weren’t that interested in talking to Pulp.  
“So like, what’s on your setlist tonight?” I asked to break the awkward silence we’d been left with.  
“Not telling.” Jarvis smiled. “Are you from round our way? Sheffield?”  
“I am.” I nodded, I wasn’t going to correct that I was from a town no one ever recognises. “I’ve not lost my Sheffield-ness, then?”  
“Nope. So what are you doing with a load of Mancs if you’re a Sheffielder?”  
“Long story, mate.” I sighed. “I met the lads in ‘91 and I just sort of stayed with them all this time. I met the girls yesterday but I can see us being friends for a long time as well.” I explained quickly not wanting to go any further into our lives.  
I heard Jenny pipe up. “Why did the Stone Roses pull out?”  
They’d been chatting to the other members of the band but I hadn’t been listening, too interested in the lead singer as usual.  
“We were just told they weren’t coming and asked can you be here for this evening, weren’t we?” Nick, the drummer said.  
“Told them we’d have think about it, didn’t we?” Russell, the guitarist said with a cheeky smirk.  
“Good thing you did come or we’d have to chat to some other band.” Jenny continued to flirt with them.  
…  
“Have you been on stage much before?” Jarvis asked.  
The two of us had gone to check on the stage about an hour before they had to perform. The brothers were still elsewhere and the lasses were preoccupied with the rest of the band.  
“I haven’t, I always just stay backstage or with the normal people, keeping out of everyone’s way.”  
He suddenly took my hand and ran on stage so we were stood right at the centre front, ignoring the technicians working around us.  
“This is what it’s about.” he raised our arms in the air, still holding my hand as we stared out at the empty field.  
It was daunting to me to stand and see how big the field is, how many people could be stood right in front of us. I felt the adrenaline and nerves of standing somewhere so high and important.  
“I prefer to be down there, if I’m honest with you.” I confessed. “I can see why musicians are so hooked on touring though.”  
“You have to forget everything you are out there.” He pointed backstage. “Take a deep breath and be, well a star.”  
…  
We were hiding behind the stage curtain, like teenagers, just me and him. We kissed. I was full of adrenaline. I didn’t care, I didn’t think. I was lost in the heat of the moment.  
He lifted my top. Our passion came crashing down in that moment. “You’re pregnant.” he observed, shocked. He took a step back.  
“Jarvis! Please don’t run.” I grabbed his arm.  
“What kind of person does this when they’re already carrying?” he commented to himself. “Who’s is it?”  
“Noel’s, please don’t tell him or anyone we kissed and you can’t tell anyone I’m pregnant.” I begged, still holding on to his arm.  
“I’m not going to tell someone like Noel Gallagher that I’ve tried to get with his lass, they’d beat the living shit out of me.” He pulled his hand away and ran it through his fringe. “Why can’t I say about the baby?”  
“Cos we’re not telling anyone yet. I’m sorry I’ve messed up…”  
“I thought you were just their mate.” he interrupted. “I wouldn’t have done anything if I knew you were with him. Why did you…?”  
I didn’t know how to explain but I gathered my words quickly, interrupting him. “Because I’m pregnant, everyone thinks I’m suddenly fragile, especially Noel… I needed to feel free again.”  
“Well, don’t involve me in your chaos. You’re having his child, you can’t behave like this anymore regardless of how you’re feeling.” he walked off.  
...  
He avoided me for the rest of the festival. I didn’t care because we spent a lot of the third day with Richard Ashcroft and his band the Verve.  
“Mate!” Noel and Richard greeted each other with a quick, chest bump hug.  
Liam greeted him with a much more manly high five/ handshake.  
“D'you remember our Stacy?” Noel asked.  
“Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah I do.” He nodded. “How you doing?”  
I realised I hadn’t seen him since we kissed back in December ‘93, I wondered if he remembered it. “I’m fine, thanks.”  
He produced a package of white powder I’d become so familiar with because of the Gallaghers. “You still doing lines?”  
“I went and knocked her up.” Noel told him, putting his arm around me, bringing me into a hug. “So she can’t.”  
“Noel!” I nudged him but he ignored it.  
Richard put his hand on my bump and congratulated us. Having people touch my belly without even asking me first was taking some getting used to.  
“How long have you two been together now?”  
Noel shrugged and took the packet. If I kept up with anniversaries I’d be upset, I knew we’d been together a year now but only because we were back in Glastonbury. Neither of us cared.  
Richard, Noel and Liam did lines. I walked off to talk to the other band members and the girls. I missed being able to get high already.


	47. Chapter 47

“Hi Stacy, is Noel about?” Marcus asked over the phone, he sounded overly polite.  
Noel and I had gone back to his house in London from Glastonbury.  
“Hiya, he’s not, he’s gone shopping. I can’t do it in my condition.” I rolled my eyes.  
“Yeah, about that, with them touring Europe and Japan again it was assumed that you wouldn’t be joining them.” he spoke carefully.  
“Who assumed that exactly?” I was looking forward to going to Japan and more European countries.  
“Er, no one in particular.” He backed out of giving me an answer. “We probably can’t get you the insurance anyway.”  
“It was Noel wasn’t it? Did he tell you to ring while he was gone and everything? Do you like being the bearer of his bad news?” I questioned, letting my anger take control.  
“No, it wasn’t him.” he denied. “Seriously it’s not good for you to be flying that many times, being on the road, being surrounded by drink and drugs.” he made excuses.  
“You’re worried if I go I’ll not be able to resist skinning up? That’s pathetic. I never touched drugs before I met the lads, I’m not stupid enough to keep it up while I’m pregnant.”  
“Look, we can’t stop you but Creation isn’t going to be paying for your tickets or your rooms or anything.” he said bluntly. “You aren’t going to be on this tour.”  
“Fine. I’ll go back to Manchester and be with everyone else you’ve rejected from touring, away from my boyfriend for ages. You are an interfering little twat, d’you know that.”  
He sighed. “Don’t take it out on me, you’re going to the Roskilde Festival and they’re back for a month after the 22nd of July. You’re pregnant, you can’t just carry on as normal.”  
“Yes I can! Kenzie did. It doesn’t change that much.”  
“Stacy… You have to realise you can’t be the same now you’re having a kid.”  
“I fucking did last time. Sexist pigs.” I slammed the phone back on the receiver.  
I stormed upstairs and started packing a suitcase. I was so angry that they’d banned me from going with them without even asking me. I felt betrayed. I hated Noel being protective and controlling, there was no way I was putting up with it for another six months.  
“Yorkie, I’m back. Where are you?” Noel shouted.  
“Upstairs.” I replied. “Chief.” I added through gritted teeth.  
“Just look at these.” he said after running up the stairs. “Why are you packing? I thought you’d already done it.”  
“Going back home, ain’t I?” I could feel tears coming, damn pregnancy emotions. “I couldn’t care less about your stupid shoes Noel.”  
“Woah, whatever’s upset you, there’s no need to insult the Adidas-es.” he pretended to be offended. “Are you going to tell me what I’ve done?”  
“Marcus said I have to go home when you go to Europe and Japan so I’m going now since you obviously don’t want me around.”  
“What? Who’s told him that?” he questioned, looking genuinely confused.  
“You did, I know you did.”  
“I swear on… on my guitar, the one Johnny Marr gave me, this bloody wasn’t me.” he promised. “Course I want you around, I’ve never not wanted you around in the last four years. Why would I want rid of you now you’re having my kid?”  
“You think I’m just going to get in the way cos I’m getting fat.” I didn’t believe him, I refused to accept what he said.  
“Don’t fucking tell me what I think Stacy.” He raised his voice. “I didn’t know, if you’re not coming they can find a new tour guitarist. I don’t friggin’ want to be away from you and my kid.” He pushed the suitcase away and closed it. “I’ll sort it.”  
He put his bags on the bed and pulled out a shoe box. “Come on, let me show you what I bought. I know you’re impressed by my trainers really.” he said, trying to be cute.  
I wiped my eyes to get rid of the tears and opened the box expecting to see yet another pair of white and most likely blue Adidas trainers that were meant to be the latest design but looked basically the same as all the others to me.  
There was a pair of white and light blue Nike trainers wrapped in tissue, but they were tiny, fitting into the corner of the adult size Adidas box. “They are so, so cute.” I picked them up and played with them. “But Thora isn’t even in shoes yet, these are going to be soo out of fashion before we need them.” I mocked his ability to track trainer fashion.  
“And? I’ll just get him some new ones.” he shrugged before putting his arms around me to hug me.  
“You are going to be gutted when he’s born a girl.”  
“No, no, I’m not.” he objected. “I just feel it’s a lad. Our Kid’s already betting on it.” He showed me the ones he’d bought for himself.  
“Did you buy food, like you went out for?”  
“Shit, I forgot, No.” he put his hand on his forehead and screwed up his eyes.  
As I tutted he nudged me and said “Course I did, they’re delivering it in a bit.”   
…  
I tried to avoid going to anywhere medical but Noel forced me to go to a maternity hospital for the thirteen week scan on the 28th (twelve to fourteen as we knew it when we went), insisting it was important.  
The ultrasound technician lectured me about avoiding tests while they performed the abdomen scan.  
“Oi, she don’t like hospitals and that, she knows she shouldn’t miss it but if you carry on I’ll never get her to another appointment.” Noel pointed out once he’d had enough of what they were saying. “Just do your job.”  
They went silent and then began commenting on the ultrasound, pointing out the heartbeat and everything else they could tell us. They altered the due date to the 5th of January because the baby’s measurements suggested I was thirteen weeks, not twelve or fourteen.  
“Can you tell what junk it’s got yet?”  
His phrasing stumped the technician and earned him a funny look. “Oh, at thirteen weeks it can be possible to see but I couldn’t be definite until after sixteen weeks.”  
“Do not tell him.” I ordered threateningly. “I don’t want to know and I don’t want him to know.”  
He and Liam was so certain it was a boy but I didn’t want to know until it was born or at least not yet.  
He gave me a look. “How can you not want to know, Stace?”  
“This is my baby and I want to keep it secret. Why do we need to know? What difference does it make?”  
“It’s our baby, not just yours! I want to know, what about names and that?”  
I sat up to argue, getting the ultrasound gel on my clothes. “You only want to know to win Liam’s stupid bet.”  
“No I want to know my child.”  
“That isn’t knowing your child, it’s just anatomy. You don’t need to know and aren’t going to know until they’re born or until I say.”  
“Why are you being like this, Stacy? Why are you friggin’ pushing me away?”  
“Calm down, you need to have this discussion elsewhere.” the technician pointed out and got us to leave.  
They gave us copies of the scan, I couldn’t stop looking at the picture and I couldn't wait to show it to everyone I knew. The argument hanged over us, both of us too stubborn to come to a resolve.  
…  
Noel went out to avoid me.  
“Noel?” I answered the phone that evening.  
“Hello is more conventional.” It was Bonehead. “I was after Noel.”  
“He took off earlier, we argued at the baby scan.” I admitted.  
He did a deep sigh. “He's trying his hardest Stacy. You need to learn to communicate or he’s going to end up being like Tony. Running off, arguing and all that, it’s just making him suspicious.”  
“Suspicious of what, Bonehead?”  
“I don’t know… that the baby isn’t his.” He spoke carefully. “No one thinks that but well you know how things have been in the past.”  
“The ultrasound says I got pregnant when we were in London. It’s not even possible for it to be anyone else’s.”  
“Alright, just remember the coke don’t help. When he gets back, talk to him, that’s all I can say.”  
“I will. What did you ring for?”  
“Oh, just to talk, I’ll try again in a bit.”


	48. Chapter 48

We went to the Roskilde Festival in Denmark on the 30th.  
“What are you reading there?” I asked Liam, who was sat reading an actual book. “Didn’t know you could read.” I joked.  
“Er, what’s it called?” he looked at the cover, holding his place in the book. “Er, Becoming A Daddy.”  
“Good read?” I sat next to him.  
“Not really but I nicked it from Noel so…” he shrugged.  
I had no idea Noel had bought baby books. “You had to find out what the fuss is about?” I suggested. “When did he buy it?”  
“Got some lacky to get it after we left sheep shagger country.”  
“That’s proper mean.” I couldn’t help laughing. “What have you learnt?” I sat with him.  
“Well not once has it mentioned beating the shit out of your kids or generally friggin’ bullying them so I guess we’re going to have to not do that.” he tried to casually reference his parenting but even he couldn't hide how much damage it had caused them.  
“You, Noel and Paul are nothing like him. You turned out to be amazing, caring lads that I’m so grateful to know.” I leant my head against his shoulder. “At least you know exactly how not to raise a family.”  
“How’s this having a baby thing going anyway?” he asked as he put the book down and put his arm around me.  
“When I’m not ridiculously tired or wanting to eat weird as fuck food and all that it’s actually pretty good.” I smiled. “How’s this going to be an uncle thing going?”  
“Part of me wishes that book applied to me…”  
“Your dick?” I stuck my tongue out at him childishly.  
“No, I’m being serious, somewhere in here.” he tapped a finger on the temple of his forehead. “Just being honest.”  
“I don’t deserve you and you deserve someone who only wants you. There’s thousands of girls, especially fan girls who want that.”  
“Cheap, dirty shags that I can’t remember days later.” he described fangirls. “If we got what we deserved I’d have grown up with rich parents in a massive house, not being a thieving little twat.”  
“I get the impression rich parents, massive house people are actually really miserable but thieving little twats grow up to be lively lads with plenty of character.”   
“If I’ve got so much character, why won’t you be with me?”  
“I’m carrying your brother’s baby for a start. We didn’t work, I went off with your brother. I’m grateful you can still stand being in the same room as me.”  
He grabbed the scrunchie from my ponytail and used it to tie my wrists together.  
“What the fuck are you doing?” I asked as I gave him a strange look and held my wrists in place.  
“Just shut up a minute.” he said impatiently.  
He started playing air piano and hummed a tune before he started singing. “Imagine there's no heaven. It's easy if you try.”  
I tried to work out why I was being sung to while being rubbishly tied up.  
“No hell below us. Above us only sky.” he continued.  
John Lennon’s Imagine. I vaguely remembered Noel telling me Liam would tie me to a chair and play every Beatles and John Lennon tune if he found out I didn’t know them.  
“He told you?” It was so long ago, I didn’t know how it wasn’t long forgotten.  
“Said I should do it to make you fall for me cos you’d find it clever and funny and stuff. Show you how I feel and that.”  
“You’ve made it perfectly clear how you feel but you’re like years too late. We agreed to stop this.”  
He cupped my cheeks and kissed my lips, going for the surprise tactic again, expecting I’d kiss back but I didn’t. “No, you…”  
I slipped out of my scrunchie handcuffs and grabbed his hand, interrupting his argument. I held it against the side of my belly. “That’s your niece or nephew.”  
“Book says they’re called niblings.” he showed off, I did not know that term. “Was that…?” he was surprised by a movement, it was too early for kicks so I don’t know what he felt.  
“Yeah, they know you’re family and that we need you to be a good uncle. If you love me and you love Noel, you’ll stop trying it on with me, stop making us have secrets, everything.”  
He sighed. “You know when we were in Sweden last year, I never did heroin, a lot of weed and coke I think, but not heroin.” he admitted.  
I didn’t know why he’d chosen to tell the truth now and I didn’t care.   
“You wazzock. I hate you.” I blurted in anger. “What was you doing then? Do you know how much I’ve worried about you? Why’d you lie to me all this time?”  
“Don’t hate me, I don’t know what I was fucking thinking. I just went round talking to everyone who spoke a word of English.”  
“I’m done Liam. Don’t talk to me. We can’t be friends anymore. I always told you your lies would catch up with you and here we are.” I got up and walked away.  
“Yorkie! I’m sorry, alright, I’m an idiot. You basically had nothing to do with me for ages, what else was I supposed to fucking do?” He chased after me.  
I refused to respond.  
“Come on, this isn’t you. I’m sorry I lied. I’m so fucking sorry. I don’t know how to not be a fuck up.” It really didn’t suit him to act like this. “I’m not giving up, you have to talk to me.”  
“Fuck off and leave me alone.” I walked as fast as I could but he could easily walk as fast.  
He continued to apologise for everything he could think of and try to convince me not to fall out with him until we ran into Bonehead.  
“What’s going off?” he asked as I stood behind him, using him as a shield like a shy child.  
“He won’t leave me alone.”  
He shook his head. “Liam, just fuck off a minute, yeah? In case you haven’t noticed she’s pregnant. She doesn’t need you hassling her.”  
He disappeared and I had to explain the fight to Bonehead.  
…  
I managed to avoid Liam for about an hour. When he said he wasn’t going to give, he truly meant it.  
“Yorkie.”  
I ignored him.  
“Stacy.”  
“Go away.” I told him tiredly, I was passed being angry but I couldn’t look at him.  
“Turn around and I promise you’ll laugh.”  
I did and saw him down on one knee holding out a Haribo ring. “Marry me, Yorkie.”  
“You need a mental hospital.” I put my hand over my mouth to hide my smile.  
“Go on, be my fiance again. I saved every cola bottle in the packet for you.”  
I took the ring and he got to his feet. “Have I got to wear it?”  
“Yes. How else are people going to know we’re engaged?” He put his arm around my shoulders.  
I put the gummy ring on my finger. “You are actually mad Liam.”  
“Don’t rate care. We’re friends, yeah?” I reluctantly nodded. “Right, I’m off to find some birds. In a bit.” he kissed my cheek and went to walk off.  
“Oi, cola bottles, pay up.” He passed the packet to me and went off again.  
…  
Noel was the first to notice my new ring. I’d taken Bonehead's advice and thing were better again with Noel because of it.  
“What’s that all about?” He asked as he took my hand and inspected it like it was a real ring.  
“Oh, me and Liam got engaged.” I said nonchalantly.  
“Right.” he extended the sounds, not believing me. “When’s the wedding?”  
“We’ve got to find a gummy bear vicar that’ll marry us first.” I smirked.  
“You two are crazy.” he laughed. “What really happened?”  
“Nothing, we were just talking and he proposed.” he gave me a look. “Okay, we had an argument and a stupid, meaningless gesture worked better than a shitload of stupid, meaningless apologies.”  
“Must have been serious if he tried saying sorry or is it just me that he’d never say it to? Do I need to go and sort him out for upsetting you?”  
“No, it’s not worth it, it’s over.” There was no way I was going to tell him why we’d argued, there was too much entangled in this one.  
“Can I eat your engagement ring?”  
I never thought I'd be asked that. I nodded “yeah.” and he took it.  
…  
The band headed to Milan in Italy while I had to go back to Manchester. I hated having to go home alone and I still didn’t know who’d decided I couldn’t tour. Noel sorted nothing to get me back on the tour.  
“Look after Kate and our Lucy, won't you?” Bonehead asked while we were in the airport.  
“Course, I can't wait to see my nieces.”  
“Going to be a bit fucking weird without you or any of our girlfriends with us this time.” he commented.  
“Don't remind me, you lot could get up to anything now.”  
“Nah, we’re good lads.”  
“Kicked off a ferry, arrested, Noel walking.” I reeled off incidents that happened while I was home.  
“All that's ancient. We’re not going to get into any trouble.”


	49. Chapter 49

When I got home my life immediately became mundane. I had to launder my suitcase of clothes and caught up with Peggy.  
“So what’s my lads been doing?” She asked.  
I knew Liam would have phoned Peggy already. I didn’t know what he talked to her about because he never told her about anything that happened.  
“Liam’s only been out of Manchester for a few days, hasn’t he?” I laughed. “He’s just doing the festival gig, being a bit annoying, you know. Noel’s been keeping me in line, working hard on his career.” I said not really knowing what to say.  
“Have you needed keeping in line?” she asked, I’d forgotten she knew about my past behaviour thanks to my stupidity at Christmas.  
“Being pregnant is making me weird, crying, thinking small things are the end of the world. He’s just had to bring me back down to earth, kind of thing.” I explained, not prepared to discuss the whole truth.  
“What small things?”  
“Er, when I was told I wasn’t going with them this time.”  
“Yeah? What did he do?”  
“Well, he lied and said he’d overrule the decision but if I’m honest I’m glad to be home now, it’d be too hot for me traveling in Europe.”  
“You two didn’t fecking fight about it, did you?”  
I wondered what he’d told her for her to ask that.  
“No, no, we sort of fought at the baby scan and fell out for a few hours but we didn’t fight about touring.” I admitted.  
“Why are you so against knowing the baby's sex?”  
I sighed. “I'm really scared the more I know the more likely it is to have something go wrong. I want the baby to be mine, just mine.” I confessed.  
“You can’t think like that, it's not healthy, love.” She shook her head. “You don’t need to protect it from Noel or anyone else. We’re all here for you and the baby.”  
The truth was I’d had Billy taken from my care and I was scared if I let anyone else be involved it would happen to this one too. It was so irrational but I couldn’t open up to anyone about it.  
“I know. I know I’ve got no reason to try to keep the baby from anyone, especially Noel. He’s doing everything he can to prove to himself, he’s not going to be his Dad.”  
“I carried Liam knowing what Tommy was like, I had a good idea how he’d be brought up. You don’t fecking have that experience and I hope you never do.”  
I always let their childhoods slip my mind or at least the part that involves him. They’d revealed very little about the abuse, preferring to talk about the good times if they had to talk about their youth at all.  
“I’m so sorry.” I didn’t know what else I could say.  
She had, had it much worse than anything I’d experienced and here I was being selfish again when I had no real reason to be.  
“Don’t be, love. Could have been worse.” She gave a reassuring smile. “What have you got planned while you’re back here?”  
I hadn’t actually thought about it at all, I just wanted to pass the time until Noel and Liam got back. “Work and visit people, maybe prepare stuff for the baby?” I suggested.  
“Er, where’s the baby going to be living?”  
It was something else we hadn’t discussed, I was beginning to realise we weren’t at the right time of our lives for a baby. Noel hadn’t been capable of thinking of much else than the music since I met him and the more popular they got, the more pressure he was to keep it up. I on the other hand couldn’t support myself without them but still I did my best (or worst) to ruin everything.  
“I don’t know whether Noel would rather raise it in London or up here.”  
“What do you want?”  
“You know I’d rather rather be here with your support. I can’t do it alone down London but he likes it down there.”  
“I wouldn’t expect you to try raising a baby so far from your friends and family.”  
She should be mad at us, we weren’t married (in fact I’d been “engaged” to Liam twice more than I had to Noel) and as far as I knew he wasn’t going to propose, he could be doing anything now that I’m not there.  
I felt guilty for thinking he would cheat when he never had or he’d just been clever enough to hide it. Anything he did, I would have to forgive because he forgave me and I was still keeping so much more from him. I’d never felt so insecure.  
…  
I went back to work at the Nag’s Head that evening, I went in order to see Mike rather than to do a shift. I pulled people’s pints and chatted.  
It felt quite good to be normal again. Here I wasn’t just Stacy, friend of Oasis. I was just Stacy, the barmaid, it was much less interesting but it was mine. I hoped I wouldn’t have to talk much about Oasis or the baby. I actually wanted to small talk.  
“How have you and the lads been?” Mike asked.  
“Really good, thanks. What have I missed here?”  
“It’s been wall to wall parties.” he smiled as I looked around the same old, quiet pub.  
I remembered telling Noel something similar when he’d left me in London for an American tour. “How’s things been, living the jetset lifestyle?”  
“Great, the fast lane great.” I nodded. “But I wanted one of these more.” I put my hand on my belly.  
Some people sat close enough to hear offered their congratulations. “You’ve not been gone that long, have you?” he asked, astonished.  
“I’ve been gone nearly seven months and I’m fourteen weeks.”  
“Oh.” He thought I wasn’t fourteen weeks. “Do you know what you’re having yet?”  
“Just a baby.” I grinned.  
“I know how to tell if it’s a boy or a girl.” a woman in her fifties said, she was like Peggy except I like Peggy.  
She got a wedding ring to swing over my bump insisting the way it was swinging. She was convinced from that, that I was having a girl. Apparently I looked more like I was carrying a boy though.  
“We’ll see when they’re born.” I shrugged, I was very sceptical about these old wives’ tales.  
She kept giving me all sorts of outdated tips (that I didn’t want or need) about pregnancy and raising a child.  
“Y’know we’re going to have to discuss maternity leave. I’m going to have to look it up and everything.” Mike told me right at the end of the shift.  
“No, no. You don’t need to pay me when I’m not working. I just disappeared for seven months, you don’t owe me anything.”  
“You were still my employee. I think it’s the law.”  
“I was employed by Noel when I got pregnant, not you. Which I never signed a contract for either job. I’m not taking maternity leave wages off you.”


	50. Chapter 50

I went to see Kenzie the next morning, it felt so long since I'd seen her and the kids even though it had only been weeks.  
I was surprised to see her like she was, hair tied up out the way, mumsy clothes, nothing like the girl I first met. The kids were asleep when I got there.  
“How are you doing?” I asked as she made tea.  
“Not good if I'm honest.” she admitted, she didn’t hide her low mood in her tone. “I'm a full time, stay at home Mum now. I love my kids but I never, never wanted this.”  
“You lost your job?”  
“I had to quit, there's no one else to take care of the girls.”  
“Tony is still awol?” I couldn’t believe him.  
“Haven't seen or heard from him or his parents since he left. My Mam stopped talking to me when she found out. Peggy and Kate babysat a couple of times but I really don't like asking them, my kids aren't their problem.”  
“How are you paying for things?” I asked feeling sorry for her. “I'm guessing Tony's not paying child support or anything.”  
“Savings.” She shrugged. “Social services told me to take him to court but look at me, if the courts saw me like this I'd lose custody.”  
“No, you wouldn't. They are trying to help you. If you go to court I'll look after the girls, support you all I can.” I assured her.  
“He'll want DNA tests and everything to drag it out and try to get out of paying up though.” She didn't have the energy to go through all of that.  
Liam’s stupidity was still affecting them over a year after he last said it. I wished he’d learn to think before he acted but that wasn’t who he was.  
“You can’t let him get away with it. They are his. I’ll go round his and make him pay up if I have to.” I knew I was responsible and I had to make it up to her.  
“No, you don’t need to get involved. I know it’s shitty being stuck here, pregnant while the lads are doing who the fuck knows but it doesn’t mean you should do this.”  
I’d already committed to solving the problem. I had to. I’d made Tony angry with me and exposed my best friends’ cheating just to argue with Tony.  
Thora started shouting “Dada! Dada!” as loud as she could.  
“Shit, she’ll wake Charlotta.” she groaned before going to get her from her room.  
“Aunt!” Thora shouted as soon as she saw me.   
She ran straight to me as soon as Kenzie put her on the ground. “Thora! You’re getting so big, stop growing.” I told her.  
“All she does is grow out of her clothes and miss her Dad.” Kenzie rested her chin on her hand.  
“Bump!” She poked my tummy. “Bump!”  
“Stop it Thora.” Kenzie said, sounding exhausted.  
“You’re alright, it’s my baby.” I told her.  
She looked up and frowned at me so I set about explaining it to her. I wasn’t sure about what to say to a child if her age so I hoped Kenzie would stop me if I said something wrong.  
…  
Noel phoned that evening, he’d vowed to keep in touch every day but I hadn’t expected it since he’d never managed it before.  
“How's France treating you?”  
“I’d rather talk about you and our kid.”  
“Me and Liam?” I asked, confused. I had nothing to say to him on that subject.  
He sighed. “No, not you and him, you and my unborn child. This is why we need to know the sex so we can give it a name.”  
“We are fine, I promise. We’re both just getting bigger, waiting for you to get home.”  
“You could come and see us on the 14th and 15th in Scotland. You and Kenzie like the good old days.”  
I laughed at that. “You’re not old enough to be a reminiscent old man. Kenzie’s not going to come, she’s right down now Tony’s gone.”  
“But you will?  
“I don’t know, it’s a long drive. Is Guigs’ still Tony’s mate?”  
“Dunno, whatever you’re trying to do, fucking don’t. You can’t get force him back into our lives.”  
“I don’t want to force him back into anyone’s lives except his kids’. It’s my fault that he stopped seeing them. I’ve ruined Kenzie’s and their lives.”  
“Does Stacy listen to any of you?” I heard him ask the people he was with. “What did you do exactly?” He sounded suspicious of me.  
I told him about the argument between me and Tony and how it had led to their break up.  
“Wow Our Li’ is into pregnant birds?” He laughed  
“Am fucking not!” I heard Liam shout in the background.  
“Shut up.” he sighed. “I mean we knew Kenz’ was into The Liam Gallagher but still I’m surprised.”  
I shook my head. “None of us know the celebrity Liam Gallagher, especially not you, you’re his brother… Okay she was kind of interested because he’s a rockstar the first time.” I admitted.  
He got serious. “How come you sold out your mates? Thought you cared about Liam and Kenzie.”  
“I do.” I hadn’t thought about it like that before. “I was angry and pregnant. He was being a dick. You weren’t talking to me, neither was Liam. I was really worried about you.”  
“So it’s my fault you told Tony about Liam trying to have it off with her?” He got annoyed. “All of us made sure Tony was never going to know. Clearly being someone’s mate means more to us lot than it does to you.”  
“Noel, please, you know that’s not true. I was pissed off, I could have told him what they did in California but I didn’t. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, not Kenzie, not Liam, not even Tony, that’s why I have to do something.”  
“Promise me you won’t go talking to him.”  
“Why?”  
“Things didn’t end on a good note, did they?” He stated the obvious. “He swore he’d get me back. He wasn’t fucking clear what he meant by that but if he did anything to you or my kid, me and Li’ would find ourselves in prison for life.”  
“He wouldn’t do anything to me.” I denied.  
I’d never seen Tony do anything violent, at all. He was plenty malicious but that was all in the mind.  
“Promise me Stacy or I’m coming home right now.” he threatened.  
I promised with acquiesce. “Don’t come home and I’ll think about coming to Scotland. Oasis are nothing without you Chief.”  
“I know but don’t let the lads hear it… You sure I can’t come home for an hour or two?” He spoke quietly.  
“No you’ll destroy the planet…”  
“We’re not that explosive together, are we?” I could imagine his eyebrow raised and his lips forming a smirk.  
“Tornado meets a volcano every time.” I replied.  
I heard him shout “Oi dickhead!”  
“We’ve got stuff to do Yorkie.” Liam spoke. “You and STD have had enough of his attention for today.”  
“Please don’t fight...”  
“We’re not.” he interrupted and then I heard the line went dead. “Stop calling it STD.” I said to no one.


	51. Chapter 51

While shopping at the supermarket, (my trolley looking sarcastically empty at this point because I couldn’t be bothered with carrying a basket) someone tapped me on the shoulder.  
“You lied to us.”  
I turned around to see Emily from Glastonbury. “About what?”  
“That, you said you wasn’t.” she pointed at my abdomen, I had a fitted top on so it was pretty obvious.  
“Sorry, I didn’t think we’d see each other after the festival.”  
“You’re forgiven. What’s it like carrying Noel Gallagher’s baby?” she asked letting the fan girl in her take over.  
“I’m certain it’s going to be born with the biggest eyebrows a baby has ever had.” I joked not knowing how to answer seriously.  
“It’s going to be so cute.” She unexpectedly gave me a quick hug. “Where is Noel, is he here somewhere?”  
“He’s on tour somewhere in Europe.” I answered. “So what are you and the lasses doing now you’ve finished Uni?”  
We continued to walk and shop as we talked.  
“Just job hunting, pretending we’re ready to be adults.”  
“If you find out how to be an adult, let me know. I’m twentyfive and I haven’t got a clue.” I joked.  
“You don’t have to though, you’ve got Noel and Oasis.” she sounded a tad jealous. “You can just do what you want forever.”  
“They could drop me any time they want.” I admitted the fear I’d carried from the moment I realised they were going to be successful.   
“Not now you’re having the baby. I saw how Noel was, he’d never let it happen.” She shook her head, denying what I’d said.  
“Doesn’t mean I can keep being the girl who parties with them. I’ve seen what having children did to my mate Kenzie.”  
“Did she go out with that Tony?” she asked trying to work out how she knew the name.  
“Yep. For over two years.” It was mad to realise May 93’ when they met Alan McGee was only two years ago. “Let’s just say him leaving Oasis wasn’t good for them.” I added not wanting to discuss their private life.  
“Why did he get kicked out?” she asked. “We’ve read different things.”  
“The truth is it was his drumming skills, they were fine for Definitely Maybe but Paul Weller told them about Alan who’s better so Tony had to go.” I explained.  
She stayed quiet for a moment deciding whether to believe me or what she’d read. “Fair enough, I really can’t wait for October to get (What’s the Story)?”  
“I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. I was at some of the recording.” I told her, knowing she’d be so jealous if she knew I already had a CD of the album and the B sides.  
“What’s recording like? I bet it’s wild.”  
“Yeah, wild.” I answered sarcastically. “If you like hearing “Perfect! Can you do that bit again?” over again or arguments when it’s not going right. Plus my surprise was making me ill and strange.”  
“The baby wasn’t planned?” she asked staring at me as though she realised a load of scandalous rumors must be true.  
“No, it was but it happened earlier than expected.” I corrected. I didn’t know when would have been the right time for us.  
“Is it Noel’s?... Sorry.” she asked and then looked away trying to distance herself from the question.  
“One hundred percent, yes. What have you read on that?”  
I was interested. I hadn’t read anything about Oasis or any celebrity for ages, there were too many blatant lies.   
“You know it’s all bullshit. There’s been allsorts…” She stopped to think. “Secret meetings with Damon Albarn after the Brits…”  
I interrupted putting on an exaggerated, fake laugh. “I’ve met him once, at Glastonbury, last year.”  
“Um, I mean there’s loads, Paul Weller, Jarvis Cocker, basically people who went to the Brits this year.”  
“Fucking hell. Noel would actually kill me if it was anything to do with Weller.” I said, shocked. “I didn’t even go to the Brits, I were just at Noel’s with Kenzie and her kids. I can’t be bothered with celebrities, I wouldn’t bother with secret meetings.”  
“They’re biggest bet is it’s Liam’s.”  
“Well years ago that could have been true so well done them.”  
“Why did you split up? I mean, come on, it’s Liam Gallagher.” She spoke as though the status of the name was enough.  
“It’s complicated and a long time ago.” There was no way I was discussing our break up with her.  
“Did he cheat or something?”  
I hated that she’d instantly assumed it had been Liam in the wrong. He’d done nothing to deserve what I did.  
“No, no, I did… with Noel” I admitted. “I’m not a cheater, I wasn’t ready to commit back then. I got caught up in being “rock n roll” and that.”  
“I don’t believe the crap they publish, I wonder what they achieve by writing stuff about you and your baby.”  
“Suppose they’ll find it fun when Noel believes it and then they can judge me for being an unemployed single mother.” I said casually.  
“I shouldn’t have brought those stupid stories up, sorry. We all know they’re not true. When are the lads back?”  
“The twenty-something-th. Noel wants me to go to Scotland but I don’t know…”  
“I would, what’s there to consider?” she interrupted with enthusiasm.  
We eventually parted ways. When I got home I put the shopping away and thought about Scotland. Emily was right, I should want to go without having to overthink it. I was certain Kenzie wasn’t up to it and I didn’t want to drive up there on my own.  
…  
Thinking Kenzie definitely wouldn’t be interested, I invited Emily. As she said in the supermarket, she agreed without hesitation. When I did ask Kenzie she decided she was up for it as long as there was room for the kids.  
The four hour drive to Irvine was with Emily, Kenzie, Thora and Charlotta was an awkward one since they met for the first time in my car. Emily treated Kenzie as a celebrity as she had done with me. This wasn’t the road trip I’d had in mind when Noel had suggested I visited.  
I was too focused on getting to Irvine, to pay much attention to any of my passengers. I missed the lads this time far more than I had when they were away any of the other times. I couldn’t wait to surprise them.  
“Hey, Stacy, have you tried getting off with Emily yet?” Kenzie asked after their conversation had fallen silent, she made it sound like it was inevitable.  
“What?” Emily sounded alarmed. “You want to kiss me.”  
I sighed. “No, no, I didn’t just do it out the blue, did I Kenz'?”  
“What happened?” Emily asked keenly, not wanting to be excluded by her newness to our circle.  
“Liam... Liam is the kind of lad who gets what he wants.” Kenzie tried to explain without making herself look bad.  
“I saw them kiss while she was with Tony, who could have walked in on them at any time. I decided the only way to stop them was to interrupt and kiss Kenzie.” I explained, removing the excitement from the anecdote. “It did it's job, no big deal.”  
“Yeah? What about that hotel girl?”  
“How do you know about her?” I didn’t think anyone else knew about her.  
“I heard hotel girl ranting about how rude Noel was, being completely unprofessional. I asked Noel what he'd done and he said she wanted more of his girlfriend than he was going to allow.” she retold.  
“That's not what happened.” I shook my head. “She just wanted a quickie with Noel before her shift and that wasn't what she was there for.”  
…  
Having Kenzie and the kids with us was more problematic than I thought it would be. We had to stop loads of times and it made it difficult for us to get rooms to stay in. Emily insisted she didn’t need a hotel room. I had a feeling she was aiming for a night with one of the band.  
…  
I went to Noel’s hotel room the next morning. I walked in, saw them and left the room. I couldn’t believe it. I crouched, leant against against the wall, utterly betrayed.  
“Stacy, what are you doing? Are you alright? Is it the baby?” Guigsy questioned when he came down the corridor and saw me.  
“Noel… and Emily… they’re in there.” I pointed to the door.  
“Eh, what?”  
“He’s got his own back on me, hasn’t he? Is this what he does when I’m not there?” I questioned, my mind racing with accusation.  
He sat next to me on the floor. “She was hammered last night, blind drunk. She’s probably just gone to the wrong room.” he suggested.  
“He’s had her, I know he has.” I let out a shaky breath, conflicted between anger and pain.  
“Now you have an idea how Noel felt every time you did it to him.”  
I felt sick. “He never caught me and we weren’t having a child back then.”  
He stood up, opened the door a few inches and closed it again. “I’ll talk to him, alright? I don’t know why I’m doing this for you.” He went in and I put my ear to the wall to listen.  
“Oi Noel, Stacy’s outside.”  
“No she’s not, she’s right here.” Noel murmured, still half asleep.  
“That’s Em’.”  
“Fucking hell, has she seen this? Get her in here.”  
Guigsy helped me up, commenting that I shouldn’t be sat like that in my condition and held the door open for me.  
“Thought she was you.” Noel said, sat holding his hand out to me.  
Emily was still fast asleep.  
I stood with my arms crossed. “What did you do while thinking she was me?”  
“Nothing, she passed out there at God knows what time and I put my arm around her, while asleep. I did it to Guigsy in Germany. Didn’t I?”  
I turned to see Guigsy nodd. “What was Guigsy doing in your bed?”  
“Same as her, too out of his mind to know where he was.” he shrugged. “Come here.”  
I walked to him and took his hand.  
“How could you think I’d cheat when you’re doing this for me?” he spoke gently, putting his hand on my bump.  
The baby kicked as soon as he touched me.   
“Sorry, I just saw and knew what she was like last night…”  
“Yeah, for Liam and him, not me.” he threw a look at Guigsy. “Why would I get with a kid with mad red hair?”  
“She’s twenty one, she’s not a kid.”  
“Younger than my baby brother, she’s a kid to me.” he said. “I’m right hungry, lets go get breakfast.”  
He quickly got dressed in clothes he’d grabbed from a suitcase and we went to find some breakfast.


	52. Chapter 52

We were signed up to antenatal classes in Manchester. Actually Noel set it up with a private practice so the classes wouldn’t have more than two other women, preferably not Oasis fans. I wasn’t looking forward to the class or meeting these people, especially without Noel.  
The two couples in the class were in their thirties and married. One couple were called Bradley and Claire. The other were Christopher and Brenna. They were both many weeks ahead of me in their pregnancies. They were far more interested in me than I was in them.  
They asked loads of questions, mostly along the lines of is it my first child? I asked them the same questions to be polite.  
When I told them who the father was, they didn’t really believe me and they’d only heard of him from the times Oasis had made the headlines for causing trouble. Apparently they prefered jazz and blues.  
I wished I could join another class because I had nothing in common with them and I was sure they'd assumed I was a fantasist who was lying because the actual father was a randomer.  
The midwife assigned to our class was about my age and very friendly, she claimed her job didn’t give her time to listen to music.  
I couldn’t help but think I could be in another room of the hospital having an abortion. I could have been back on tour and back high on everything like I’d gotten so used to doing. I almost wished for chance encounters with celebrities like Jarvis Cocker. I realised getting pregnant wasn’t the positive change I was looking for.  
…  
As I walked through town (window shopping for things I could buy for the baby, hoping it would shift the bad mood the class had put me in the previous day) I was greeted by someone I’d gladly not seen in years.  
“You’re that lass.” he said, I didn’t think he knew my name but he was trying to think of it. “It’s me, Tommy. Remember me?” he spoke like we were old friends.  
I recognised his intimidating presence and the smell of alcohol much more than his name. “Yeah, I remember. Hi.” I replied awkwardly.  
All I could remember was his face as he pinned his son against the kitchen wall, how scared I was to watch helplessly.  
“Are you carrying my lad’s kid?” he asked.  
I didn’t know what to say. Noel didn’t want anything to do with him, that included not letting him know about this. I couldn’t lie and add fuel to the paternity fire. “Yeah, it’s Noel’s.”  
“Didn’t think he had it in him.” he tried to joke.  
I looked at my watch and made an excuse about my parking ticket running out and hurried away from him.   
…  
“Hey! How’s STD today?” Liam asked as soon as I answered the phone.  
They were in Dublin, the last gig before they were home again. I couldn’t wait to have them back here with me even though it was only a week since I was with them in Scotland.  
“Where’s Noel?” I asked, ignoring his question.  
“Fucking some bird.”  
I rolled my eyes and said nothing.  
“Listen.” he said before making high pitched sex noises, saying “Noel! Noel!” pretending to be Noel’s conquest.  
“Give over.” I told him, not at all impressed. “There’s flying pigs more believable than you.”  
“Some have helicopter units.”  
“Clever!” I said sarcastically. “Seriously, where’s Noel? I want to talk to him.”  
“Just said he’s busy.” he said, getting frustrated that my attention wasn’t on him. “I rang, I want to talk to you.”  
I sat down wishing I hadn’t answered. “The baby is fine. I know you only asked to call it an STD again. What do you want to talk about?”  
“I don’t know… the weather?”  
“You’re fucking kidding me. You’re ringing while on tour to talk about the weather?” I looked out the nearest window. “It’s spitting.”  
“Has there been any interesting transfer window action?”  
“I haven’t seen anything to do with football since a certain Mancunian team nearly bombed out of the league.”  
“Thought you’d been a bit friggin’ quiet about that.”  
“Well I couldn’t kick you while you were quite literally already down, could I?” I hoped enough time had passed that I wasn’t accidentally kicking up shit.  
“You’ve done far fucking worse to me than dig at Premier League results.” He made me twinge with guilt. “Don’t, don’t start feeling bad cos I said that. I didn’t ring to do that.”  
“I’m not, I’m fine.” I lied.  
“How’s Mam? Is Mam alright?” he questioned.  
“Yeah, of course she is. I’ve never known Peggy Gallagher to be not alright.” I confirmed. “Speaking of your parents, your Dad spoke to me the other day.”  
I hadn’t mentioned it to Noel and I wasn’t sure I should have told Liam either. I should have let the event slip my mind.  
“What? What the fuck did he want?” He asked immediately getting angry.  
I told him what happened.  
“He was right friggin’ there, in front of you, near STD?” he asked, interrupting me. “He’ll be fucking sorry he bothered you.”  
“It was fine, honestly, please don’t get worked up over nothing.” I pleaded. “I should have kept my mouth shut, shouldn’t I?”  
“Don’t ever, ever talk to him again.” he warned. “Oh, Noel’s here now, if you want him.” His tone became calm again in an instant.  
“Please don’t tell him, forget I said anything.”  
He said “Okay.” and passed the phone to Noel.  
“What you talking to him for?” he asked, sounding more suspicious of us than he probably meant to.  
“He was checking on Peggy and stuff. You know he’s a Mummy’s boy.”  
He laughed at that. “Well yeah, that’s true. How’s my baby’s Mummy?”  
“I’m still good.” I spoke as happily as I could. “The baby’s kicking more and more which is fun.” I added sarcastically.  
“You did honestly go to that class, didn’t you?” he asked.  
I’d managed to avoid talking about it in any kind of detail last time we spoke, I had nothing interesting to say about it  
“Course I did.”  
“Go on, what happened? What did you have to do?” he questioned.  
I could have easily lied, he’d never been to one of those classes. “We pretty much just got to know each other. Their names are like ABBA but CBBC, which is a bit weird.”  
“That stands for kid’s BBC, you’ve invented a channel.” he laughed.  
“I’ll go propose it to the BBC, right away.” I joked. “And the midwife said some stuff about making a birth plan.”  
…  
I went to meet them at the airport. I was too excited to see them as I waited for their arrival. I was like a puppy, thinking they were in every lot of passengers that came. Liam was the first I saw, swaggering through like he was everything. The others were right behind him.  
He took his sunglasses off and hugged me. “Yorkie, you’re huge.”  
“Thanks.” I tried to take it as a compliment.  
“Hands off my girlfriend Liam.” Noel said and nudged him.  
He stepped back and put his arms up in the style of a surrender.  
“Hi.” I said quietly and kissed Noel, letting him know (if he was in any doubt) that he was the only man for me.  
When I finished the kiss Guigsy cheekily asked “Oi, if he gets a hug and he gets a kiss, what do we get?” pointing to himself, Bonehead and Alan.  
I gave them a quick group hug, Bonehead and Alan weren't too keen to be forced into it but they didn't have a choice.  
“I've got to run, for my taxi.” Alan pointed out.  
He lived in London and still had a way to go until he was home. “Later Whitey.” we all said before he hurried off.  
We walked to my BMW. I hadn't noticed Noel had both his and Liam's suitcases until we were loading the car. Well, while he loaded the car and I watched, waiting to shut the boot.  
“He always, always mixes our stuff if we're going to the same place so he can claim they're both mine.” Noel complained. “The lazy cunt.”  
We managed to force the suitcases into the boot and I shut the boot lid. “He clearly thinks you’re the stronger, trustworthy, responsible one.”  
“What’s up with you?” he asked, giving me a look. “The baby emotions made you soppy?” he suggested.  
“A bit. I missed you, the baby missed you.” I hugged him, kissing him again until Liam knocked on the back window, getting impatient.  
When we got to Bonehead’s house Liam sat in the back of the car expressing his boredom by sighing and twiddling his thumbs.  
“You could have gotten taxis like Alan, it’s not like you can’t afford it.” I commented. “Then you wouldn’t have to wait.”  
“I’m coming back to ours anyway.” he shrugged.  
I moved to look at him and Noel glanced at the mirror at him. “Why?”  
“To fucking see me Mam, not that it’s got owt to do with you two.” he answered. “It’s still my house anall.”  
“You sure you want to go straight round to theirs?” Guigsy asked. “Can’t keep their hands off each other.”  
I hadn’t realised I’d been holding holding Noel’s hand since I parked the car.  
Bonehead shut the boot and waved bye after finally retrieving his luggage. We drove off to Guigsy’s.  
“This is why girlfriends are better than groupies.” Noel commented. “Something you two will never understand.”  
I threw him a look, silently questioning how he was able to to make the comparison.  
“The Inspiral Carpets tour, back in the day.” he explained.  
“So whipped.” Guigsy smirked, making Liam snigger.  
“I can just drop yous off right here.” I said, slowing down the car to make my point.


	53. Chapter 53

Peggy had made a sunday dinner with Yorkshire puddings and everything for her sons’ home coming. “Come and get your tea, you three.” she called.  
“Mam, you are the best.” Liam said as we sat around the table.  
“Well I don’t think you lot eat right when you’re gone. I know this one fecking doesn’t.” she said, pointing to me.  
She’d naturally taken quite a lot of concern over my diet now I was carrying her grandchild. I didn’t think I ate too badly.  
“The midwives will be having a go at you again.” Noel commented between mouthfuls. “You’ve got another scan coming up.”  
“Can’t you go without me?” I asked making a sad face. “And they was only a ultrasound operator, the midwife from the class liked me.”  
“They won’t find the baby in my belly, will they? There’s nothing interesting to see in there.” he answered. “It’s just a scan, you’re going.”  
Liam huffed. “Can we fucking not talk, baby, baby, fucking baby for a minute?”  
“What’s the matter with you?” Peggy asked and threw him a glare.  
“It’s all she goes on about, it’s all he goes on about. Everyone’s obsessed.” he pointed out. “It’s like the whole entire fucking universe revolves around this friggin’ baby… Baby Jesus got less attention.”  
“You do realise you don’t have to fucking be here, don’t you? Noel told him nastily. “In fact, why don’t you fuck off to your own house? Selfish prick.”  
They'd spent a whole month together on tour, they were long overdue to spend time apart but I wished they could enjoy things like this family meal without fighting.  
“Noel! Stop it!” Me and Peggy scolded in unison.  
We fell into silence and finished the meal.  
…  
I sat on Noel’s bed while he watched TV with his Mum after Liam had left. My mind flicked to one thing. I searched Noel’s sock drawer, finding what I wanted, hidden in an old sock.  
I knew I shouldn’t, I really, really shouldn’t but still I let the powder run from the packet. Just a tiny bit won’t hurt, just for a quick kick, Noel’s still doing it all the time I rationalised. I fashioned it into a line with my finger ready to snort. I felt physically nervous to be doing it again.  
I hadn’t touched the stuff since Noel’s birthday. I’d been so lucky not to get withdrawal, or I just attributed the withdrawal to baby symptoms, fatigue, increased appetite, the bad moods and the weird, vivid dreams, that’s just pregnancy.  
I heard someone coming up the stairs. I didn’t know what to do other than to hope they weren’t heading for this room. I couldn’t hide the powder and I couldn’t snort it that fast. My heart fluttered and beated fast.  
The door swung open and Noel leant against the door frame. “What you doing up here on your own?” he asked. “Thought you’d missed me.”  
He hadn’t noticed and I had to stop him from noticing. “I have.” I took his hand and tried to lead him away.  
“What’s that?” he asked, pulling away from me. “Have you been in my stash? How many times since you’ve been pregnant, Stacy? D’you know how stupid…? How much damage you’re doing to our baby?” he questioned, not letting me get a word in.  
I took his hand again and looked into his eyes. “Never, I’ve never done it and I won’t.”  
“You think you’re so good at lying, you’re not…”  
“I’m not lying Noel.”  
“Why’s there a line, right there, waiting, then?”  
“Because…” I didn’t know a because that would validly explain it. “Because I needed one, I thought I needed one little hit. I’ve jumped from one life to another in a flash and you and Liam are still fighting.”  
“It’s my fault again. Y’know what, why don’t you just go home? Not to Liam’s, not London, Not Liverpool, home.” he suggested. “Then maybe my baby might be able to wait ‘til after it’s born to get addicted to coke.”  
“I am home, right here, with you.” I insisted. “Don’t make me go, I didn’t do it. I don’t want to do it. I didn’t mean it was your fault.”  
“Okay. If I find you have done stuff while you’re carrying my child, you’re gone and I will get full custody.” he warned.  
I nodded, fully accepting his threat and then we sat on his bed in silence. As I thought I remembered what Peggy said when I first moved in.  
“Why did your Mum think I was pregnant when you brought me home?”  
“Really? You’re bringing that up now?” He spoke like it was supposed to be a long forgotten secret.  
I nodded. “We’re having a baby, we should probably know more about each other’s past.”  
“It’s not even my past, it’s Paul’s but I caused it.”  
“Go on.” I encouraged, intrigued.  
“Paul had a girlfriend when he was fifteen, sixteen. I hated her. I was pissed off one day, think Mam had, had a go at me for having condoms, we’re Catholic and no sex before marriage and all that. “ he explained. “I knew Paul and this bird was, I didn’t think that was fair.”  
“What did you do?”  
He ran his hand through his hair, ashamed. “Told Liam, who was like nine to put a pin through Paul’s stash. I told him they were Paul’s balloons that he uses to impress that girl and she’d fall out with him if he couldn’t blow up one of these balloons.”  
“That’s too devious. So, what she got pregnant?” I asked.  
“Yeah, I know, I shouldn’t have lied to Liam like that, no wonder he doesn’t use them.” he joked. “She did, she got friendly with us all, let us get used to the idea of Paul being a Dad, then aborted it.”  
“What? Why? How could she do that to Paul?” I questioned.  
“Don’t know.” he shrugged. “We just got a letter through the door saying she’d been to the doctor so there was no baby anymore and she’d moved to Devon to live with her Dad.”  
“Oh.” I couldn’t understand this girl at all. “Was Paul alright?”  
“He was fine, he didn’t want a kid, especially not with her. Mam was devastated, she’d gotten into the idea of being a Nan, like she has with us and she’s dead against abortion.”  
“It’s crazy that you being mad one time caused all that.”  
“Yeah and when Liam ratted me out everyone hated me for ages.” he revealed. “She was referring to that or the actually mental lass Liam went with for a bit.”  
“What did she do?”  
“Most of it was after I’d left with the Inspiral Carpets so I only know what Liam told me. She was properly paranoid that he was cheating on her so she’d follow him and hang around outside our house. She bought him presents for week and month anniversaries and be pissed that he hadn’t got her owt. She was just intense too much of the time.” he recounted.  
“Why did he stay with her?” I asked, frowning at the strange behaviour, not being able to imagine Liam dealing with it.  
“He…” He put his hands to his chest. “He said he really liked her boobs and that. I mean he was seventeen but the thing is when he did try to finish her she’d threaten to hurt herself, y’know, cut or stop eating or something then there was the bloody “pregnancy”.” he air quoted.  
“She said she was pregnant?”  
“She faked a test, tried to use it to guilt trip him into staying with her. Credit to Liam, he knew it was bullshit.”  
“What did he do?”  
“Made her go to the doctor. She didn’t come clean until they were with the doctor. Liam said he apologised to the doctor for “letting the lying, slaggy, psycho bitch waste” their time, promised to call the police if she came near him again and just left her there.” he explained.  
“No wonder he doesn’t have girlfriends.” I joked.  
“Sometimes I feel guilty but then I quickly remember he's a cunt.” he smirked.  
“Guilty, why do you feel guilty? You weren't there.”  
“For taking the non-psycho girlfriend he had after her.”  
“Who?” I asked knowing he was with Louise for ages before I met them and Liam had made it pretty clear that he'd had no involvement with her.  
“You.”  
My heart sank like lead. “You didn't take me, I left him. I wasn't meant to be with him, obviously.” I argued attempting to make us both feel better.  
“Don’t tell him I told you, will you? I don’t want him remembering her.”  
I loved seeing Noel protecting his little brother. “Course, I don’t even know how I’d bring this up in a conversation.”  
…  
We went to the sixteen week scan a few days later. We argued about finding out the sex again as we headed to the hospital.  
“Let me know and I promise I won’t tell you or anyone else. I’m the Dad, doesn’t that count for anything?” Noel argued.  
“No, cos you won’t be able to keep it secret. Course being the Dad counts for stuff but I really think we can wait, let it be a surprise.”  
“That’s not a surprise, it’s just a friggin’ fact which would make things so much easier if we knew. A surprise would be… a twin hidden in there.”  
“I know it's just a fact which is why I still don't understand why we're still arguing about this.” I told him.  
“Because we can't get stuff ready, clothes, the nursery.” he argued, getting frustrated. “What colour do we paint the nursery?”  
“We don't even have a nursery, I have no idea where our baby is going to live. The wall colour is irrelevant.”  
“I have a house, we live there. We aren't struggling in a stupid little bedsit. I'm not having this argument now.” he insisted adamantly. “Bet you're glad it's not Liam’s, he wouldn't put up with any of this shit.”  
“I don't live in London and I'm not going to. I can't raise this baby hours away from anyone.” I objected. “I, this has got nothing to do with Liam. I would be alone, not being able to go out, not being able to work if I was down London with the baby.”  
“You don't need to work at all. I've got a number fucking one album and another being released soon. I have the money.” he asserted. “I'm tired of calling the baby it like it's some alien the stork's going to drop off that's got fuck all to do with us.”  
“I'm done arguing. Go find out the baby's sex, we're here now anyway.” I said as I drove into the car park.  
In the appointment it was all smiles and politeness like we hadn't argued all the way there.  
“My little trouble.” Noel murmured when the baby came on the screen, I don't think we were meant to hear him so I didn't say anything.  
“Have you been doing anything stressful today?” The midwife asked. “Your blood pressure is a bit high.”  
I took a deep breath to try to relax myself and bring it down. “We had a bit of a disagreement on the way here.”  
“A row.” Noel corrected.  
“Oh, can I ask what about?”  
“I didn't want to know the sex but he's convinced me that we should find out today, if we can.” I explained.  
“I'll have a look.” She said before doing the usual checks, pointing out body parts which were much easier to recognise this time. “What do you two think you’re having?”  
I shrugged, I didn’t mind or have a feeling either way. Noel said “Little lad, I believe it like I believe grass is green.”  
I hadn’t realised how much he’d put into his or Liam’s gut instinct and complete blind faith, especially from someone who doesn’t believe in the spiritual.  
“Right, here we go…” She said enthusiastically.  
Noel leant forward, moving to the edge of his seat, his hands interlocked in front of his chin like he did when someone was about to score in football. I tried to sit up eagerly too but without moving from the position I was in.  
“See this here.” She circled an area of the screen. “This is it.”  
“Is that a cock?” He guessed, squinting, trying to work out the ultrasound image.  
“Sorry.” I automatically apologised for him.  
“You're right, that's your son's penis.” She smiled. “Congratulations.”  
She updated my notes as the revelation sank in for us.  
“How does Liam do that?” I asked, amazed.  
“Don't start thinking he's got some spiritual power or something, he already thinks he's God.” Noel smirked. “I'm having his room sky blue.”  
“You are not!” I objected, pretending to sound offended. “He's not picking his team before he's even born.”  
“Your notes say you used drugs quite heavily before and after conception. Are you staying clean? The midwife asked cautiously.  
“It was my birthday and we were celebrating us second album.” He excused.  
“I stopped as soon as I knew. I really didn't mean to do it but I didn't know.” I insisted, worried she didn’t believe me.  
“That's fine, keep it up and you and the baby should be alright.” She made a note of that.  
“My son'll be great.” Noel said still grinning. “I'm not even doing anything anymore never mind her.” he lied through his teeth.  
“That's fine.” She repeated, she clearly didn't know who he was.  
“Noel, can we not tell Liam we're having a boy for as long as possible?” I asked as the midwife printed the images. “He'll be too happy with himself.”  
“Wait, you're not Noel Gallagher, Liam and Noel, from Oasis?” She asked, looking at him like she'd suddenly realised.  
Noel just nodded.  
“I thought so but I didn't want to say. I liked your first album but my husband won't listen purely because he's Man United and you're City. I don't follow football but how silly is that?” She said before passing the printed images to me.  
“Well I'm not interested in owt he's done either.” Noel responded. “But you're welcome to drag him along to gigs and buy the CDs and stuff.”  
Noel was in a boastful mood because he'd been right. It was so difficult for him not to tell everyone.


	54. Chapter 54

“Oh I’ve got to go down London tomorrow. For a few days.” Noel announced on the last day of July. “I’ve got to sort some stuff with the house and Creation wants to see us.”  
“I’ll fall out with you if you paint a room sky blue.” I jokingly threatened.  
“No, No, I’ve got bills to sort and a tedious meeting, probably about the artwork, again.” he said boredly. “I’ve got no time for decorating, this time.”  
I got the feeling that he was upto something. It was only two weeks until the first single was released, they should be done with it by now.  
“Fine, if you're off to London I'll give my parents a visit, I have to seen them since we told them about this little fella.” I patted my bump.  
“Are you going to tell them he is a little fella?” he asked with a laugh in his tone.  
“I don't know.” I hadn’t thought about it, I wouldn’t have known to be able to tell them if he hadn’t been so insistent. “If they promise not to tell Jamie, maybe.”  
“How mad would you be if I told Our Kid?”  
“Very. I’ll be livid.” I put on a frown. “No, you can tell him. He knows anyway.”  
“Probably won't. I like knowing something he doesn’t.” he smirked.  
…  
He left early the next morning. I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was planning something, even when I got to my parents’ house.  
“Stacy.” Billy answered the door. “How did you get so fat so quick?”  
“I’m having a baby, aren’t I?” I told him as I walked in the house.  
He was ten, I assumed he didn’t need it explaining. “So I’ve got a niece or nephew?” he asked as he carefully shut the door.  
“Yeah, a nephew.” I got a scan image from my bag and gave it to him. “There he is, your little nephew.”  
He studied the image before putting his hand on my stomach and asking “He’s in there?” The baby kicked for him.  
Mum came into the hallway. “Stacy, what are you doing here, today?” she asked.  
“I wanted to see you all, wondered if you wanted to go to the beach or something for the day.” I explained.  
“The beach is too far now but we were about to go to the park.” she refused my suggestion. “Weren’t we?”  
Billy nodded and handed the ultrasound image to Mum. “I’ve got a nephew, Mum, look.”  
“Go get your shoes so we can go.” Mum told him and he ran upstairs.  
“Are you okay? Where’s the father?” she questioned quietly, hugging me gently.  
“I’m alright, Mum.” I was asked how I was way too much now. “Noel’s gone to London for a meeting with the record company.”  
Dad drove us to the park. It looked idyllic today, the sun was shining, the sky was the perfect blue, the grass and the trees were the perfect green. Even the lake looked great. It was like a film scene, I’d never seen the park like this before.  
We sat on the grass with a blanket near the lake like we were having a picnic but the only food we’d brought was bread for the ducks.  
Billy mostly occupied himself with offering the bread to the ducks, swans, geese and other birds, not really wanting to talk to us.  
“Why didn’t you go to London with Noel?” Dad asked, he sounded concerned.  
“I’m not in Oasis, I can’t go to the meetings they’ve got to have so there’d be no point. Plus I wanted to see yous.”  
“Is Noel honestly the father?” Mum asked after watching me idly rub my baby bump.  
I sighed heavily. “Have you been reading magazines? They lie constantly about everything, you have to know that. I’m having Noel’s son, not Jamie’s, not whoever else keeps being suggested.” I didn’t mean to kind of rant but I hadn’t expected my own Mum to question me like that.  
“It’s okay, kid, we trust you.” Dad said to comfort me but I still felt judged.  
After that I felt like everyone who walked past (mostly dog walkers and parents with their children) were staring at me, assuming I was a young mother-to-be, dependant on my parents.  
“Have you decided who’s going to be Godparents yet?” Mum asked.  
“Godparents?” I asked, staring back at her blankly.  
“Two men and a woman, since it’s a boy, who’ll help raise the baby and take guardianship if anything happens to you two.” she explained.  
I understood the concept but I hadn’t thought I needed to pick these people. I was surprised Peggy hadn’t mentioned it already. “I’ll ask Noel, he’s the one that’s supposed to be Catholic.”  
“You’re supposed to be Church of England.” she pointed out.  
I rolled my eyes, neither of us cared, even rejecting marriage. Yet we were expected to make someone Godparents to our child and have a christening and everything.  
“We’ll think about it then.” I told her.  
“Do you know what you’re doing for Christmas? Will you be visiting?” Mum asked.  
I didn’t have a clue what we were going to do this year or if the lads would be home. “We’re planning a big one, all the family and friends.” I lied confidently. “You’re invited, of course.”  
“You be careful you don’t do too much.” Dad advised. “You’ll be about due to have my grandson by Christmas, won’t you?”  
“I don’t think they’d let me if I tried.” I joked. “Don’t worry Baby Gallagher is very well protected. They want people to think they’re reckless but they’re really not.”  
“Baby Gallagher? You’re using his surname, not ours?” he asked, not hiding that he was hurt by it.  
“Yeah, if we were married he’d automatically take the name so why shouldn’t he now?” I asked nonchalantly.  
“Because you’re not married, or even engaged, so your baby should have your surname.” he answered bluntly.  
“It’s our decision, not yours.” I told him firmly.  
We hadn’t decided, I had but as far as I could see there was nothing to discuss. If he didn’t use Noel’s last name there would be no convincing anyone he belonged to Noel.  
I watched Billy carefully tearing pieces of bread and throwing it for the birds. Watching him as an innocent child, yet already so grown up only made me feel worse. He looked so lonely, there was a quiet isolation to him and it was my fault and I couldn’t fix it. I’d stopped him from knowing his real parents and it was much too late to change that.  
“He’s happy, Stacy. I know he doesn't look it, much but he’s happy.” Dad said quietly, taking my hand to comfort me. “Your kid will be happy too.”  
“Why isn’t he excited, running around, talking nonsense about everything?” I asked, not taking my eyes off Billy.  
“He’s just not that kind of kid, he’s a quiet one, you know he is.” he said in the same soft, reassuring voice.  
“If we hadn’t have done what we did, you wouldn’t have your son on the way, you wouldn’t have finished school, you wouldn’t have met Lucas, you wouldn’t have had anything you’ve had.” Mum cruelly pointed out.  
I my heart jumped and stopped to her words and I felt so sick, physically sick. I’d never regretted spending time with my parents more than I did now. It had gone so horribly wrong, the tv perfect conditions did nothing to help the mood.  
“You don’t know nothing, you’re just jealous that the only way you could have a son was to take mine.” I retorted without thinking, putting a burst of anger in charge.  
Mum stood up, called Billy and they walked away together.  
“I’d better just go.” I got to my feet with Dad’s help, I couldn’t wait to be out of there.  
“You didn’t mean that, go apologise.” he advised sincerely.  
I reluctantly went and made up with her, swallowing my pride, trying to do the right thing. I left knowing we were both hurt by the visit. I would have prefered a million tedious record company meetings to this.  
…   
“Are you checking up on us already?” Liam asked when I rang Noel’s house that evening.  
“No, I’m not checking up on you.” I denied, I wasn’t, once I was home I shook the negativity and thought back to questioning why they had to go to London so suddenly. “I wanted to talk to you actually.”  
“Yeah?” He suddenly sounded interested.  
“What are you lot honestly doing down there?”  
“Checking up on us…”  
“No, no I’m not. I am not, Liam.” I quickly interrupted. “ I’m just asking… What are you up to?”  
He sighed wearily. “The most boring, fucking dull meeting I’ve ever been in. We’re not even fucking done, we’ve got to have another tomorrow. “Is the lighting in this image how you wanted? Does it have the right energy?” What does that even fucking mean? I don’t fucking care, I don’t know shit all about photography or album art.”  
I no longer doubted that there was a meeting with Creation. Liam wouldn’t make up that much of a rant about a fake meeting. It still didn’t shake the feeling that Noel was definitely doing something.  
“How come you and the lads had to go this time? Noel just did these meetings on his own last time, didn’t he?”  
“I don’t friggin’ know. Wish I had avoided it this time annal.”  
“And Noel’s not, say… doing some kind of surprise?” I asked.  
“Little pregnant paranoid person.” he said. “We’re not doing nothing. Might as well be back home now, til tomorrow. No one even wants to go out.”  
“Welcome to my world.” I commented ignoring him calling me paranoid.  
“You’d be with us if you didn’t have STD.”  
I smiled, realising how I could get to the truth. “If you tell me what you’re really doing I’ll tell you the baby’s sex.”  
“If you know, Noel knows. I’ll just bug him…” he replied cooly. “And I’m telling you nothing is happening at all. Just going to have a spliff and relax.”  
I heard him talking to someone off the phone but they were talking so quietly I couldn’t make out what they were saying.  
“Did you have a good time with your Mam and Dad and that lad?” he asked sounding like he didn’t really care but he had to change the subject somehow.  
“Great. They’re so, so fun.” I answered sarcastically.  
“What’s up?”  
“Mum thinks I’m a liar and a massive slag like everyone else does.” I admitted with false excitement.  
“You’re not.” he objected. “She’s an idiot.”  
I hated his blunt honesty. “Oi! No she isn’t. She knows the same version of the truth as every other Joe Bloggs because I don’t have time for her, or Dad or him because of you lot.” My eyes filled with tears.  
“She knows utter shite then. You can say his name, he’s your son.”  
“He’s… he’s not.” My voice broke. “Today’s just proved that again. I don’t deserve to be happy after everything I’ve done.”  
“Noel… Noel, she needs you man.” I heard him called.  
I put the phone down. I didn’t want to talk to Noel. I felt so hurt that Liam still didn’t care enough to keep talking to me. I kept the phone off the hook so they couldn’t call back.


	55. Chapter 55

I babysat Thora and Charlotta as Kenzie finally took Tony to court. I couldn’t believe they’d gotten so old, Thora was a year and five months and Charlotta was already six months.  
“I swear to fucking God, if they keep messing with the release dates I’m going to go and and smash their offices up!” Noel threatened. “Doesn’t make a fucking difference to us, our fans don’t care but it’s not rate.”  
He’d just got off the phone talking to Creation who’d told him Blur’s record company were trying to make the releases of their latest singles into a sales competition.  
“Just relax, it’s out of your control so just forget about it. Roll With It is brilliant, it’ll come out on top no matter what they do.” I told him calmly.  
He crashed on the sofa next to me. “It’s not fair on us or Blur or any of the fans.” he counted on his fingers. “They’re just thinking about money and it’s fucking wrong.”  
“Calm down cos you’re pissing me off and it’s not good for the baby.” I told him. “Plus we’ve got guests you’ll upset.”  
“I’m sorry, I just want the best for the kids, the fans, not some stupid friggin’ marketing ploy.” he put his hand on my growing belly. “Sorry lad.”  
Thora left the shape sorter she was playing with, marched up to Noel and slapped his knee, telling him “No!”  
He picked her up and sat her on his lap. “What’s up with you?”  
“Think you’re getting told off for swearing.” I pointed out when she put her hand over his mouth.  
He moved her hand away and said every swear word he could just to prove they were just like every other word to him. “How many can you say?” he asked her. “I won’t tell your Mam.”  
“Fff ‘uck.”  
“Yeah, we all know you know that one, what else?” he encouraged.  
“Sit, piss, dick… cun.” she spoke shyly, scared she’d get in trouble.  
A devilish grin spread across Noel’s face. “Good girl. Make sure you tell your Dad what you’ve learnt if he ever stops being a cock.”  
“Kenzie’s going to kill me.” I sighed. “Least you aren’t convinced Thora hates you anymore. I guess.”  
“She does, don’t you?” he joked, getting her to nod.  
Charlotta started crying from her cot upstairs and Noel shocked me by offering to go to her.  
“Rock n roll.” he said sarcastically a short time later, holding a nappy bag at arms length.  
“She wants to read this.” he said after he’d gone back and carried her downstairs, he passed me her book.  
I read it with Thora sat on my knee and Charlotta sat on Noel’s. We cuddled together like we were a proper family. I was comforted to know Noel could do it, he could be there for us and he could be a family man.  
Tony decided he wouldn’t take any responsibility for his kids, he was ordered to pay child support but he wouldn’t be involved in their lives. I was shocked that he would choose to completely walk away like that. I knew he didn’t want anything to do with us but he shouldn’t abandon Thora and Charlotta because of Oasis.  
…  
I was sat listening to Half Way Around The World, on the Whatever single for about the tenth time in a row.  
“Don’t play it again. Please.” Noel complained. “You’re going to end up breaking it or I’ll snap the disk.”  
“The baby likes you singing and all the others you sing are too sad for my stupid pregnancy hormones.”  
He still didn’t believe the fact that the baby can hear and prefer different voices and sounds but he couldn’t argue either. “What about Masterplan? I can play you anything I know if it means not hearing that song again for a while.”  
“Can you do She’s Electric?” I asked shyly, he’d got me a CD of every song they’d recorded for the new album so I wouldn’t have to go to record shops in my “condition” when they were released.  
“One minute, don’t restart that CD.” he went and got his guitar. “Acoustic She’s Electric, let’s do this.” he said reluctantly as he got comfy next to me and sang the song.  
“Y’know Step Out?” I asked when he’d finished singing.  
He nodded. “Yeah. The song I wrote.”  
“Am I getting a surprise Jag’ soon?” I asked cheekily.  
I was happy with the car I had but when he wrote about a BMW I got one for my birthday, he wrote about a Jaguar and then acted like he was up to something.   
“Nah, think about all the memories in the BMW.” he denied.  
…   
A few days later was the 14th of August. Roll With It was released, but so was Blur’s Country House, kicking off “the battle of britpop”.  
On the 17th August they were on Top Of The Pops. They’d co-operated with the confines of the show before but this time they decided to take a stand, sort of. Liam and Noel swapped places and the whole band had fun with miming along to Roll With It, just to point out that it wasn’t really live music. I watched it on TV, not wanting to travel to the studio.  
They lost the chart battle to blur, leading to Noel telling the Blur lads to get AIDS and die. I couldn’t believe he would sink so low to say that to them. I was mad at him and the media was morally outraged by his words.  
“You can’t friggin’ say that to anyone. No one deserves that no matter what they’ve done.” I lectured.  
“I know, I didn’t even friggin’ mean it when I said it but it still got published and I’ve got to do a formal apology for it.” he said, frustrated that he had to explain himself to me.  
“Why’d you say it?” I asked, curious to understand his actions. “You know it’s just a stupid set up music rivalry. You were all alright with each other when you were at Glasto’ and that.”  
“The interviewer was going on and on, pushing for something.” he explained. “There was this but there was something Tony said after the Brits on my mind.” He spoke carefully, not really wanting to have to say what he was going to say.  
“What? What did he say?”  
“They were in the bogs, probably having a gay wank.” he said sounding childish. “And Damon told him something about you.”  
“Yeah, what did he have to say about me?” I acted like I couldn’t care less.  
“Little Essex cunt said you sucked him off at Glastonbury last year.” He sounded disgusted to have to say it.  
“Well I didn’t have him down as a liar.” I was actually offended especially since I had to deny it. “No wonder Tony was off with me if he thought I’d been up to that.”  
“So it’s not true?”   
“No it’s not.” I protested. “The only dick I was interested in was yours. I spoke to him for about five minutes with everyone around us. Someone would have noticed. He clearly had too much heroin, won a few awards and thought he could be a cocky bastard.” I decided to joke.  
“Okay, I shouldn’t have said the AIDS stuff.” he sighed. “I’m going to make things right.”  
I didn’t think he believed me. “I swear on our baby, I never gave Damon Albarn a blowie. I might give him a slap if I see him again for lying about me.”  
…  
I went to Liam’s the days before they left for Japan.  
“Liam?” I spoke as we made lunch.  
“Yeah?” he extended the sounds, copying me.  
“What are you doing for Christmas?”  
He gave me a strange look. “Are you fecking kidding me? It’s August, I’ll let you know on December 23rd. What d’you want to know for?”  
“I may have promised my parents that we’re having a big family christmas. I was wondering, since there’s more of us… if we could have it here.”  
We sat at his table to eat.  
“Didn’t realise you’re on powerful hallucinogenics.” he commented. “No, no way.”  
“Please Liam, why have a big, nice house and never have anyone over?”   
“I do have people over, doesn’t mean I want to spend Christmas with them. Tell them you were wrong, tell them we’re on tour somewhere nice.”  
“You did it for Kenzie, why not for me?”  
“She was scary pregnant and I wanted to get in her knickers.” He had a bite of his sandwich. “You’re not, you’re hot like this but I’m not interested.”  
I ate some of my salad, looking at it, not wanting to look at him. “Thanks.”  
“I just mean I’m not after you, I’m not chasing what’s not mine to have anymore. It’s fucking pointless now you’re having Noel’s kid.” he explained.  
“Good but what’s that got to do with Christmas?”  
“D’you even remember what last Christmas was actually like?” he asked, discarding the crusts of the sandwich he’d finished. “You snogged my brother and not even the fucking right one.”  
“I stupidly kissed all three of you and you ratted me out to your Mum.” I remembered. “This year’s going to be so different.”  
“You can have your stupid christmas here, if you go out on New Year.”  
“I'll be five days from my due date.” I held out my hand to mean five. “I can't.”  
“Then you can't have Christmas here another five days before.” he said. “I don’t even like Christmas, what the fuck would make you think I’d agree to this?”  
“Crazy pregnancy mind.” I joked. “Fine but you'll have to stay at your Mum's all day, surrounded by everyone I'm inviting.”  
“I'll just go home.” he pointed out. “Which is why I'm not having it here... Who are you inviting exactly?”  
“My parents and Billy, Paul, Kenzie, Thora and Charlotta, Kate and Lucy, Jamie.” I reeled off the names, not bothering to include the lads.  
“I'm not having The Scouse in my gaff, no way Stacy.” he objected.  
I rolled my eyes. “I thought yous were alright now. I’m going to ask him to be the baby’s Godfather, he’s my good friend.”  
“He’s still your little fuckbuddy, ain’t he?” he said looking at me with judging eyes.  
“No, just no.” I said in a completely neutral tone. “He’s my friend, he’s been there for me for ages, I can’t think of anyone better.”  
He dropped his crust on his plate and pushed the plate away. “What about me?”  
“You’re already his uncle, there’s no point being Godparent as well. You know what, you were Noel’s first choice.”  
“Fuck off, no I wasn’t.” he exclaimed, shocked. “You liar!”  
“Swear down Liam, he chose you straight away.” I promised honestly.  
He got up, binned his food and dumped his plate in the sink. “I’ve got to get my stuff ready for fucking Japan, man. Thanks for the laugh.” He kissed my cheekbone before walking off.


	56. Chapter 56

Jamie unexpectedly turned up at the Gallagher house ten days after the lads had left for their Japan tour.  
“What are you doing here?” I asked as he had asked me when I’d surprised him.  
“Liverpool’s got a match today, Queen’s Park Rangers and I’ve got two tickets.” he stated.  
I should have realised when I saw he was wearing this season’s shirt. He wore white Adidas shorts and trainers as well.  
“It’s too hot and I’m too pregnant to sit in a stadium. I’m sorry.” I shook my head. “I mean look at my ankles already.”  
He glanced at my ankles, they weren’t swelled at the moment but I knew they would be at some point in the day. “You and your ankles will be fine because we aren’t going to be sitting in the stands and it’s evening kickoff.”  
“What d’you mean we won’t be in the stands?” I asked giving him a confused look.  
“Borrowed some cash off your boyfriend.” he explained vaguely. “Just get a Red shirt on and get in my car.”  
I sighed wondering how he’d got money from Noel, for a Liverpool match. “I don’t have this season’s and I don’t think they fit now.”  
“I’ll buy one if it doesn’t.” he said impatiently.  
I went and changed out of my dress, into a long skirt and a plain top since my football shirts really didn’t fit. If Noel hadn’t insisted on supporting the wrong team, I’d have borrowed his.  
We drove to Jamie’s flat listening to the Stone Roses and the Verve.  
“I wish the Roses had done their set at Glastonbury.” I spoke up to try to push questioning what the hell was going on.  
“Yeah, where was my invite?” He asked, playfully slapping my arm.  
“Sorry, I didn’t think you’d want to spend four days with the lads.” I excused.  
The truth was I didn’t think to invite him. I didn’t want him there for them to get into an argument or something.  
…  
He bought me a shirt, as promised. He revealed what he meant by we wouldn't be sat in the stands. He had VIP box tickets.  
“I can’t believe we’ve got these tickets.” I said excitedly as we were led to our box.  
“This is what you have a rockstar boyfriend for.” he said walking confidently.  
We got sat on the black leather sofas. “This is so comfy.” I commented, it could easily be one of the comfiest sofas I’ve ever sat on.  
“Hmm, not sure I’ll enjoy going back to the stands next time.” Jamie said putting on a bit of a posh tone, making me laugh.  
Someone came in and presented us with champagne. “What are you doing in here, Jamie?” they asked, surprised. “You never told me you had a missus.”  
“No, no, she’s not mine.” Jamie corrected.  
“Scott.” he introduced himself, offering his hand to me.  
I shook his hand. “I’m Stacy, Jamie’s just my mate.”  
“What’s he been up to, to watch the match in here?” he asked me. “Sorry, I’m not being professional, I’m just supposed to just give you your champagne and ask if I can get you anything.”  
“You’ve been my mate forever, we don’t give a shit about you being professional.” Jamie said as he tried to crack open the champagne. “I’m going to have to drink this for the both of us.” He made it sound like a burden.  
“Oh, you’re pregnant… congratulations.” Scott nodded as though he hadn’t noticed. “Do you need anything?”  
“Have you got any fruit juice? Anything but orange, please.”  
He brought apple juice. I felt like a kid drinking glasses of apple juice.  
“Go on, tell us how our Jamie can afford this.”  
“My boyfriend thinks he’s paying for a pram or something for the baby.”  
He gave me a look. “Who d’you go out with who can afford to just give you money like this?”  
“Noel Gallagher, the writer from Oasis.” I admitted, knowing he wouldn’t believe me like the others before him.  
“Boyfriend or quick go back stage?” he asked doing a mime that looked more like he was pretending to ski.”  
Both me and Jamie cringed. “Scott, you dirty twat. The others are probably doing that to some Japanese chicks as we speak but her and Noel are the real deal, have been for ages.” Jamie explained.  
There was only one goal, it was a Liverpool goal, it felt kind of hollow cheering, just the two of us. The goal was before half time so watching the match from the luxury of the VIP box just made me feel sleepy. Jamie on the other hand was having a great time. He’d really committed to drinking the champagne, more than enough for the both of us.  
We had to get a taxi back to Jamie’s flat because he wouldn’t and was too drunk to walk back plus I was so tired. The match finished after 21:30. I just wanted to get home, or at least to Jamie’s spare room but in his drunken state he insisted on shouting, cheering “Three points!” and other match related things.  
…  
In the morning I woke up first, I decided to let him sleep. He had a lot of alcohol to process and I didn’t want to nurse his hangover.  
“You're twenty-six, how do you not have food in?” I asked as though he was there as I tried to make breakfast.  
He didn't have cereal, he didn't have bread, he didn't have eggs, I was running out of ideas.  
…  
The buzzer for his door sounded and I reluctantly went to answer it. I wondered who'd visit Jamie late in the morning on a Thursday.  
It was a lass about our age, she had light brown hair, like it could fade to blonde. She looked shocked to see me, in fact she stepped back and said “Oh, I didn't know. I'll just go.” Before turning and trying to walk away.  
“No wait, just stop. I'm not what you think.” I called realising she could be Jamie’s girlfriend.  
She stopped in her tracks and turned to face me. “Who are you then?”  
“I'm Stacy, this is nothing to do with Jamie.” I said pointing to my bump. “Come in, he's still sleeping off a hangover. Have a cuppa and I'll explain.”  
“Alright.” She agreed before shyly walking into the flat.  
She seemed a bit too shy and highly strung for Jamie’s taste but to be fair, she was just confronted by a strange girl who could have been carrying her boyfriend's baby behind her back.   
I explained everything I could think to, our friendship, last night, whatever she needed to know as we drank tea.  
“I feel so silly for freaking out now.” She smiled awkwardly. “I'm guessing he hasn't told you about me?”  
He hadn't, not a word.  
“We've only been seeing each other maybe four months.” she said, still shy.. “It's probably too early for spontaneous, weekday visits, isn't it?”  
“I honestly don't know the rules of dating, just do what you think is right.”  
When Jamie walked into the kitchen he gave us a confused look. “You've met Aislin then?” He asked, getting himself a cold drink. “Actually can I borrow you a sec, Ais’?”  
They walked off to another room while I drank my tea in silence. The situation had a weird teacher telling off vibe to it.  
“What do yous want to do today?” Jamie asked when they came back. “Go to the docks and have dinner or something?”  
“I don’t want to be a third wheel. I’ll just get the train back home.”  
“No, no, it’s a beautiful day, we should get to know each other.” Aislin insisted.  
“You can’t take the train home, Noel would actually kill me.” Jamie pointed out with a laugh. “I’ll drive you back in a bit.”  
…  
We did go to the Albert Docks for a bit, the sun was shining and we had a great time. After that we walked around a few shops. I didn’t like Aislin much, she was nice enough but she was too quiet, maybe I’d gotten too used to being around loud, blunt characters.  
“Look at this!” Jamie said with a cheeky tone, pulling a babygrow off a shelf.  
It was red and had “Born to love Liverpool and hate United” stitched on the front.  
“There’s a City one too.” he said with a smirk.  
“That one will annoy Bonehead and that one will aggravate Noel and Liam. I couldn’t possibly buy either but you could.” I told him knowing they would kick up a storm.  
He took them straight to the till and joked with the checkout girl about how much he was going to get in trouble off of my “lad”, she politely told him they were really popular.  
“You think about football far too much.” Aislin said to him as she took his hand while we left the shop.  
I felt like she was getting jealous. I didn’t blame her, his attention had been firmly on me for two days now.  
…  
Jamie drank a beer at lunch and later used that as an excuse to keep me in Liverpool another night. I began to get suspicious of him. I knew the danger of drink driving well but it was one pint, hours and hours ago.  
“Is something going on?” I asked. “Are you holding me hostage for a reason?”  
He laughed. “I’m not holding you hostage. I don’t get to spend much time with you, I’m just making the most of it while the band’s away.”  
“You’ll be with me loads when your Godchild is born.” I spoke without thinking, it wasn’t how I wanted to ask, just like I hadn’t told Noel I was pregnant like I wanted to.  
He was stunned to silence. “You want me to be the Godfather? No way is the lads allowing that. Does that mean you know boy or girl?”  
“We do want you to be the Godfather, there’s no one else I’d rather ask. We know, d’you want to know?”  
“I am your (God) Father!” he said to my bump in his best Darth Vader voice. “Have you told Liam yet?”  
I shook my head both to answer and judging him for his cultural reference. It was good to see him excited about being the baby’s Godfather. “No we haven’t told Liam yet unless he’s got it out of Noel.”  
“Better not tell me then. I’ve got a stake in his bet.” he confessed.  
“How? When have you spoken to Liam?” I questioned, surprised. “Why are you betting, didn’t think you betted?”  
“We speak sometimes.” he said nonchalantly. “I don’t bet but I’m happy to take money off the Mancs, just a bit of fun.”  
“How long have you been with Aislin?” I asked to change the subject.  
“Couple of months.” he shrugged. “D’you like her? Did you get on?” he questioned.  
…  
When we got to Burnage the next morning I noticed Jamie began to look excited and a bit nervous, making me wonder, once again what was going on.


	57. Chapter 57

“Hey, did you have a good time in Liverpool?” Peggy asked casually, from the living room.  
“Yeah, thanks. We won the match and it’s always great to be back there.” I smiled. “We had fun, didn’t we Jamie?”  
He was stood behind me, trying to keep quiet. “Yeah, went to the docks, did some shopping and that.”  
“Speaking of shopping, I’ve got something upstairs to show you.” she led us upstairs to the lads’ room. “Close your eyes.” she instructed outside the closed door.  
I put my hand in front of my eyes and she put her hand over mine to make sure I couldn’t see. She opened the door, took my hand and led me into the room.  
She took her hand away but I didn’t look straight away, I took a few seconds to try to guess what it was.  
“Oh wow.” I heard Jamie say with a bit of a gasp, stood behind me.  
The previously dark blue walls (covered in posters, photos, tickets and other teenage decoration) were now neutral colours, a pale brownish, yellowish cream.  
It made the room look a lot more spacious and bright. Maybe it was the wide open jungle theme curtains, I couldn’t remember what the room was like with the curtains open.  
“I should have never let them use that horrible blue paint.” Peggy commented.  
There was now a feature wall with a painted mural. It was a cartoon-y jungle theme with a cloud mane kind of lion, the sky in the scene was a clear, light blue, sky blue.  
Their beds had been pushed together like a double bed, their furniture had been moved too, to make room for a beech wooden cot.  
“This is amazing, who’s done all this?” I asked, really, really impressed how much they’d transformed the room.   
“Some painter and decorator lads Bonehead knows from when he was a plasterer.” I recognised Noel’s voice, he rested his chin on my shoulder and hugged me from behind.  
“What are you doing back?” I asked excited, I thought the tour was longer than this,  
“Japan’s not that big and time flies when you’re touring.” he answered.  
I turned to look at him, kissing his cheek. “When you’re having fun.” I corrected.  
“I’m going to get off, see ya later, Stacy.” Jamie announced, we may have made him feel really awkward.  
Noel stopped hugging me and turned to him. “Thanks for looking after her, Scouse.” he said offering his hand to him.  
“No problem, mate.” Jamie shook his hand quickly before stepping back to go down the stairs.  
“You’re not leaving without a hug.” I told him before approaching him and hugging. “Ring when you’re home so I know you’re safe.”  
He nodded as I let go of him. “Yes, Mum.” he said putting on the tone of a teenager. He left the house and drove off.  
“Did you do all this?” I asked, turning my attention back to Noel, taking his hands.  
“I told them what to do.”  
“You’re good at giving orders, aren’t you Chief?”  
Peggy walked off sensing we needed some time to appreciate the new room, alone.  
“Got to be haven’t I? And I put up the cot.”  
I pulled him into the room and shut the door behind us.  
“I’m good with screwdrivers… I’ve never seen a better built flat pack.” he ruined his own sexual talk to boast.  
“You did great. It’s beautiful. Your creative vision continues to astound me.” I complimented.  
He kissed my lips passionately. I didn’t realise how much I missed him until our lips touched. It felt like our first all over again, except I wasn’t about to slap him and I wasn’t wracked with grief any more.  
I flinched when he nipped my neck. “Who you thinking about? McCartney or Lennon?” he asked, knowing I hadn’t been in the moment with him.  
“Neither, George Harrison.” I replied.  
He put his hands on my waist, where my waist used to be and looked at me with an eyebrow raised.  
“I was thinking about our first kiss.” I kissed his lips gently. “I only ever think about you.”  
“Am I about to get slapped?” he asked, returning to kissing my jawline and neck.  
“Not that one.” I lied. “Sorry I slapped you.” I apologise again.  
“What one then?” he asked between kisses.  
I slipped my hands under his top, feeling his chest, his excited heartbeat. “In the museum. Sneaking off, just me and you.”  
“Ignoring about three before that.” he pointed out, suddenly pulling my t-shirt over my head.  
“But that’s the one. I knew I loved you. I knew I wanted us. I knew I wanted this.” I confessed as he kissed my collar and chest.  
He led me to the bed, I pulled my skirt off as we walked. “Good job I wasn’t fascinated by Lennon’s specs.” he commented as I unzipped his jeans, pulling them off before we got on the bed.  
…  
“Yorkie… let’s not do it in the baby blue’s room again.” he panted, staring at the feature wall. “The lion is ogling me.”  
I put my hand on the left side of his jaw, kissing right next to his right ear, whispering “If that lion’s perving on anyone it’s me.”  
“It’s looking right at me.” he said, covering himself with his hand.  
“You can’t hide your modesty from a fucking cartoon lion.” I laughed. “When did you last have a white line?” I asked suggesting he was being paranoid.   
“Last Japan gig. Twenty-ninth in Osaka.” It had been a few days, it made sense.  
He got up and got dressed. “I really need a fucking fag.”  
“What’s it like in Osaka?” I asked as I found my own clothes.  
“Ah B&H my favourite pals.” he said after finding his cigarette packet and lighter in his jeans, leaving my question unanswered to feed his addiction.  
He walked off to smoke outside. I went to the front room, sat on the window ledge and spoke to him through the window as he lit up. Peggy was making dinner in the kitchen.  
“Sorry you’ve got to stand outside.” I said, feeling sorry for him, standing in the cold and the drizzle.  
“No trouble.” he replied, he sat on the outside ledge of the window, observing the dull street in front of him.  
“What’s it like in Japan?” I asked.  
“Beautiful man, like London but at least ten times more…” He couldn’t find the words he was looking for. “I’m definitely taking you there next time.”  
“Me and our son, we can’t wait.”  
“Y’know, I dreamed so, so hard to get out of this greyness, grey buildings, grey streets, fucking constant grey clouds and I’m still fucking here.” he said looking at the thick clouds, apparently not listening to me. “Nothing is grey in Japan.”  
“What are the girls like over there?” I asked, feeling like I could trick him into admitting why he liked Japan so much.  
“All like looking about fifteen, bit creepy.” he answered honestly, turning to look at me. “What you asking about birds for?”  
I looked down at my bump, avoiding his gaze. “I don’t know.”  
“You’re like the prettiest, brightest bird I’ve ever seen. Every other lass is just a pigeon. Pigeons are everywhere and are all the same… I wish I wasn’t just a pigeon.”  
“Noel, if everyone else is pigeons, you’re a peacock. Bright and beautiful and sexy. You fly when it should be impossible.” I told him, confused about the analogy until I saw a pigeon walking along across the street. “Me aren’t meant to be, but we just are.”  
“What d’you mean we’re not meant to be?” he frowned at me.  
“In another world I didn’t turn up here four years ago and…”  
He stubbed out his cigarette and interrupted me. “I couldn’t care less about what could have happened, this, right here, right now did happen.” he said adamantly. “We were meant to be together, you were meant to have my son. The masterplan.”  
“So dance if you wanna dance.” I gave him a cheeky smile.  
“Exactly.” he nodded in agreement. “Can we be less serious?”  
“Where’s all your posters and stuff gone from your room? You haven’t chucked them, have you?” I questioned for a lighter conversation.  
He came back in the house and sat on the sofa nearest to me. “Our Liam took them. Bet they’re his living room wallpaper by now.”  
“It’ll give everyone something to talk about at Christmas.” I said wishing I had a cup of tea or something to divert my attention a little.  
“Christmas?” he asked raising an eyebrow.  
“I may have told my parents we’re having Christmas with everyone around and asked Liam if we could use his house, cos there’s more of us than last year.” I confessed.  
“And he agreed to this?” he asked with a tone of astonishment.  
I moved from the window to sit next to him. “Not exactly, he accused me of being on drugs.” I admitted.  
“You really want another big family Christmas?” he asked, he was clearly as reluctant as Liam.  
“No, it’ll be utter chaos but I promised as though it will convince them we’re a normal family so I think I’ve got to now.”  
“You want it, I’ll get it sorted. You’re not stressing over it, not so close to the due date.” he insisted. “You know you don’t have to prove nothing to them, don’t you? I’m a musician, what’s it got t’ fucking do with them?”  
Peggy walked in. “Don’t be rude about Stacy’s parents.” she scolded him. “How come you lot can do Christmas for Kenzie and Stacy but you would never bother for me?”  
“Kenzie was scary pregnant and Yorkie’s, well she’s having my son so I got to do what she wants.” he explained. “You were never pregnant, thank God.”  
...  
“Someone tells me you missed your antenatal class last month and the next is in a few hours.” Noel told me after getting off the phone.  
I rolled my eyes. I really didn’t need to go there again. “I'll give you a blowie, anything you want, if we forget to go to this one too.”  
“Tempting but we're going, no excuses.” he said firmly.  
…  
He got on well with Claire, Bradley, Brenna and Christopher (CBBC), I still could barely pay attention to any of them or the class.  
“It’s rude, they’ve got names.” Noel told me after I’d called them CBBC once too much.  
The midwife talked relaxation techniques, music, breathing and all that. She got us to act out the birth or she did CBBC, there was no way I was doing it.  
“Come on, it’s part of the class, no one’s judging you.” she encouraged.  
“Not going to happen.” I shook my head.  
Noel sat next to me just looking at the floor. He wasn’t going to egg me on for this.  
“Come on Daddy, you know you need to rehearse.” she tried to convince him.  
“Sometimes I find it’s just best not to practice. Glastonbury, this, there’s nothing like the real thing.” Noel told her.  
I watched the women pretending to be in labour and the men pretending they could reassure them and keep calm. They did it without worrying about what anyone else thought of them.  
“Why did you come to my class if you aren’t going to join in?” she asked me.  
“He made me.” I answered. “No offence but I honestly don’t need to sit there and pretend, I’ve done it before.”  
She sat down with us. “Okay. What’s your birth plan? Talk me through it.”  
“Well…” I stopped to think. I planned to just deliver but that wasn’t good enough, she wanted to know every last detail. “We’re going to…”  
“Sorry, I’m itching for a ciggie.” Noel cut in. “D’you mind if I nip outside a minute?”  
She gave him a death stare. “Imagine this, you’re twenty plus hours into labour, your partner needs you like never before, what are you going to do, swan off for a fag break? Do you think you can do what you want because you’re a musician?” she questioned him sternly. “In my maternity ward you are nothing.”  
It wasn't exactly difficult to see she’d pissed him off. I was impressed he’d asked in the first place. “I wouldn’t be sat thinking about smoking. I’ll be thinking about her and my fucking baby.” he stood up. “Maybe I’ll be in another country being the reckless rock star you think I am.” he walked off putting on a swagger.  
“It’s just the nicotine.” I excused.  
I knew it was because he was scared too, terrified but he wouldn’t have that discussed with anyone, especially not her.  
“He can’t behave like this, not now, not when it happens.” she responded in the same tone.  
“I didn’t want to come, I didn’t want to do this class or the other one but I’m here because of him so stop thinking you know him because you’ve seen his headlines.” I set her straight.  
I wanted to walk off but that would just prove her right. I talked her through my plan, making it up on the spot.  
“Can I go now? You’ve got two pretend babies to pretend birth.” I walked out to find Noel.  
…  
“What’s it like?” Noel asked as he finished with his fag and discarded it.  
“What’s what like?” I shrugged.  
“Birth, labour, delivery… crowning.”  
“Really? You want to know right now?”  
He nodded. “I need to know what I’ve let myself in for. I won’t make you go to any more classes”  
“I’ll start contractions, when they’re close together I’ll go to hospital, get wasted on pain relief, you’ll be jealous of how off my face I’ll be, I’ll be told to push and then your son will be born.” I made it sound easy. “There’s nothing to worry about.”


	58. Chapter 58

Emily and her friends invited me to their flat. Emily told me the address over the phone and assumed I’d find it.  
“Hi! Come in, we’re ordering pizza.” Jenny answered the door. “And the movie will be on if we ever decide which.”  
“We’re having an actual, genuine girls night?” I asked as she led me to their living room where they were trying to decide where to order from.  
“Thought you’d like a night of being normal, for a change.” Amy spoke up. “All that messing around with rock stars must be tiring.” Nice to see she hadn’t changed.  
Anna slapped her arm. “Come on, don’t be like this A.”  
“Stacy, you’re decisive, you pick.” Emily smiled showing me the pizzeria leaflets. “Wow, how pregnant are you now?”  
“Twenty six, twenty seven weeks.” I closed my eyes and picked a leaflet like it was a game of cards.  
“You sure it’s not twins?” she asked. “You’re huge, no offence.”  
“Just the one and don’t worry about it, everyone’s saying it.” I got comfy on the sofa. “See now pizza’s on offer I want lots of it, got a big Gallagher baby to feed.”  
They ordered the pizzas, drank wine and put the film on, The Breakfast Club.  
Soon they drifted their attention from the film to celebrities they fancied. I didn’t care enough to listen and I liked the film.  
“Go on Stacy, what about you?” Emily asked.  
I opened my mouth to answer.  
“Can’t be anyone you’ve met, lucky bitch.” she added.  
“Robbie Fowler.” I shrugged, they didn’t know who he was. “The Liverpool footballer.” They still didn’t know. “Emily?”  
“Alex James.”  
I didn’t think she’d go from Liam to a Blur lad. “You gone off Our Kid then, Liam?”  
“Yeah, well I’ve met him, haven’t I? The fangirl, mysterious rock star element is gone.” she said. “He’s a bit of a dick in person, isn’t he?”  
“What’s your mate, Kenzie’s deal?” Amy asked, moving us on.  
“Kenzie doesn’t have a deal, what are you on about?” I responded, being a little hostile.  
“Well, she went to Scotland for a gig with two kids in tow.” she pointed out. “Who fucking does that?”  
They were drunk and I was not but I didn’t get what her problem was with me.  
“Not that it’s any of your business but me and Noel wanted her there.” I told her as I got to my feet. “Thanks for inviting me over and everything but I think I need to get off home now.”  
“Please don’t, the film’s not even done yet.” Jenny pleaded.  
“Sorry, I can’t, I’m not one of you, I can’t pretend to be.” I shook my head.  
“Amy, just apologise.” Anna told her sister. “You are our friend, honestly.”  
I shook my head. “There’s no need, we had a good time at Glastonbury, doesn’t mean we need to keep up the friendship or whatever.”  
“Look, sit down, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Amy apologised.  
I accepted her apology and sat back down. I focused on the film again, keeping out of their conversation.  
…  
I drove to Liam’s, it had been weeks since I last saw him before they went to Japan. I missed him loads. I needed to hang out with my best mate.  
“Yorkie! Can I get you a drink or something?” he greeted me at his front door.  
It was great to see him in a good mood, happy, not angry with the world and everything in it. I wished he was like this more and that Noel could see him like this.  
“Have you got any coke?” He gave me a look and I corrected myself. “Cola.”  
“Think so.” he said as he led me to his kitchen.  
I’d fully expected to see the posters from his bedroom as display pieces in his front room but they weren’t, however some now covered the plain tiles in his kitchen.  
“Love what you’ve done with the place.” I commented, even I wasn’t sure if I was being sarcastic.  
“They’re not all up yet.” he said as he poured my drink, ignoring any element of sarcasm in my words. “Like this one, where do I put this?”  
He got a photo from his cupboard. and passed it to me.  
It was us. We were sat on some brick wall, on a sunny day. He was kissing my cheek. We were happy, in fact I was smiling like he’d just whispered something in my ear. I couldn’t place when or where it was taken.  
“That wasn’t on your wall the other day.” I said and sipped my drink.  
“Was, it’s one of my favourites of us.”  
“Then why did you leave it? If it means so much, why leave it behind?” I questioned. “You’ve been moved in here ages.”  
“I’m supposed to be over you, ain’t I?” he took the photo back. “You don’t make it easy though, do you?”  
“What are you talking about?” I asked getting annoyed at him.  
“Turning up here in a Man City shirt, you know what it does to me, especially on you.”  
I sighed. “It was the first thing I found that fitted over your brother’s baby.”  
“Keep lying to yourself.” he murmured, making sure to look away from me.  
I didn’t know what I was supposed to be lying about but I wasn’t. “Liam… You know we can’t go back and don’t think for a second that I don’t know you were fucking your way through Japan and every other country…” I emphasised country as cunt-ry.  
“Doesn’t mean anything.” he interrupted. “You mean everything, I’m prepared to risk everything, just for you and I know you’re the same.”  
I tried to change the subject to distract him but there was no distracting Liam from this. “How are you so certain I'm carrying a boy?”  
“Mam always said lads make you glow, girls steal your looks. She was right every fucking time.” He explained. “And you're hotter than ever.”  
“You never thought Kenzie…”  
“This isn't about Kenzie.” He interrupted. “This is about you, you're gorgeous.”  
“Thanks.” I smiled.  
I was already being pulled in by his charm. How did I forget being angry at him and keep falling for him, every time?  
“I mean it, I’ve always meant it.” he insisted, he took my hand. “Can I sing?”  
I nodded wondering what he’d chosen this time. I wouldn’t have guessed this one in a million guesses  
“Oh l'amour. Broke my heart. And now I'm aching for you. Mon amour. What's a boy in love, supposed to do? Why throw it away? Why walk out on me? I just live for the day. For the way it should be. There once was a time. Had you here by my side. You said I wasn't your kind. Only here for the ride.” He sung like he did on Whatever, he took my hands.  
“You made your mark, your arrow went through me. Cut a real impression on this heart of mine. Be my lover, I don't want another. My Angel from Heaven. Be my lover, I don't want another. My Angel from heaven.” he continued to sing a different song.  
“You’ve been through my record collection.” I commented with a smirk, I tried to keep that I was impressed hidden.  
I couldn’t believe he’d learnt at least two Erasure songs just to please me. His voice didn’t suit at all, someone who thinks high notes are gay can’t sing replace Andy Bell’s angelic voice but I was too aroused to care.  
“It’s ninety percent shite.” he reviewed harshly, encouraging me against the wall.  
“Yeah? What’s the ten percent?”  
“Those, er, Ship of Fools, The Circus, A Little Respect, Sometimes, Hallowed Ground…” He couldn’t think of any other examples.  
“Good choices.” I smiled politely.  
I tried to be cold towards him, show him I didn’t want him, didn’t feel the same but we were going down the same old path.  
“We’re alone, you don’t have to pretend.” He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and kissed me gently.  
I didn’t pull away, of course I didn’t pull away. I unbuttoned his polo shirt, pulling it off the moment he stopped kissing. I kissed him back with more passion.  
He was scared to be anything but gentle with me, I could see it and feel it in his body language. I tried to pull my shirt off.  
“I love you and I want to fuck every inch of you but leave it.” he said before sliding his hands up my shirt, kissing my neck.  
“Would you prefer it if I was Niall Quinn?” I asked, he was the first City player I could name of the top of my head.  
I unzipped my jeans and let them fall while he felt my bra, tracing his fingers on my chest, still kissing me. I could feel my heart beating for him.  
“No.” he answered, he slowly moved down my body.  
…  
“It was me who told Creation you’re pregnant.” he blurted, ruining everything as we pulled our jeans back on. “That you can’t tour.”  
“You bastard.” I barked. “Why?”  
“Noel doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself, someone had to look out for you. Glasto’... You were going to wreck things.” he explained. “For us.”  
“I don’t need anyone looking out for me, especially not you.” I grabbed the photo. “This, this is gone.” I tapped the photo, our happy faces. “I love you Liam Gallagher and this is the death of us.” I ripped the photo into tiny pieces and threw them like confetti.  
“See you in a bit Yorkie.” he said appearing unfazed as I walked off, heading straight for the front door.  
“Bye, you selfish, arrogant prick.” I tried to sound monotonous, there was no point caring, I just needed to get away from him, fast.  
He groaned and got passed me, blocking the door. “Don’t go. I’m fucking up for the thousandth time, ain’t I? I’m sorry, I thought you wanted the truth and to stop blaming Noel.”  
“It’s the nine hundred and ninety ninth time and which is it Noel’s the shitty one or Noel’s the good one?”  
“He’s a saint, that lad, Our Noel.” he said putting on a fake pleasant voice with a smile to match. “Either you stop being mad at me and fucking apologise for the photo or I’ll have a chat with my lovely brother… Even if he doesn’t give a shit about the old stuff I’ve still got plenty of new stuff to say.”  
“Liam, don’t blackmail me.” I looked into his eyes, all I saw was he was in control.  
“Stacy, don’t hurt my brother. He’s blood to us both now.” he responded, eyeing my pregnant body. “Two choices.”  
The thing about those choices was there was no choice. “I didn’t come here for this.”  
“Don’t remember you saying no, don’t remember you ever fucking saying no.” he pointed out. “To anyone.” he added under his breath.  
“I’m so easy, that’s why you like me…”  
“No, fucking no Stacy. I love you because you’re just like me. You’ll take anything you want from anyone and don’t give a shit who you hurt doing it. I’ve got no fucking clue what you were like before the other Scouse died…”  
“Luke, before Luke died.” I corrected.  
“But you got hurt, more than hurt, fucking destroyed and you can’t risk getting close again so you make everything meaningless and everyone else has to hurt. It’s not even your choice which is why I’m willing to keep this shit quiet.”  
That was so deep, especially coming from him and true. Completely and utterly true.  
“You, you love Noel, me, The Scouse... Bonehead but you love no one…”  
“Screwing isn't love, Li'.” I cut him off. “I love Noel and I love you Liam. We're not fuck buddies.”  
“Nothing like how you loved him, Luke, though, is it?”  
“What d’you mean I was going to wreck things?” I asked avoiding the question and prolonging the time between his ultimatum and my answer.  
“Where do I fucking start? You were desperate to do lines with Richard…”  
“That’s just the nature of addiction.” I responded coolly.  
“You addicted to blonde girls, annal?”  
I tilted my head a little and gave him a look. “What?”  
“I saw the way you looked at what’s her face… I can’t friggin’ remember her name.” His supposed inability to remember names was getting very old. “Twin, long blonde hair.” he described using his hand to show the kind of length he was talking about.  
“Are you still mad I gave her that goal?” I asked playing with a strand of my hair.  
He didn’t say a word.  
“I’m sorry I ripped up your photo. It was so bad of me.” I said because I had to. “Can I go now?”  
He stepped out of the way.  
“Nothing happened between me and Anna but I think about what could of when Noel’s not there.” I told him, mostly to wind him up as I opened the door. “None of this happened, we just sat and chatted cos we’re friends, right?”  
“Yeah.” he answered.  
I sat in my BMW not knowing where to go. I couldn’t go home yet. I couldn’t pretend that didn’t happen so easily any more. I just sat and sat with the key in the ignition, I couldn’t start the car with nowhere to go. I stared blankly at the blue and white logo.  
…  
The passenger door opened and Liam sat in the seat, closing the door. I didn’t look even when he spoke. “Turn the key, clutch down, lift it, accelerate, handbrake.”  
“I’m a crap driving instructor.” I commented, recognising his instructions were the ones I’d given him when we met.  
“You had other things on your mind.”  
“I could go anywhere. Just start the car and leave you all behind, couldn’t I?” I spoke, looking at the road.  
“No cos Noel’s got kind of attached to that already.” he put his hand on my belly. “Where would you go? Not Liverpool, that’s not running away.”  
I’d never thought about it. I’d thought about getting in the car and going loads and loads but I never thought where. “Scotland, one of those little islands, don’t care which. Watch the northern lights dance across the sky every night.”  
“Drive then.” he encouraged.  
“No.”  
“Why not? It’s what you say you want.” he started searching the glove box, I didn’t question what he was looking for.  
He found a napkin, probably from a trip to the McDonalds drive-thru and a pen, the kind you accidentally nick from Argos or the bank. He started scribbling down words, finishing with his signature “LG x”.  
“Sign it.” he passed the napkin and the pen to me.  
“That’s your autograph, not your signature.” I pointed out so he took the pen back and crossed it out and signed “William JP Gallagher”  
“What’s this for? What are we doing?” I questioned.  
I read his scrawl. He’d written so fast his writing was manic but what I could read was our secrets, the times we’d been together behind Noel’s back, the stuff we used against each other to keep our friendship going.  
“Just sign it.” he put the pen in my hand. “If that’s everything, sign it.”  
I signed it and passed it to him, dropping the pen in the coin tray. “What now?”  
He opened his door and produced a lighter from his pocket.  
“You are such a fucking cliché.” I said as we watched the note burn.  
“Cos wanting so run the second shit gets complicated isn’t.” he replied as the napkin became black, engulfed in the flame that danced as it destroyed.  
He didn’t flinch when the flame reached his fingers, he simply dropped what was left in the ash tray. “Go home to Noel. We didn’t do any of that shit cos we’re friends, right?”


	59. Chapter 59

Oasis were in America again for five gigs. They’d left on the 2nd of October and they weren’t due back until the 17th. It wasn’t that long but it felt like a lifetime already.  
I bought (What's the Story) Morning Glory? and it’s released singles just to add to my record collection, I had a plain CD with everything on it but I needed the vinyls, for the cover work, if nothing else.  
I walked through town (shopping for the baby, again) when I saw Louise. I hadn’t spoken to her since her and Noel’s break up. She still lived in Manchester so of course I saw her about occasionally. We never made eye contact. We were just strangers in the street. This time was different, she started walking straight towards me.  
I went in the shop I was walking past to avoid her. The place was crowded, maybe she didn’t see me.  
“Didn’t think you’d be buying from charity shops with what Noel earns or has he seen sense?” she asked.  
“Charities need funding whether my boyfriend’s a rock n roll star or not.” I replied as I pretended to browse.  
“Oh, who’s the Daddy?” she asked with a very bitchy tone after eyeing my bump.  
“I’m getting tired of answering this.” I sighed. “So how can I make it clear?” I asked preparing my response. “Your love, your soul mate, he fucks me every day. I’m having his baby.”  
“Shouldn’t be such a slut and you wouldn’t have to.” she retorted cruelly.  
“You don’t fucking know me Louise. You never knew me. So what gives you the fucking right to judge me?” I couldn’t hide that I was angry.  
The shop manager came over, a short, old lady. “If you’re going to use that kind of language, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”  
“Gladly.” I said before walking off, hoping Louise didn’t follow me and try to confront me again.  
…  
“Stacy, Stacy!” someone shouted as she caught up with me. “I thought we were meeting at the…” She passed me a can of Pepsi.  
“Thanks.” I cut her off. “Sorry I got distracted, Louise…” I cracked open my can.  
“Who’s Louise?” Emily asked as I drank.  
“The girl Noel was shagging before me.” I told her vacantly.  
“You mean the girl he was going out with?”  
I answered with a nod leading to her asking “What happened to you, Stacy?”  
“Nothing. I fell for Noel and made him mine.” I lied, I didn’t know her enough for the truth. “What about you, anything new in your life?”  
“Nope, so what do you need to get today?” She was probably lying right back.  
I didn’t exactly have a shopping list, I just wanted to be out of the house and doing something productive.  
I got a copy of Wibbling Rivalry when it came out, it was a two tracks of a long argument between the brothers from ages ago, it was stupid, I regretted buying it. The journalist didn't deserve the money for recording and publishing the argument.  
…  
When they got back from America Noel and Liam came straight over to their Mum’s house, as usual. I wasn’t allowed to pick them up from the airport this time.  
“Got you a present.” Liam told me as he passed me the item of clothing he was carrying.  
“Thanks.” I held it out to see it was a baby t-shirt with a slogan “I'm cute but my uncle is a cool dude.” and a sun wearing shades, it made me smile.  
“Are you going to tell me yet? What if I buy the wrong stuff?” he questioned.  
“You made the bet, you have to wait... What if the scan wasn't right and the bet’s gave out wrong?” I excused. “Stick to kind of neutral colours and you'll be fine.”  
“What if I cancel the bet?”  
“I don’t trust you to actually do it.” I shook my head. “You don’t have much longer to wait.”  
He went to chat to Peggy while I took Noel upstairs to show him what I'd bought while he was gone.  
“How much does one kid need?” he commented after I counted thirty baby grows, ten newborn, twenty the next size.  
“Probably half of all this but it's all so cute and I was bored on my own.” I admitted.  
“I feel like a right dick for never finding out why you can't tour. I did try but no fucker would tell me.” He put his hands on my shoulders.  
“It's fine, I'm sorry I blamed you. I'm glad I have to stay now I'm this pregnant.” I told him, knowing I couldn't say it was Liam.  
“What else have you been doing other than filling wardrobes with baby clothes?” he asked as I showed him t-shirts and put Liam’s with the rest.  
“Spent time with Kenzie, Kate and the girls, other than that just housework and work” I answered, I wasn’t going to mention I’d seen Louise. “You? You’ve got to have better stories to tell, right?”  
“Not really, it was a gig, travel, gig, travel kind of tour. Wasn’t time for anything interesting happen to be honest.” he said, boringly.  
“Really, nothing at all?” I encouraged, I was kind of surprised he didn’t lecture me about taking it easy. “What about in New York?”  
“Well…” he laughed. “Li’ and Alan tried to chat up this woman. You should have seen their faces when they realised they were one of those drag acts… Fucking hilarious.” he chuckled.  
I laughed too, imagining the scene. “How is Alan, it’s like I haven’t seen him in forever?” I asked, I didn’t even know him that well but I missed him too.  
“He’s great, so’s Guis’, Bonehead and anyone else you haven’t seen in about five friggin’ minutes.” he assured me. “You’re coming down London for Earl’s Court, you’ll see them then.”  
“I missed you the most.” I told him, I really did, it was like his son forced me to think about him all the time when he was gone. “I had to listen to your vocals loads, for your son.”


	60. Chapter 60

It was the morning of their first gig at the Earl’s Court Exhibition Centre. We, me, Oasis and their guests (I didn’t know who any of them were) were staying at Noel’s house. We were meant to be partying later, celebrating the two huge gigs but I’d woken up in a bad mood, I just felt like a planet.  
“Ugh, I’m so fat.” I complained like a whiny teenager after getting dressed. “Things are going to start orbiting me soon.” I couldn't wear anything remotely fitted or flattering anymore.  
Noel shook his head. “You’re carrying my fucking son. You look great to me.”  
He hugged me from behind putting his arms around my belly, shaping his fingers and thumbs to form a heart over my belly button. “Don’t care what you look like, I love you both.”  
“Good cos we love you too.” I smiled. “It could still be a daughter yet. The scan could have been wrong.”  
He kissed my cheek. “I’ve seen the scan, I was there, he’s hung like an horse already.”  
“You’re mixing up the umbilical cord and our kid’s junk.” I pointed out playfully.  
It was ridiculous but at least he made me feel better. He always knew exactly how to make me feel better.  
“Our Kid has still got a baby dick.” he used the opportunity for a quick dig at his little brother.  
I knew that wasn’t true but I wasn’t going to argue his case, instead I laughed.  
…  
“I can’t be bothered with this tonight.” Guigsy joked as he raided our fridge while I was making my lunch. “Will you go on for me?”  
“Yeah I’ll do it.” I said enthusiastically. “I’m sure they won’t be able to tell the difference between a heavily pregnant person who can’t play bass and you.”  
“Oh, you don’t know, do you?” he asked, settling on a sausage roll.  
“Know what?”  
“I’ve been gone since September, they had Scott Mcleod from the Ya-Yas for a bit, and they tried gigging without me but I’m back now.” he explained as he ate.  
“Why? What happened?” I questioned, hating that I was out of the loop.  
“I had nervous exhaustion. I had to get away from it all.” he said like he didn’t want to tell me the truth. “I’m better now so I’m back.”  
“Come on, what really happened? Liam or Noel was too much of a dick to you?” I guessed.  
He sighed. “Liam, in interviews. I swear it wasn’t just that, we haven’t stopped for a second since about May ‘93. I can handle anything he’s got to say.”  
“I’m so glad you’re back.” I threw my arms around him, forcing him to hug me. “Sorry, I didn’t know. Nobody thought to tell me.”  
“Well you’re not allowed any stress.” he said, getting out of my hug. “You’ve not seen the Wonderwall video either then.”  
“Nope. You’re not on it?” I guessed.  
“When’s this baby coming anyway?” he asked, changing the subject. “And what is it? I know you two know.”  
“Due January 5th… Are you betting with Liam?”  
“Yeah, please tell me it’s a girl, I don’t want to lose again.” he gave me a sad look.  
“Then you have to wait like Liam. Sorry.” I told him, feeling sorry for him. “Is there anyone not betting on my child?”  
“Er… Kenzie and Kate.” he suggested.  
…  
I went to their dressing room at the venue to find Noel and Liam sat over the coffee table preparing lines of Coke.  
“Gallagher!” I said sternly.  
They both looked up at me. “Noel! You promised you'd stop.” I said becoming more whiny than stern.  
“The baby’s not here yet, as soon as h, they are here, that's it, no more.” he promised yet again.  
“What if I go into labour and you're already all jacked up?” I asked, my frustration was unsettling the baby.  
“Don’t take your bad mood out on me.” he told me. “We're about to go on, I need this.”  
“I am not in a bad mood Noel… I'm angry at you.” I responded, frustrated that he wasn't listening. “You're still doing this and none of you told me one of your band members fucked off for months.”  
They both immediately glared at Guigsy.  
“I thought she knew so I joked I didn't want to do the gig.” he explained between drags of his joint. “Why didn't anyone say?”  
“Cos she'd react like this, go racing round your house wanting answers, getting worked up about it like she did with Tony.” Noel said like I wasn't there with them.  
“Stacy, come over here and sit down. Everyone just calm down a bit.” Bonehead instructed. “I'm not having us fight before this one.”  
I sat down next to Alan and Bonehead, Noel sat back against the sofa seat, on the floor and Guigsy kept smoking, all attempting to relax. Liam very quickly snorted his line and sat back next to his brother, between mine and Alan’s legs.  
“What happened was fucking nothing, I just needed time away and the rest of the tour will go alright.” Guigsy said to finish the subject and then put out his joint.  
“I'm sorry I keep overreacting and stuff, this baby is messing with my head.” I apologised to them all.  
“You should know by now, it's a fucking Gallagher thing.” Liam commented, he tapped his feet, raring to go onstage.  
“I don’t know what I’m going to do for the month and half, without any of yous.” I commented, happy to be back around the band.  
“You better keep your legs shut!” Liam threatened, we all stared at him, silently questioning his choice of words. “You better not have the baby while we’re gone.”  
I sarcastically rolled my eyes. “Damn! I’d got it all planned out…”  
“Oi! I’m just saying fucking don’t let Noel miss it.” he interrupted, pushing my leg playfully.  
“The baby’s not coming before you get back, I promise, it’s too soon yet.” I promised the un-promiseable.  
“I’m not going to miss it, not a friggin’ chance. I will be there.” Noel promised with absolute certainty.  
Someone knocked on the door and came in. It was a lad from the stage management. “It’s time.”  
Alan checked his watch. “But it’s only…”  
“Yeah I know but we need you now.” he interrupted.  
No one moved.  
“Come on, time to shine.” I ruffled Liam’s hair making him jump to his feet muttering “Leave my hair the fuck alone.”  
The rest of the band followed his lead except Noel who snorted his line before getting to his feet.  
“Can’t leave that here with you, can I?” he whispered to me, kissed my cheek and followed his band out the room.  
The lad came back and put the TV on for me, it had a CCTV kind of view of the stage with no sound, I could hear them already anyway. I thanked him, he insisted they should have had it on to keep track of the support’s set and he left me to watch alone.  
…  
Liam came back first, on his own, the others had probably been stopped by fans or something he couldn’t be bothered with.  
“What are you watching an empty stage for?” Liam asked, seeing the TV.  
“Too pregnant to get up and turn it off.” I told him. “I heard what you said, what is that all about?”  
“I said a lot of shite, what are you on about?”  
“The line about you having sex with your brother, bit weird and it’s mostly that you keep saying it.” I told him, emphasising “keep”.  
He laughed. “I love my big brother. They just like it when I say it… You’re jealous.” he smirked.  
My mind wandered for a second, I was seduced by his smile. I wanted my lips on his, I wanted to rip his shirt off, this time Noel was there too like the New Year’s Night we shared. I knew it could never happen but I couldn’t stop thinking about it so easily.  
“You got me.” I answered. “I’m so, so jealous of what yous get up to when you’re on your own.”  
He laid down on the sofa. “I wanna be back already, that’s where the real Liam Gallagher is.” He pointed at the TV screen.  
“That Liam’s a bit of a show off if I’m honest with you. I know I didn’t know you before you took to the stage but you’ve got to pretend out there, even just a little bit.” I told him. “You’ve only got to wait ‘til tomorrow.”  
“There’s no pretending. That’s me.” he insisted adamantly.  
“Don’t lie.” I objected. “Jarvis cocker took me on stage at Glasto’, it’s fucking terrifying and I was just in front of an empty field.”  
I assumed he’d insist he wasn’t scared of anything but he didn’t. “Yeah? Did you take a shine to him or something?” he sat up enough to look at me.  
“Shut up! No I didn’t.” I objected. “I just made a friend.”  
“My arse you did.” He laid back again. “D’you ever think what if we didn’t make it? What if we didn’t meet McGee?” he questioned, staring at the ceiling.  
“Not really, no. I just can’t imagine it.” I told him, I’d thought about what if I’d ended up anywhere but Burnage but never what if Oasis didn’t make it. “Yous were too focused to fail.”  
Noel came in before he could ask anything else. “What are you doing? You were supposed to come and get her, you twat, not… Whatever the fuck this is?”  
“Liam’s therapy session.” I smirked.  
He got to his feet. “Oi! Liam Gallagher does not do fucking therapy.” he pointed at me before barging past Noel.  
“Touched a nerve, eh?” Noel commented before helping me to my feet. “Come on. Party back at mine.”  
…  
“The Yorkie I knew wouldn’t have gone to sleep after a gig.” Liam told me as he waited for the kettle to boil.  
I rolled my eyes at him, air quoting. “The “Yorkie you knew” wasn’t thirty one weeks pregnant, didn’t have a baby kicking the shit out of them, like all the time, and was on about as many stimulants as you.”  
“Someone’s in a good mood.” Alan said as soon as I stopped, he’d come in the kitchen as I started talking.  
“Yeah, well, he’s bullying me for getting some sleep.” I looked at my feet, annoyed, or I would have done if I could still see them.  
“Be nice to her, she’s having a baby and she’s got to drive home tomorrow while we’re off to France.” Alan told him. “You weren’t exactly party central last night either.”  
“I was conserving energy for tonight.” Liam made the tea. “The second’s always bigger.”  
Noel joined us as well. “How many people does it take to make friggin’ tea?”  
“Four… It’s a very complex process.” I told him, including the baby in my count.  
“Hurry up, we’ve got to go in a few hours.” he complained.  
Liam tutted. “Are your knickers ever not in a massive twist?”  
“Yeah, when you’re not in my house, taking fucking hours to make tea.” Noel responded.  
Liam picked up his cup. “Yorkie, that’s yours.” he pointed to the next cup. “You can make your own bloody tea.” he swaggered off, apparently mad at Noel.  
“He’s messing, right?” Alan asked as Noel took over making the tea.  
I took my cup and took a sip. “Never know with him. As his official drinking buddy…”  
“Yeah, I’m going.” He went off to find him.  
“Tell me he was already moody cos that’s pathetic.” Noel said, stirring the spoon loudly in his tea.   
I told him what we’d said.  
“That’s it then, no one accuses Our Kid of not being the life and soul of the party.” he smirked. “Remember how much filming Whatever annoyed him because I was the one who was most rat-arsed for once.”


	61. Chapter 61

“Here, look after this.” Noel put his leather jacket over my shoulders.  
I put my arms through the sleeves and attempted to zip it up, forgetting that wasn’t going to happen with his son in the way. It smelled so much of him, he made leather and cigarette smoke smell so appealing.  
“But you can’t tour without a leather jacket!” I objected mimicked his accent. “This is your best one.”  
They were leaving for France very soon, Noel was more organised so wasn’t still making sure he’s suitcase was ready like everyone else were. This time I was sure he was efficient in his packing because it meant they’d be out of his house sooner.  
He never toured without a leather jacket, it was like an official rule of Oasis, although he was the same as a roadie.  
“Nip us to the shop. Buy me a new one.” he suggested.  
We drove straight to the first clothing department while everyone else were getting ready to leave, they didn’t even notice us going.  
“You know we’ve got about half an hour before they start getting wound up by your absence.” I told him as he took too long to look at each jacket.  
I was pretty tired and impatient, nevermind the rest of the band. Everyone in London (who weren’t at their second Earl’s Court night) had celebrated Guy Fawkes night (with fireworks, bonfires and everything), even after the lads had retired so I didn’t sleep much.  
“I can’t let you buy me a crap one just to save time.” he said, examining one’s sleeves.  
I wasn’t into wearing jackets (unless it was borrowed from a boyfriend) so I didn’t really get the need for a forensic level of examination. “Who says I’m paying?” I asked, jokingly objecting. “And none of them look crappy.”  
“You did when you took my best one.” he finally tried one on (a darker brown one than mine) checking himself in the mirror. “What d’you think?”  
“I think you look gorgeous… but you’re not going to settle for the first one.” I replied knowing what he was like.  
“No, I trust you. This is the one.” He took it off to carry it to the checkout.  
As soon as I paid for it and we’d got out of the shop he wore it. He was a classic kid who can’t wait. To be fair it was November, it was really cold and really wet and he wouldn’t bring a coat, knowing he’d buy one.  
…  
Liam was in a bit of a dodgy mood when we got back. “You have a go at me all the fucking time and you go swanning off, holding us up for a fucking coat.”  
“I’ll remember not to say anything next time you forget to turn up, are so late the fans want to lynch mob us or just walk out when you’ve had enough.” Noel responded, managing to keep any ill feeling hidden from his tone.  
“Have a good tour, I’m off home.” I told them, not wanting to stick around to see the argument play out.  
They gave me the usual drive carefully, phone as soon as you’re back speech. I kissed Noel goodbye and left for Manchester.  
…  
“What’s wrong? What’s happened?” I questioned when I realised it was Guigsy who was on the phone later that night.  
“Nothing, I promise. Chill.” he chuckled. “We’re in Paris, in our hotel, everything’s good.”  
“Where’s everyone else then? Arguing over the slightly bigger room?” I relaxed a bit and stopped worrying something had gone wrong.  
“You know us so well.” he answered. “Oh, Noel asks if his jacket got home alright.”  
I faked guilt. “Tell him I’m so sorry, I stopped for strawberry milkshake and something made me jump… the milkshake went everywhere, it’s ruined.”  
He knew I was making it up. “I’m not telling him, he’ll be devastated. I’ll get him for you…” I heard him shout for Noel. “Stacy needs to tell you something.”  
“Guigsy, you twat, stop, I was…”  
“Yeah, what’s up?” Noel answered, apparently neither had heard me.  
“I’m home.” I told him, not having much else to say. “Made it back without a single incident to report.”  
“Good, is Mam alright and you and the baby?”  
I told him we were fine, he said he had to go and gave the phone back to Guigsy.  
“What you got planned then?” Guigsy asked sounding like he was just prolonging the conversation for the sake of it.  
“Might have some more retail therapy… The baby probably still needs some more stuff.” I suggested. “Not much else I can do.”  
“Thought you were pregnant, not an invalid.” he mocked my words.  
“You’re right but I’ve got about nine weeks to go, even I admit I kind of need to relax a bit now.” I admitted.  
He chuckled again. “Think that’s the most noncommittal thing you’ve ever said.”  
“I think you’re talking to me because you don’t know enough French to pull girls.” I responded.  
He thought for a moment “Je suis le guitariste d'Oasis. J'aime tes yeux. Revenir à notre hôtel.”  
“Sorry, Oasis guitarist… I don’t speak French. What was that about a hotel?” I replied, impressed he’d learnt, even if it was just for sex.  
“Trust me, it works.” he insisted.  
“Are you trying to chat up my bird?” Noel shouted, apparently recognising the French.  
“Yeah… but it’s not working on her.” Guigsy shouted back, faking disapointment. “See ya, Christmas.”  
…  
I spent most of my time in the house or visiting Kenzie or Kate, waiting for the lads to get back home. I’d gotten used to the house being quiet, unless I had music or the TV on, that or the washing machine, since Peggy was out a lot of the time.  
I was sat reading a magazine when someone put their hand on my shoulder and kissed my cheek. I jumped right out my skin, dropping the magazine and the baby moved a lot, reacting to my sudden movement.  
“Get the fuck away from me! What the fuck are you doing?” I asked loudly, attempting to scare them as I turned around, holding my hand on my racing heart.  
“Nice to see you too.” Noel smiled. “How did you not see me walk past the window or hear me walk through the door?”  
“You could have put me in labour, you idiot!” I scowled before kissing him. “What are you doing here?”  
I knew I wasn’t the best at keeping up with their tour schedule, but it was late November, I was sure they weren’t meant to be home yet.  
“Shit, sorry, forgot and thought it was a fucking good idea. We’re at NYMEX Arena tonight so I snuck away for a bit.” he answered. “Forgot I’m not supposed to make you jump, not forgot you’re pregnant.”  
“If I knew you were coming I’d have…”  
“Baked a cake?” he suggested, interrupting me.  
“Yeah, and worn better clothes, and sorted my hair out.”  
“The cake would have been fine.” he smirked. “I like these clothes, they look comfortable.”  
I put my arms around him and held him tight. “How much trouble would you be in if you just stayed here?”  
“There’d be a shitstorm if I was even a minute late. They couldn’t go on without the lead guitar or the acoustic singer, could they?”  
“Nope, the Chief has to be there.” I put on a sad tone, looking him in the eye, those beautiful blue eyes of his. “I’d be completely wasting my breath trying to get you to stay.”  
He thought about it. “I could, maybe come back after the gig. Brixton Academy is three days away.”  
“When are you meant to go there?”  
“As soon as we’re conscious and ready tomorrow.” he admitted reluctantly.  
It wasn’t like him to try to deviate from their schedule. He was usually the first to complain if there was any delay.  
“Come to the gig. It’s the only solution.” he suggested, taking my hands.  
“Thirty four weeks pregnant and the size of a planet, I can’t go to a gig.” I reminded him.  
“I’m not asking you to party or anything, just come and be with us… before we’re gone again.” he sounded like he genuinely needed me there.  
We wasted time haggling. I ended up getting changed and spending an hour or so with them while they did their soundcheck. I was surprised that quite a few people (much more than usual) had chose come to watch because standing in silence while the band do their thing is so fun.


	62. Chapter 62

I went to Liam’s early on Christmas morning to get the place ready for the day. The snow was falling, adding to the already covered ground. The scenery looked perfectly Christmassy even if everything else went wrong.  
Liam answered the door, his hair was messy and he was in his boxers and a grey t shirt, I’d woke him up with the door buzzer. “Don’t you friggin’ sleep these days?” he yawned.  
“It’s after nine.” I said as he let me in. “The baby’s been kicking from about seven.” I said as he let me in.  
“You’re not having it now, are you?” he asked, looking a little freaked.  
I shook my head. “It’s not contractions, not even fake ones.” I unzipped my coat, grabbed his hand and made him feel the baby kicking.  
“I’m getting dressed, don’t fucking do too much.” he said as his version of “you’re too pregnant to do anything” before going upstairs.  
I went to the living room to find a tree already decorated with presents underneath. There was also a dining table with a Christmassy cloth on it. I looked around, confused. I went to the kitchen assuming since the living room was sorted the food must still need preparing.  
The vegetables were all already chopped up, stored in tupperware and the meat wrapped in tin foil in his fridge. I closed the fridge and looked for pans, wondering who’d done all this for him.  
“Told you not to do too much.” he told me.  
“Is there anything left to do?” I asked, turning to look at him.  
He looked amazing. He was wearing brand new trainers, jeans and Ben Sherman checkered shirt, he no longer had a single hair out of place. He put my navy blue maternity dress to shame.  
“You can set the table in a bit, if you want.” he suggested. “Chill out, we’ve got this.”  
“This is my family Christmas, I’m supposed to do it all for everyone else to enjoy it.” I complained.  
“You shouldn’t have gotten pregnant then or not so friggin’ heavy pregnant now.” he commented as he made his breakfast. “D’you want anything?”  
“Just some water please.”  
“What kind d’you want?” he asked, I still wasn’t used to there being kinds of water just in people’s fridges.  
He didn’t give me chance to answer and passed me some bottled water. “Have that.”  
“Thanks… Who did the food? It wasn’t you and Noel was it?” I asked. “Just last time Noel cooked, erm, it didn’t go too well.”  
“Me and Alan.”  
“Alan’s here?”  
“Yeah… he’s stayed here since we got back cos of your bloody Christmas demands.” he said like I should have known. “Still asleep, I think, want me to get him?”  
“No I wanna hear about you in the kitchen.”  
“I was bullshitting, I got a chef in, he’s coming soon to cook it.” he admitted. “You wanted us all together and you’re pregnant, I’m not friggin’ risking it.” he added seeing my disappointment.  
“Thank you Liam, thanks for doing all this for me.”  
We went and watched TV in his living room. “Wish I could get pregnant and get everyone to do what I want.”  
I faked shock, dropping my jaw. “When have you ever not got what you wanted?”  
“Didn’t want this. Everyone in my fucking house, all Christmas.” he pointed out. “I wanted a quiet one, followed by a massive fucking New Year party.”  
“Sorry I need my family around and that includes you… Next year you can do whatever you want, I promise.”  
“Going for a fag.” he announced as he got up and walked away.  
He barged past Jamie (who was apparently about to knock) as he went out to his front garden with his cigarettes.  
“What’s up with him?” Jamie asked, passing me the gift bag he’d brought. “Where is everyone?”  
“He’s mardy cos we’re using his house.” I said bluntly. “Alan’s upstairs apparently, other than him, your guess is as good as mine.”  
The next thing we knew he was helping Kenzie get her buggy through the door, chatting to her like he was never in a bad mood. He must have needed his nicotine fix.  
“I was coming to get you.” I told her, feeling bad that she and the girls had walked.  
“You shouldn’t drive in this.” she pointed out. “We had a nice walk, didn’t we?” she changed her tone to talk to Thora who nodded.  
“Can I take your coats?” I asked as I go up. “Everyone’s banned from saying “in your condition” today, okay?.” I added, Kenzie looked like she was about to say it.  
Jamie, Kenzie and Liam nodded in agreement.  
“Stick them on Alan’s bed, that’ll get him up.” Liam told me.  
I walked straight into Alan’s room, not thinking to knock or anything. He was stood yawning, completely naked. I threw the coats on the bed and covered my eyes. “Sorry!” I exclaimed making the situation more embarrassing.  
“No, I’m sorry Stacy, I was going to shower but I’m taking people are here already.” he responded as he found clothes and got dressed.  
“I’ve got the full set now.” I commented.  
“Do I want to know how you’ve seen Bonehead and Guigsy naked?” he asked, thinking he was going to get a good story out of it.  
I thought of the least interesting reason. “They tend not to be able to wait until I’ve left the bathroom.”  
“Who’s biggest?”  
I shook my head. “I’m not answering that, no way… Especially not on Christmas.”  
We went downstairs to find Bonehead, Kate and baby Lucy had arrived.  
“Ey up Stacy!” Bonehead greeted. “I was just saying I wouldn’t be surprised if your parents aren’t coming in this weather.”  
“I wouldn’t do that drive today, it isn’t safe.” Kate agreed.  
“As long as Noel, Peggy, Paul and Guigsy get here, I don’t mind.” I told him as I got sat back on the sofa.  
“You got a phone?” Jamie asked. “I’ll give them a ring.”  
Liam pointed him in the direction of the phone and then decided we were lacking music so put on The Stone Roses, the album.  
Noel walked through the door singing along to Bye Bye Badman, stopping to comment “Very Christmassy, this.”  
“It’s more Christmassy than a Liam Gallagher tantrum.” I told him. “Plus your kid is as mad for Madchester as you lot are.”  
“You haven’t known him enough Christmases then.” Paul said from behind Noel. “Still jigging about?”  
“They’re pretty active today, yeah.” I nodded, careful not to say he.  
“Getting ready to come, I’ll tell you.” Peggy commented, Kenzie and Kate agreed.  
I tried to get up but Noel stopped me.  
“I’m not waiting half an hour for a hug.” he said as he put his arms around me while I stayed sat down.  
“Cheeky git.” I quickly kissed his cheek before he stood up again. “I’ve still got to get up for Peggy and Paul.”  
Peggy shook her head. “You’re alright love, relax.”  
“Sorry Stacy, you’re parents are snowed in.” Jamie announced.  
Both Noel and Liam muttered “Thank fuck for that.” under their breath.  
I wasn’t too disappointed either. I wanted to spend the day with them but it was more to prove myself to them than to spend quality time with them.  
Peggy and Kenzie went and cooked the dinner after we agreed the chef wasn’t coming. Guigsy finally turned up looking worse for wear.  
“Can we not have music on, that loud?” he complained, going to turn it down himself.  
“Oi, touch that knob and I’ll kill you.” Liam threatened, sounding deadly serious.  
I couldn’t help chuckling to myself, wishing I’d heard his words out of context. “Is someone hungover?” I asked, hiding my laugh.  
He sort of groaned as an answer before getting sat down.  
We all sat listening to Liam’s choices of albums, he agreed to turn it down but only because he couldn’t listen to both the music and our conversations.  
“Belly baby, belly baby.” Thora poked me excitedly.  
“They’re listening. What’s up?” I told her, lifting her onto my knee.  
“What your name?” she asked, holding her hand on my belly, she didn’t need to do that I could see him kick.  
“They haven’t got a name yet, we didn’t name you until we couldn’t call you baby anymore.” I answered and she got back on the floor to play with Charlotta and Lucy.  
“Really, you named her so you didn’t have to call her the baby?” Alan asked, unsure whether to believe me.  
“Tony and the rest of Oasis were recording in bloody Cornwall when she was born. We needed to call her something.” I explained.  
We opened presents with Guigsy cringing at the loud noises of the wrapping paper and then the kids’ toys. After that we had our Christmas dinner.  
“Have the kids seen Tony today?” Guigsy asked Kenzie while we were all sat around watching tv and playing with our presents after dinner.  
She kind of sighed. “Nope, I asked him and I asked his parents but they didn’t want to know.”  
“Don’t get why he’s being such a dick.” he commented.  
“Cos he is a dick, simple.” Noel contributed.  
“But not seeing your kids, that’s something else.” Bonehead joined in.  
I had to shift the subject, quick. “Let’s not dwell on how much of an idiot Tony is, it’s not like the kids are missing out, they’ve got all us lot…”  
“I’ll be their Dad again.” Liam piped up, picking up Charlotta and sat her on his knee. “This one’s got my eyes annal, no one will know.”  
Peggy gave him a very confused look, she must have missed when everyone thought Thora was his, or she’d forgotten.  
“Shut up, Liam! You’re not their Dad and you never will be.” she tried to sound jokily but she just sounded defensive. “If you want kids, go find yourself a girlfriend.”  
“I’d be a good fun dad, just saying… I don’t want kids, I’m not changing dirty nappies and all that crap.” He made a grossed out face. “I’m twenty-three. I’m a rockstar.”  
“You’re a great fun uncle. You can be the fun-est uncle of all time, but you can’t be their Dad. They’re stuck with Tony.” Kenzie pointed out.  
“Just cos he’s still a kid, aren’t you, baby brother?” Noel commented.  
Liam was in good spirits so Noel got away with calling him childish without any kind of argument breaking out.  
The rest of the day went great, much better than last year. Bonehead and Kate left to visit their parents in the afternoon. The rest of us let Liam have his house back to himself in the evening.


	63. Chapter 63

Boxing day was much quieter, while the rest of the country rushed to the sales I sat watching movies with Noel and Peggy. We didn’t move all day except for food or drink. We didn’t talk much either, happy to enjoy the peace and quiet. It made me wonder what Liam was doing, he’d be getting fidgety if he was here, I knew that much.  
That evening I felt the baby moving different to normal, sitting much lower and muscles started to contract. Everyone else had spent Christmas predicting he was coming very soon but I didn’t want anyone to start fussing before it was necessary.  
I got Noel to go for a walk with me, still ignoring the fact that I was technically in labour. I loved the winter we were having and I wasn’t going to miss it because of the baby. He wasn’t so enthusiastic, he wanted to stay wrapped up warm, indoors. The area was the same old Manchester I’d become so familiar with but it’s wintery covering of snow gave it a magic, bright charm it usually lacked.  
The contractions got much more painful as me and Noel walked in the late afternoon snow. The ground was still heavily covered, since it had kept snowing. I probably shouldn’t have been walking in it in case I slipped or something.  
“Agh.” I grabbed my belly not being able to hide the pain of this one.  
“What’s wrong? Is it the baby?” Noel immediately questioned, grabbing me for support.  
“Contractions, I’ve had them for a while now.” I admitted.  
He looked around, we were in a park in Manchester, the day after boxing day, there were only a few other people around, mostly people walking their dogs. “Have you brought your phone?”  
I shook my head, I didn’t fancy carrying around a brick that might not be safe to be near. “I’m fine, it just hurts a bit and then it’s gone.”  
He insisted we walked back to the house or find somewhere indoors. We walked and walked, stopping about every five minutes for the next contraction. We couldn’t find anywhere open because it was the Christmas holiday.  
We ended up back at Liam’s house since his place was closest. Just outside his door my waters broke, ruining my leggings. “Shit!” I groaned, I knew our son wasn’t waiting any longer.  
“Oi, phone an ambulance.” he shouted as we let ourselves in the house.  
I took my coat off and crashed on the sofa in his living room.  
“What?” Liam ran down the stairs.  
“I don’t want an ambulance!” I protested and then shouted in pain.  
“You are getting in that fucking ambulance and you’re having my son in a hospital, with doctors and medicine and shit.” Noel commanded, he was freaking out like I’d never seen before.  
Noel ignored me and got to the phone while Liam just stood and stared at me with no idea what to do.  
“Stop staring at me. Just get my leggings off and get me a towel and stop him.” I ordered. “I don’t want to go to fucking hospital.”  
He fetched some towels and helped me clean up. He put a towel over me to protect my privacy, a bit late for that.  
“Yorkie, you can’t have it here. You’re not having it in my gaff, on my sofa.” Liam shook his head. “We can’t deliver a baby, we’re not fucking qualified.”  
“I am not going to fucking hospital, I’m not doing it, I’m staying right friggin’ here.” I said firmly before shouting in pain with the next contraction.  
“Look, you told me to be a bloody good uncle to the nibbling, if that means fecking dragging you to hospital then I will.” he sat next to me and took my hand. “I know you don’t friggin’ like hospitals but this is for the baby… You were alright when you had the crash.”  
I suddenly squeezed his hand. “Fucking hell! If you carry on, I’ll need a hospital for my broken bloody hand.” he pulled away. “It’s the baby bit, it’s different from normal wards.”  
“Er, they want to know how dilated you are?” Noel shouted.  
“What’s that mean?” Liam asked looking really confused.  
I moved so he had to see. “Is the baby coming?”  
“No, no, I’m not fucking looking.” he held his head away.  
“You’ve seen it before, they have to know, right now, Liam.” I got immediately impatint with him.  
He reluctantly looked. “Fucking hell, is that the head?” he exclaimed before shouting “Noel, I can see the bloody head, what the fuck do we do?”  
I’d never seen him so panicked and it was making me really nervous. I thought Liam Gallagher could handle anything.  
“I want my Mum, fucking get my Mum. Right now!” I suddenly barked at Liam, grabbing his hand again through a really long, painful contraction.  
“They said the snow’s slowing down the ambulances. They reckon it’s too late for the hospital anyway.” Noel announced with a false calmness, coming into the room. “You’re crowning. You just have to push and that now.”  
“Stacy, she’s miles away. We can’t even get a fucking ambulance here.” Liam answered calmly, thinking I was being ridiculous.  
“I’m not doing it until she’s here. Get her!” I growled.  
He looked at Noel for a moment, silently communicating with him.  
Noel grabbed my wrist and got me to feel the baby’s head. “There’s no time. That’s our baby’s head.” he told me seriously. “You’ve got me and Liam, we’re all you need.”  
They both kept trying to spurt supportive rubbish to keep me going. It wasn’t easy with no one really knowing what to do and no pain relief at all.  
“I can’t do it.” I shook my head, I was getting exhausted. “I don’t want a baby. I can’t do this. I can’t give birth.”  
“Yorkie, you can fucking do it and you nearly have. You just have to push a bit fucking more more… The best I’ve ever pushed out is a massive shit, you’ll have your very own little human being in a minute.” Liam encouraged.  
“Shut up Liam!” Noel and I said together.  
I nearly broke Noel’s hand several times during the delivery. “I need that hand to play guitar!” he complained multiple times in between guiding me through the birth.  
…  
Our son was born late in the evening on the 27th December 1995.  
“Fucking look at that. It’s a boy. ” Liam announced proudly.  
The baby didn’t cry, he gasped his first breath and grizzled until Liam wrapped him in a towel and passed him to me.  
He was perfect, he had eyes exactly like Noel’s although they were more newborn dark blue than Gallagher blue and he had light blond, soft hair.  
“He’s beautiful.” I grinned, feeling the greatest love a person could feel.  
It felt so different to how I felt when Billy was born. I wasn’t denying my love as a mother with every fibre of my being this time. This time love filled my heart.  
The paramedics got there just after he was born so they just made sure we were both alright, had Noel cut the umbilical cord, made sure I could feed him and everything. They wanted to take us to hospital but I wouldn’t let them, I insisted we were fine.  
“I’m completely fucking speechless.” Noel said as he carefully held his son for the first time. “I can’t… We did this.”  
I cleaned up with a very quick shower while they examined the baby, I heard them leave as I was getting dressed. I had to borrow clothes from Liam’s wardrobe. They were too big but it didn’t matter, they were dry and comfy.  
…  
“Why’s he blond?” Liam asked when Noel finally let him hold his nephew.  
He had Jamie's hair colour, almost the exact same shade and I couldn't explain why, I was sure he wasn’t his.  
“Billy’s a bit blond, in’t he? And we were when we were little.” Noel said, shrugging away the issue. “He’s mine, look at his eyes and tell me they aren’t our eyes.”  
“His hair could easily change to be like mine and Noel’s.” I told them. “Baby hair and eye colour change loads.”  
“What are you calling him?” he asked, gazing at the baby’s expression in awe.  
Somehow we’d not discussed names at all. We thought we still had time, at least a week until he’d be here.  
“You could just name him after his uncle Liam.” he suggested as we stayed quiet trying to think, we didn’t acknowledge it.  
Noel took the baby’s hand and stroked his hair. “Jimmy.” He sounded confident like he’d put some real thought into it.  
“What? Why Jimmy?” I questioned. Had Noel already decided without telling me?  
“My best mate at school.” he answered. “Well, while we were meant to be in school.”  
“How come you've never mentioned him?”  
I was certain they’d never, ever spoken about anyone called Jimmy before. They’d definitely not seen him since I lived with them.  
“Went down for theft in like ‘84, ant heard from him since.” Liam looked at the floor, looking like he was saddened to remember.  
“I’m not naming my son after a convicted thief.” I objected.  
He could seriously forget that idea. I’d rather our son didn’t have a name.  
“No cos he decided the other night when we watched Quadrophenia but he’s too much of a pussy to admit it.” Liam revealed.  
They loved the film about Mod culture and Jimmy in the film was a cool character. “What were yous doing watching Quadrophenia the other night?”  
“Am not, dick.” Noel responded to Liam, not answering me. “Yeah, I said it but I, oh fucking forget it. I want my son to be called Jimmy. After who don’t matter.”  
I tutted at them.  
“You’re not going to start bloody moaning about swearing, are you?” Liam complained. “It’s so fucking stupid.”  
“No, not yet anyway.” I shook my head. “Yous are even arguing over our son’s name.”  
“Come on, Jimmy is a great name.” Noel argued.  
“I’ll think about it, what about a middle name?” I realised he was accidentally naming our son after Jamie if James was going on his birth certificate.  
Noel thought about it for a while before deciding “Stephen Jimmy Gallagher. Done.”  
I liked it. “Yeah, alright.” I agreed. “You want it written just as Jimmy, not James or owt like that?”  
"Stephen, ph, Jimmyi, yi. Us mate always signed it with an i, cos Hendrix.” he explained.  
“And he was a unique nutter like that.” Liam added.  
“Cool.” I nodded to agree. “Why Stephen though?”  
I assumed the Stephen was specifically Stephen Holt from the Inspiral Carpets but he wasn’t going to admit that either so I didn’t ask.  
“He’s already claimed John, George, Paul, Ringo.” Noel pointed his thumb at his brother. “I don’t know, there’s loads of cool Stephens anall.”  
“You can’t name a kid after all the Beatles, that’s way too much pressure.” I grinned at the idea. “Erm, this Jimmyi lad, what did he nick?”  
“Can we not?” Noel asked putting his head in his hand to express his reluctance. “It was a long time ago, we were just kids with no future. He was a proper fucking lad, not a thief.”  
“A proper lad like the one who tried to break my ankle to win a footie match? Why won’t you tell me?” I questioned. “If I’m naming my son after him I want to know about him.”  
“Nothing like that wanker.” Liam said, Jimmyi was clearly someone who impressed him.  
“Cos you’ll get mad about the things I did when I was like sixteen. I’ve changed and his stretch probably sent him straight, I’m not bringing up the past.” he said adamantly.  
I looked at Liam, he'd let something slip if I kept the look long enough.  
“They wagged school every day and just friggin’ nicked stuff, nothing special.” he shrugged. “Once they tried a car cos Jimmyi said he could drive, Noel legged it, Jimmyi went down for it.” he revealed.  
Noel glared at him.  
“I’m not mad, like you said it's years ago. Thought your Mum was a dinner lady when you were at school. How’d you get away with skiving?”  
“Cos we’re fucking geniuses.” Liam replied proudly.  
They explained seeking into school to get dinner money off their mum and pretend they’d been to the morning lessons and left when dinner was over.


	64. Chapter 64

Noel stood watching me sat on his old bed rocking our son in the nursery. “When they asked if you wanted a homebirth I din’t think they meant Liam’s home. Your hospital bag’s there, that was a waste of time.” He pointed to the bag I’d packed months ago.  
It sounded like he had something to say but he didn’t know how to say it.  
“I should've carried it around.”  
“Or gone to hospital… Shall we ring your Mam and Dad, let them know?” he suggested.  
“No, I don’t want them.” I told him sharply.  
“You are a mind fuck Stacy.” he commented. “A bit ago he wasn’t coming out until your Mam was with you.”  
“Tell them but tell them they can’t visit. The Snow.” I decided. “If they come, they’ll take him.” I added quietly.  
He sat next to me. “Are you alright Stacy, like really alright?” he asked, concerned.  
“Yeah, course I am, we have our son, he’s beautiful, we’re happy. I’m more than alright.” I smiled.  
“Just, er, you asked for Luke, who’s y’know… a couple of times and now you don’t want your parents to see him.” he spoke carefully.  
“I know Luke’s dead. Sorry if I scared you. I’ve been waking up convinced I was carrying his, just for a split second. I didn’t say because I didn’t want you to worry. I know Jimmyi is yours and I’m with you.” I explained.   
“It's getting late. You've got to be knackered. Let me have have him for a bit, get some rest.” he instructed, apparently happy with that explanation.  
“I'm fine.” I insisted.  
I wanted to keep hold of my baby son forever, I didn’t care how tired I was or how tired I’d get. I needed him as much as he needed me.  
“Honestly, how long have you been awake?” he asked to prove his point. “And you should be in hospital being taken care of. I love you for being stubborn but let me take care of you two.”  
“What if he gets hungry?”  
“You just fed him, didn't you? If he needs you I'll bring him back to you.” He sounded like he could handle it.  
I nodded, handed him over and reluctantly went to bed. Now he was with Noel I could admit to myself I was exhausted. I fell asleep still wearing Liam’s clothes.  
...  
When Bonehead visited the next day, carrying Lucy. I wasn't prepared to see anyone, even if it was just him. I felt like shit like I’d only just registered the pain and everything from yesterday.  
He presented us with a gift for the baby. I unwrapped a red Manchester United baby grow and we both stared at him like he’d gone mad.  
“It’s best of both worlds, in’t it? Red for LFC, Manchester for City.” he sniggered, it was the kind of thing someone who knew absolutely nothing about football might suggest.  
The mentioning of Liverpool made me realise Jamie didn’t know his Godchild was born yet unless my parents had told him.  
“Thanks but no thanks. I can’t let my lad wear that badge.” I said trying to be polite, not exactly realising the joke.  
“I’m kidding with you, no Kate’s bringing the proper present.” he revealed, stuffing the baby grow in his pocket. “This is our Lucy’s.”  
“You’re hilarious, Bonehead.” Noel said shaking his head at him.  
“I know. What’s his name then?” he asked with a grin.  
“Stephen Jimmyi Gallagher.” Noel told him. “We’re just going to call him Jimmyi though.”  
Bonehead nodded. “Nice! It suits him.”  
Kate came in a few minutes later having got the “proper present” from their car. “He is so cute! Look at his little grumpy face, he’s Noel’s double.” she cooed over Jimmyi, I was relieved to hear someone thought so. “I hope we have a boy next.”  
A look of fear spread across Bonehead’s face, he wasn’t so ready for even the mention of their second child in a passing comment.  
Guigsy and Alan came over too.  
Noel told them about the baby grow.  
“You United idiot, he doesn’t want to support those scum.” Guigsy told Bonehead. “He’s a Citizen, through and through.”  
I knew he was only joking but they sounded so aggressive when they started digging at each other’s teams. I stayed quiet.  
“Liam’s kicked me out cos his living room’s wrecked by this little one.” Alan told us, quickly changing the subject as he rocked Jimmyi in his arms. “He looks way too innocent to have caused so much damage.”  
I apologise. “Why though? You’re not kipping on the sofa.”  
“I’ve been at his weeks now. I think it was any excuse, to be honest.” he said.  
“My bruv is the most selfish little cunt that’s ever walked the earth.” Noel interjected his very original opinion. “Sorry man.”  
“He’s ‘right. I’d get sick of having to share me house for so long.” Alan shrugged.  
Guigsy took Jimmyi. “So you’re the one who’s caused all the fuss.”  
He surprised me. I didn’t think even Paul McGuigan would be cooing over our son. I hadn’t realised quite how much we were family until I saw the band’s reaction to our new family member.  
…  
My parents and Billy arrived later that day.  
I could tell my Mum still felt uncomfortable, she didn't want to hold the baby, she didn't even really want to look at the baby.  
“Mum, can I show you the nursery?” I asked her so I could talk to her in private.  
She complimented the nursery, the curtains, the bedding, she liked it all but I really wasn't interested in her opinion on that.  
“Why won't you properly look at Stephen?” I asked directly.  
They decided to uphold “tradition”, insisted on using his first name despite me and Noel telling them to call him Jimmyi.  
“I don't know what you're talking about.” She denied. “He's so beautiful.”  
“You haven't held him, you haven't talked to him, you haven't done anything but pretend you want to be here.” I told her.  
“Do you honestly, one hundred percent know Noel is the father?” she asked. “It's just, he really doesn't look much like him.”  
“Yes I can! He couldn’t look more like him if he tried!” I exclaimed, wishing my own mother believed my word over everyone else's. “He is Noel’s, I'm not just saying it, there really is no one else it could be.  
“Okay. I just needed to hear it.” She nodded in acceptance. “Can I go to my grandson?”  
We went back to the living room where Dad was stood holding Stephen in his arms, looking the proud Grandad.  
He passed the baby to Mum. “Look, here's your Gran.”  
Noel was sat watching, he was trying to fake enthusiasm for my parents but he’d rather not be with them. He looked like he’d happily grab his son and kick them out the house.  
I noticed Billy was stood quietly guarding the present they'd brought. While everyone fussed the baby I turned my attention to him.  
“What's in the box?” I asked him.  
It was a large box wrapped in paper that had a pattern of blue prams and baby bottles.  
He shrugged so I picked it up, getting him to come to the kitchen where it was quiet. I put it on a chair for us both to open.  
“Open it for us.” I encouraged.  
“It's just stuff for the baby.” he shrugged.  
“I know but it's still exciting to see what you've bought him.” I tried to sound enthusiastic but he was right, it was just going to be clothes and stuff for the baby. “Have they been going on about him a lot?”  
He nodded. “Mum thinks you're not ready and Noel can't parent because of the music and everything.”  
I assumed everything meant the drugs and alcohol. “What do you think? How do you feel about it?” I questioned.  
“I like Noel, I don't think he's wild like Mum says. I just want my nephew to have a happy family.” he answered honestly.  
I gritted my teeth trying not to get mad at her as I opened their present to find lots of clothes, nappies and bibs. There was books, toys and knitted blankets as well.  
“Have you held Jimmyi yet?” I asked as we sorted through them.  
He shook his head. “What if I drop him?”  
“You definitely won’t, I trust you.” I assured him. “He wants to meet his uncle Billy.”


	65. Chapter 65

Liam came over on New Year's Eve, having decided he could convince us to go on a club crawl with him. Maybe he’d hit his head, hard recently or the drugs had finally altered his mind so much he couldn’t think rationally.  
“Can’t you come out at all?” Liam asked, he was ready to party as planned.  
It was the first New Year’s Eve that I hadn’t gone out on since I was seventeen. He wanted us all to go out as normal.  
“Not really no… Have you clubbed with many three day olds?” I asked sarcastically.  
“One drink, just one.”  
I shook my head. There was no having just one drink with them and he certainly wouldn’t accept one soft drink.  
“You can leave him with our Mam.” he tried to convince me.  
“No, no, no. There’s no way. I literally had a baby three days ago.” I objected. “Do I really look like I could go out?”  
“You look great.” he quickly complimented, giving up. “Can I take Noel then?”  
“No! He has to stay here and be a Daddy.”  
“But how am I supposed to celebrate without my brother and my Yorkie? It’s just going to be me, Guigs’ and Alan.” he complained as though it was the end of the world.  
“Give Tony a ring.” I suggested, none of us had spoken to him since the left the band and split up with Kenzie.  
He immediately snubbed that idea, it was a ridiculous suggestion anyway. I didn’t know anyone else to suggest to him.  
…  
At a few minutes past midnight the phone rang, waking Jimmyi up moments after I’d got him back to sleep after a feed. He screamed as I carried him to the phone, trying to settle him.  
“Hello?” I answered, letting my irritation be known in my voice.  
“Yorkie! Yorkie, ey up!” Liam shouted over the music, obviously drunk and having a good time.  
“What do you want? You’ve made Jimmyi cry.” I said impatiently, trying to balance the phone between my shoulder and ear while trying to comfort my son.  
“I wanted to say happy New Year ‘96, so yeah, happy New Year ‘96 Yorkie.” he cheered. “I’m going home with, er… E, Em, er, Em now.”  
I wished he hadn’t felt the need to try to make me jealous on this occasion. He wanted me to miss the music, the drugs, the party atmosphere, more than he wanted me to miss him  
“Happy New Year to you too Liam. This definitely couldn’t have waited ‘til the morning.” I said sarcastically. “Oh and it usually helps to remember the girl’s name.” I put the phone before he could say anything else.  
Noel came downstairs, yawning. “What’s he crying for? Was someone on the phone?” he questioned, taking him from me,  
“Your brother doesn’t realise we need to sleep.” I groaned.  
“Go and sleep, I’ll sort him out.” he said confidently as he rocked Jimmyi in his arms. “Come on lad, we’ll have less of this.” he told the baby before attempting to sing him to sleep with Talk Tonight.  
…  
We drove over to Liam’s in the morning, Noel insisted on paying him back for the call.  
He pressed the door buzzer over and over again until it was answered while I stayed in the car with Jimmyi to keep us warm.  
“Shut the fuck up doing that!” Liam shouted from an upstairs window. “What are you doing here?”  
“Come to celebrate the new year with my favourite little brother.” Noel said and played with the buzzer again until he came down and let us in.  
“You just wait ‘til the next time you’ve got a fucking mega hangover.” he threatened as we walked in.  
He slumped onto his sofa and we sat with him. “What do you two want?”  
“Thought you'd want to see your nephew on his first new year.” Noel answered.  
“Not right fucking now, I don't.” he complained. “Can't you fuck off a bit and let me friggin’ sleep.” he complained.  
A lass joined him and cuddled up to him. I didn't recognise her at first, she looked pretty worse for wear but her distinctive red hair gave it away. I recognised the Man City shirt she was wearing. It wasn’t this season’s or last season’s I was sure of that. I knew it was more significant to me than the fact that I’d seen Liam wear it but I couldn’t think why.  
They kissed. Liam never kissed his one night stands the next morning, they were out the door as soon as possible. They had to be more than that.  
She whispered something to him. “What stinks is my sofa that she ruined, having my nephew on it.” He answered with a clear aggravation to his voice.  
He’d apparently just flipped the seat cushions over as a temporary measure until he could replace the sofa.  
“Liam, shall we make tea?” I asked, needing an excuse to get him alone.  
“You know where the fucking kitchen is.” he replied, not getting the hint.  
“I don’t know where anything is.”  
He made an annoyed noise and led me to the kitchen. “What the hell do you want from me?” he asked as soon as we were in the kitchen.  
“Why is Emily on your sofa like you’re together?” I asked, trying not to sound like I was prying.  
“Cos I’ve been seeing her for a bit.” he confessed.  
“For how long? Was you seeing her when we…?”  
“Yeah, I was.” he interrupted.  
“How long Liam? How long have you and her been together?” I questioned, feeling really hurt, betrayed.  
“Since July when you brought her to Scotland.” he admitted. “You can’t tell her what we did cos we didn’t, remember?” he reminded me of our stupid pact to erase what we’d done. “I actually kind of fucking like her… Don’t mess it up for me.”  
Why was it so easy for him to stop when he didn’t want me but not when I needed to put a stop to us?  
“Then why the hell did you cheat on her, learn songs for me and lead me on again when you knew you want her?” I asked knowing full well I could never tell her.  
He held his head, his “mega” hangover was really getting to him. “I don’t know, I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone else but I can’t friggin’ have you.”  
He suddenly pushed me against the wall, the same as before and kissed my cheek. “When we got back last night I did her right here.”  
“You could have anyone, literally anyone, why is it always my friends?” I asked pushing him away, I couldn’t tell if he was trying to make me jealous or he was just trying to hurt me.  
“Cos you don’t have a sister.” he said under his breath. “Why’s it always my brother?” he remarked. “Y’know what? Can you three just fuck off? I’m not in the mood for this.”  
I made an excuse to leave, we’d only gone to wind Liam up which we’d achieved and none of us wanted us to be there.  
“Wonder if she knows you wore that shirt, Glastonbury ‘94.” Noel said with a cheeky smile, when we got in the car. “Remember?”  
“Oh! It’s that shirt.” I grinned, of course it had to be that one.  
…  
That evening there was a match on, Man City, against West Ham. I didn’t get why Noel was still watching, their only success in the last month had been a 1-1 draw against Notts’ Forest.  
I sat and watched with him, nursing Jimmyi.  
When Quinn scored Noel jumped up and just about managed to remember not to shout. He ran into the kitchen and rang someone. “Are you watching? We’ve fucking scored.”  
He left the phone off the hook on the worktop and got back on the sofa in front of the TV.  
“Hello?” I picked up the phone to see if they were still on the line, 99.9% sure it had to be Liam. I could hear hear giving loud encouragement to the players, giving about the same instruction as Noel was so I hung up.  
At halftime he took Jimmyi and got him to “watch” the goal replay. “You came just in time to see your favourite team win one, lad.”  
I wanted to point out that there was another forty five minutes to go but the commentators moved onto updates from the other games that were at half time, first Tottenham Hotspur vs Manchester United 2-1 then Liverpool and Notts’ Forest were at 2-2, there were five other games as well but we didn’t care about their scores.  
The Liverpool score reminded me again that Jamie still didn’t know his Godson had been born. Then again, neither did Kenzie. I felt so guilty that my closest friends were in the dark and vowed to tell them as soon as the match was over.  
Noel actually growled in frustration when West Ham equalised but minutes later they’d gotten back the lead. He gave Jimmyi to me and rushed to speak to Liam again.  
“Did you put the phone down on Our Kid?” he asked as he waited for him to answer.  
“No, I put it down on his kitchen.” I replied cheekily.  
“Lazy cunt’s not answering.” he said as he sat back down.  
He was completely lost to the match for the final ten minutes which luckily lacked any more goals. Liverpool won their match 4-2, a devilish grin spread across Noel’s face when we saw Man United had lost 4-1.  
“Don’t go winding Bonehead up.” I told him and kissed him before I went to the phone.  
I didn’t know what to say as I waited for Jamie to answer, I thought of making excuses, the snow had put the phone lines or the electric down.  
“Stacy?” he answered. “Is this our post-match commentary? Cos I’m already listening to them on the telly.”  
“Nah, I didn’t see it, Noel had City on.” I said, hoping he wouldn’t get too distracted by football. “I have some news.”  
“How’s my favourite Manc?”  
“Eh?” I responded, I had no idea who his favourite Manc was, I didn’t know he had one.  
“The baby, I am still GodDad, ain’t I?” he asked. “How’s Guigsy after his loss?”  
I huffed. “Liam told you he was born, for the bet?”  
“Noel did first but yeah Liam begrudgingly let me know I was right.”  
“Sorry. How does a bet where everyone but Guigsy betted the same work?”  
“Probably with me not getting paid… I’ll get over to see him when I can. What’s he like then, Jimmyi?” he asked.  
“The absolute spit of Noel, except he’s got blond hair for now. It’s like he’s only Noel’s.” I described.  
He chucked. “Eyebrows?”  
“Hmm, they’re not so Gallagher, yet.” I answered with a laugh.  
I was so relieved that he wasn’t mad at me. I rang Kenzie as soon as our conversation was over, hoping Noel had already thought to tell her too. He hadn’t.


	66. Chapter 66

On the tenth, touring started yet again. Their first gig was in the Netherlands and then on to Germany.  
I didn’t want Noel to go. He was so good with Jimmyi, he was the one who got him to sleep without fail, he was the one who could do everything the baby needed with his eyes shut but he had to go. He had to assure me it wasn’t long, at all, this time.  
…  
“Hello?” Liam answered, I didn’t know who was going to the phone but I was happy it was him. “Can't talk, we've got to go. Utrecht is waiting.”  
“Please Liam, I need you.” I sobbed. “I can't do it, he won't stop crying, I just want him to fuck off!”  
He stayed quiet, collecting his thoughts. “If I could get the next flight home I would, like that.” he clicked his fingers. “But I don't need to because I know you can do it. I believe in you.”  
“I can't! Noel can do everything, he wants Noel. He won't stop crying. He won't even feed… I think I've stopped producing milk.”  
I hadn’t had a good day, at all. I couldn’t cope with Jimmyi on my own.  
“We both know Noel is a lazy cunt, it was you that was doing everything, not him and I'm no expert but I know your tits are perfect, they can't have gone dry in a day.” he tried to assure me, calmly.  
“Why is he being like this then? Why is he being so difficult for me?” I questioned. “It's supposed to be perfect, it's not, it's just shit. I've failed, I can't look after him.”  
He sighed. “Talk to Mam and Kenzie and Kate. Tell them how you feel and they'll help you. I know you're a good Mum and you'll get through this.”  
“What's the fucking hold up? We will leave you here.” I heard Noel shout, irritated and impatient.  
“I've got to go, I love you. We'll be back before you know it.” Liam told me before putting the phone down.  
…  
I was still distraught and Jimmyi was still screaming when Peggy got home.  
“What's the matter, Love?” she asked softly as she put her arm around me and rubbed my arm.  
“Nothing I do will make him stop. I really can't care for him. I don't know what he wants.” I admitted. “Noel does but he's not here.”  
“Have you eaten today?”  
I shook my head. “Neither of us have.”  
“Okay, I'll take him upstairs, see if I can sort him out. You calm down and I'll make us some dinner.” she said authoritatively.  
“He's got a lovely nursery, you are allowed to let him sleep in there.” She told me when she got back down. “Babies can sense when their mother is upset so you two got yourselfs into a bit of a fecking vicious circle today.”  
She went into the kitchen and brought sandwiches though, saying she'd make us some proper dinner later.  
“Sorry I had to work on your first day with Noel away, I should've been here to support you.” she said as she sat down.  
“I should have been able, he’s my son.” I picked up a sandwich. “I failed him.”  
“Stacy, it’s okay to have a bad day, raising a baby is hard, it’s really difficult but it gets easier.” she told me as I ate. “You haven’t failed him, when he wakes up and sees his calm, happy Mammy he’ll want his dinner and everything will be normal again.”  
I took a deep breath and decided to admit the truth, like Liam told me to. “It doesn’t feel anything like it should. I love Jimmyi and I’d never hurt him but… I don’t want him. I can’t be his Mum.”  
“Have you thought about talking to someone, a doctor?” she suggested. “I had the baby blues, sounds to me, you might have it… Think they call it postnatal depression now.”  
I shook my head. “I’m not letting them put me on prescription drugs… I just need Noel back.”  
“They don’t just put you on drugs. They talk, give you support and stuff.” she tried to convince me. “You can’t rely on Noel being here, you know he has to tour.”  
“I know but he’s so good with him. I’m not.” I had no confidence now Noel was gone.  
“Yes, you fecking are.” she insisted. “The midwife’s coming the day after tomorrow, talk to her, she’ll tell you how well you’re doing cos I know you can’t believe me.”  
I’d forgotten I had to see her again. I didn’t want her here, judging me, again. I didn’t tell her but she knew, it was her job to spot it and she did. She told me I was doing everything right, that Jimmyi was healthy and doing well as Peggy told me she would.  
With Peggy, Kenzie and Kate’s support I got a lot better. The depression was still there, postnatal or otherwise, it continued to circle my mind and I knew it always would. I did my best to stop it from ruling my life.  
…  
Having a baby may have caused this bout of depression but he also forced me to get up in the morning and forced me to leave the house when he needed things.  
I saw Emily at the supermarket, I hadn’t seen her since New Year’s Day and I was happy to see her but I still wasn’t sure how I felt about her new relationship.  
“When were you going to tell me?” I asked, feeling confrontational.  
“Tell you what?” she asked innocently.  
“You and Liam.” I encouraged.  
“What’s there to tell? We saw each other a couple of times.” she said like it was nothing.  
“He seems to think it’s more than that.” I said calmly, I wasn’t prepared to wake Jimmyi in his pram.  
“Look, he’s a rock star, I fancy him, he’ll move on when he sees the next one. I’m not going to get hurt by getting too involved.” she explained.  
I looked at her. I didn’t know she could lie that well. She’d only been around us months and she was already a different girl to the one I met. “You’ve got him wrong. I saw yous on New Year. You are not just a fuck.”  
“So he’s not with as many groupies as he can get, right now? You honestly believe that?” she questioned, letting her feelings slip.  
“They are the ones that mean nothing. He’ll never see them again, they don’t get a second thought… Me and you, we do.” I insisted.  
I knew for certain that he was showing his appreciation to as many fans as he could, the rest of the band probably were too. It’s not like any of them had been told they couldn’t.  
“What makes us any different?” she questioned, examining me.  
“Love.” I shrugged.  
“What do you mean “we”? You’re not, he doesn’t.” she asked, not sure what to say.  
“He’s only pretending he’s not in love with me so Noel doesn’t beat the shit out of him and the world would be void of Oasis, best band in the world.” I said with a smile, a real one.  
I shouldn’t have told her that, I really shouldn’t have said a word of it but I was hurt by their secrecy. I didn’t want her to know about me and Liam, I didn’t want anyone to know.  
“Well, it doesn’t matter, he’s with me now.” she responded, still hiding her feelings the best she could. “Not you.”  
“I’m engaged to him. He kisses me all the time and we had sex in his kitchen in September.” I revealed. Fuck Liam’s pact. “Apparently he did you against the same wall on New Year… Bet he was thinking about me while you were against his the Smiths poster.”  
“You’re with Noel, you can’t be.” she pointed out.  
“They’re rock stars. You should know by now, normal rules don’t apply.” I told her coldly.  
“You’re seriously slutting between them? You are a class A bitch, a whore.” She cracked, resorting to insulting me. “Does Noel know you’re seeing his brother?”  
“I doubt it, he hasn’t smashed Liam’s face in, in a while.” I knew she was going to tell tell them, I knew I was in trouble but I felt nothing.  
She took a deep breath. “I fucked Noel in July. I was in his bed because we fucked over and over again.”  
She was lying, she had to be. Noel was not interested in a kid like her, he’d said it himself and he wouldn’t do that to me, especially while I was pregnant.  
“You were off your head. You don’t know what happened that night.” I pointed out, if I’d been in her state, I wouldn’t remember a single thing from that night.  
“He didn’t half like to moan when I sucked him off.”  
I shook my head. “No. You were all over Liam, not Noel.”  
“‘Til I found myself in the Chief’s bed, he likes being called Chief, doesn’t he?”  
I wanted to hurt her, I really wanted to hurt her for even suggesting it but I had to stay calm. No matter how good it would feel in this moment, I couldn’t beat the shit out of her.  
“You don’t deserve someone so pure and innocent as him.” she pointed at Jimmyi. “How long until you turn his life to shit?”  
“Never, I truly love him, he’s the only one who loves me and needs me. I could never do anything to hurt him.” I looked at my sleeping baby as I spoke.  
“You're poison and one day you'll be left with no one.” She walked away taking the opposite route around the supermarket.  
…  
I headed home putting our argument to the back of my mind. I put Jimmyi (in his car seat) on the table so I could watch him while I put the shopping away.  
Peggy came in and helped, by fussing Jimmyi. She woke him up with a kiss on his forehead. He made excited little noises at her attention. I smiled as I emptied the carrier bags.  
“What’s this?” Peggy asked in a stern, serious tone, not how she was talking to the baby.  
I turned to see what she was talking about. She held out a bag of grass, grasping it with only her fingers, at arm’s length.  
“Weed, er Cannabis.” I told her, trying to work out how she had it.  
I took it and threw it in the bin. “It’s not mine. I don’t even have skins or a lighter.”  
“Then why was it in your child’s car seat.” she asked, she started to sound mad, she was somehow oblivious to her sons’ use.  
“I got into an argument with a friend, maybe, maybe they dropped it in there.” It was the only logical explanation.  
“You better not be lying.” she said, deadly serious. “You can’t mess with drugs, especially not around him.”  
“Peggy. I don’t, I would never use around my son.” I told her honestly.  
…  
Liam rang hours later.  
“I fucking told you not to ruin it for me, Stacy.” he growled.  
“She’s spoke to you then? Did she tell you she put weed in Jimmyi’s car seat?” I questioned, trying not to rise to his anger.  
“No, sure it’s not yours?” he asked accusatively. “We all know you can keep up with the best of us.”  
“Of course it’s not! I haven’t since I knew I was having Jimmyi.” I denied. “I never did thank you for making me take the test, did I?”  
“No problem.” he sounded pretty vacant. “I got money out of it, you got a son who isn’t fucked up on drugs, just yet.”   
“Liam, I’m sorry I told her, I’m so sorry. I didn’t think she’d dump you or anything. I’m really, properly sorry.” I over-apologised, knowing I was losing my best friend again.  
“Most don’t like people cheating on them, Stacy.” he pointed out, discarding my apology. “I’m surprised you haven’t asked the most important question.”  
“What’s that?” I asked, confused.  
“Did I tell Noel?” he suggested. “But Stacy doesn’t care, Yorkie’s not bothered, she can just worm her way back in or move on to the next one… Who is the next one? Guigsy?”  
“Liam, I’ll make everything right between you and Emily, I’ll do anything. I promise…” I told him, I was prepared to do anything, I never wanted him to get hurt. “Did you tell him?”  
“No.”  
I couldn’t believe it. “No? You really, really didn’t?”  
“Nope. You can thank Alan.” He didn’t stay to explain what he meant, putting the phone down on me.  
The rest of the dates they were away I worried Liam would slip up and tell Noel, all it would take was a drunken row and they had them, a lot. I didn’t understand what he meant by “You can thank Alan”, did he tell him or had Alan just talked him down from confronting Noel?


	67. Chapter 67

Jamie came over to visit his Godson a few days later. I knew he’d wait until Oasis were gone again, they still didn’t exactly see eye to eye.  
As soon as he’d walked through the door I gave him a hug. I’d missed him and I’d missed having company. I went and got Jimmyi from his cot, I managed to get him and carry him downstairs without waking him.  
“If he starts roaring, you’re having him straight back.” he laughed as I placed Jimmyi in his arms. “Y’know what you’re right he is Noel.”  
He held him gently, just watching him sleep.  
“Wait ‘til you see his eyes.”  
He stroked Jimmyi’s cheek with his knuckle and I gave him a bit of a don’t wake my baby look. “Can’t say I’ve taken much notice of his eyes.”  
I had difficulty accepting he was telling the truth on that one. How could anyone not notice the Gallagher eyes?  
…  
“You’re still on their tour crew, right?” Jamie asked like he didn’t want to ask because he knew he shouldn't.  
“I’m still Noel’s PA, yeah. Why?”  
I hoped I’d be back on the “tour crew” soon enough. It didn’t feel right to be so far away from the band for so long and I just missed touring.  
“Can you get tickets?” He knew I could and did whenever I wanted but I had a feeling he wasn’t wanting to go to just any gig.  
I should have known he wasn’t here just to see a baby.  
“Probably, depends what gig…”  
“Knebworth… I have to be there Stacy.” He made it sound like the most important thing in the world, I didn’t think he was actually that much of a fan.  
I stared at him. They were going on sale next week, him and everyone else in the country believed they had to be there. “The papers are predicting one in every thirty are going to apply. I really don’t think this is a gig where I can just get tickets.”  
“I heard it’ll be one in twenty five… I’ve never asked before and you know I’ll pay up.” he pointed out. “Please try.”  
He had always gotten tickets himself and he’d need the luck of a Saint for this one, even with relying on me.  
“Okay, I’ll ask… how many?” I asked reluctantly.  
“Two.” he answered quietly, I was sure he wouldn’t be too disappointed if I only managed to get him one.  
I didn’t ask but I assumed the other was for Aislin. He hardly ever talked about her but as far as I knew they were still together.  
He spent the rest of the day with us. He kept saying regretted that he took him weeks to get over to Manchester to meet his Godchild, even when I got him to change a dirty nappy or two.  
…  
I got a phone call on the 18th. Oasis were due to be on their way back to England, for a gig in Tyne & Wear and then two in Edinburgh. I always got worried, a lot, when the phone rang and I knew they were traveling. I picked it up praying it was nothing to do with them.  
“Yorkshire Terrier.”  
“Cockley Cunt?” I answered trying to work out what Alan had phoned me. “What's up?”  
I'd had calls from Noel (he would tell me the tour was going well and I'd tell him I was doing fine) but no one else. Alan never called me.  
“I'd rather you call me Alan right now.” He set me straight.  
I'd rather everyone just called me Stacy but it was never going to happen plus he started with the nicknames, not me. “Alan, what's the matter?”  
“I need to know if what Liam’s told me is true.” he said so bluntly yet so vaguely.  
“What's he said?” I asked. “The moon isn't made of cheese and he really isn't John Lennon’s incarnation.” I tried to joke.  
“I’m serious Stacy, I need to know about you and him.” he said, not in the mood for jokes.  
“What did he tell you?” I asked, I wasn’t prepared to tell him myself but if he already knew, I wasn’t going to lie.  
“He told me him and Emily split cos there’s still something going on between you two.”  
“You're going to have to be a lot more specific than that, Alan.” I encouraged, I needed him to say what he had to say..  
“He insisted you have sex because you're both still in love.”  
I sighed, knowing he really did know some form of the truth, wishing Liam would keep his mouth shut. “Tell me there's no way Noel or the others can hear this.”  
“I'm home alone. They've gone to a bar, they think I'd forgotten my wallet so I haven’t got long.” he explained. “Do you love Liam?”  
“Course I do, I love you all.” I answered, dodging the actual answer.  
“I know you love me, Guigsy and Bone' but are you IN love with Liam?” he asked impatiently.  
“Yes, okay? Yes I am.” I confessed. “I've been IN love with both of them as equally as is possible, all this time.”  
“Why are you Noel's girlfriend?” he asked, taken aback by my admittance.  
“Because I love him and I want to be with him.”  
“What about Liam?” he asked, relentlessly.  
“I’m not cheating, it’s not an affair. He’s my best friend and sometimes, sometimes things happen that shouldn’t.” I tried to explain. “Y’know you’ve got to live with knowing and can never, ever tell Noel, now?”  
“What the fuck would I say?” he asked. “Y’know your brother (who you fight with at any given opportunity now) and your girlfriend, the mother of your child (who you don’t exactly have a stable relationship with either)... well they “sometimes” fuck behind your back?” he suggested.  
“Not anymore, I swear we are done, finished, dead and buried… I don’t care what he said, we don’t do it anymore and won’t, ever again.” I said adamantly.  
“I don’t think I can keep this secret.” he sighed, battling with his conscience. “I can’t be around Noel and keep quiet.”  
“Guigsy knows, he manages it.” I told him, trying to make out that his big secret wasn’t really much of a secret or a big deal.  
He knew of at least one incident anyway.  
“You been with him too?”  
“No, not at all.”  
Guigsy, I’d never so much as kissed him, Bonehead, on the other hand, I had been with in a threesome I only remember flashes of.  
“Liam’s my best mate.” he groaned. “How could you put me in this position?”   
“You’ve been “best mates” about three seconds. You don’t have a choice Alan.” I told him forcefully. “If you tell Noel, Jimmyi loses his Dad, Noel and Liam lose a brother, you lose your job.”  
That was the nice scenario where Noel doesn’t torture us to death and then seek revenge on anyone who were covering it it. There was no positive result of him ever finding out we’d even kissed while I was with him.  
He didn’t say anything, he just put the phone down. He was a good person. He didn’t want to hurt any of us but he had to make the right choice for him. Our lives were in his hands and there was nothing I could do.


	68. Chapter 68

I was sat in the living room, nursing Jimmyi when I saw Noel’s Rolls Royce pull up outside. I watched as his driver got out and opened the passenger door for him and then Noel walked to the house.  
I was expecting Kenzie and the kids coming over, not him.  
He wasn’t supposed to be here, he was supposed to be on his way to Scotland. They had two nights in Edinburgh, tomorrow and the next day. A trip to Manchester was not on their schedule.  
There was no reason that he’d turn up like this. He knew, he had to.  
My heart started to race, filling me with adrenaline, ready for the fight. I didn’t know whether to get Jimmyi out the way or hold him tight. I tried to breath, relax so Jimmyi didn’t get upset and so Noel didn’t realise I was panicking.  
He didn’t look angry, he looked calm, relaxed and normal. Either, neither Liam or Alan had told him and I’d got it completely wrong or he had a perfect poker face, waiting for the right time to explode, his sunglasses made it all the more difficult to tell.  
I carried Jimmyi and opened the door for Noel. “Hi.” I greeted, hoping he would explain himself.  
I cheekily pulled his sunglasses off to see his eyes, hanging them on my top. I had to act like nothing was wrong and test his mood.  
“Sup Yorkie?” he greeted with a grin. “Is someone having his dinner?”  
I nodded and quickly wrapped my arm around him, holding Jimmyi tightly with the other.  
“Does his Dad want anything to eat?”  
I wanted to do a massive sigh of relief, I wanted to be sick or something but I held it in. There was no way he’d found out what I’d done.  
“Nah, I can’t stay long, Edinborough is calling.” He walked past me to the kitchen.  
I shut the door and followed him. “Any particular reason why you’ve made the two and half hour detour from Tyne & Wear?”  
He poured himself a drink.  
“If it was up to me I’d have come straight from Germany but I couldn’t get the flight in.” he pointed out. “You two are more than enough of a reason.”  
I smiled. “Aww, thanks Noel… but seriously you should be in Scotland by now, why aren’t you?”  
“Alright, I thought you might have an idea why Liam has been so mardy recently. Fucking smashing up his rooms and that.” he admitted. “He wouldn’t say a word to me, I know he tells you stuff.”  
I couldn’t believe he was acting out like that, over Emily. He did that stuff anyway but this time it had nothing to do with the fact that it was in the rock n roll star handbook.  
Of course I knew why but I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t tell him I’d been struggling with postnatal depression and I certainly couldn’t tell him Liam was mad because of me.  
“It’s hard to tell with him, he’s not exactly a simple man.” I answered, being just as evasive as he was.  
“Stacy.” He rolled his eyes at me, becoming impatient. “Do you know or not?”  
Jimmyi was done nursing so I passed him to Noel. “I had a fight with Emily and they broke up over it.” I explained what had happened without telling him about me and Liam.  
“Didn’t realise they were actually together.” he said, unimpressed. “He’s an idiot.”  
He gazed at his son, I wished I could see that awe, the proud look in his eyes I’d only seen when he held Jimmyi.  
I shrugged, there was nothing else I could tell him. “Sorry you had to drive nearly three hours for this conversation.”  
“You can make it worthwhile by getting in the car with me.” he suggested with a smirk.  
He clearly hadn’t thought that idea through. “He’s a bit young for his first gig, don’t you think?”  
“No, he’ll love it. Won’t you?” he smiled at his son.  
“I’m not going to Scotland, he’s not going, Noel.” I shook my head. “We’ve got no time to pack and what would we do, sit quietly in a corner and watch yous go mad?”  
“You’re going to make me leave him and you again, get back in that car alone?” he asked with puppy dog eyes.  
“Noel, you’re back for like a month in two days time. It’s far easier for you to just go do your gigs like you’re supposed to.” I told him. “We’re not going.”  
“How about me and you spend some time… alone?” he suggested.  
“It’s too soon after him.” I wasn’t ready in any way.  
I didn’t even want to think about getting physical again, not yet especially knowing how easily Kenzie had conceived Charlotta and knowing I wasn’t exactly doing the best with Jimmyi.  
“Fine. I’ll see you in a bit then.” he said, frustrated and disappointed.  
He gave Jimmy back to me. “See you in a bit kid.”  
“You’re not fucking guilt tripping me.” I told him, accidentally swearing. “I had him less than a month ago. We’ll just slow you down, a lot.”  
“That’s fine, I’ll be back.” He moved towards the door.  
I grabbed him and kissed him. “Have two amazing gigs… I’m keeping these.” I pointed to the sunglasses.  
“No, they don’t suit you.” He took them and put them back on. “You already have my jacket anyway.  
I missed him as soon as he was out the door, the next few days had to go by, quick because I just couldn’t stand it. The visit seemed to go straight over Jimmyi’s head, in fact I started to think I might have imagined it.  
When they got back from Scotland we stayed in Manchester just long enough for Lucy’s first birthday on the 23rd of January. Kate had learnt from Thora’s party and kept Lucy’s short and sweet.  
…  
We (Oasis, Jimmyi and me) traveled down to London, they had the Brits and Top of the Pops coming up, they weren’t until the 19th and 22nd of February but Noel really wanted to be “home”.  
“What’s this?” I asked as we pulled up outside a row of huge houses. They were stunning, I’d never been anywhere  
We were in Noel’s Rolls Royce with Alan and the others were in my BMW.  
“Did I not tell you we moved?” Noel asked innocently.  
“No, I think I’d remember that.” I kept calm, I couldn’t shout in front of Jimmyi and Alan.  
“Well, welcome to Supernova Heights then.” he smiled.  
“Erm, what? Is this what yous did in July?” I questioned.  
Noel got out the car and got Jimmyi out in his car seat. “Come inside, you’ll love it.”  
I looked at Alan for an answer since Noel wasn’t going to start making sense any time soon.  
“We did have a meeting like we said but yeah, he went house hunting.” Alan confirmed.  
We both got out the car.  
“It's not nice to have secrets, is it?” he added quietly.  
I didn’t respond, I couldn’t. I had nothing to say to him. I felt angry towards him and he really didn’t deserve it, he hadn’t asked to know about my secrets, my infidelity.  
…  
Noel took me and Jimmyi on a tour of the seven-bedroomed house. It was much bigger, beautiful and just better than his old house, I had to admit that.  
“Still want to live in a Manc council house?” he asked as we sat on the bed in the master bedroom.  
That was a difficult question and he knew it. The house was beautiful and I wanted to be wherever he wanted to be but I couldn’t be isolated again. “I need to live close to Kenzie and your Mum and Jamie.”  
“Get Kenzie to move in here, seven bedrooms and the Scouse can drive.”  
“And your Mum? What, she can take the train?” I questioned.  
“While we’re on tour and you’re on maternity, go back. When I’m home, live here and Mam can get a taxi down.” He’d thought about it a lot more than I’d gave him credit for.  
“Okay.” I said reluctantly. “I’ll do it, I’ll move to bloody Supernova heights.”  
He grinned and kissed me. “Admit it, you love it here as much as I do.”


	69. Chapter 69

We had just about the whole of february together in Supernova Heights. Surrounded by the London nightlife, the lads didn’t stay in much and made sure to keep the night going when they did get back to the house. Blaring music, drink, drugs and celebrities around at all hours became a standard.  
It was like we didn’t have a two month old son. I hardly saw Noel except for when he was crashed out in bed.  
Soon me and Liam had gotten into a massive argument over Emily. He was angry at me and I was angry at him. It was completely out of character for us.  
“What the fuck do you want?” he asked aggressively as he drank beer like it was pop.  
Anything goes at Supernova Heights, including constant alcoholism.  
“Why are you still pissed off at me?” I asked, determined to get to the truth. “You said you were over her, so get over her.”  
“I’m not.” he responded bluntly. “You’ve got moods on with me cos I kept something from you, for fucking ages and you can’t drink or nothing when we can.”  
“Why were you hiding it? Why weren’t you parading her in front of me if you were seeing her to wind me up?” I asked loudly.  
“I don’t have to tell you anything. You’re not my missus.”  
“State the obvious, why don’t you?” I commented. “I just want to know why you and she would lie to me for months when you claim you went out with her to get back at me.”  
“I fucking liked her, that’s why… I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d fuck it up the first chance you got.”  
“No I wouldn’t.” I protested.  
“Well you did… She’s yesterday’s news anyway.” he shrugged nonchalantly. “I’ve met someone else.”  
“Who?”  
He’d met a lot of someone elses, there was always hot women around, especially at Supernova Heights’ parties. I had to know who the hell this one was.  
“I’m not telling you shit all, we’re not together, you made sure we never will be so butt the fuck out.” he said forcefully.  
“I was just asking. We’re meant to be friends. Friends tell each other stuff.”  
“You’re fucking jealous. I can’t believe it, Yorkie’s jealous.” he accused.  
I couldn’t decide whether I hated my nickname more when it was used as an alter ego like Jekyll and Hyde or not.  
“Yorkie doesn’t get jealous. I’ve got Noel, I don’t want you, there’s no reason for me to get jealous, Love.”  
“Then why d’you care?”  
“I don’t want you with another one who’s just using you. I don’t ever want to see you get hurt.” I told him. “You deserve someone who loves you, not your band.”  
“Never want to see me hurt? You’ve dumped me several times, rubbed the fact that you’re with my brother in my fucking face and shitted on my relationship. I don’t know what more you could do to hurt me.” he chugged down his beer and crushed the can.  
“I’m sorry, Liam.” I said as sincerely as I could.  
“You’re not though, stop shitting things up and you won’t have to keep apologising.”  
“Maybe I wouldn’t mess stuff up if you stopped dealing with things by drinking, by becoming your Dad.” I instantly regretted making the comparison.  
I didn’t even know enough about the man, I just knew it would hurt him, that he’d prove he’s mad at me.  
“You know fuck all about me if you think I’m anything like him.” he walked away, slamming the door on his way out.  
I went after him to apologise, to stopping him hating me but he’d vanished. I went through the entire house trying to find him but he was just gone.  
“What you lost?” Guigsy asked.  
He was sat eating lunch, reading a newspaper at the dinner table.  
“Liam.” I sighed. “Have you seen him?”  
“Walked out the house in a hurry a minute ago, why?”  
I sat next to him, resting my chin on my hand. “Called him his Dad.”  
“Why the hell…?” he shook his head.  
“He’s drinking all the time just cos he can and he won’t accept I didn’t mean to break him and Emily up.” I groaned.  
“We’ve been drinking all the time since before we met you, that’s not new. What did you do exactly, Stacy?”  
I explained the fight me and Emily had, the full truth of it.  
“Even having Noel’s baby bump didn’t stop you two.” He was so disappointed in us. “You deserve both of them to be pissed off with you.”  
“I didn’t go over there to sleep with him. I didn’t want to.” I objected, I couldn’t take him judging me, his disappointment.   
“What you saying, he raped you?” he asked, he didn’t believe that for a second.  
“No! No, of course he didn’t.” I wasn’t accusing him. “I meant I didn’t go over for it and it wasn’t my idea. Then since we agreed never again, it’s like we hate each other.”  
“He doesn’t hate you. It’s just your mind taking the wrong road again.” he dismissed. “He made Christmas the way you wanted it and then played midwife, delivering your baby, if that’s him being off with you then he’s odder than I thought.”  
“Noel told me he’s been trashing hotel rooms and he’s been mardy with me loads.”  
“I’m telling you, it’s all in your mind. That’s just Liam.” he insisted. “Just take back what you said today and he’ll be alright.”  
“Where’s everyone else?” I asked, changing the subject.  
“Noel and Bonehead took Jimmyi shopping, you do know where your own baby is, right?” His judgemental tone was back. “Alan’s round his house.”  
“I know he’s with Noel.” I just couldn’t remember where or what they were doing. “Go on why don’t you just say it out loud? I’m a bad mother and a slut.”  
“Calm, Yorkie. You’re not. You just make terrible decisions sometimes.” he reasoned.  
…  
On the 14th I found a card on the kitchen table with “Yorkie” written on the envelope. I couldn’t decide whose handwriting it was. I looked at it over and over again as I made breakfast. It didn’t particularly look like anyone’s like they’d purposely disguised it.  
Inside was a standard valentines card. I still couldn’t place the writing inside, it just said “Love you Yorkie.”  
I put the card back in the envelope and put it back where I’d found it so it looked like I hadn’t seen it. I was sure it wasn’t Noel’s so I wasn’t interested.  
“Who’s sending you cards?” Noel asked as he passed me the card as we stood watching Jimmyi sleep in his cot..  
“You?” I opened it trying to look like it was the first time I’d seen it. “Didn’t know you did Valentine's Day.”  
“If there’s something that don’t need a card it’s love.” he insisted as I showed him the message inside. “Not my writing.”  
“Whose is it then?” I asked innocently. “Cos I don’t know.”  
He shrugged. “No idea.”  
“Five people in the world call me Yorkie, four of them have no reason and just wouldn’t send a card so just admit it’s you.” I told him.  
“It ain’t mine.” He was adamant. “Valentine's is a load of crap.”


	70. Chapter 70

This year they were nominated for Album, Single, Video, Group and Producer as the Brit Awards. This year I was going. There was no way we were going to miss this one.  
I’d bought a dress and smart clothes for Jimmyi to wear but nothing was going to convince the lads to go clothes shopping even though I was Noel’s stylist.  
…  
“Stace, he’s being…” Noel groaned as he passed Jimmyi to me, early in the morning. “Think he’s got a cold.”  
He’d been up half the night, was suddenly really irritable and had a temperature. We knew he was ill hours ago but neither of us would say it. He just had to get ill on the morning of the Brits.  
“Yeah, stupid London, making my baby sick.” I avoided replying with a sarcastic “No shit.”  
The lack of sleep, the worrying about my son had put me in a horrible mood, knowing I couldn’t go out now just made it worse.  
“That’s us not going tonight then.” He made sure to sound like he wasn’t bothered about the awards.  
“No, no you’re not missing it.” I insisted. “Are you really prepared to let Liam go up and collect your awards?”  
He shook his head. “No, he can’t handle that.”  
“Do me a favour, keep yourself and your band away from the baby.” I told him. “I'm not having any of you say you can't do Top of the Pops or the America tour because your throat hurts.”  
“I'm not just leaving you to do it, that's not fair on you.”  
“My job is to care for him, yours is to be in a band.” I pointed out.  
It didn’t matter if I got ill but he couldn't afford to, millions of people would be upset if they couldn't do their jobs.  
The lads did take my advice and avoid me and the baby. They all went off drinking, preparing for their big night.  
…  
They got back in the early hours of the morning with loads of people with them. The music suddenly blasted through the house, everyone talked loudly and continued to party like I wasn’t upstairs with our poorly son.  
I went and stood at the bottom of the stairs, watching our guests like I was a kid who should be in bed while the adults partied. I didn't know whether to try to mingle with our guests or just go back upstairs and remain forgotten and unknown.  
“Liam?” I yelled over the music as he walked past. “Liam, talk to me.”  
He was going to ignore me, pretend he hadn't seen me but I wasn't going to miss a conversation with a pissed, proud Liam Gallagher.  
“What?” He stopped in front of me, he was still clutching on an award in one hand, he had a can in the other.  
“So, which category did you win?”  
He shoved it in his coat pocket and counted them off on his fingers. “Best Album, Best Group and Best Video. Oasis is the best.”  
“What is that coat?” I asked, trying to joke.  
He was wearing a huge brown duffle coat, that didn’t suit him at all.  
“It’s my coat.” he said flatly.  
We still weren’t on good terms, apparently. I thought we were alright but he was drunk and couldn't hide the truth.  
“Liam! What are you doing out here?” A blonde lass came and drunkenly whined at him, I recognised her a little bit.  
“Patsy, this is Noel’s bird, Stacy.” he told her as he put his arm around her. “Meet Patsy, my missus.”  
“Hi, nice to meet you.” she smiled. “I don’t recognise you, what have you been in?”  
She was some actress. Patsy Kensit was the someone else he'd replaced Emily with.  
“She’s not, she’s our tour management.” Liam corrected.  
At least he’d put it in the nicest way possible and not pointed out that I was bar staff when I wasn’t on tour.  
“I’m going to go back upstairs.” I muttered as they started kissing like they had a planet to repopulate. I wanted to suggest they turn the music down a bit but I knew Liam would hear it as “Turn the music UP!”  
…  
“Stacy!” Noel almost shouted, stood at the door of our bedroom.  
He held two awards in the air in a celebration stance. He looked completely and utterly off his face.  
“Go find a bed to crash in.” I told him as I rocked our son, surprised he wasn't bawling from the noise Noel made.  
“My bed's right there.” he nodded towards our bed.  
“Not tonight it isn't, not if you want us two to stay.” I told him bluntly, I wasn’t having him around my son in this state.  
“Why?”  
“How many beers have you had?” I asked knowing he wouldn’t be able to answer.  
He shrugged. “I've been on champagne since the awards.”  
“Drugs?”  
He shrugged again. “Can't remember.”  
“Then you can't stay in the same room as your baby son, it's not safe.” I wanted to rant about how much he'd promised he wouldn't get like this anymore but it would just fall on deaf ears.  
“I'm not dangerous, I’m not the one who went to snort when I was carrying him.” he retorted.  
“No, you just kept doing it all while I was pregnant and any time you're with Oasis.” I responded. “It isn’t safe for you to be here, now.”  
He groaned. “I wouldn’t ever hurt him.”  
“All I’m asking is you go to a different room while you’re so stoned.” I told him quietly.  
He shut the door on his way out and went off somewhere else. I didn’t think he’d be away for long. I put Jimmyi in his cot and went to bed.  
...  
The next morning Jimmyi had made a miraculous recovery, of course he did.  
The news broke what went on at the Brits, very surprisingly Oasis weren’t the big news, Jarvis Cocker was. He’d been arrested for stage evasion. He’d run on stage while Michael Jackson was performing Earth Song.  
“Poor lad didn’t know what to do but good on him.” Noel commented as I watched a news segment on the event.  
“What did Oasis do?” I asked expectantly.  
“Picked up three awards.” he said boringly.  
“You’re telling me Oasis were the good boys?” I looked at him wanting something juicier than that, not that I wanted them in trouble.  
…  
I was walking Jimmyi down the street in his pram when I spotted Jarvis Cocker walking down the street towards me. When me met each other we stopped and stood silently neither of us knowing how to break the silence. I hadn't seen him since Glastonbury and the bad memory of an ill conceived fling was etched into our memories.  
“You weren't at the Brits the other night.” he spoke.  
I turned the pram around to head in his direction. “Let's walk.”  
“How come you didn't?”  
“He decided he had a cold, he's fine now.” I nodded towards Jimmyi. “We did the new parent thing and panicked at the first sign.”  
“Don’t blame you. So this is the baby then.” He looked into the pram at Jimmyi who was just about asleep.  
“Yeah this is him, me and Noel's son, Jimmyi.”  
He grinned. “After Hendrix?”  
I just agreed.  
“Um, were you actually arrested?” I didn’t know what to believe or what to ask.  
“I was and if Michael's lawyers had their way I'd still be in police custody now.” he grinned, knowing how much trouble his act of silliness had caused.  
“Why did they react so…? Y'know when Oasis have stage invaders, security just get rid.”  
“They were convinced I intended to hurt Michael, I really wasn’t, I wasn’t even trying to get near him. Glad the whole thing seems to be over and done with.”  
“Y’know you’ll be questioned on it by every journalist, ever.” I pointed out   
…  
After they’d done their Top of the Pops appearance, they were off to America.  
“Li’ are you really going to go half the world away, for months, still angry at me?” I asked as I watched him pack.  
“I’m not angry at you.” he denied without taking any attention off the task in hand.  
“That’s why haven’t spoke except to argue since you got back.”  
“I’m not angry.” he insisted.  
“We used to be best friends, if this is what we are now I can’t let you go to until we’re rate again.” I sat on his bed next to his suitcase.  
“I’m telling you we’re fine. I’ve just been keeping away cos I’ve got a bird and I don’t want to fuck it up.”  
I suppressed the urge to scoff. I didn’t believe he was taking his little celebrity relationship with Patsy Kensit seriously. “I’m sorry I broke you and Emily up. I was hurt.”  
“Truth is I seen, dated Patsy before Christmas.” he admitted. “I liked Emily but at the end of the day she’s still just a fan…. Plus she used my Yorkie and tried to shag my brother.”  
“If you wanted rid, why are you taking it out on me?”  
“You’re paranoid again. I’m not doing owt.” He was adamant. “Where’s STD?”  
“Asleep in his cot…”  
He flicked his fingers at me. “See! We’re still the fucking same or you wouldn’t let me call your son STD.”  
“So you and Patsy, should I make friends with her?” I asked to meaning do you think you'll last with her.  
“Probably, yeah, if you can keep your gob shut.”  
“Look, she wound me up, alright?”  
“Are you going to be alright on your own with Jimmyi?” He sounded genuinely concerned. “Y'know with you having the…”  
I cut him off before he could say it. “I'm not going to be on me own, your Mum put up with you three, she can manage us easy.”  
“Just don't want another call like last time.” He shrugged, struggling with the words. “The bridge and stuff, it worries me.”  
“You never even believed…”  
He shushed me and put his arms around me to show me how much he cared. I didn’t need it but I wasn’t going to push him away.  
…   
They were going to be gone way too long this time. Until the 22nd of April, they were going to be all over the United States and western Europe, just about everywhere but England.  
I was heading back to Manchester, there was no way I could spend that long on my own, with only a baby for company in London, no matter how nice Supernova Heights was.  
The doorbell rang pretty soon after the lads had left for the airport.  
“You’re going to miss your…” I spoke as I opened the door.  
“I miss you.” My visitor cut me off.  
I let him in and shut the door. “What d’you want?” I asked with hostility.  
“You know the whole Blur vs Oasis thing isn’t real, right?” he pointed out, trying to be clever.  
“What are you doing here, Damon?” I asked impatiently.  
“Just wanted to see you, find out if you got your card.”  
That’s why I didn’t know the writing. “You sent the Valentine’s card? D’you not like your face how it is?”  
“It was just a bit of fun, since I was named Baby Daddy a couple of times.”  
“Are you stupid or are you just that drugged up?” I asked, shaking my head. “If I’d carried an Elephant to term, it was still not enough for it to be yours.”  
“Never said I thought it was mine.” he smirked his idiotic smirk. “It made for an interesting read though.”  
“Jimmyi is nothing to do with you, I wouldn’t shag you if you were the last lad left.” I told him forcefully.  
“Why do you hate me?” he asked putting on puppydog eyes.  
“Does telling lies about Glastonbury to our old drummer ring any bells?”  
He shrugged “Nope.”  
“Well I know I didn’t suck you off but Tony thought I did.”  
“No wonder you got rid, he’s a right little rat.” He pulled a cigarette packet from his jeans and attempted to get a cigarette out. “Didn’t think he’d say anything.”  
I glared at him. “You dare light that and I’ll…”  
“You telling me Noelie doesn’t, in his own home?” He gave me a gone out look as he stuffed the packet back in his pocket.  
“Not when I’m around, not when our son’s around.”  
“Can I see him?” he asked sheepishly.  
There was no way I was taking him up to our bedroom and I wasn’t leaving him downstairs, alone either. “No, he’s sleeping.”  
“Sorry I lied to Tony.”  
“It’s alright, man but if you spread shit about me again, we’ll have problems, okay?” I warned, accepting his apology.  
I didn’t care why he’d said it or why he was here right now, I just wanted him gone so I could get back to Manchester.


	71. Chapter 71

“Long time no see.” I heard someone say behind me.  
She was right, it was a voice that I hadn't heard in three years. I didn’t mean to lose touch with her but the situation dictated it. I had no idea if Jamie had told her that there had been an us, I didn’t know if Jamie’s Mum had told her about catching us in bed together. She didn’t sound at all angry but if she was, she had every right to be.  
I quickly got to my feet and blurted “Sorry.”  
I didn’t know what I was apologising for, for being here, for losing contact, for what happened with Jamie, for moving on with Noel and Liam, for making someone else a Nan, not her. It didn’t matter, I was sorry.  
She had a fresh bouquet of flowers to put on her son’s grave.  
“Don’t be darling, we all deal with life in our own ways.” She smiled that reassuring, difficult smile everyone gave me when Luke died.  
She moved towards the grave and noticed Jimmyi in his carseat. “Who’s the little one?”  
“He’s my son.” The words were harder to say than I thought they’d be, I felt the lump in my throat, I felt them having to force their way out. “J, Stephen.”  
She knelt down and had a closer look at him. “He’s a stunner, isn’t he?”  
I didn’t know what to say, he was because he took after his Daddy but I really didn’t want to talk about his Daddy so I just said “Yeah.”  
She replaced the flowers, the withered ones for the new and got to her feet again. “Shall we go back to mine, have a catch up and a cuppa?” she suggested.  
I didn't want to, of course I didn't want to but I went anyway. I carried Jimmyi's car seat and followed her to the cemetery gates.  
“Thought you'd be here.” Jamie said as we almost crashed into each other, he looked a bit panicked. “Liam’s been calling.”  
Lukes Mum gave us a look. “Who's Liam?”  
“Stephen’s uncle.” I answered her quickly. “Why’s he, what’s he want?”  
“Mainly to know where where his nephew’s gone.”  
“He’s on tour, what does he care?”  
“On tour?”  
“He’s a musician, Auntie.” Jamie answered. “You disappeared with Noel’s son. D’you not remember last time you came here unannounced?”  
I should've just told Peggy or left a note but I wasn’t thinking about anyone but Luke. “I just needed some time here, alone.  
“Let's get yous two inside quick, you shouldn’t be out here like this in March.” Luke’s Mum told me.  
“It’s your Beemer in the car park, isn’t it?” Jamie asked, knowing full well it was.  
I pulled the keys out of my pocket and passed them to him.  
He drove us to Luke’s Mum’s house. He rang Peggy and assured her we were safe while we stood in the kitchen.  
“So, are you going to tell me about this Noel?” Luke’s Mum asked as she made us tea.  
She wasn’t nosy but it felt like it then.  
“Do you read much celebrity news?” I asked, needing to know if she’d read anything about Oasis already.  
“They’re famous then? I don’t bother with chip paper, all that obsession with celebrity isn’t worth the ink and paper.”  
“Noel, Stephen’s Dad is Oasis’ guitarist and songwriter.”  
“What, the front page, Manc scally Gallagher brothers?” She turned to look at me for a moment.   
“Yeah… I promise they aren’t like what the papers say, are they Jamie?”  
“No, they’re decent lads.”  
“Shame, thought we had some real rock n rollers back in music.” she said, sounding disappointed as she passed our cups to us.  
“They’ll love to know people think of them as real rock n rollers, Bonehead is a fan of throwing TVs out windows and they do get in trouble and stuff on tour but y’know, don’t believe what you read.”  
“Are you with this Noel because of the band?”  
“No, no, when I met them it wasn’t even definite that he was joining them. I’m with him because he’s always looked after me.”  
“How old is the baby?”  
“Nearly three months.”  
“Has he been christened yet?”  
“No but I’m trying to plan it for when the band gets back off tour. Noel’s Mum is Catholic too so she’s got a church for him to go to.”  
“Have you picked Godparents?”  
Jamie gave me look like I couldn't tell her I'd asked him. As if there needed to be something else that couldn’t be said.  
“My friend Kenzie Noel wanted his brothers but I told him they're Stephen’s uncles they can't be Godfathers too.”  
The truth was I couldn't remember who Noel had picked when I wouldn't let him pick Liam.  
Relatives are fine as Godparents, if he wants his brothers to have the honour, let him.  
“Liam already thinks he's everything though.” Jamie spoke up.  
“A Godparent is someone who raises the child to be a Christian, it isn't there for someone to boast about, it's serious.” she pointed out.  
“Then Liam’s not the man for the job.” Jamie smirked.  
“So, how long’s this tour for then?” She decided to change the subject.  
“Until the end of april.”  
Jamie walked over to Jimmyi and made a disgusted face. “Think he’s dropped one, is his bag in the car?”  
We went and fetched the bag.  
“She doesn’t know about what we did if that’s what you’re worried about.” he said as soon as we were out the front door.  
“It’s been three years, I can’t pretend I still know her and she still knows me.” I admitted.  
He grabbed the nappy bag from the back seat. “Course yous still know each other, it’s just been a while… Thought you…”  
“Yeah, alright.” I interrupted. “I was a bit concerned that she’d been told I’d jumped from her son’s bed to her nephew’s.”  
“And then to a load of Mancs’ beds.” he added.  
“Thanks for that.”  
“She doesn’t think you’re a massive prossie or whatever you’re thinking so drop the awkward conversation, yeah?” he insisted. “Tell her I’m his Goddad if you want.”  
I took Jimmyi to the bathroom to change his nappy to find he didn’t need it. I stood with him just long enough to pretend I had so she didn’t realise Jamie had taken me away to talk.  
After talking some more I took Jimmyi home, using rush hour as an excuse to go early.  
…  
I rang Noel feeling bad that I’d made them panic and that I’d completely forgotten who he wanted as Jimmyi’s Godfather.  
“Next time you want to take my son somewhere, can you not just say first?” he asked, obviously still annoyed.  
“Sorry, you’re in America, I was gone a few hours, I didn’t think.”  
“Just say next time, that’s all I’m saying.”  
“I will.” I promised. “I got talking to Jamie’s Auntie and well, who did you want as Jimmyi’s Goddad?”  
He thought about it. “Graham Coxon.”  
“Who?” I knew the name but I couldn’t think who he was.  
“That Blur lad.”  
I tutted “Shut up! This is serious.”  
“I’m deadly serious… how come anyone I say ain’t allowed?”  
“He’s not even your friend, that’s why he can’t. Just tell me who you decided before cos I’m trying to get the christening sorted.  
“Alright, I want it to be Our Kid, if not he’ll just have the Scouse.” he insisted.  
“But…” I went to argue it again.  
He interrupted me with a sigh. “But nothing. Who’s your best friend, who knew you were having him, who knew he was a boy, who was there to deliver him? There’s no one else who deserves it more.”  
If he knew how we felt about each other there would be no way he’d let Liam live never mind let him be his son’s Godparent. “Okay, you’re right. You have to ask him though, and soon. He might not even want to be.”  
“Course he does, he loves Jimmyi.”  
…  
At the end of April they were finally back from America and using Liam’s house as their base until they, or at least Noel could get back to Supernova Heights.  
“You weren't bullshitting before Japan.” Liam commented as he put his suit jacket on.  
It was the morning of Jimmyi's christening and he still didn't believe we genuinely asked him to be a Godparent.  
“This is no joke, in a few hours it will be your duty to make Jimmyi grow up with Christian morals.” I told him.  
“How are they even allowing it?” he asked. “I thought you had to be married.”  
“Your Mam is persuasive?” I suggested. “D'you want us married?”  
“No, you'd probably dress me up as fucking best man that day.” he shook his head.  
“That's the only reason?”  
“Hmm, you're not good at monogamy?” he suggested.  
“Yeah, well I've seen the error of my way and today me and Jimmyi are going to be welcomed into the light of the Lord.”  
“What?” he asked in a dim tone.  
“I'm going to be a tad more Christian, at least for today.” I explained.  
“Can't believe we're even friggin bothering. Don't be pressured into things by our Mams.” he said. “Kenzie’s kids ain't christened, are they?”  
A few hours later Jimmyi was christened and officially had Godparents.


	72. Chapter 72

Oasis had two massive nights at Maine Road on the 27th and 28th, their beloved football club’s stadium. This had to be the best venue they’d ever done, to Noel, Liam and Guigsy anyway.  
Peggy was babysitting Jimmyi for the whole thing so for the first time in nearly a year I was back to being the band’s girl. I wasn't planning on drinking or anything but I was free at last.  
They got to the stadium as early as they could, nothing had been set up yet, at all so they couldn’t do the sound check, even if they wanted to. They just wanted to be at their beloved ground, well Bonehead didn’t, he probably wished the gig was at Old Trafford.  
…  
I found a brand new football (it must have been left out from the last match) and decided we had no choice but to play.  
“You’re going to get us kicked out.” Noel complained as I lead them to the pitch, for some reason he’d decided to be the sensible one.  
“Look, is this or is this not what you dreamed of, as kids?” I tried to rile them up.  
They all looked at each other deciding whether it was worth the risk, except Liam, he knew exactly what he wanted to do.  
“Still do!” He forced the ball out of my grip and ran onto the grass.  
“If you get us banned from here I fucking quit.” Noel held his hands up in surrender as he lead us onto the pitch. “How we doing this cos I’m not running the full pitch?”  
No one took his words seriously in the slightest, he wasn’t going to quit for this and if he did, he’d be back before anyone noticed.  
“Penalties. Man City vs your Derby Day nightmare.” I suggested.  
“What? United, Liverpool and Charlton Athletic?” Guigsy scoffed.  
“You’ll be playing them next season.” I retorted.  
Alan’s team were in the division below, where City was heading. “Won’t cos we’re getting promoted.”  
“Shut up Cockney Cunt!” Liam responded. “Who’s in goal first?”  
“I am and stop being… racist or you’ll get sent off.” I told him off.  
“Can’t be goalie and ref.” he commented as he went to place the ball on the penalty spot and I got in goal. “Cockney ain’t a race either.”  
I suddenly felt really small, even making myself as big as possible as goalies do, there was at least two foot all around I had no chance of defending.  
He booted the ball left and somehow I just managed to get my hand in the way. I tried to grab it but it projectiled off.  
“Did you have to kick it, that hard?” I complained as I wafted my hand about in pain.  
“Did you have to stick your hand in its way?” he responded as Guigsy caught the ball and took his place.  
“I’ll go easy on you… when you’re ready.” he said as he set the ball on the spot.  
“Go for it.” I waved my arms in the air. “Kick it wide, go on… Smoked much yet today?” I tried to put him off.  
He kicked left too, his ball kept low and I had to dive to stop it. I quickly got up and threw the ball to Noel to avoid the usual fussing that I might be hurt. “You might want to take your sunglasses off for this.”  
“I could do it with me eyes closed.” he boasted as he hung his glasses on his shirt and went to the penalty spot.  
He took to the task with a professional seriousness that he did with his career. He kept changing his stance, trying to force me to go the wrong way.  
“Go on, mate.” Guigsy said impatiently seconds before Noel booted the ball into the top right corner of the net, I didn’t even have time to react.  
“Well done, someone from City can find the net… Who’s City’s first goalie?” I asked as I grabbed the ball. “I want to score.”  
Noel took his place in goal. I gave him a cute smile as I prepared to kick, I don’t know why, he wasn’t easily distracted when he was on task.  
I kicked low, to the left. He tried to kick it away but just missed, he should have saved it, easy but claimed he “Couldn’t be arsed to dive.”  
“If you’re not going to try, we’re going to win.” I grinned, I tried to hide how happy I was at that, I couldn’t believe I’d got the goal.  
“Charlton Athletic’s best striker’s up.” Bonehead encouraged Alan towards the penalty spot.  
Both he and Bonehead scored too. We chanted “Three-one to the champions!” as Alan got in goal and Liam went to score.  
“Let us down and you’re out.” Noel told him, I wasn’t sure if he was joking or not.  
“You can talk, giving a goal to your bird.” Liam mutted.  
In the end we won 5-7, they really shouldn’t have let me and Bonehead score hat tricks if they wanted to win.  
…  
The gig was amazing! They’d come off stage but they didn’t want to leave. The place meant too much to them to move on quickly to the clubs or the hotels like they did after their other gigs. They were centre stage in Maine Road.  
“Guigsy, please share.” I asked him when I saw him preparing coke for himself in the home dressing room.  
I’d been clean almost a whole year, not doing it, not wanting to because I knew I couldn’t without harming Jimmyi. Now it was there and I was only responsible for me, I wanted it more than anything.  
It was a bit disgusting that he’d decided to draw the line on the physio bench. I thought about how many sweaty Man City football players had laid on it before today. Still the appeal of cocaine was too strong for that to put me off, there had been worse sinks and toilet seats.  
He shook his head.  
“Guis’... Paul, come on, don’t be selfish… Didn’t your Mum teach you to share?” I was utterly determined.  
“No can do. Mam always said “Never let a lass who’s recently had a baby, especially one called Stacy, use Cocaine.” Didn’t think I’d ever use that advice, it’s just too friggin’ specific but here we are.” he smirked.  
“I’ll do anything.” I told him without thinking.  
“You’ve been clean ages, why go back?” he asked sounding like a therapist when I wanted a drug pusher.  
“I miss the buzz, I miss being on the same speed as yous. I need to prove I’m still the Yorkie you all know and love.”  
“Prove to who?” he asked, fiddling with the bank card he was using, between his fingers.  
“Doesn’t matter. Come on, it’s not like I’m still going to still be high when I get back to my son.” I had to persuade him.  
“I’m not giving you coke and that’s final. Go ask Noel, maybe he’ll point out how much of a fucking hypocrite you’re being.” He rolled up a £20 note to snort.  
I wasn’t taking no for an answer. I wasn’t going to let him snort it while I stayed sober. I suddenly forced my lips onto his, losing logic over the powder. I didn’t know where I was going with it but he pushed me away before I had the chance to think about it.  
“Fuck off Yorkie! I did not have you down as a begging, coke-whore.” He tried to hide his shock. “I’m going to forget that happened cos I know what you’re missing.”  
“D’you know what I was doing when I met Noel and Liam?” I asked, why the hell did I ask that?  
“No, you know me, I don’t question things.” He fiddled with the £20 note, all he was thinking about was the line, nothing else mattered.  
“You’re questioning me now.” I pointed out.  
“I don’t question things that don’t concern my coke.” he corrected himself. “You’re not persuading me.”  
I gave him a sad face. “Please, it’s Maine Road, let’s party. Together.”  
He passed me a pill from his pocket, just to stop me hassling him. “Take it, don’t dare tell anyone you got it from me.”  
“Ec-Stacy?” I smirked as I looked at the purple pill with a smiley face stamped on it.  
“Clever.” he said sarcastically before turning his attention to his coke.  
…  
My hands were wrapped around Anna’s neck, lost in her long, golden blonde hair. She was beyond beautiful. If her lips hadn’t felt so real, I’d have thought I was dreaming. I was kissing her like nothing else mattered, until he stopped me. In that moment I loved her and she loved me back.  
Noel grabbed my wrist, pulling me away from Anna. “What the hell are you doing?” he asked.  
“I can see your voice, it’s beautiful. You’re so beautiful” I told him, oblivious to the fact that he was mad at me.  
Anna walked off muttering “I’ll just go.”  
She walked like she was walking on air, her hair floated behind her. I was lost in lust lust for her.  
“You’re trippin’?” Noel forced my attention to him.  
I nodded enthusiastically. “Your eyes are so blue, they’re every single shade, all at once. I’ve always loved your eyes but now...” I gazed into his eyes and tried to lock lips.  
“What are you on? Who gave it you?” he questioned, keeping me at arm's length.  
“Not telling.” I answered cheekily.  
“Yorkie… I want to get high too, let me join you. Tell me who and I can.” he said, knowing how to get the answer out of me. “Was it Liam?”  
I shook my head. “Not Liam. I’m not allowed to tell you.”  
“Someone in the band?”  
I nodded and he started walking, aiming to find and question his band mates, still holding onto my wrist, tightly.  
He ran into Liam first, questioning him.  
“It wasn’t me, man. Look at me, I’m not on any pills.” he answered. “What’s the problem?”  
“Our son needs her, he doesn’t need his Mam tripping.” Noel pointed out, I still couldn’t tell he was mad.  
“He’s with Mam, she’s not going to be fucking high when she gets home, you’re on coke. I don’t fucking get it.” Liam shrugged.  
“Just look after her.” Noel instructed before walking off.  
Liam smirked. “You’re in trouble… What the frig did you do?”  
“Your eyes are even more blue than his, way more.” I told him.  
He laughed at me. “You’re really gone, aren’t you?”  
...  
I woke up the next morning with someone stroking my cheek gently. I didn’t care who it was, I didn’t want to be awake.  
“Wake up sleepy head.” Liam said in a quite, sweet voice  
I opened my eyes just enough to see I was in his bedroom. I saw the clock, it was really early for a night like last night. I closed my eyes and pulled the duvet, getting more snuggled in the covers rather than making any attempt to get up.  
I’d slept with my left arm above my head for some reason, it wasn’t exactly comfy anymore but something was stopping me from moving it.  
“I know you're awake Yorkie.”  
“I'm not.” I replied sounding as down as I felt.  
“Well I'd get up if I was you.” he advised, “Noel’s not talking to you after last night.”  
“We fell out?” I asked, not moving at all.  
The come down felt like full on depression. I wanted to sleep some more and hope it would shift my mood. I couldn’t remember a thing and I wasn’t prepared to try to either.  
“You can at least look at me while we're talking.”  
I tried to force my arm down and then saw a dark green patterned necktie, tied tightly to my wrist and the headboard. “Didn’t know you owned a tie.” I commented as I tried to reach the knot but couldn’t, I realised I’d slept in nothing but the bed sheets, I didn't think it was an issue.  
“Christmas present from Emily.” He let me free.  
“Did we get up to some kinky shit or what?” I asked, rubbing my wrist, still not looking at him.  
“No, I’m fucking Patsie, not you.” he sighed. “You wouldn’t stay in bed and go to sleep.” he explained. “You were out your mind, I’m not into sex crimes.”  
I rolled over, flicking my eyes up at him. “I must have been consenting.”  
He was laid on his side on top of the bed, propping himself up with his arm. “Now you can’t remember a thing so you weren’t, not really.”  
“What happened last night? Did we fight?” I finally questioned, in my state it was more curiosity than concern.  
“You betrayed him again, that’s what happened.” He didn’t seem mad at me, he appeared to be in a playful mood.  
“What did I do?” I propped myself up like he was.  
“Coming down has really fucking got you down, ain’t it?” he commented, sympathetically.  
I nodded. “Tell me, I need to know what I need to fix.”  
“The thing is… I was sworn to fucking secrecy but fuck it. He was going to propose to you tonight.” He reluctantly revealed.  
“Propose what?” I asked, dimly.  
“Marriage Stacy. He wanted to finish the gig engaged to you.” He had to point out the obvious for me. “Y'know, in the ground he loves after doing the job he loves... Now we'll be lucky if he turns up.”  
“You don’t know where he is?”  
“No idea, told me to look after you and I haven't seen him since.” he kind of shrugged.  
I feared he'd gone to Peggy and told her all about it, whatever I've done. I knew Peggy wouldn’t forgive me for hurting him a second time.  
“What happened last night, Liam?” I pressed for the truth.  
It wasn't anything to do with him, I'd figured that much.  
“You were kissing Anna, that's what you told me.” he answered. “It was more, the fact you were friggin’ sky high, if you ask me.”  
“How can he be mad at me for one tablet when he still does coke, all the time?” I asked, irritated at the double standards.  
“You were too out of it, to be friggin fair.” he pointed out.  
He was always so perfect. I reached over to his hand and intertwined our fingers. I sighed, quietly admitting “I love you Liam.”  
“No, oh no you don't.” He pulled his hand away. “Get up, get dressed and go beg his forgiveness.” he instructed. “Think of your son.”  
“I'd rather stay here, with you.” I told him. “We could just have a day in bed.”  
I had no energy, no motivation to go after Noel. I didn't even want to be awake for the first time in a long time.  
“I'd give you some uppers to shift you out of this but it won't help anything.” he said wisely. “You’re not staying here. Get your arse out of my bed and get ready.”  
He kissed my cheek. “If you can’t make up with him, remember I love you too.” He quickly left the room.


	73. Chapter 73

Noel avoided me the best he could, he wouldn't even look at me never mind speak to me. I didn't understand why he'd reacted this badly.  
Guigsy looked like he was in a terrible state. He was avoiding Noel as much as Noel was avoiding me. It looked like they’d actually fought last night.  
I grabbed Noel when they got back into the stadium, deciding I'd make him listen.  
“Come with me, even if you can't talk, please hear me out.” I told him before leading him to the pitch.  
“We aren't allowed here.” Noel pointed out as I got him to walk to the goalline.  
“I promise I won't kick up the grass.” I rolled my eyes, he cared more about his stupid football ground than me. “I needed you to be somewhere special.”  
“Why?” he asked pretty vacantly as he leant against the goal post.  
“Because I love you.” I looked into his Gallagher blue eyes, expecting them to light up. “You are as special to me as the back of the net is when it catches a mighty goal and as precious as the woodwork when it deflects an opposition winner.”  
“You can't just…” he attempted to argue I was wasting my time but cut himself off to watch me.  
I got down on one knee and fished the ring (a simple silver band) I'd “borrowed” from Liam’s room out my pocket. “Noel, will you marry me? I don't want anyone else but you. I want us. I want our family.”  
“Think I was meant to say all that.” he commented as he reluctantly took the ring. “You’re around Liam too fucking much, you've started acting like him.”  
I prayed he didn't recognise it was his brother’s as I got to my feet. “I didn't mean to rain on your parade, you weren't going to, we're you?”  
He pulled a black box from his pocket. “I was, until yesterday.” He hid it again, apparently he no longer had any intention of giving it to me.  
“Why are you mad at me?” I asked as he passed the ring back.  
“The first, the first chance you got, you chose to get off your head.” He said sounding serious and hurt.  
“That’s terrible but the fact you snort anything you can get your hands on is just fucking fine, right?” I asked sarcastically.  
“When I’m on tour, yeah I do, so fucking what?” he replied like a moody teenager. “I don’t when I’m anywhere near my son.”  
“Neither do I, that was the first time since your birthday… I knew I’d be fine long before we get home, what’s your problem?”  
“You tried to cheat, a-fucking-gain and you were so gone, you didn’t even know you were doing wrong.” he pointed out. “There’s no way I’ll ever marry you. As your husband, I wouldn’t put up with you doing what you do.”  
He hadn’t genuinely forgiven me, he’d just bottled it up every time. “I just wanted to have fun like yous do, all the time. It was just a kiss, Noel.”   
“It's never just a kiss with you. Your quickie in the bogs speech ring any bells?” He reminded me of our kiss at the Beatles museum.  
“I wasn't going to have sex with Anna.” I objected. “I'm not into girls that much, you know I'm not.”  
“You had a child.” He pointed out, ignoring what I'd said. “You wanted to settle down, you decided you didn’t want this anymore.” He raised his arms as though standing in this stadium represented his lifestyle.  
“Liam said you went off last night… Where did you go?” I asked, ignoring him back.  
“‘Round Kenzie’s.”  
He wasn’t friends with Kenzie. He was mad at me and I jumped to the conclusion that he’d gone there for revenge, payback for my cheating.  
I glared into his eyes. “Why? Why’d you go there of all places?”  
“I don’t know.” he lied.  
“Why? Why bother Kenzie?” I questioned again, I had to know.  
“I was feeling left out.” he lied again. “Everyone else has been with her, but me.”  
He was feeling left out alright but it had nothing to do with Kenzie.  
“You went and shagged my best friend, just because I got high and kissed someone?” I felt a fire rush through my veins, the uncontrollable anger.  
He shrugged.  
I swung my fist at his face, he blocked it and grabbed my wrist.  
“Bitch!” he muttered. “This is how we’re supposed to react now? You must be pretty fucking thankful I’d never hit a girl.”  
“She’s my best fucking friend. How could you do it?” I questioned, I wanted to hit him again, I wanted us to fight. I needed to see him angry too. “You weren’t even angry at me, you were just jealous you weren’t involved.”  
“Maybe I was, maybe I wanted the first night we’ve properly had since Jimmyi was born not to end with you proving you still don’t give a shit about me.”  
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking, I was just thinking about drugs again.” I apologised, lowering my voice.  
I didn’t care if he’d had sex with Kenzie, if he had I deserved it. I had no choice but to let it go. I just wanted us to be okay.  
“Fine. Sorry, it was just an E.” he held my hands. “I’m not mad, I shouldn’t have been fucking mad… Let’s forget last night, bet you can’t even remember it, and make today epic.”  
“We’re not getting engaged?” I asked just to be clear.  
“Not today, no.” He shook his head. “We’re not ready for it.”  
That was an understatement and a half. “But we’re alright now, aren’t we?”  
“Course we are.” He kissed my lips.  
I kissed him back passionately like he was the only person I’ve ever wanted to kiss, the way it should be.  
We stopped when we heard cheering. We looked around to see the others and some of the roadies sat in the stand watching us. They were all clapping, especially Liam, who had his hands raised above his head.  
I rolled my eyes and Noel put his middle finger up at them.  
“Next time you want to kiss a bird let me in on it.” he said cheekily as we walked off the pitch, heading back inside.  
…  
I didn’t drink and I didn’t take anything that day. I simply enjoyed the gig and their afterparty without it. I didn’t feel left out, I wasn’t on their level but I was going to remember it, all of it rather than none of it.  
“Yorkie!” Noel forcefully pulled me back into the home dressing room.  
Guigsy was laid out on part of the players’ bench smoking, not paying attention to anything but his weed. I still didn’t know where Bonehead and Alan were but Liam was now sat on the edge of the physio bench.  
“Get off, she’s here now.” Noel waved his brother off the bench and encouraged me to lay on it.  
“You don’t know physio… What have yous been planning?” I asked as I got on the bench, it was so cushiony and comfy.  
Liam pushed my top up slowly, making my skin tingle until it was over my head and on the floor while Noel produced a bag of powder from his pocket.  
I smiled as he poured it onto my stomach. He didn’t seem to mind that I wasn’t as thin and flat stomached as I was last time. Obviously this wasn’t their first line of the night.  
He made two equal, parallel lines, one for him, one for Liam. Their noses brushed against my skin as they snorted.  
When they pulled away at the end of their lines I spoke. “Kiss.”  
They kissed my lips together.  
“Kiss each other or I’m going and you can do your lines off Guigsy.” I instructed.  
They were high enough to comply without thought. They’d kissed plenty for photos and stuff but not like that but I was sure neither had kissed another man like that before.  
“I’m not looking at this dressing room on the telly and remembering the time I fucked Guigsy.” Liam explained their compliancy.  
“Who says you’ll be remembering fucking me? I’m Noel’s girl, not yours, aren’t I?” I questioned, sitting up and kissing Noel, thinking they could be testing me.  
“Me and him did.” Noel answered pointing between his brother and himself.  
“You better kiss him again then.” I told them and they did.  
I slid my hand down my body and undid my jeans as I watched them, my eyes never leaving them.  
Liam saw me, pulled the zip down Noel’s blue and green jacket, easing it off his shoulders. He pulled his own grey Umbro jacket over his head and dropped it before kissing Noel again, holding his neck.  
“You’re enjoying this a bit too much.” Noel commented, pushing his brother away.  
I didn’t know who he was talking to but he took my hand from my jeans and started kissing my body. Liam started kissing me as well on my neck and chest.  
Noel suddenly moved away from me to yawn.  
“Is it past your bedtime or am I fucking boring you?” I asked, he’d just done coke, he should be buzzing, not yawning.  
“Long tour.” he excused. “I’m fine.” He pulled off my jeans and went down on me.  
“He’s a lightweight.” Liam whispered in my ear.  
Last time it was him that fell asleep and missed out. He wasn’t going to let that happen this time.  
I frowned when I saw Noel move back and sit on the players’ bench. “You alright, Noel, love?”  
He nodded with very heavy eyes. “Give me a minute.” He was apparently expecting the coke to kick in and give him the energy to go on.  
Liam continued, becoming rough, kissing at my cheek and nipping my skin. I focused on him and when I looked back at Noel he was sat back, asleep, gently. I noticed the sound of Guigsy’s snores too, we were alone.  
“Looks like you win.” I told Liam.  
Liam knew exactly what to do, taking Noel’s place. I watched Noel sleep, confused how he’d suddenly fallen asleep like that and guilty that I’d let his brother continue.  
“This is the closest you’ll ever get to your greatest fantasy, isn’t it?” I asked to wind him up.  
“I don’t want to shag Niall Quinn.” he answered defensively, becoming more aggressive.  
“Punish me, Liam.” The thought slipped from my mouth.  
I didn’t mean to say it out loud, I just hoped for it. Noel never got mad at me, not like he should, I needed it from someone.  
“I’m not going to hurt you.” he objected.  
“Didn’t say hurt, I said punish, I deserve to be punished.”  
He pinned down my wrists. “What? You want me to point out that you are an utter slag? That all you are is someone to shag, to the both of us.”  
“Yeah.” I nodded as he started fucking me, his words hurt far worse than anything physical he could do to me.  
“If you weren’t so friggin’ good at opening your legs, you’d be gone. You’re a fucking bitch.” he continued.  
I couldn’t tell if he meant it or he just knew exactly what I wanted to hear. I felt like much more would bring me to tears. “Is that really how you feel?”  
“Yeah, you’re nothing but a suicidal little fuck up.” he nodded as he continued to fuck and kiss me. “And you’re so fat now.”  
My heart sank with those words. The only thing telling me that it wasn’t the truth was that he wouldn’t look me in the eye, he hadn’t since he started.   
“I love you purely cos you’re cheap and easy.”  
I felt myself shake and a tear run down my cheek. “Please stop.”  
“You actually believe that shite all the time, don’t you?” he asked as he wiped away my tear, he sounded ashamed that he’d hurt my feelings. “I was fucking lying. I love you because you’re beautiful, smart and sensitive as fuck.”  
“Sometimes thinking it, hearing it… It makes me feel better.” I admitted.  
“That’s fucking sick Stacy.” He kept looking me in the eye, wanting to comfort me.  
He continued fucking me, conflicted about what he should do. When he was done he laid on the bench with me. He put his head on my shoulder, trying not to put too much of his weight on me. “I wish I could stop you thinking like that.”  
“I’m fine Liam, I didn’t think you’d take it to heart.” I told him as he played with my hair.  
“You’re fucking not though, I don’t think like that. You’ve got a beautiful family, everything’s fucking great for us.”  
“Then why do I feel like this and why am I in bed with someone who isn’t my boyfriend or my son’s father?”  
“Wouldn’t really call this a bed.” he pointed out, cheekily. “You sure they’re one and the same?”  
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t you start… Jimmyi was conceived when Man City beat Liverpool, he just had to celebrate it, didn’t he?”  
“Nah it was sheffield, I’ve seen his hair but you keep telling yourself that.”  
“Peggy showed me your baby photos, he’s you and your brothers’ spitting image, he doesn’t look anything like Jamie or Luke did.” I told him.  
He kept his arm wrapped around me, his hand resting on my cheek. “I believe you but do you believe you.”  
I grinned at him. “D’you want to be uncle to Jamie’s baby or something?”  
“No! I want fuck all to do with the Scouse.” he scoffed. “Y’know I’m only messing.”  
“I know you like our Jamie, really.” I nudged him playfully.  
“You was pregnant when the cricket bat thing happened, then… sorry.”  
I didn't get why he was apologising for that, especially now. It was horrible to watch and the aftermath was stressful but no harm had come of for me or the baby. There was one thing I wanted though.  
“How did you end up on crutches?” I asked.  
I'd taken him to hospital and made him have the blow to his head treated, there was nothing wrong with his legs then, yet when recording continued he had a foot in a cast.  
“Got home, tried to sleep but I was too angry... Decided kicking the shit outta my bedroom might make my mind piss off a bit.”  
“Did it?”  
“Yeah, hurt like hell so I couldn't think of fuck all else.” he nodded.  
“Why didn't you come round your Mum's?”  
“Didn't want the bollocking off either of you.”  
We laid quietly, listening to the clock tick and Noel and Guigsy’s snores. I wanted to sleep as well, it was late but Liam was still buzzing, I could feel his raised heartbeat and he was fiddling with strands of my hair again.  
I drifted off for Liam to speak up what felt like moments later. “What was he like?”  
“Asleep.” I groaned, I didn’t even know who “he” was to answer.  
“Avoiding.” he corrected. “Five years and all you’ve done is kept it buried so tell me about him.”  
I screwed up my eyes before looking at him. “I’m laid naked, with you, in Man City’s stupid home dressing room. There is no fucking way I’m talking Luke now.”  
“Where’d you meet him?” he asked.  
“I said no.” I got off the bench and got dressed fast, knowing he wouldn’t shut up. “I’m going to find Bonehead and Alan, if I can’t, I’m going home.”  
He tried to chase after me, yelling for me to come back but I wasn’t having it.  
…  
He followed me to the car park. It was well after midnight, if it wasn’t for the lighting we’d be in complete darkness.  
“You're my sister in law you can't run from me.” he yelled.  
I raised my left hand to show I didn't have a ring. “No. No, I'm not!”  
“You got engaged, we all saw you.” He grabbed my wrist so I couldn’t get away from him.  
“Well, you saw wrong… I’m not ruining your night talking about my failed engagement and I’m certainly not telling you about Luke.”  
“He said no?”  
“Yeah, he didn’t want to marry a sket.” I tried to sound like I wasn’t bothered about it.  
“He called you a sket?” He tensed up and balled his hand into a fist.  
I shook my head. “No, d’you think I would have stuck around if he did? Even if it’s true.”  
“Shut up, Stacy. You’re not a sket.” He got me to sit on the kerb with him. “The dressing room’s no good, how’s the car park for you?”  
“There’s no getting out of it?”  
“None.” he insisted.  
“We met on a night out in Sheffield, when we were sixteen.” I finally answered.  
“Tell me about him.”  
“I don’t know what you want me to say. I love him, I miss him more than I’ve ever missed anyone else and that’s never going away.” I admitted.  
“More than you love us?”  
“Liam, for a split second I think he’s next to me when I wake up. I look at Jimmyi and think he should be Luke’s. I feel guilty as hell for loving you and Noel.” I looked at my feet. “I’m not comparing yous and him, I can’t.”  
“D’you feel as guilty for you and Jamie?”  
I looked at him, apparently we were seriously having a heart to heart, so much so that he said the name he’d refused to say all these years. “What we did was wrong. It shouldn’t have happened and we both accept that. I don’t love him like I want to be with him, I never did.”  
“Why’d you do it then and Sheffield and…”  
“Sheffield was the drugs.” I cut him off. “The first time… You know how much of a mess I was in back then, it was what I thought I wanted.”  
“I don’t though, do I? I thought you got over the bridge shit but it was a good act.”  
I put on a quick, quiet laugh. “Yeah “the bridge shit”. Without you two I’d be dead or.” I shrugged. “I don’t even know.”  
“You were never going to jump, if you were why were you sat around listening in on our conversation?” he asked, insensitive as the day we met.  
“I wasn’t sat there to take in the view and the whole population of Manchester were listening in.”  
“Alright, if we weren’t there shouting our heads off you’d be dead, why?”  
“Luke was in a collision going home from seeing me.” I sighed, the words becoming more difficult to say as the memories flooded back. “I sat with him in the hospital.”  
He took my hand as I struggled through what I had to say.  
“I watched him get better, the doctors promised me, they fucking promised me he was getting better.” I took a sharp breath. “And then I watched him die.”  
“You was there?”  
A tear ran down my cheek. “I was right there, I heard the alarms, I saw everyone rush around him, trying to help.”  
“I’m sorry. You shouldn’t…”  
I finished his sentence for him. “I shouldn’t but I did. You shouldn’t have seen your brothers beat to an inch of their life but you did.”  
“This ain’t fucking about me. I’m not acting out. I’m not depressed or nothing.” he pointed out. “How do we fix you?”  
“I don’t need fixing, I have a friends, a relationship, a son, I have a job.” I have everything that should make me happy. “There’s nothing to fix.”  
“Never said you have a shit life, I said you got depression and I want to help you.”  
“We should go and check on Noel. I’m worried, you’re not meant to pass out like that.” There was nothing he or I could do about my mind but I really was concerned for Noel.  
“He’s fine, he’s just a lightweight.” he scoffed.


	74. Chapter 74

When Kenzie opened the door she knew exactly why I was visiting her, it was written all over her face. She assumed I’d believed Noel and that meant I didn’t trust her.  
I just needed the truth.  
A few days had passed since Maine Road, the whole thing, even Liam’s heart to heart felt like a distant memory already.  
“What did he tell you then?” she asked as she let me in.  
“Said he came round here and slept with you.” It was much easier to say than I thought it would be, I really didn’t believe him.  
“He got the first part right.” she shook her head. “D’you want a cuppa or anything?”  
We went and made the obligatory cups of tea as she explained that night.  
“He came round here in a right fucking state, shouldn’t have let him in but I guess I felt sorry for him and he was trying to knock the door down… nearly woke the girls.”  
“Sorry.” I sighed, I was going to have to apologise a lot for this.  
“Yeah, I let him in and he tried to throw himself at me, trying to kiss me and that like of course I just would cos the bloody Chief wants it… He got a blanket and the sofa to sleep on, stupid twat.” She gave her version of events.  
She’d trusted me and been there for me so many times that I had to trust her and take her story over Noel’s. “I’m sorry he bothered you, sorry I bothered you.”  
“What did you do to set him off?” she asked. “He wouldn’t say, not even in the morning.”  
“Y’know Emily’s mate Anna?”  
She cringed. “How, what was she doing there and with you?”  
“Her, Amy and Jenny were there. I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I don’t know how I pulled a straight lass. Guis’ gave me an E.”  
“Why d'you keep going off with birds? You're not a lesbian, are you?” she questioned.  
Somewhere in my subconscious I believed it wouldn't cause trouble where kissing a lad would but I didn't know why. I was not a lesbian. “You gave me a taste for it, I guess.”  
“You're a Mam now, you can't just think about what you want.” she lectured. “What if Noel decided that was the last straw and you ended up like me?”  
“He won't, he loves Jimmyi too much.” If we really did break up, I wouldn’t stay around. I knew that. “Even if I couldn't be trusted to be faithful, he couldn't get rid of me without getting rid of his son.”  
“Where is Jimmyi? Noel's version of protective custody?” she asked, raising her eyebrow at me.  
“He likes his Dad way more than he likes me and Noel feels like he has to make up for when he was on tour.” I wasn’t saying it in depressed paranoia, it was just true.  
“How long's he got until the next one?”  
“As far as I know, they're free until Knebworth. We're staying up here for the football then it's back to Supernova Heights.” I said nonchalantly, trying to avoid the game that was now a week away.  
“Oh God.” she knew exactly which game we were waiting for. “We are going down, d'you really want to watch that?”  
I shrugged. “They're expecting a miracle or something will save them.”  
…  
May the 5th was the last day of the 1995/96 Premier League season. It had come around extremely quickly. We were all gathered at Liam’s to watch City’s final game.  
Only a win on their home ground could save Man City from relegation. I’d predicted it months ago but there was still a tense atmosphere, three of us praying for 3 final points, the rest of us (very) secretly hoping to see them relegated,  
Jamie came over, unwilling to miss this spectacle.  
Unfortunately for them they were playing Liverpool who were safely in third place. Worse, Man United were going to take the trophy this year, Bonehead was happy but the tension ran high. We were all in football shirts, showing our colours, even Jimmyi was wearing a City babygrow.  
I kind of hoped City would win just because I knew things would kick off if they were relegated and I didn’t want Jimmyi to see his Dad fighting over football.  
“If they lose, please, please, just try not to rub it in.” I pleaded to Jamie when he got to Liam’s.  
I felt nervous about him being there, I should have insisted he stayed away. A fight could break out over anything on a normal day, today the fuse was significantly shorter still.  
“When they lose.” he corrected boastfully. “I won’t say a thing or Bonehead’ll have an excuse to do the same to us.”  
We all sat around Liam’s huge TV as the players walked onto the pitch. The clash of red and sky blue, the atmosphere was electric.  
Liam broke the silence in the room. “Where were you when we were shit? Where were you when we were shit?” he chanted at the large crowd (the biggest they’d had all season) having to stop to sing Blue Moon with them.  
Noel and Guigsy sang too, of course.  
“You’re shit now.” I joked, nudging him as the whistle blew and they kicked off.  
He didn’t respond, he and everyone else became lost in the match, aware of nothing but the game playing out in front of them.  
At half time they were two nil down, the first goal was an own goal, things were not looking good for City.  
“Least if you put the ball in that goal the next half it'll count for yous.” Jamie commented as the first goal was replayed and “Good old Rushie.” For the second as it was Ian Rush who'd scored.  
I glared at him both times.  
“You've met him, ant you?” Noel asked, deflecting from the game a bit.  
Jamie nodded. “Top bloke, signed my shirt and had a chat and that.”  
I was surprised he didn't casually mention the exact shirt he was talking about. The double win shirt, I’d accidentally worn.  
“George Best signed me a football once.” Guigsy revealed so stop us falling into an awkward silence.  
We all stared at him, especially Bonehead, it was news to us all.  
“Me Dad made me kick it about 'til it was wrecked... He wasn't having anything from a United player in his place, not even Best.” he added.  
Bonehead looked offended, to him a valuable piece of history was destroyed by an idiotic City fan. It didn't exactly help the mood.  
The match ended two all. The tension in the room built, only goal difference could save ciy now and they waited anxiously for the other games to end.  
They lost out to Southampton. Three of us were devastated, the rest of us were very quietly smug, cautious of upsetting them. They played so well but it wasn’t enough to save them. They were to spend the next season in the division below.  
“Looks like I’ll have to take my Godkid to Anfield if he wants to see Premier League matches.” Jamie muttered. “You’ll like it there, kid.”  
I quickly glared at him.  
“Get lost Scouse, he’s a Gallagher, he’s a Citizen.” Liam barked at him, the disappointment of relegation was getting to him.  
“Only messing mate.” Jamie smirked. “I’m gutted for you, I really am… We can’t beat you for a whole season, or more.”  
Jimmyi made an irritated noise, the beginnings of a cry. “Stop it, you’re upsetting him.” I said as I took him from Jamie’s arms.  
“I’m only having a laugh.”  
“You’re hilarious… You’re only still around cos you remind her of that lad.”  
We all stared at Liam for his horrible comment. Our silence interrupted only by the TV commentators and Jimmyi’s grizzling.  
“That’s nasty and uncalled for, you prick.” Noel spoke, deciding to be the voice of authority. “Apologise for once in your life.”  
“No, he can take it, can’t you?”  
I walked away to Liam’s kitchen to try to settle Jimmyi, hoping they’d calm it. “What are they like, ey?” I asked as I rocked him until he settled down.  
When I got back things hadn’t calmed down, it had escalated to shouting.  
“KNEBWORTH, you can FUCK Knebworth! You’re not going, NO FUCKING WAY.” Liam shouted.  
They were both stood up, getting closer and closer to physical confrontation, neither prepared to back down. The others just sat back and watched.  
“Who says I want to? You’re SHITTY MANC SCUM!” Jamie responded. “I couldn’t give a SHIT about your CRAPPY singing.”  
“That’s why you FUCKING BEGGED for tickets.”  
I got in the middle of them, putting me and Jimmyi in their way. “Stop it! Calm the fuck down! I knew it, I knew this would happen.” I told them both before turning to Jamie. “You, you fucking promised you wouldn’t. SIT down or Fuck off.”  
“Said I wouldn’t if they lost.” he muttered as he dropped back into his seat.  
I turned to Liam and spoke to him gently. “Liam, I can’t order you about, it’s your house but I’m telling you the same, please.”  
He sat back down too, so did I.  
A horrible silence followed.  
“I’d better be off. Kate’ll be wondering…” Bonehead got to his feet when he couldn’t stand it anymore, Guigsy got up too and asked for a lift.  
Noel rolled his eyes. He was dying to make a comment and when Jamie got up and left with them he did. “Well done, Kid. You know exactly how to ruin every situation.”  
“He started it.”  
“You fucking child.” Noel shook his head. “He was on about football, you just attacked him.”  
“He shouldn’t be such a pussy.”  
“You shouldn’t be such a cunt.”  
I could see another fight breaking out, Noel wasn’t the voice of reason afterall. I got to my feet thinking of a quick excuse to leave  
“Noel, we have to go. Jimmyi needs changing, I forgot the bag.” I lied hoping neither would remember I had his nappy bag earlier.  
It worked. He got up and said “Congrats Li’, you’ve driven everyone away.” before we walked out too.


	75. Chapter 75

Me, Noel and Jimmyi spent most of the summer in Supernova Heights. Half the time the place was packed and wild, the other it was a quiet family home.  
I was getting used to living in London, Alan was there and Liam was always visiting Patsy then turning up at ours unexpected.  
“Anyone in?” I heard Liam shout as he strolled through our house, uninvited.  
I didn't even know he was in London.  
“What's he doing?” I hissed at Noel.  
“Come to see us, apparently.” he said incredibly nonchalantly.  
I was instantly worried he'd walk in on us showering together but Noel wasn’t bothered. I shouldn’t have cared either but I did, it wasn’t like we were doing something we shouldn’t.  
“Are you upstairs or summet?” he shouted, sounding closer.  
I went to turn the water off but Noel stopped me.  
“He'll get bored and fuck off if we ignore him.” he reasoned.  
I didn't want to pretend I knew his brother better than he did but I had a feeling this wasn't a casual visit. “No, he’ll wake Jimmyi if he keeps shouting, I think we should see what he wants... Sorry.”  
I got out the shower and got wrapped in a towel while Noel continued to shower.  
“You've not drowned, have ya?” Liam shouted.  
“Just a minute Liam.” I shouted back as I quickly threw some clothes on and tied my hair in a bun.  
He was climbing the stairs when I got out my room to find him.  
“Ey up, you're not dead then?” he smirked.  
“Hello to you too.” I greeted. “Any reason you're here?”  
“Just been with Patsy a few days so I thought I'd see my family before I go home.” he shrugged.  
I suddenly saw his left hand and realised he was wearing a massive ring on his ring finger. I grabbed his hand for a closer look. “What's that?”  
“My engagement ring.”  
“What?” I responded dumbfounded.  
“Y'know the ring before a wedding ring.”  
“What?”  
“The kind of thing you'd be wearing if you hadn't got off with Anna.”  
It wasn't the concept I was questioning. “I mean what the fuck are you doing wearing one?”  
“Me and Patsy are engaged, gonna marry her.”  
“What?”  
“Are ya gonna say what after everything I say? It's getting fucking boring now.” he said impatiently. “We're engaged, we're going to get married.”  
I narrowly avoided saying what again. “When? When did you get engaged? When are you getting married?” I questioned instead.  
“Asked her last night, spur of the moment type thing.”  
“No way, that ring don't say spontaneous one little bit, a haribo ring is spur of the moment... That thing says months of planning.” I denied, there was no way he just went and bought that ring or hers.  
I was hurt and I didn't know if it was because he hadn't told me he was going to ask her or because I still wanted him and I absolutely couldn't have him if he was engaged or married.  
“You should see her ring if you think this is special.”  
I knew it, I knew he was only marrying her to splash his cash about. It couldn’t be more obvious that she was using him, she had him wrapped around her little finger and he couldn’t see it.  
“Don’t you think you’re moving too fast? You’ve known her…”  
“Eight months, that’s fucking ages in rock n roll.”  
“Yeah, a lifetime… to a goldfish.”  
I couldn’t say what I wanted to say so I’d resorted to aggressive sarcasm. I couldn’t say because Noel might hear and Liam wouldn’t want to hear it either.  
“Can’t you just say congrats or whatever and be happy for us?”  
I couldn’t because they weren’t right for each other. They were both just in it for the fame and they’d probably have one of those tacky, magazine sponsored weddings just so everyone knew.  
“Congratulations Liam, I hope you have a long and happy marriage.” I said with the most fake polite smile I’d ever done.  
Noel came out of our room. “Oi, I’m having the door codes changed.”  
“Nah, you’d only forget ‘em.” Liam responded.  
“What you here for?” Noel asked. “Thought your days of home invasion were behind you.”  
He showed Noel his ring. “I’m getting married man.”  
“Didn’t realise you were the bird in the relationship.” Noel commented before hugging his brother. “Good on ya, Kid.”  
I had to stop myself from grimacing at them, Noel hugging and being happy at the engagement, I didn’t get it.  
“Oi, she’s got one too and I asked, not her.” Liam defended.  
…  
The next morning Noel showed me the newspaper he’d bought, Liam and Patsy had gone to the press already.  
I was trying to feed Jimmyi his baby porridge so Noel took over, taking the bowl and spoon just so I could read the article straight away.  
“He’s an idiot.” Noel said as I read.  
I looked at him hoping he’d explain what he meant, realising yesterday’s display had been a massive pokerface, an act.  
“Told them lot before he told us, didn’t he?”  
I didn’t get how that made him an idiot. “That’s what happens with celebrity weddings, I guess.”  
“Doesn’t matter who he’s marrying, I’m his brother, I should have been told and if this is how Mam’s friggin’ finding out, he’s in trouble.” he pointed out kind of angrily.  
“They’ll have called it off by the end of the week, as if Liam Gallagher would actually get married.”  
“Cost him an arm and a leg and then some, sounds serious enough to me.” he quoted what Liam had been reported to have said.  
“Throwing money about means nothing to you lot, look at us house, the Rolls Royce, the Jag, if it ever materialises.”  
He’d given me the keys to a Jaguar on my birthday, a month and a half ago but I still hadn’t seen the car they belonged to.  
“It’s not ready for release yet, I don’t know, I dunno cars, do I?” he shrugged. “And buying shit is completely different to getting engaged… what if she’s up the duff?”  
The idea hadn’t crossed my mind. “Nah, she’s not, she can’t be.”  
“Do I need to explain the birds and the bees?” he smirked at me.  
Jimmyi took the opportunity to whack the spoon in Noel’s hand, splatting his shirt with the porridge. He babbled with excitement at what he’d done.  
“Oi, I like this shirt, Kid.” he inspected the damage. “I know Mummy doesn’t really need that talk, I haven’t forgotten you.”  
“It’s more the fact that you’re not shoveling in the porridge fast enough.” I pointed out, laughing at them.  
He unscrewed the lid off Jimmyi’s cup and drank some of his milk.  
“What are you doing?”  
He shrugged as he replaced the lid. “It’s nicer than normal milk, tastes a bit different every time, how do they do that?”  
“By me eating different things, you wazzock. It’s still my milk.” I told him as he got back to feeding Jimmyi, I couldn’t believe he didn’t know that when we’d never bought formula.  
“Oh, I’ve been drinking it loads.” he laughed. “Have you tried it?”  
“No cos it’s for Jimmyi, I knew it wasn’t him drinking it all.” I laughed but I was annoyed at him for it.  
“Sorry, Liam’s had it too.” he admitted. “Why can’t Patsy be preggers, again?”  
“I’m just saying Liam’s not ready for a kid, he’s a great fun Uncle but he wouldn’t be happy to sit covered in baby porridge and all the rest.”  
“I’m not covered and I wasn’t ready, no one’s ready.” he admitted. “Don’t make a difference how he feels if she’s already pregnant.”  
“He could walk away.”  
“Ha ha, no, Mam would kill him first, I’d be next in line and I think her dad’s an old gangster or something.” he explained.  
…  
The next day’s new report was that they weren’t planning on setting a date for the wedding any time soon but it didn’t matter, Oasis had gigs coming up to focus on. They went to Scotland for two nights at Balloch Castle Country Park while me and Jimmyi went back to Manchester.  
Kenzie got me to go to the Nags Head with her and the kids, I hadn’t been back since I went on maternity leave, except to show off our son to Mike.  
Mike served us our drinks and chatted about how quickly our kids had grown up before leaving us to it. Thora was two and a half, Charlotta was one and a half and Jimmyi was already seven months.  
“Have you seen Patsy’s ring? You know, don’t you?” she questioned.  
“No idea, I haven't seen her, never mind her finger. He told us the night before it was in the newspapers.”  
“And?”  
I shrugged. “They’ll have a lovely wedding where I’ll be maid of honour and they’ll live happily ever after.”  
There was no way I’d be maid of honour, Patsy would never ask me and even if she did I’d never agree to do it.  
“Oh my God. You? Maid of honour, seeing Liam and Patsy marry, I’d actually pay to see that!” she exclaimed.  
“Why not? Me and Patsy are friends.”  
We weren’t, we didn’t know each other at all.  
“You’re seriously okay with them getting married, though?” She knew enough to know I wasn’t but I’d have to lie.  
“Course, it’s not even any of my business.”  
“She’ll be like… Step-Godmum and Auntie to Jimmyi, that’s your business.”  
“Well she’s got a son, hasn’t she? She’s probably not a danger to children or anything.” I reasoned.  
I hadn’t thought about having to trust her around Jimmyi if they got married. Kenzie was meant to be making me accept it, not give me things to worry about.  
“D’you think he’s still shagging other lasses?” she asked.  
I couldn’t decide if that was a slightly less direct way of asking about us, if we were still. “No idea, I don’t know. He’s Catholic, he’s probably taking it seriously.”  
“His Mam’s Catholic, he’s a rock star.” she pointed out.  
“Fair point. If he is, he’s not bragging to me about it.” I had a sip of my cola and Kenzie followed suit with her lemonade.  
I noticed her trying to subtly look at the new lad behind the bar. “Are you eyeing up the bar staff?”  
Her lips curled into a quick smile. “Maybe.”  
“Definitely maybe, come on, tell all.” I encouraged as I checked him out myself.  
He was really tall and skinny with curly brown hair, huge brown eyes, a mesmerising smile. He was probably about thirty. He was dressed in the standard black shirt (the bar stopped me seeing the rest of him) but he had necklaces and rings on his fingers, he’d easily fit in, in a rock band or something.  
“He got a tin off the top shelf for me in Tesco.” she explained. “He’s called Russell.”  
I tried to down the rest of my cola in one.  
“What are you doing? Slow down.” She tried to stop me and I ended up putting my glass down with about a quarter left.  
“It’s my round.” I said as I slid towards the edge of the seat to get up.  
“No! Please don’t go over.” she almost grabbed my arm to stop me, embarrassed.  
“I’m just ordering us more drinks.” I said innocently before I got up and walked over to him.  
God, he was ridiculously good looking and oozed charisma from the moment he opened his mouth.  
“Has Kenzie gone shy all of a sudden?” he asked.  
He didn’t sound like he was from round here, maybe Essex but not like the Blur lads, there was a seductive purr to his voice.  
“No.” but I had, I spoke like a schoolgirl talking to a crush.  
I didn’t fancy him. I absolutely wasn’t interested. I was just talking to him for Kenzie’s sake, nothing else.  
“Alright, what can I get you?” he asked professionally.  
“A date…”  
“You come on strong, I don’t even know your name.” he interrupted flashing a smile at me.  
“No, no, no, not me.” I objected. “I mean Kenzie, she’s single… I’m not.” I was having a hard time thinking straight with his charm. “Will you go on a date with her?”  
He grabbed a pen and wrote his number on a napkin, everything was so smooth for him, the pen glided across the surface and left his number perfectly written.  
“You could tell her I said no.” he suggested as he passed me the note. “What’s your name?”  
“Stacy.”  
“Beautiful name, it means something special and belongs to someone special, doesn’t it?” he complimented.  
“Not really, no.” I didn’t know what my name meant but I knew what he was doing.  
I went back to Kenzie and gave her the note. He kept smiling and winking at us, I couldn’t tell who he was flirting at but I couldn’t let it be me.


	76. Chapter 76

I saw an interview from the Loch Lomond gigs where Noel acted like he was pissed off at the engagement, I didn’t get what he was playing at and even weirder Liam refused to talk about it and just walked off. However Noel felt, however I felt, Liam was getting married one day.  
…  
“Here.” Guigsy put his sunglasses in my hand.  
I was sat on an amp or one of the instrument boxes, minding my own business, enjoying the quiet and the sun until then. It was so early in the day on Friday, only the band, the stage crew, the media and Jamie were there.  
“What’s these for?” I asked as I looked at him.  
“Thought it might make it a little less obvious that you’re staring.” he told me as he sat next to me.  
They’d been together the whole time, attached at the hip and it may have caught my attention. It was like they were in their own little world and no one else was invited.  
I looked to the floor to prove I wasn’t. “Shades aren’t really my thing and I’m not.”  
“Are! Know you are, said you are!” he said childishly.  
I put the sunglasses on and gave him a childish grin. “D’they suit me?”  
“Nope but I can’t tell you’re trying to glare at Patsy ‘til she sets on fire.”  
It was probably more noticeable since I never wore sunglasses. I wasn’t being malicious, I didn’t want her to burn or anything. I wasn’t jealous. I didn’t want Liam.  
“Am not, I like Patsy, she’s alright…”  
“But she’s stealing Our Liam away.” he finished my sentence  
“I don’t see you “glaring” at them.” I air quoted. “And I doubt she’s our Yoko.”  
He laughed. “That’s cos I’m not in love with one of ‘em, although I’m not sure which one with you.”  
I remembered Dawn from the other New Year and felt guilty, it was terrible that I’d cheated on Noel and stolen the girl Guigsy pulled. I risked everything with them time and again.  
I rolled my eyes. “Ha ha. I’m in love with Noel, no one else… don’t make me have to say a cliche to prove it.”  
That wasn't the official line, that was the truth. I loved Noel and I was happy to see Liam had moved on, no matter how much my mind was telling me he was only doing it out of spite.  
“What’s that? My heart beats only for Noel cos afterall he’s my Wonderwall.” He put his hand on his heart and said it like he was doing shakespeare or something.  
That cracked us both up. As soon as I recovered from laughing I threatened to tell Noel that he’d just declared his undying love for him.  
“Shut up!” he nudged me. “You won’t say it cos he’s not.”  
Noel came over looking a bit annoyed, probably because everyone but him were messing about, as usual. “What’s so funny? Who’s not what?”  
I held back another bout of laughter. “I’ve got competition, you’re Guigsy’s Wonderwall.”  
“Sorry Guis’, I’d pick her every time.” he shook his head, I could tell he was dying to make some kind of “Get back to work!” speech.  
“Have you got any assistant-ly duties for me to get on with?” I asked him as I stood up.  
“Yeah, get the Scouse back to Scouse land or at least the fuck away from me.”  
“What’s he done?” I asked expected to hear he’d said something about Man City’s relegation.  
“Nothing. I’ve just had enough of him.”  
He’d definitely mentioned football. I went and found him but he denied it too.  
“I swear I’ve only been discussing the music.” he insisted.  
“Yeah, well, now both brothers want you banned.” I told him. “So just keep your distance.”  
Liam had never retracted what he’d said when the match was on, of course Liam never apologised but they were friends again and Knebworth was making Noel stressy.  
“How are you with the new couple?”  
I sighed wishing people would stop asking. “I'm happy, I can't wait for the wedding… Speaking of couples how come you didn't bring Aislin?”  
“We broke up last week.” he shrugged. “Sold her ticket.”  
“Broke up like you'll be back on in a day or two or broke up like you're actually done?” I asked needing to clarify how serious the situation was.  
“We're done, I'm not going back to her.” he was adamant.  
“I'm sorry.”  
“Don’t be, she started getting jealous, didn’t like me being Jimmyi’s Goddad. Plus she was convinced he’s mine cos why else would I bother with him.” he explained.  
I knew she’d end up being the jealous type and they wouldn’t last. “It’s all my fault then, you’ll find someone better.”  
“No, it’s hers for being like that and I already have.” he smirked.  
“Oh, anyone I know?” I asked, excited for him.  
He tapped his nose. “Don’t think so but I’m saying nothing.”  
“You’re not even going to give me a name?” I asked, needing to know.  
“Nope, nothing… Where’s Jimmyi Kid?” he asked to change the subject.  
It was another two day gig, it was Knebworth, he way too young to be there. “My parents have got him.”  
“How come?”  
“Well Peggy has had him every other time, she’s here, somewhere and they don’t see him enough.” I shrugged.  
We hardly ever got people to babysit but when we did, it was usually Peggy who had him and I just didn’t visit my parents much, still.  
…  
Ocean Colour Scene, Manic Street Preachers, The Bootleg Beatles, The Chemical Brothers and The Prodigy were all there as support acts on Saturday.  
As time went on people streamed into the park, loads and loads of people, not just the public but loads of celebrities too and the bands prepared to play.  
“I better go find a place before I end up two miles back.” Jamie commented as we caught a look at the crowd.  
I’d never seen so many people in one place before, on TV, watching Queen concerts but never in person. I never thought I would, none of us did.  
“Don’t talk daft, you’re staying up here, with me.” I insisted, I was surprised he even thought I’d let him go watch with everyone else.  
We’d been just milling about for ages avoiding anywhere where people were busy until we found Oasis chilling on some sofas drinking beers. Alan uncapped two bottles and passed them to us.  
“Where’s your bird?” Jamie asked noticing Patsy’s absence.  
“Gone to the gig, whoever’s on now.” he shrugged, looking like he could have fallen out with her.  
I sat next to Noel, basically forcing Liam out the way. He muttered something about me wanting to sit on his lap but I ignored him.  
“Yous can separate then?” Jamie asked and Liam put two fingers up at him.  
“You relaxed now?” I asked Noel in a whisper.  
“I will be when this is over tomorrow night.”  
Sometimes he let his professionalism get to him and it stopped him from enjoying what he did, he was doing it now, they were making history and he just wanted it to be over.  
“You're going to be top on stage, y’know that?” He already knew but I reassured him anyway.  
He nodded. “Yeah.” he answered with a duh tone. “I’ve got amps louder than fucking jets.”  
“What’s the setlist?”  
“Nothing for noseys.” he replied before kissing me  
…  
Oasis were finally playing on stage and me and Jamie were watching with all the celebrities.  
“Jarvis Cocker, mate!” I greeted him with a hug after seeing him stood around looking a little lost. I introduced him to Jamie and then Jamie walked off while we talked.  
“Keeping out of trouble?” he asked.  
“Yeah, keeping off other people’s stages?” I chuckled.  
“Tempted today, if I'm honest.” he said with a cheeky grin. “In fact, excuse me, I’m going for it.” he walked off, seemingly towards the stage.  
…  
“Hey Stacy, can we talk?” Patsy walked up to me and asked kind of shyly.  
“Yeah, what’s up?” I said when I wanted to tell her to shut up and fuck off, I actually wanted to watch this gig, as Noel had shouted at the beginning this was “history”, she was nothing.  
“I think we should get to know each other.” she told me and handed me a bottle. “I brought you a beer.”  
I took a sip and thanked her. “Yeah, I guess we should.”  
There was no reason to get to know her, there was no way her and Liam were actually going to last and right now Liam was singing so I’d rather she shut the fuck up.  
“You’re his best friend, like you’re closer to him than anyone.” she commented.  
More than she would ever know or comprehend. “Yeah, I guess.” I had another drink.  
“How come?” she asked. “He’s so distant with everyone, what makes you so special?”  
I shrugged. “Dunno, I’m one of the few who’s been there from the beginning and not used him for his fame.” I drank again to cover how pleased I was at getting that little dig out.  
“The beginning of Oasis? You’ve only known him since ‘94?” she questioned.  
“No, they started back in 1991, they finished recording and released Definitely Maybe by ‘94.” I corrected. “I knew them when they were still the Rain and Noel wasn’t part of it yet.”  
She frowned at me. “The Rain?”  
I was starting to think she didn’t know anything about anything. “Liam was in a band called the Rain and they became Oasis.”  
“Oh yeah!” she made out she knew what I was talking about. “Sorry I’m a bit tipsy.  
She was either a lightweight or a liar. She went quiet and I gave my full attention to the gig.  
They were stood up there, playing, absolutely fearless. Even staring out at 150 thousand people couldn’t scare these lads.  
When they started playing Some Might Say, I forgot I was around the celebrities who were kind of watching reservedly, I danced and sung along. After that there was no stopping me.  
Liam said something before Roll With It but I couldn’t tell what Liam was saying every time he talked, everyone else didn’t stand a chance.  
“I’d just like to say, fuck shit, cunt, tit.” Noel told the crowd before Liam announced Slide Away.  
The gig had turned the whole band into children!  
It was hard to tell over all the cheering but Noel said “Sorry Mam!” before they got singing.  
I hadn’t really noticed how much Liam likes to wander around the moment he’s not singing or just how much he stretches his neck out when he is, until now. After some confusion none of us could see or understand, they got on with Round Are Way.  
“Ever heard this one?” Noel asked, EVERYONE around me sung Whatever with them as the answer, Patsy still didn’t seem to be enjoying it much.  
“Scouser! Get your hands out of M People’s pockets!” Liam shouted.  
I turned to see Jamie was talking to Heather Small from the band M People, I wondered how Liam had even seen that or if he was just shouting anything but he quickly got on with Cast No Shadow.  
They made us all boo Man United before they sung Wonderwall, it was their festival, they could do whatever they wanted. The crowd sung “Who the fuck are Man United?!” just to hear Don’t Look Back in Anger.  
“You can put your life in the hands, of this rock n roll band. We’ll never throw it all away!” Noel sang, I hated lyric changes so much but that one was epic.  
Again with the “Who the fuck are Man United?!”, they weren’t even encouraging it anymore, Liam did join in though. They may have won the Premier League in May but tonight 150 thousand were against them.  
“My Big Mouth.” he announced.  
I stared at him with a frown, I didn’t know it. I knew Noel had been writing over the summer, he always was but he’d been secretive with it and I was certainly didn’t know they’d recorded anything if they had, yet. Whatever it was, I liked it. It's Getting Better (Man!) was next, I recognised bits of that one, especially the guitar, Noel must have played it at home.  
When they left the stage everyone chanted “OASIS! OASIS! OASIS!” until they came back for more. That meant Champagne Supernova. Heaven.  
“I am the Walrus!” of course they couldn’t get through Knebworth without playing I am the Walrus.  
The set could've gone on all night, or forever but they called it quits after the encore that ended with a second the Masterplan.  
…  
Jamie convinced everyone he had tickets for both days (but he’d lost the second day’s yesterday) so he could stay another day, the little liar.  
Cast, Dreadzone, Kula Shaker, Manic Street Preachers and The Charlatans supported on the Sunday, Oasis had their very own festival on.  
While Oasis was on Patsy came and talked to me again, with Jamie since he’d stayed with me this time. She gave us both a beer and we hung out, I guess I was getting used to her.  
I started to feel weird as the night went on, it felt kind of familiar but I couldn’t explain it either. I wasn’t drunk, I knew that much.  
…  
Somehow the lads had the energy for an afterparty and all the celebrities who’d been at the gig were there.  
“Ugh get away from me!” Patsy shouted as she pushed me away as hard as she could, Jamie had to grab me to stop me falling.  
“What’s going on?” Liam turned away from the group he was with to investigate, Noel did too.  
“She just tried to kiss me. She’s a lezzer.” she said with disgust.  
Jamie opened his mouth to speak but Liam spoke first. “For fuck’s sake, Yorkie!” he exclaimed. “Leave my birds alone.”  
“I didn’t.” I protested to deaf ears.  
“Your eyes are bloody bigger than mine.” he commented. “Tell the friggin’ truth, what are you on?”  
“Oh my God, she’s high?” Patsy exclaimed like she was an innocent, goody two shoes.  
“I’m not!” I denied.  
“Look at me, Stacy.” Noel ordered before I could say a word, he grabbed my wrist and made me turn to him. “For fuck’s sake, you are!”  
“No I’m not! I’ve only had a few beers.” I protested. “Tell ‘em Jamie.”  
“I’ve been with her all day, she’s not touched anything and…”  
“What, you spiked her?” Liam accused.  
“Yeah, well done, accuse the only one here who don’t do drugs.” he answered sarcastically. “If you’re pointing fingers, it should be at your girlfriend, not me.”  
“Fiancé.” he corrected. “Why would Patsy wanna spike her?”  
Patsy grabbed Liam’s arm and got close to him. “Liam, babe, you know I wouldn’t do something like that, don’t you?”  
“Course, love.” he put his arm around her. “Yorkie, just fucking stop trying to mess things up.” he told me before leading her away.  
“I didn’t, I’m not!” I continued to protest. “Noel, please believe me.”  
He stood quiet trying to make up his own mind on what happened.  
“Man, I swear as Jimmyi’s Goddad, Stacy never took anything and Patsy’s the only one who’s given us drinks.” Jamie stood up for me again.  
“Let’s go somewhere more private.” Noel told us, conscious that all our guests were staring.  
As soon as we found an empty room Noel made Jamie explain.  
I felt so hurt that Liam had believed her over me and was convinced I was trying to cause trouble. I could see right through her, why was he falling for it?  
The room was spinning so I leant against Noel for support with my head against his shoulder, he’d gone from holding my wrist to holding my hand.  
“Did they kiss?”  
“Patsy was flirting loads, I just thought she was being overly friendly drunk, she went to whisper something and I guess Stacy got the wrong message.” he explained. “Look at her, she’s gone.”  
By gone he meant I was fighting to stay awake, I felt awful and Noel was the only thing keeping me on my feet.  
“But why would she?” Noel asked as they got me to sit on a nearby armchair since he couldn’t hold me up anymore.  
“She hates me cos Liam know’s me and he doesn’t know her.” I answered drowsily as I flopped into the chair.  
“Yeah, you can go sleep now.” Noel dismissed me as he stroked my cheek.  
I sat up angrily. “No! She hates me, she really hates me, she’s done this too me…” I suddenly felt sick coming up, I narrowly avoided getting it on Noel’s clothes.  
“Get her some water.” he instructed Jamie who quickly walked off.  
Noel rubbed my back and assured me since I’d quickly convinced myself I was dying. “It’s okay, you’ve just tried to throw up the drugs, that’s all… you’re definitely not dying, not on my watch.”  
“I didn’t do anything wrong.” I insisted.  
He sat on the arm of the chair and stroked my hair. “I know, I know you can handle your drugs for a start, when you know you’ve had ‘em. When Jamie gets back I’m going to have words with Our Kid, alright?”  
“No! Please don’t go, I need you.” I grabbed his hand that was resting on his lap.  
“Okay, I’m right here.”  
I looked him in the eye. “I’m sorry.”  
He didn’t say anything for ages, probably working out whether this was just the ramblings of a high person or I was serious. “What are you sorry for?”  
“I’m sorry I don’t tell you I love you, I do, I really do Noel. I don’t want anyone else but you. I take you for granted.” I admitted.  
“I know you love me, saying it isn’t everything. Look at Liam, he can tell Patsy as many times as he wants, won’t make it true, will it?” he said with a chuckle to try to lighten the tone.  
“You don’t believe him?”  
He left that unanswered. “How long does it take to get water? Typical Scouser, consistently inconsistent.”


	77. Chapter 77

Thanks to the spiking, my parents kept Jimmyi for a few days longer than they were supposed to so I could rest.  
Liam believed I was spiked once Noel talked to him but he insisted it wasn’t Patsy, in fact he was convinced the spike must have been meant for her and became even more protective.  
He thought I was trying to break them up, the truth was if I wanted to, I would have done it already, Emily was easy enough, Patsy would probably be easier.  
Jamie still wouldn’t tell me anything about his new girl but I didn’t care as long as she wasn’t around Jimmyi before I got to meet her.  
Oasis had one more gig in England, MTV Unplugged and then they were off to America, there was two weeks until then which meant two weeks of family time.  
“Stace!” Noel shouted, he was playing with Jimmyi while I was putting the washing on.  
“Yeah, Noelie?” I called back knowing he hated Noelie as much as I hated Stace, I forgave him because he was so excited.  
“Come and watch this!”  
I pressed start on the machine and went to them, Jimmyi was probably doing something Noel didn’t know he could. “What?”  
He took the teddy Jimmyi was playing with and put it back on the floor out of his reach. He army crawled to get it back.  
“That’s so good, he’ll be proper crawling before we know it.” I smiled.  
“Yeah, while I’m gone somewhere.” he sighed.  
“We’re coming on tour, I’m not gonna let you miss anything.” I assured him.  
I didn’t really want to tour again but I didn’t want him missing out on Jimmyi growing up even more.  
“How come you’re not coming when we do then?”  
“Don’t fancy any of those first dates’ places.” I excused.  
He thought about it. “Philadelphia, you liked it there and New York, you’re missing about 3 days in New York.”  
…  
Noel had gone out (I didn't ask where) and I was sat with Jimmyi, getting bored of playing with his toys. I couldn’t find the controller so I couldn't watch TV. I looked around for something to do.  
“Daddy's gonna kill me.” I told Jimmyi as I sat back down with Noel's guitar.  
It was the one he'd had since he was a kid, the one he tried to teach me on before. I'd never wanted to play, I wasn't interested in the slightest but I was that bored.  
“Da!” Jimmyi clapped.  
“Yeah, Daddy. What can I play?” I asked him trying to think of the song that seemed easiest to play.  
All the reviews said how simplistic Wonderwall was so I tried to remember how Noel holds it as he played and went for it. As soon as it sounded vaguely like it should I attempted singing too. “Today is gonna be the day. That they're gonna throw it back to you. By now you should've somehow. Realised what you gotta do. I don't believe that anybody. Feels the way I do, about you now.”  
Jimmyi clapped along, he enjoyed it, I doubted anyone who wasn’t a baby would enjoy it as much.  
I paused a moment, still playing, preparing myself for the next lyrics and then took a deep breath and started again. “Backbeat, the word was on the street. That the fire in your heart is out. I'm sure you've heard it all before. But you never really had a doubt… I don't believe that anybody. Feels the way I do about you now.”  
“And all the roads we have to walk are winding. And all the lights that lead us there are blinding… There are many things that I… Would like to say to you but I don't know how…”  
“Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me. And after all, you're my wonderwall…”  
“Today was gonna be the day. But they'll never throw it back to you. By now you should've somehow. Realised what you're not to do…”  
“I don't believe that anybody. Feels the way I do, about you now.”  
That wasn’t my voice. I stopped the guitar dead and looked up at Noel who was leant against the door frame. “Go on.” he encouraged,  
I grinned and shook my head. “No! I can’t now.”  
“This a private gig or something?” he asked.  
“Yeah, sorry.”  
“Go on.” he encouraged again.  
“No!”  
“And all the roads we have to walk are winding…” he sang trying to force me to continue, he took the guitar and started playing. “Go on.”  
I reluctantly carried on with him. “And all the lights that light the way are blinding. There are many things that I… Would like to say to you but I don't know how. I said maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me… And after all, you're my wonderwall.”  
I let him finish the last lyrics on his own. He leant his guitar against the sofa when he was done.  
“So why were you butchering my song?” he asked with a joking tone. “Should sue you for that!”  
“Wasn’t that bad.” I protested.  
“Suppose, for someone who can’t play.” He nudged me.  
“If I knew you were going to listen in I’d have done Talk Tonight or something.” I told him.  
He shook his head and objected. “Do what you want with Wonderwall, just leave the good shit to the professionals.”  
“Yous have had just as much training as I have.” I pointed out.  
“Leave it to the lucky genius then.” he corrected himself. “Go on. Why? Thought you couldn't care less about playing.”  
“Boredom.” I admitted. “I don't know how you just play with Jimmyi so long, games for eight month olds just aren't interesting.”  
“Are you saying I'm simple?” He pretended to be offended. “I don't know, I just like watching him having fun.”  
What he meant was everything was easy for him. He understood Jimmyi. He’d always known what he was doing or he was bloody good at faking it and I wasn’t. It wasn’t like it was in the beginning anymore but he was still way better at it than me.  
…  
We were all waiting for Liam to turn up at the Royal Festival Hall for ages. No one knew where he was. He wasn't answering his phone. When he finally appeared it was like he wasn’t incredibly late or anything. He strolled up to me like he was unaware of the stress he’d put on everyone.  
“Stacy.” Liam spoke kind of groggily. “I can't do the gig, my throat’s killing.”  
I was holding Jimmyi and he tried to reach out to Liam but he kept himself out of reach making Jimmyi make frustrated noises at him.  
“What? Has Patsy’s cock given you herpes?” I asked unsympathetically.  
It was minutes before they were supposed to be on stage. Not hours, not days, minutes. There was no time to make changes, no time to back out the gig.  
“No, I'm ill. Got laryngitis.” In arguing he was ill, he suddenly sounded a lot better.  
He produced a note from his pocket. It was a doctor's note, he was being prescribed the medicine and advised not to use his voice.  
“Are you sure you don't just not like singing acoustic?” I accused, suspicious.  
“No, I'm gutted I can't lead tonight.”  
Bonehead found us. “Come on, we're on.” He indicated for Liam to get moving.  
I passed him the note, he gave it a quick read and gave Liam a look. “Seriously?”  
“Serious, man, I can't sing.” Liam sounded sad about it.  
Neither of us wanted to be bearer of bad news but Liam and Bonehead pulled ranks and made me do it.  
“You’re his assistant, that makes it your job to do stuff like this.” Bonehead pointed out and made me take the note.  
“Thanks Bone’... Just remember I’m not above haunting yous two for eternity.” I warned him before I went to find Noel.  
He was stood waiting to go on stage, nervously looking around for his band to make an appearance. “Yorkie. Where the fuck are they?”  
“Yeah, there’s been a slight…”  
He glared at me. “What?!”  
“Liam’s got Laryngitis.” I thrust the note towards him.  
“That’s absolute bullshit.” he commented as he read, attempting to sound calm. “That’s utter bollocks, where is he?”  
“I don’t know.” I wasn’t telling him for him to storm off and have a fight. “You can take his place easy, you’re great at accoustic, he’s not.”  
“That’s not the fucking point.”  
“Please don't take it out on me, I know it's shitty he keeps doing stuff like this but he really has got laryngitis and can't sing.”  
“I’m fucking not taking it out on you, I’m just gonna fucking kill him, so where is he?” he growled.  
He had every right to be angry but this was too much. It didn’t take long for me to see why, cocaine paraphernalia was littered on the table.  
“I’m going to go find our seat. Just forget about him, you know full well you can do it without him.” I told him deciding I couldn’t confront him about the coke now.  
I took Jimmyi off and watched the gig. We were sat right near the stage, I saw Liam was sat drinking beer in the top tier.   
Liam started shouting stuff at Noel while he was trying to sing. Apparently getting drunk had solved the problem he was having with his voice.  
I wanted to go up there and slap him, hard for trying to ruin the set. I didn’t care that Jimmyi would see his Mum being violent, I didn’t care what everyone would think of me or what would happen to me but I just stayed seated and prayed he'd stop.  
…  
After the Unplugged gig we stayed in London since they were going off to tour America a few days later. Liam had recovered quicker than Jimmyi did on the night of the Brit Awards.  
Noel went out, again, I didn’t know, where the rest of the band were gone too, everyone but Liam.  
“You promised you’d tour, why the fuck aren’t you coming?” Liam asked.  
“I am, I’ll be there by the middle of next month.” I promised. “Go on tour and we’ll be there before you know it.”  
I’d decided not to join them on the first dates, let them settle back into touring on their own before me and Jimmyi were there, getting in their way.  
“You’re not flaking on us.”  
“I’m not, I was at Maine Road, I was at Knebworth, I’m coming to America, just not yet.”  
“Well if you don’t I’m going to stop being Jimmyi’s Goddad.” he threatened.  
I was pretty sure he couldn’t do that. “I am going on that tour, I promise you, Liam.”  
“You better cos I'm not doing it without you.”  
“What d’you care whether I'm there or not?” I accidentally let my anger slip out.  
“Cos you're Yorkie and we need you there… you might keep Noel happy.” he tried to argue his case when there was no need.  
“Noel should hate me, I nearly did something stupid because of you.” I accidentally admitted.  
“What have I done? No, what did you do?” he questioned. “You’ve never nearly done nothing so tell us, what was it this time?”  
I couldn’t tell him, it was too risky. “Nothing, I didn’t do anything.”  
“Tell me Yorkie. I’m gonna keep friggin asking til you do so just tell me now.”  
I decided to get it out the way, just blurt it out. “I kissed Kenzie’s boyfriend.”  
“Kenzie’s got a new bloke on the go?” He raised his eyebrows and I nodded. “What’s that got to do with me and how the fuck’s that nearly?”  
“I nearly, he’s hot and I was going to fuck him…”  
“Why din’t ya?”  
“I stopped and thought what the fuck am I doing? Cheating on Noel, on Kenzie, on you…”  
“Nothing to do with me, I’m engaged.”  
“Exactly, Liam.”  
He sighed in frustration. “You get to be upset that I’m engaged but I don’t get to be upset that you’re with my fucking brother and had his fucking son. How the fuck’s that fair?!”  
“I’m not upset you’re engaged, I’m upset because she’s not right for you.”  
“Yorkie, I’m a grown fucking man, I can decide for myself. And what the fuck does it matter if she’s not right for me? We’re getting married, end of.”


	78. Chapter 78

My new car came the day they were leaving for America. It was a stunning, shiny, new, charcoal black Jaguar with wood and chocolate leather interior. I wanted to take Noel for a ride, show him how much I loved it but he was too busy preparing to leave.  
“I was beginning to think the present was just the key.” I told him and kissed his cheek.  
He just shooed me away. “My girl wanted a Jag, my girl’s got one.”  
“It’s perfect Noel… can’t you leave your suitcases a minute?”  
“The driver’s gonna be here soon, he’s not going to be fucking impressed if he turns up and I’m not ready.” he said as he went to his wardrobe for more clothes.  
“Well I’m not impressed you’re putting the driver’s feelings ahead of mine.” I muttered.  
“Sorry the car took fucking months to get here, I’m not buying off them again.” he said still not going off task.  
“I don’t give a shit if it had taken a year, I love it and I want to thank you for it.” I told him.  
It didn’t seem to matter to him what we’d be away from each other for two weeks, as long as he was sticking to his schedule everything was alright in his mind.  
“You have, you thanked me when you got the key.”  
I sat on the bed. “But Chief,  
He looked at me as soon as I said it. I had his attention now.  
“I want to thank you properly. I didn’t know it’d be such a gorgeous car from the key, did I?”  
He kissed me before shrugging and insisting. “It’s a car.”  
“What have you got left to pack?” I asked, deciding I might as well play assistant since he didn’t want me as his girlfriend right now. “I’ll help.”  
…  
Noel had his suitcases packed and was waiting for the driver when we got a call from Liam, I answered.  
“Let Noel know I won't be at the airport, will ya?” he told me like it was nothing.  
“What? Why?” I questioned knowing Noel was going to go ape shit.  
“Me and Patsy have stuff to sort out.” Maybe she was our Yoko afterall.  
“Yeah? What's more important than the start of the tour?”  
I was afraid he was going to say it was the wedding.  
“We're looking to buy a house, in London.” he said calmly like he couldn’t see why that would be a problem. “We're going to move in together, properly.”  
“Noel's going to lose his shit.” I warned before reluctantly shouting for him.  
“He’ll be rate.” Liam said, still not caring.  
“You tell him, I'm not.” I told Liam as Noel got to me and I passed him the phone.  
“Tell me what?” He was so unsuspecting and cheery.  
I stepped back knowing something would get thrown or he'd lash out at something.  
“Why are you in this FUCKING band if you can’t take ANY of it seriously?” Noel growled down the phone. “You can’t fucking fuck off for a FUCKING house when you’ve got a FUCKING tour!”  
“Why don’t you just FUCKING say you don’t want to be here anymore cos you CLEARLY fucking don’t?”  
I walked off but I could still hear he kept on at Liam like that for ages, I didn't know how Liam was reacting but I couldn't imagine he was still calm either.  
After he'd calmed down (which took a fucking while) the driver came and Noel left and Oasis started the tour in America without their lead singer.  
I’d planned to go back to Manchester when they left but I stayed in London instead while Liam was there.  
…  
They quickly bought their new house. Noel saw it as a classic case of his younger sibling being a copycat and was pretty pissed off about it, mostly because he’d had to take his brother’s place in the band, again. Plus he'd moved so far to get away from him and they were back living in the same city.  
Liam gave me a tour of their house while Patsy was downstairs, minding Jimmyi and her three year old son James.  
“The most important room.” he said as he led me into the master bedroom.  
It was huge, the bed was huge, the place was decorated to be sexy and romantic, red themes and all that.  
“Wow.” I gasped, it made Supernova Heights’ bedrooms look tiny and plain.  
He shut the door and grabbed my hand, I didn't notice at first because I was still noticing everything in the room. It was only when our lips touched that I noticed. Rather than pulling away and getting out of there, I just let him kiss me.  
I was aware Patsy and the kids were downstairs and that just made me want him more, the thrill of the risk.  
Eventually I pulled away. “What was that?”  
“Can't let this Russell have all the fun, can I?”  
“Russell's was like this.” I kissed him on the very edge of his lips so it was very nearly just a simple kiss on the cheek.  
And Russell’s was nothing more than an error of judgement.  
He scoffed. “Yeah, right. That’s the kind of kiss you give someone you wanna fuck.”  
“You wanna fuck me then?”  
He smirked at that. “Never thought you’d ask.”  
“Is she pregnant?” I had to ask.  
“No, course she's fucking not! Just shut up talking about her.” He put his hands on my waist.  
“Aren’t you scared she’ll come up and find us all over her bed?” I stood much closer to him and asked in a whisper.  
“No.” He pulled me towards the bed. “And it’s my bed.”  
…  
A few days later I drove Liam to the airport so he could rejoin his band, we went in the Jag, of course.  
He pointed out that it lacks the Beemer’s character but he was pretty impressed, at least one of them understood how to appreciate cars.  
When I pulled up in the airport he went to kiss me but I stopped him this time.  
“Why are we doing this?” I asked frustrated. “I'm with Noel, you're with Patsy, we are happy with them.”  
“Cos… cos we're blood, we're different from every fucker else in the fucking world.” he explained.  
There were plenty of uncles in the world, plenty of families like ours but he was right, there was no one quite like Liam Gallagher and there was nothing one like him and me.  
“And if I didn't have Jimmyi, you'd just be my boyfriend's brother.”  
“I'm not just anything.”  
“I know, just go to America and prove it already.” I told him pressing the door unlock button to encourage him to get the hell out the car.  
“Why don't you just friggin’ pack a bag and come with, right now?” he asked as he went to take my hand but I flinched away.  
“Jimmyi’s passport.” I lied, I'd told him over and over that I was still waiting for my passport to be updated to have Jimmyi on it when we'd sorted it as soon as his birth was registered.  
“If you don't come, I will tell him.” he threatened deadly seriously.  
“Anything you can tell Noel, I can tell Patsy.” I responded, refusing to let his threats scare me, they had to be empty again. “Just go, I'll be there as soon as we have tickets.”  
When he got to America everything was apparently alright again. I went back to Manchester with Jimmyi assuming there was nothing to worry about after the setback.  
…  
On the 2nd of September Oasis had a gig in Philadelphia and I spent the day with Jimmyi and my Dad, I’d gone to see Mum and Billy too but they weren’t there.  
Dad came out and stood in the porch with his arms folded as I parked the car.  
“Wasn’t expecting you.” he commented when I got out, apparently unfazed by the car.  
“Surprise.” I smiled.  
I went to get Jimmyi out as Dad creeped towards the car and checked it out. “Is this real?” he asked and looked up at me.  
“Nah, it’s just cardboard painted to look like it.” I answered cheekily. “Course it’s real.”  
“I’ll grab Jimmyi.” he said as he took the car seat and we went in the house.  
I used the same lie on him, that I was waiting for the passport but he could see I was avoiding touring. He brought up Jimmyi’s paternity and drugs again, he’d read the newspapers’ stories just like everyone else but I assured him none of it was true.  
“You've had every member of the band on the phone.” Peggy told me when I got back to hers.  
“Oh right.” I said a little worried something had happened.  
“Yeah, Noel, then Paul, er Paul Arthurs, then Paul Mcguigan and then our Liam a bit ago.”  
“What did they want?”  
“Think Noel just wanted to talk to you and then you weren't here.” she shrugged.  
As I was about to speak the phone rang and I answered it. “Hi?”  
“Lucky me. You're home.” Alan spoke.  
“Yeah, since about two minutes ago. What’s up?”  
“Well, you know what he’s like when you're missing.”  
“I wasn't missing! I went to see my Dad.” I was so frustrated that they'd gone into panic mode again. “I told Peggy where I was going and everything this time.”  
“I'm gonna be honest, he didn't believe her.”  
“Is Noel there?” I asked wondering why he’d said he.  
“No, just me and Liam.”  
“Why, what's happened?”  
“Nothing. They've just gone to dinner before us and this is about you, not us.”  
“Alright, why didn't he believe his Mum? Cocaine paranoia?”  
“He believed Peggy but he tried to ring and no one answered.” he explained.  
My Dad hardly ever answered the phone, in fact he might have unplugged it to avoid unwanted calls. “How did he get my parents’ number?”  
“Jamie.”  
“And what? My parents didn't answer so I MUST have gone off doing something wrong?”  
“No, he was just pissed off cos he wanted you and you weren't there.”  
“So he made his entire band bother Peggy throughout the day until I answered?”  
“No, he didn't make us. Don't know about the others but I genuinely wanted to talk to you.” he admitted. “It's been a while.”  
“What about Liam, what does he want?”  
“Make sure you're still touring.”  
“I told him my ticket is for the 12th, me and Jimmyi will be there for the whole thing.” I didn’t think I could make it any clearer than that.  
“Good.” I heard him tell Liam what I'd said.  
“There's no way that lad’s getting married.” he commented, I assumed Liam had left the room.  
“Well they're putting on a pretty good show if they're not. You should see their house.” I told him, wishing everyone could find a new subject to talk to me about.  
“Massive expensive rings, massive expensive house, that's not what marriage is about. He hasn't tried to call her, he doesn't talk about her…”  
“He's Liam.” I interrupted. “That could mean they're going perfect.”  
“Okay but if there's a wedding I'll be shocked.”  
I agreed with him before changing the subject. “How’s the tour going, been many fights?”  
“It’s been quiet actually, we’re all getting along pretty well.”  
“Even with Liam back?”  
“Well you know Noel was pretty mad at him so he wasn’t being quiet about it but when he turned up ready to work all was forgiven so yeah, even with Liam back.”


	79. Chapter 79

I was tidying up the kitchen after eating with Peggy and Jimmyi with the TV on in the other room.  
She was upstairs cleaning him up and changing his clothes since he’d been allowed to use his own spoon and got his spaghetti everywhere.  
I’d paid very little attention to the telly, it was just background noise until I heard Oasis mentioned. I left the kitchen and got straight in front of the screen, turning up the volume.  
“Noel Gallagher is flying back from the States, the remaining dates of their tour have been cancelled. Reports suggest Oasis have split as he walks away from his brother and their band in anger.” the reporter revealed as footage of him in an American airport played behind her.  
“Peggy! Something’s happened!” I yelled.  
She came and watched the report, holding Jimmyi. “Thought something serious had happened!” she said with a sigh of relief.  
This was serious but no one had gotten physically hurt as far as we knew. “I have to get down to London. Now.” I told her urgently.  
“D’you need me to babysit?” she offered.  
“No, he’s coming with me.” I couldn’t leave him that long. “Thanks though.”  
She hugged me. “Be careful, Love. Drive safely and don’t worry, everything will be alright again.”  
I quickly gathered our belongings and packed them into the car, I was on the road as quickly as I could. I played music, avoiding the radio, to try to distract myself from the news.  
The paparazzi was already waiting so I rushed in as fast as I could. They shouted questions at me but they knew more than I did and I wasn’t saying a word. Once I was inside I paced around Supernova Heights’ living room with the TV on, waiting for updates. The sofa was suddenly not comfy in the slightest, I couldn’t sit still.  
Jimmyi played with a shape sorter, proving he was a Gallagher by throwing the shapes in frustration when he couldn’t sort them.  
The news reported Noel had landed, not long later he walked in, dropping his luggage and heading to the kitchen. He didn’t even notice we were there.  
I scooped Jimmyi up, sitting him on my hip and found Noel. “Hi Daddy!” I spoke for Jimmyi.  
“What are you doing here?” he asked as he got a beer from the fridge.  
Jimmyi was excited to see him, he reached out for him. “Dada!”  
“We should ask you the same. We saw a bit of a news report.” I told him in my normal voice as he took Jimmyi. “Oasis split?” I quoted questioningly.  
“Never believe the media, you should know by now.” he responded before talking to Jimmyi. “The silly media doesn’t know what it’s on about.”  
“The silly media got Mummy to drive four hours to get here so Daddy's going to have to explain himself better than that.” I responded in the same baby voice.  
“Mummy's had a wasted journey because Daddy hasn't quit Oasis or whatever they said.” He put Jimmyi on the floor, putting an end to that strange medium of argument.  
“Then why have you cancelled a load of gigs? Where are the others?” I questioned in my normal tone.  
“I assume they're still in America and I cancelled them for the band, not in spite of them.” he answered.  
“What d'you mean?”  
“June '93, we signed the contract right?” he asked rhetorically. “Three years later, we haven't stopped, we've just been pushed to do more and fucking more. Guis' had nervous exhaustion... We have to press pause before we all get it.”  
I hugged him and held him tight. He needed the support, no one else was going to see it his way.  
He picked Jimmyi up and put his arm around my shoulder, leading us to the living room where we cuddled on the sofa.  
“It's eerie, Supernova Heights being quiet, ain't it?” He commented as he channel flicked.  
It was usually party central, bursting with life but not today. Today it was simply home to a young family.  
“It makes a pleasant change, I recognise everyone here.” I said as I snuggled into his chest.  
I couldn't help but be glad there was thousands of disappointed Americans who wouldn't get to see Oasis play because I'd missed him.  
I felt guilty for turning my attention to Liam when Noel was too busy and put the tour ahead of me. I’d never felt guilty about it like this before, this time it felt like I’d done it to spite Noel, not so much because I love Liam.  
We sat watching the sports news, I sat quietly because I was sure Noel was lost to it until he spoke.  
“D'you think Jimmyi would like being a brother?” he asked me before asking Jimmyi. “D'you want a little sibling playmate?”  
“The whole world thinks your life's gone to shit and all you can think about is getting me pregnant?” I looked at him.  
“You don't want him to be an only child, do you?”  
I hadn't thought about it. “No but…”   
He cut me off, kissing me.  
“Your current child is sat on your lap.” I pointed out.  
“He could do with some time in his cot.” he shrugged.  
Unfortunately his cot was still in our room, where we’d be headed.  
“Let's make a night of it, go to Liverpool, let Jamie babysit... Find a nice hotel” I suggested.  
We never did anything like that, we never got the chance to do anything like that. If he was done with touring, he was going to be a normal family man.  
“You ring the Scouse, I'll get Jimmyi’s stuff ready.” He got up and took Jimmyi with him.  
After explaining the whole situation to Jamie (he'd seen the news too) he happily agreed to babysit. I wasn't sure he'd be so happy if he knew another baby was on the cards.  
Noel spent most of the drive complaining. He couldn't smoke in the car, doubly so with Jimmyi there. The paparazzi were bound to find us and bother us. He didn't actually want to go to Liverpool. He tried to convince me to go to my parents' town instead (he never committed the name to memory) claiming no one would bother us there but I knew we could go to the most remote place possible cameras would still follow.  
“Don't do anything I wouldn't do.” Jamie said cheekily when we dropped off his Godson.  
I wanted to give him the over protective speech, tell everything he needed to do, emergency numbers and all that but I stopped myself because I knew he knew it.  
…  
“Don't lie to me, d’you really want another baby or d’you just want more sex?” I asked as we ate our main.  
We were in a really nice restaurant in a quiet booth on our own. I wasn’t looking for an argument, I just needed to know.  
He smirked. “Noel Gallagher never lies. I want another kid. I know I can do it this time and I don't have to leave for tours.”  
“You'll have changed your mind tomorrow and be straight on the phone to Marcus to un-cancel the gigs.” I wasn’t convinced that Oasis were genuinely done with touring. “And I’ll travel tomorrow, like I was supposed to.  
All that promising to tour I’d done and now there wasn’t a tour to join.  
“I want my time with you and my son, I don't want to be jumping all over America again any time soon.” he admitted.  
“Then why suggest we have another, this soon?”  
“He's the perfect age.” he reasoned.  
Paul was about eighteen months older than him and he wanted Jimmyi to follow suit.  
“I'm not conceiving tonight.” I insisted, I hadn’t thought about it in the slightest until today.  
“Why not? That's what we're here for, ain't it?” he questioned.  
I was on the Pill for a start.  
“You can't just ditch a tour, suggest a baby and then boom I'm pregnant again in the space of a fucking day.” I pointed out.  
“Why not?” he repeated.  
“Because it's mad! It's too fast!” I protested, finding him incredibly irritating.  
Not only was he the most annoying, persistent person, ever, he’d also already assumed I wanted another and we were going to have one now he wanted it.  
“You’re mad at me.” He put down his knife and fork, he was about done with his dinner anyway.  
I shook my head. “No, not at all… I’m just very surprised.”  
“If you're mad at me, be mad. I don't need you to hide it.”  
I took a deep breath to calm me down. “Noel, I'm not mad. I'm just not ready to be pregnant and go through all that again.”  
“If I could carry it, I would.”  
“You'd have to stop with the cocaine then.” I didn’t mean it to be a dig at him but it was.  
He gave me a judgemental look. He couldn't entertain the idea of not doing coke and I hadn't managed to stay perfectly clean so he had plenty of ammunition to throw back at me.  
“Remember that restaurant in America? The one we ran from cos we couldn't work out the tip, or dollars?” I questioned to quickly change the subject.  
“Yeah.” he smiled. “Felt right young and free.”  
“How are your running legs today?” I asked with a smirk.  
“No way, man.” He shook his head. “I've got enough attention on me.”  
“I want dessert and nothing on that menu's appealing, Chief.” I got up and walked to the exit.  
I could hardly disappear to our hotel, we hadn't got one yet but still I walked hoping Noel was behind me.  
“You are trouble.” He told me as he put his arm around my waist minutes later.  
We started walking somewhere, towards any hotel. “It can only be your bad influence.”  
…  
We spent the night without being aware of the media frenzy Noel had caused but when we got back to London it was unavoidable.  
Everyone had their theories of what caused “the split”, none of it Noel’s truth. From Noel hating Liam’s engagement to Patsy, to him simply hating Liam’s behaviour, to him being ill, they'd thought of it all.  
…  
“Noel's homewrecker girl's pregnancy to blame.” I read a headline of a magazine I’d just bought out loud to Noel. “Sources say it's Liam’s.”  
“Told you not to read any of that nonsense.” Noel took the magazine and binned it. “It's hardly going to say Noel is happy with his family after taking a break from touring. Is it?”  
He was right but it upset me, how they’d turned on me and they were running away with themselves with their lies. I hated it, I didn’t get how he’d gotten so good at ignoring it.


	80. Chapter 80

Noel wouldn't say anything more about what happened in America and something told me there was more to it than he was saying. So I went straight to Liam and if he wasn’t talking either I was going to Alan and then Guigsy and Bonehead, I’d go to management if I had to.  
“Tell us what happened Liam.” I demanded.  
“What did Noel tell you?” he asked absentmindedly.  
“That you all need a rest.”  
“There you go, he's not lying.” he shrugged.  
He really, really didn’t seem to care. I didn’t get what was up with him. He’d always fought for Oasis and suddenly he couldn’t care less.  
“Come on, he's too much of a professional to start a tour then cancelled it a few days later…”  
“Did September the other year.” he interrupted.  
I rolled my eyes, why was he being so difficult? “Cos you hit him with a tambourine and was insulting the fans all the time! So what was it this time?”  
“Nothing. Noel says we're tired, we're fucking tired.” He insisted  
“I'll go ask Alan and every fucker else.” I threatened. “I'm not dropping it until I know so just fucking tell me!”  
“Alright last night we were in America we had a fight but it’s fuck all to do with the tour getting cancelled.” he admitted.  
I didn’t know how serious to take that, I never knew with them. “A fight like…” I mimicked punching.  
“Yeah, but it wasn't that bad.”  
He insisted the cricket bat incident wasn’t bad, they had a warped sense of what counted as a serious fight.  
“No blood, no fight, right?” I quoted what Noel told me when they fought in Sheffield Arena.  
“Suppose.” he shrugged again. “There would have been if we weren't pulled apart.”  
“So that's why you're not touring no more?”  
“No! It's cos we need some time off.” he insisted as adamant as Noel.  
“What did you fight about?”  
He looked dead serious. “You… everything just slipped out, sorry.”  
That was very obviously bullshit.  
“Noel came home wanting to expand our family, the truth please.” I revealed getting sick of being lied to.  
He stood and blinked at me. “What?”  
“I know you didn't tell him about us cos we're trying for a baby.” I explained even though I knew that wasn’t the problem he had with what I said.  
He continued to stare. “Why?”  
“Cos that's what we want to do.” I told him not being able to answer why we want another baby in our family.  
“He says fucking jump, you say how high too now?”  
“Noel isn't ordering me to have his child, you idiot.” I was offended he thought Noel could treat me like that. “If he tried I'd be gone before he could say pregnant, you know I would.”  
“Sounds like it.” he commented.  
“Don't tell anyone we're trying, I shouldn't have said anything.” I couldn’t see him shouting his mouth off about this but I still felt I had to say it.  
I didn’t need him holding on to any more of my secrets, especially now I was losing him but he agreed to keep quiet.  
“Course, you sure this was his idea, he actually wants this?” he asked skeptically. “He was shit scared last time.”  
“No, Liam. It was all in my mind.” I rolled my eyes. “I imagined he said it, we went on a date and then shagged all night long.”  
He groaned. “Alright, I believe you.”  
I got so distracted with talk of the baby that I didn’t find out what they fought about. It couldn’t have been about me unless Noel had the weirdest reaction of all time.  
…  
I decided I wasn’t ready to have another baby but I wasn’t prepared to tell Noel that. I’d promised to come off the pill but that wasn’t happening. He wouldn’t know anything, he’d probably forget we were “trying” when it didn’t happen straight away.  
I thought of something that might just distract him for a while until I was ready.  
“Um, Stacy? What the fuck are those?” Noel asked pointing at our new pets.  
He’d just woken up, he probably thought he was still dreaming or imagining them.  
“They are cats Noel.” I stated the obvious with a smirk.  
One black and white, one white and and grey, both about a year old. They were stunning. Me and Jimmyi went to Battersea cat and dog home and picked them up early in the morning.  
“Ca! Ca!” Jimmyi attempted to say it.  
Noel picked him up. “Good lad. I'm aware they are cats, what are they doing in my fucking house?”  
“'Ouse!” Jimmyi shouted, he loved trying to say words and he loved to be heard.  
“You wanted to share your fatherly instinct and you like cats.” I reasoned.  
“I want another kid, not pets. They're going to wreck our stuff and shit everywhere.” he complained.  
“Well the kid isn't coming soon and they're here now, I'm not sending them back.” I told him firmly.  
“You won't friggin' be able to look after them when you get pregnant and I don't want them, nor do I want to have to deal with them when you fucking can't.”  
“He's already named them, they're staying.” I insisted.  
“Yeah? What are the cats called Jimmyi?” He asked, not believing that a nine months old had named them.  
He petted them both, he was warming to them already. He liked them, I knew he did.  
“Be.” He pointed at one. “Eg.” he pointed at the other.  
Noel raised his eyebrows at me. “Be and Eg the cats?” He copied Jimmyi's pronunciation.  
“Benson and Hedges.” I corrected.  
“Oh, they're advert cats now, are they? How did he name them?” he questioned with a laugh.  
“You might get free fags out of it.” I shrugged.  
For all of his objections, he bonded with the cats faster than I did. He wouldn’t admit it but he loved them.  
…  
Noel had his coat and shoes on and was searching for something on October 7th. He looked like he was a man on a mission.  
“What are you looking for?” I asked lazily.  
I was sat watching some kids’ program with Jimmyi with no intention of doing anything constructive, I assumed that was Noel’s plan for the day too.  
“Me shades.”  
I smiled, it was still rule one in the rock star handbook. “Why, where are you going?”  
“Abbey Road, starting recording today.” he mumbled, still looking.  
“THE Abbey Road?”  
He nodded. “Yeah.”  
“Can we come?” I asked excitedly.  
I had no idea they were ready to record but it was about time. They’d had a month with nothing to do, nothing. It was time for them to get back to work.  
“If you find me shades.”  
I rolled my eyes and told him there was a pair in the Jaguar. I got up and got changed, I changed Jimmyi’s clothes too and then we drove to the studio.  
…  
At the studio I sat back and watched them do their thing while taking care of Jimmyi.  
I quickly noticed how heavily they were using cocaine, Jimmyi being there didn't make any difference to them. I watched Noel snort another line before I decided to say something, the argument I'd been holding back for so long.  
“You do realise you've gone from promising you'll quit to only not snorting when you're solely in charge of Jimmyi.”  
He shrugged and sat back.  
“No Noel! Don't give me a fucking shrug and think what you're doing is okay.”  
“I'm FUCKING chained to it, alright?” he immediately snapped. “D’you think I fucking want to do this around my son?”  
I sighed heavily knowing this was going nowhere and I couldn’t back down. “I don't know Noel, I really don't anymore.”  
“You know as well as I do that it's not fucking easy, promising and making it happen.”  
“I still did it though, I took responsibility and I stopped.” I told him. “You're whole fucking career is about making it happen but all you care about is coke.”  
He glanced at Marcus Russell, the kind of glance I knew meant get this person out of here and far away from me.  
“Don't you dare.” I warned Marcus. “You're not avoiding this Noel.”  
“I'm trying to record an album here.” he pointed out as if that was a valid excuse to use drugs like he was and avoid me pulling him up on it.  
“You're trying to get so high you'll never come down.” I corrected.  
His brother spared him. Liam came out a booth and called Noel over to take his place. He quickly got over and started as quick as possible.  
Liam sat right next to me, almost on top of me. “You up the spout? he whispered in my ear.  
I shook my head.  
On the other thing?  
“No! I'm just angry.” I said, trying to calm down so I didn’t take it out on him.  
“Why?” he asked with his usual (of late) carefree tone.  
“Cos Noel’s off his head.”  
“So am I, so’s everyone else.”  
He had a point. Noel wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary with his band, in his circle of friends. “He promised…”  
“Guigs’ told us you begged for coke at Maine Road, you'd be doing just the fucking same as us if it wasn't for Jimmyi.”  
“Yeah, well I won't be bringing another child into this shit.”  
The first week was “fucking awful”, that’s exactly how their producer Owen Morris described it but Noel couldn’t see that, none of the band could see it. He even suggested abandoning what they’d done but Noel insisted everything was alright. Recording continued the same although they used multiple Studios. Three other Studios in London  
…  
Oasis won Best Act in the World Today at the Q Awards, naturally they celebrated.  
Liam ended up getting arrested for coke possession and for the damage he caused when he smashed up the snooker room at The Groucho Club.  
The media frenzy over Liam’s arrest forced them to move studios again, Ridge Farm Studios in Surrey. They'd stay at it all night just creating noise, so much fucking noise.  
Noel wasn’t there when Liam had to record his singing, Owen continued to voice his concern but no one was listening, his solution was to fill his nose with cocaine. It’s all any of them knew how to do.  
It didn’t take me long at all to walk out. I doubt they noticed. I didn’t have a guitar, I didn’t have coke, I was useless to them.  
Kenzie let us stay at hers, I didn’t want to go back to Peggy’s so I didn’t have to tell her what her boys were doing.   
“Is it really so bad that you’d rather stay here?” Kenzie asked as put a sleeping bag out on the sofa for me and then we set Jimmyi’s travel cot up in the living room.  
She’d completely missed both Definitely Maybe and (What’s the Story) Morning Glory?’s recording, this one was worse than both put together. “Get all the flour, sugar and salt you own out and that’ll be nothing compared to the coke they’re getting through. Even Owen’s lost it.”  
“Do they know you’re here?”  
“I left a note.” I shrugged.


	81. Chapter 81

We talked a lot since it had been too long since the last time we hung out again. She told me her and Russell were over, he wasn’t happy to be with someone with two kids. I could have told her that right from the start. I knew Russell was far too easy to allure for family life.  
I hoped she could find someone new. Someone better than him and Tony. She didn’t deserve to be single, especially not because she had Tony’s kids.  
Jamie came over loads, he had no excuse now I was back in Manchester. He finally introduced me to his girlfriend Sinead, she was quite tall with long black hair and clear green eyes. She was outspoken but she got on well with everyone.  
I couldn’t believe how shocked she was when I told her I was with Noel Gallagher, apparently Jamie hadn’t told her any of the band stuff. She loved them and had been in the crowd at the Liverpool gigs. I decided not to mention that she’d missed out on Knebworth.  
Kate told me Bonehead had asked how we were doing a couple of times (for the benefit of the whole band’s knowledge) but none of them even tried to phoned me themselves until December.  
I was shocked to hear from Noel first, not Liam, as far as I knew neither had rang Peggy either which was not like them at all.  
“I’ve missed you.” Noel told me over the phone.  
I was just happy to hear his voice and for some reason he sounded sober. “I really missed you too.”  
“Why’d you leave then?” he asked, sounding needy.  
“It was all way too loud, me and Jimmyi decided we’d like to keep our hearing in tact.” I told him cheekily.  
“The kids are gonna love it, though. It is fucking brilliant.” He made sure everyone was well aware of that. “How’s Jimmyi? I stayed in this country to watch him grow up, didn’t I?”  
“He’s doing well, getting close to standing and he’s missing you loads.” I was surprised how fast he was growing up.  
“Well, we’ll be finished for Christmas soon.”  
“Christmas?” None of them gave a shit about Christmas, I assumed they’d work through the holiday.  
“Christ’s birthday.” he told me like I was stupid. “At Supernova Heights, tell Mam and that but don’t go shouting about it.”   
“You want to celebrate Christmas? Who are you and what have you done to Noel Gallagher?” I questioned, confused.  
“It’s Jimmyi’s first Christmas and his first birthday and then New Year. We need to fucking celebrate it all this year.”  
I shook my head even though he obviously couldn’t see it. “You all pissed and moaned about me and Kenzie’s Christmases, now you want it everyone’s onboard. What the fuck?”  
“I’m the Chief, what I say goes.” he answered, everyone knew that and if you didn’t you’d be cut out in a flash. “We still did everything you two wanted.”  
They were cutting people out of their lives left, right and centre. They didn’t trust anyone except themselves and all the drug dealers they had hanging around.  
“I know, bet you all had so much fun looking after the beached whale…”  
“You weren’t a beached whale, you were carrying my beautiful son.” he cut me off.  
“I’m just saying I appreciate you all looking after me and everything.” I explained. “When are you coming home?”  
“‘Heights or Mam’s?”   
I was so happy he considered Peggy’s house home. “Mam’s cos I'm in Manchester, aren’t I?”  
“Just depends when we're done and the party's down mine anyway.”  
I sighed, I couldn’t wait until Christmas to see him again.. “I really want to see you, just me and you.”  
“Give Jimmyi to Mam and get back to Surrey then.” he suggested.  
I didn't want to explain the Be Here Now’s recording sessions to anyone (especially not Peggy, it’d send her concern through the roof) but I couldn't dump him on Kenzie. I went to Kate, I'd never asked her for anything before and she agreed.  
…  
I got back to Surrey and sat in on their recording again. It took a while before I managed to drag Noel away. Even coked up he was ever the professional.  
“We’re alone.” I kissed him, sat in the Jaguar.  
I wanted to go somewhere, the hotel or something I didn’t know Surrey to suggest anywhere but Noel had other ideas.  
“We are.” he kissed back. “You wanna christen the Jag?”  
“But that’s the Beemer’s thing…”  
“It’s bigger, you might not bang your head.” He held back on laughing at that memory.   
…  
Almost a full week later (I’d stayed way longer than planned) I went back to Manchester. This time I had to argue my way back to the car, Noel didn’t want me to go, I didn’t want to go but I had to and he had to stop being distracted by me.  
Thanks to my week away I had a pregnancy scare, in my excitement to get back to Noel and the band I’d forgotten to take my prescription with me.  
Noel would have been delighted, he’d hinted all week about making Jimmyi a sibling and I insisted we must just be doing it at the wrong time or something… nothing to do with the fact that I was tricking my body into thinking it was already pregnant.  
Still the test came up negative. I didn’t know how I felt when I saw the result and I had no idea how it could have been negative after that week.  
The lads came home (Supernova Heights) a week before Christmas. Jimmyi took his first steps about half an hour after being reunited with his Dad, like he’d been waiting to show off to him..  
Christmas came and we celebrated Jimmyi’s first Christmas and his first birthday as Noel wanted. It wasn’t a conventional Christmas at all, Noel wouldn’t have the place decorated so there was no tree or anything like that, in fact the only thing remotely Christmassy was the presents. They went out for New Year, the whole band.  
…  
After the Christmas holiday I rejoined them in Surrey. They continued as they left off in December but I had to be there and Jimmyi had to be there too. It was chaos all the way but no one cared because the money was there and work was getting done.  
The songs were all brilliant again (of course) but they weren't happy unless they combined the singing with a lot of instruments and played as loud as physically possible. No one could tell them otherwise.  
They finished recording on the 2nd of April.  
I was so relieved that was over with, the only problem was now Liam’s wedding was only a few days away and there was no way of stopping it.


	82. Chapter 82

On the 7th of April 1997 Liam and Patsy married in a very, very private registry office in London. Just about every media outlet wanted to cover the event but Liam wasn’t having it.  
The only guests were the band, Paul, Peggy and Patsy's Dad. It was so stressful attempting to keep it so low-key. They’d had to cancel at least one attempt because of the incessant paparazzi.  
The paparazzi weren’t the only one’s who stopped the previous attempt, I’d found myself begging (actually begging) Liam not to go through with it and for some reason he listened.  
The wedding itself went normally, once it was finally going ahead.  
They had a very simple room with just enough chairs set out for us. The men had black suits and all looked stunning, especially Liam. Patsy’s dress was classy and elegant, I guessed they couldn’t sneak in with the massive, extravagant one she’d always dreamed of.  
Noel was best man, he was about the only one who would definetly be there no matter what happened despite the fact that he’d had objections all along too.  
He joked that he'd lost the rings when it was time to hand them over, checking all of his pockets before producing the rings. No one was impressed.  
“That's the biggest cliché in the book.” I whispered as he sat back down.  
“Had to be done.” he shrugged.  
The ceremony was ridiculously ordinary, especially for who they were.  
He’d looked around when it was asked if there were any objections. I saw the anxiety in his eyes. I’d threatened it last time but I couldn’t do it to him. I couldn’t hurt our family like that, like we were just part of an episode of Eastenders. I’d let them get this far and now I had to let him go.  
They said what they had to say, they signed the papers and that was it, they were married. Liam was married.  
…  
After the wedding they had their reception at the registry office, they might as well have gone back to Liam’s or Supernova Heights, it would have been more fun. I’d gotten so bored.  
Noel was too busy showing off Jimmyi since he’d learnt new words and could walk quite well on his own. Patsy was chatting to her Dad, she’d not really had anything to do with anyone but him and Liam. Me and Liam were stood alone, quiet.  
I grabbed his hand and lead Liam into an empty room, it was really small, maybe it was someone's office but the furniture was gone, apart from a desk.  
We didn’t speak but we both knew we weren’t there to chat.  
He turned the lock on the door as I leant against the desk. He came over and kissed me. He knew exactly why I'd dragged him away from his wedding party, his bride.  
I played with his tie, wrapping the silk around my wrist, around my hand, around my fingers. I thought of the first night at Maine Road, what might have been.   
He took his jacket off and threw it on the desk behind me.  
If he was stripping already, I had to help him. I ran my fingers down the buttons on his shirt, loosening his tie before unbuttoning the top buttons.  
“I'm a married man.” It sounded like an objection but he made no attempt to stop me.  
“Does that make me your mistresses?” I asked as I continued until the last button was undone.  
He didn't say anything.  
I pulled his tie off and put it in his hand. “Treat me like one, Liam.”  
He tied my wrists together tight, behind my back, I felt more like a hostage like this but we seemed to be on the same page.  
He kissed my neck, as he undid the buttons on my blouse, fast and pulled it down on my arms. He wanted to rip the buttons open like they did in films but it wasn't an option. He had no trouble undoing my bra.  
“How long's this publicity stunt…”  
He put his hand over my mouth before I could finish my remark on their marriage.  
“If you're my mistress, you can fucking shut up and do what I want.” He kissed and touched every inch of my chest.  
I tried to pull my hands free so I could touch him too but the knot wouldn't budge. I wanted him so bad, I couldn't tell if it was how he was treating me or the fact that our whole family were so close by.  
I kept my mouth shut other than to make approving noises, especially when he ran his hands up my thighs, under my skirt. He suddenly pulled my underwear down, pulling me away from the desk and down onto my knees.  
“I'm not a hooker.” I told him as he dropped his trousers and boxers.  
“Look like one.” he smirked. “Could leave you like this. Tied up, tits out, no knickers… what would people say?” He picked up my underwear and put them in his chest pocket.  
He fucked my mouth telling me I should do this more, I was too good not to. I wasn’t in the position to argue, not that I wasn’t enjoying it. As soon as he was done he pulled me back up to my feet.  
“Is that all? Your new bride’s going to be disappointed tonight.” I told him, egging him on.  
He bent me over the desk. “I’ll tell you when I’m done.” he said aggressively as he pulled my skirt down my legs. He let one hand tease me between my legs and the other held his weight on the desk.  
He took his hand away, letting his cock take its place. He put his weight on his other hand and started thrusting.  
“I love you, y’know that.” he told me as I felt his fingers intertwining with mine.  
I squeezed his hand. “I love you too, Liam.” I quickly became vocal about how much I was enjoying his company.  
When he was done he pulled me to my feet again and I leant against the desk as he got dressed since he hadn’t untied me just yet. Of course he could leave me like this as he’d threatened but   
“Could I have my knickers back?” I asked as he untied my hands.  
He just smirked and moved them from his chest pocket to in his trouser pocket.  
I got dressed and tied his tie back around his neck. I made sure he looked exactly as he did when he got into the room.  
We rejoined the party where no one seemed to notice we’d been gone. Patsy was still talking to her Dad. Noel was completely preoccupied with Jimmyi.  
…  
Life went on as it had before they started recording Be Here Now. Noel, Jimmyi and I were home as a family (with the cats) a lot. Everyone else had done the same except Liam had disappeared and not on his honeymoon.  
I'd thrown up a few days in a row and I very quickly realised I had the text book symptoms, all of them from last time and more. This time it was going to be positive, for sure.  
I went straight over to Kenzie’s. She’d always been there for me and there was no one else I could turn to, no one else I trusted with this. I needed her, I couldn't do it alone, not this time.  
She got me a test and I sat on her toilet seat, staring at the box, praying for the right result before I’d even opened it. I wasn’t religious but I wouldn’t turn down any God’s help right now.  
Noel wanted another baby, half a year had gone by and he still hadn’t forgotten his desire to father a second time. I was well aware this one wasn’t his.  
If it was positive I had a real choice to make. I didn’t think I could lie to him, no matter how much they would look alike, I couldn’t lie. If I was pregnant, I couldn’t keep it, not without losing Noel.  
I felt so, so sick and it was nothing to do with being pregnant, if I was.  
As soon as the wait was over and the unmistakable answer was there I binned the test and it's packaging. I hurried to Kenzie who was waiting in her livingroom.  
“It's negative.” I threw my arms around her and she held me until I let go to sit.  
“Thought you were kind of trying…” she said, her tone and facial expression completely confused by my elation.  
“Well Noel's too busy again.” I lied. “They’ll have to tour the album again soon enough.”  
“You were scared it was someone else's... Our Kid?” She knew me so well.  
I nodded, I couldn’t look at her.  
“When?!” She was horrified being engaged or maybe even married hadn't stopped us.  
“Probably less than an hour after they signed the papers.” I admitted, shy of her reaction.  
“Aww Stacy, when are you going to give him up?” She asked, just feeling sorry for me.  
I shrugged, I didn’t need her pity, I wasn’t there for his pity. “He doesn’t love her, he doesn’t even care about her.”  
She shook her head. “He doesn’t care about you either, Liam has only ever cared about himself, no matter how much he says otherwise, you aren’t an exception to that. We know that, you know that.”  
“I led him on, not the other way around.” I insisted. “Think I said I’d be his mistress.” I cringed, plain embarrassed to admit it  
“Seriously... What if you were pregnant right now? Liam's kid, what would you do?” she questioned.  
“I don't know Kenzie, I just don't.”  
I couldn’t think about it anymore. I’d thought about it over and over since I first realised the symptoms.  
“Are you definitely sure there was no sign of a positive line showing up? Nothing at all?” she asked, adopting a concerned, parenting tone.  
“I saw nothing.” I said as clear as I could, it was definitely, definitely negative but her concern was making me nervous.  
“Maybe you should do another one.” she advised.  
I didn’t, I went to the doctor and was given medication for a bug, not a pregnancy. It wasn’t anything serious but it definitely wasn’t a baby either. Relief was nothing compared to how I felt, I’d been unbelievably stupid and unbelievably lucky.


	83. Chapter 83

I was relieved to have gotten through the pregnancy scare, now it was just another secret someone was keeping for me. I hadn’t seen Liam since the wedding, I assumed they were on their honeymoon until Patsy came over to Supernova Heights.  
She was looking really upset the moment she was in the door, she was almost in tears. Fuck knows why she’d turn to either of us, neither of us liked her or accepted her into our family.  
“What’s up, love?” Noel asked, he’d answered the door and let her in.  
“He’s cheating on me.” she blurted as he got her into the living room.  
I turned my attention away from the TV and gave her a quick look. Somehow I stayed calm, if she knew what I’d made Liam do on their wedding day I was in serious shit.  
“Sit down.” he instructed and she did. “What’s given you that idea?”  
He passed her a can of beer he’d left on the table for himself but she refused it. She wouldn’t have turned it down if it was some posh wine.  
“Fine, it’s there if you want it, alright?” he shrugged as he sat back down next to me and held my hand.  
“Why would Liam cheat?” I asked keeping my eyes on the TV, I’d only spoke to sound oblivious to it, I couldn’t look at her. “He’s literally just married you.”  
She sighed and reluctantly spoke. “He keeps disappearing, he’s who know’s where right now and I found some underwear… someone else’s knickers.”  
“Maybe they're a present.” Noel suggested, taking his brother’s side.  
“They've been worn.” Her tears started to roll but I wasn’t going to be the one to comfort her.  
They were likely my knickers. They had to be mine. Liam took them at the wedding and I never got them back, unless he really did have someone else on the go.  
“Someone probably just left them, after we've had people over there's always, always knickers left behind.” I reasoned. “Doesn't mean it's got anything to do with Noel or in this case Liam.”  
“You sure they're not yours?” Noel asked her, thinking she was being daft.  
I wanted to elbow him in the ribs and point out she wouldn't be here like this if they were hers but I stayed quiet. I wished I’d been anywhere else or Jimmyi would wake up from his nap, anything to get out of this.  
“They're not! He's cheating on me! Why are you two defending him?” She asked angrily, hysterically.  
“He's my little brother, it's my job.” he shrugged, it was simple fact regardless of their reputation for “Wibbling Rivalry”.  
I remembered the pact to protect Tony from the fact that Liam had slept with Kenzie and wondered if the same thing was happening here. Plus Noel couldn’t care less about her but he cared about his brother and tried to preserve him.  
“And we don't believe he would. He wouldn't get engaged, go all the way to getting married and then cheat, he just wouldn't.” I added.  
“How do I know you're not defending him cos it's you? That's how you two got so close, isn't it?” she questioned accusingly.  
I was suddenly on very, very thin ice. She knew, she had to know what I’d done to be aiming her accusation so closely at me.  
“Woah, don't go pointing fingers at my girlfriend just cos you're angry.” Noel objected. “Have you even friggin’ spoken to him?”  
I was so relieved he stuck up for me. “We got so close by talking, something yous never do.”  
“No, he'd just lie if I did.” she said, ignoring my comment.  
“Why did you get married if you think he's a liar and a cheat?” I asked getting seriously annoyed with her.  
“I didn't know he was, did I?”  
“You still don't.” Noel pointed out.  
“All you've done is found underwear, which could be from anywhere and freaked out.” I told her forcefully. “Go talk to him. He's got the answers, not us.”  
“Try not to rip your house up looking for more shit in the meantime.” Noel advised.  
She stood up and Noel walked her to the door, quickly getting rid of her.  
As soon as she was back out the front door Noel turned to me and asked. “D’you know anything about that?”  
“Was about to ask you the same.” I responded.  
“He doesn’t tell me nothing, if he’s going to tell anyone, it’s you, best friend.” He said that every time.  
“Not since he got with her, we’ve barely spoken and he definitely didn’t mention some other lass since he’s been with her.” I shrugged.  
“Aww, has someone lost their best friend to a bird?” he asked with fake sympathy.  
“I’m just saying I’d probably know before she came along but then he didn’t really have anyone to cheat on.” I explained.  
If he actually was cheating I should know who the fuck this girl was but I just didn’t. I hoped Patsy was just being paranoid because if she wasn’t it meant accepting I really wasn’t Liam’s best friend anymore. If we weren’t best friends things could turn to complete shit for me very, very quickly.  
Patsy seemed to accept what we’d told her and stopped letting her paranoia rule her or she accepted that Liam was Liam and she should have known he was going to do what he wants. Either way I didn’t see her again.  
If Noel believed a word of her accusation he kept to himself incredibly well.  
…  
I heard Jimmyi giggling very loudly in the kitchen, Noel was supposed to be giving him his breakfast. I went to see what they were actually doing.  
Noel was shooting Jimmyi with a banana (his breakfast) with sound effects and everything.  
“He’s meant to be eating that.” I smiled at him.  
“He’s loving it though.” he shrugged..  
Jimmyi looked like it was THE funniest thing he’d ever witnessed and would ever witness. He was clapping and squealing and everything.  
I swear he was just doing this to make me broody. He was pushing the idea at any chance he got, if only he knew how close he’d come to maybe raising his brother’s baby.  
“He’s probably starving, give him his food.” I said impatiently, I wanted to get him ready so we could take him to the park or something, not take all day on breakfast.  
“Already had porridge, haven’t you, mate?” He passed the banana to Jimmyi, instructing “Shoot Mummy” and Jimmyi copied his Dad’s behaviour the best he could.  
I chucked at him but my impatience took over. I took the banana, shot Noel (he acted being shot) and peeled the banana, serving him the rest of his breakfast.  
…  
The next time Liam was home I made a point of going and speaking to him. He tried flat out denying it, making out that she was just getting suspicious and jealous because he was travelling so much without her.  
“Cut the crap Liam, you said you’d never lie to me.” I told him impatiently.  
I could see it in his eyes, he was lying and I wasn’t leaving without the truth. He could lie to Patsy all he liked but he wasn’t lying to me.  
“Alright.” he held his hands up in surrender for a moment. “The knickers are yours but yeah I’ve been shagging this chick in LA.”  
I gave him a massive look of disappointment. “You’re married.”  
“Didn’t fucking stop us.” he shrugged uncaringly.  
“That’s different.”  
“Have you fucking heard yourself? No it’s not.” he objected. “I shouldn’t have fucking done it with you and I shouldn’t be doing it with Lisa, but I am.”  
That hurt, I was well aware we shouldn’t have but we did and I didn’t appreciate being compared to some American he’d known for about two minutes. “Does this Lisa know you’re married?”  
He shrugged again. “We don’t talk much.”  
Just enough to seduce her, just enough to get his rocks off and then he was gone. She was being used worse than everyone else.  
“Do you take your rings off?” I asked. “I’d notice those rings a mile away.”  
“Yeah, sometimes.” he answered.  
“You’ve been married a fucking month, how can you have met her enough in a month for “sometimes”, why are you doing this?” I questioned air quoting.  
“Met her a few days after the ceremony.” he revealed. “Cos you’re right, Yorkie’s always right. I don’t love her, in fact she’s doing my fucking head in… nice to have a celeb on your arm though, ain’t it?”  
I didn’t get any joy out of being right, not this time. I loved Liam and I couldn’t stand watching him play his wife and his fuck buddy like this. He was a selfish bastard.  
“Get an annulment, get a divorce, don’t be a dick! Don’t treat Patsy like shit just cos you’re not interested.” I told him, struggling to stay calm.  
“Too late for annulment and I’m Catholic, I can’t divorce. It’s not allowed.” He made his bullshit excuses.  
“Catholics can’t shag before marriage, use birth control, use drugs, drink and get into fights but none of that’s bothered you before.” I pointed out, counting them off on my fingers.  
“Alright, I don’t fucking want to divorce her.” he admitted leaving more than confused.  
“I don’t understand.”  
“Marriage ain’t about love, it’s fucking business.” he pointed out. “You know that, you’ve been pointing it out for fucking months.”  
“Yeah, well maybe Patsy’s forgotten that.”  
“What d’you mean?”  
“She was so upset when she came over, I think she's fallen for you, for real, Kid.”  
I’d wanted rid of her since the moment I knew about her but I didn’t want her stuck in a loveless marriage just because Liam couldn’t see what he had.  
“Nah, she's probably just jealous she's not the only one who gets to fuck me.” he shrugged, he hadn’t signed up for love, he’d only signed up for fame, he just didn’t care.  
“D’you love Lisa? Is she worth fucking up your marriage for?” I questioned.  
“No.” He answered like my questions were the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard. “Course I don't love her, she's just hot and fuckable.”


	84. Chapter 84

Noel had a gig on the 17th of May at the Brixton Academy, London.  
He was playing with Paul Weller. I didn't go, he didn't ask me and I didn't feel like it. I really should have gone, Weller was awesome, I hadn’t been to a gig in ages and I could have done with seeing Noel the rockstar again.  
At the beginning of June he went to America. He just packed a suitcase and left out of the blue.  
We just weren't close anymore, I didn't know how it had happened. He’d stopped pushing for a baby, we’d stopped doing anything that would lead to a baby, I always thought if we were going to break up it'd be through a massive fight not that our relationship would wither away like this.  
I still loved him but I didn't know if it was just because he was Jimmyi’s father. I missed him like crazy, I wanted the good old days back.  
At the beginning of June he went to America. He just packed a suitcase and left out of the blue. I only knew he’d gone to America because I heard him book the ticket.  
…  
Noel rang and told me he was in Las Vegas. I had no idea what he was doing there or who he was with or anything.  
“You’ll never guess what I did the other day.” he laughed, sounding like he hoped I’d find it funny or he was in trouble.  
“Gambled away all your money?” I suggested, unimpressed with whatever was coming.  
“No, something much more stupid than that.” he said, still with a nervous laugh to his tone. “I married this lass, er Meg Matthews.”  
I knew that name, she was someone Patsy knew or someone who’d just always been around but I hadn’t taken any notice of.  
“You fucking what? You’ve married some other bird?” I questioned keeping my tone calm, this better be some bullshit joke.  
I was mad enough to beat the shit out of him, if only he wasn’t half the world away. I didn’t understand why he would do shit like this to us, to our family.  
“It’s not friggin’ real. I'm sure it can just be annulled.” he pointed out, attempting to be blase about it. “It was one of those cheesy Elvis chapels, can’t be real, can it?”  
“How the fuck did you marry her?” I asked, I couldn’t control my tone but I was yet to raise my voice. “You barely remember her name.”  
“That’s the thing, it’s Vegas and I can’t friggin’ remember anything from the last week or so.” he admitted. “So stupid, in’t it?”  
“Have you shagged her?” I asked bluntly.  
That was all all that mattered to me, he could have his idiotic marriage but he wasn’t getting away with its consummation.  
“I genuinely have no idea.” There was the nervous laugh again.  
He had to be lying, he never didn’t know.  
“Why don’t you ring me back when you do fucking know? I’ve got to go look after our baby.” I put the phone down on him, not willing to hear another word of it.  
I didn’t want him to phone me back at all unless he was going to tell me that all that was just lies, a dare or some shit.  
…  
I couldn’t stop thinking about it. He’d had our tacky Vegas wedding from September 1994, with somebody else. I should have just married him when I had the chance, he’d be mine forever then.  
Jamie came down to London to help me with Jimmyi as soon as Noel left. He brought his girlfriend Sinead with him, I liked her, she was a significant improvement on Aislin and I had no problem with her being around my son.  
I hadn't told Jamie about Noel’s marriage but I assumed he would have seen it reported but he didn’t say anything, I guess he didn’t believe it.  
He took Jimmyi to the park while I got on with some housework. I focused on getting rid of the clutter from the living room when I found a bag of white powder, it was in a drawer out of Jimmyi's reach but not out of mine.  
I was so angry at Noel that before I knew it I'd chopped it and snorted until the whole bag was all gone.  
It wasn't fair that he said he'd quit and simply did it a little less frequently, it wasn't right that he'd married some model because he could, it wasn’t fair that he did whatever he liked and I was always left with his son. I hadn’t done it at all for over a year  
I put a CD on, I thought I'd picked pretty randomly but it turned out to be (What's the Story) Morning Glory?. I laid back on the sofa listening to Hello. I’d missed this coked up feeling incredibly. It had been so long that it immediately fucked up my mind.  
Jamie came in and I jumped up and prepared myself for the lecture or the fight or to lie myself out of the situation.  
“Jamie, I'm…”  
“I'm not Jamie.” he pointed out. “Relax Stacy, lay back down.”  
I did as he said as he walked towards me and budged on the sofa next to my legs. “I'm the younger better looking twin.”  
I looked at him very carefully. I was out of my mind, I knew I was but I was so glad to see him. “Luke?”  
“That's me!” he grinned.  
I’d missed that daft grin so much, I missed him more than anything in the world. We were good together, everything after him turned to shit.  
“But you're…” I was high but I hadn’t completely lost my mind, yet.  
“I've been away six years.” He cut in.  
“You're…”  
“I'm here because there's stuff I have to tell you.” he quickly interrupted.  
I looked at him blankly, he looked exactly as he had six years ago before the crash. He had to be Jamie messing with my coked up mind because he just couldn’t be Luke.  
“It wasn’t your fault, what happened to me I could have been going anywhere. It had nothing to do with seeing you.” he told me as he rested a hand on my thigh. “I’m proud that you moved on, I know it was difficult.”  
“No, I didn’t. I love you, Luke.” I insisted.  
“I know but you can’t have me so you had Jamie, Liam, Noel…”  
I interrupted him before he could name them all. “I’m sorry. You’re here now, I promise I’ll never, ever behave like that again.”  
“You can’t have me.” He shook his head. “You’ve got Noel, you had his son.”  
“I haven’t got Noel, he’s married some bimbo and Jimmyi is yours, not his.” I corrected.  
“Stacy, the baby’s not mine, I’ve been gone too long.” he pointed out. “He’s just copying his brother. He’s jealous, he’s paranoid, he knows he can’t keep you.”  
“He’s married, they’re both fucking married. What do I do, Luke?” I was desperate for someone to know what to do.  
“Please don't put your life in the hands of a rock n roll band.” he quoted the song that was currently playing. “It’s like he’s been telling you for ages.”  
“No! It isn’t about me, he never writes songs about me.” I objected.   
“You deserve better, Stacy.” he told me. “You know you don’t have to put up with all this bullshit. It’s all getting so old.”  
I didn’t think I deserved better at all. “I don’t want to leave them.”  
“He’s been with her behind your back. He’s been laughing at you all this time.”  
I shook my head. “He wouldn’t do that.”  
“You wouldn’t either, coke changes everything.” he told me before walking away again.  
In many years of drug use I’d never hallucinated like that before, as soon as Jamie got back with Sinead and Jimmyi I knew it was exactly that. I’d hallucinated my dead boyfriend because I needed him more than ever.  
Jamie didn’t lecture me or try to argue with me or score points when he saw that I’d snorted. He just turned the CD player off and sent Sinead and Jimmyi away so we could talk. We sat close, side by side.  
“This is cos he got married, ain’t it?”  
I nodded, I didn’t even know if I physically could speak to someone who was actually there in my state.  
“What are you gonna do?”  
“I don’t know, I don’t fucking know, Jamie!”  
“D’you want me to have a word with him?  
I didn’t know what that meant but it wouldn’t be pretty.  
“No, he’s got to come home eventually, he loves stupid Supernova Heights too much not to.” I sighed. “Maybe there’s something left to fight for.”  
“If that’s what you want.” He thought I should cut them loose, just the same as “Luke”.  
Oasis supported U2 for three gigs in California (June 14th-19th), I knew they loved U2 and would be loving supporting them so much but it just felt like Noel was avoiding coming home.  
If it wasn’t for Jamie and Sinead I’d be completely alone, trying to deal with the fact that I no longer had a relationship with the man I love. I couldn’t have if he was married to someone else.  
I wouldn’t speak to anyone else, not Kenzie, not Kate and definitely not my parents. I pretended no one else knew and everything would be okay when he got back.  
Time rolled on and Noel hadn’t even attempted to speak to me since that phone call.


	85. Chapter 85

Noel never rang back, he never bothered to try. None of the band tried to contact me either, I assume on his instruction. He was avoiding me so they had to avoid me too.  
He just left me waiting for him to come home. I wanted to delude myself into thinking everything was still okay but I was so angry. I exploded when he finally showed up, in fact I was passed exploding.  
“Hey, I'm back.” he shouted when he walked through the front door, like nothing had happened. “Where are you two?”  
“Are you still married?” I confronted him, seeing the gold band on his finger.  
“I'll propose to you right now, completely sober, show you I've been a right idiot.” He got down on one knee and presented me with his ring. “Took it too far with the drugs din't I?”  
He didn’t answer my question and he didn’t even actually propose.  
“Get up, I don't want your stupid ring and I don't want to marry you. I NEVER wanted to marry you.” I shook my head. “How did you got back into the country? You’re clearly still off your head.”  
“Come on Stacy, you would think it was fecking hilarious if it was anyone else but me.” He stood back up and forced a laugh again.  
“You once promised me that if you ever had a kid you'd stop using and be there for them.” I reminded him. “That hasn't fucking happened, has it?”  
“No but I will, soon, I promise.”  
I’d had enough of that promise. Nothing was ever going to make him give up cocaine, not me and not his son.  
“Go tell your wife, lie to her as much as you like.” I said, realising what I had to do, I’d known for a while but I hadn’t committed until now. “I never belonged in your world and I'm done with it.”  
“What?” He stared at me in shock. “You're leaving me, because of an idiotic mistake? I didn't even have an affair or do anything fucking wrong.”  
“If you don't think marrying another woman is wrong then you are an utter retard.” I commented.  
I had to stop arguing, I was just wasting our time but I didn’t want to go. As long as we were stood fighting, we were still together, a family.  
“Don't call me a retard. I've never, ever fucking cheated on you! You can't fucking say the same, can you? Who’s Jimmyi’s real Dad?” he questioned.  
“You are! I didn't do anything while we were trying for Jimmyi!”  
He knew that. He knew not to listen to the rumour mill but still it was something we could fight about.  
“Yeah? You must not be counting threesomes. Me and The Scouse ring any bells?” he suggested.  
He had never, ever mentioned that night before. He knew full well I was already pregnant then but he had to throw up something.  
“I fucking got pregnant because you were reckless after winning the fucking match.” I couldn’t make it any clearer for him. “We were already pregnant when you played sheffield.”  
“Doesn’t change the fact that you’re denying it, conveniently forgot that night again, have you?”  
It was a fucking threesome, he’d agreed to it just as much as I did and yet he was still attempting to use it as ammunition. I wasn’t going to apologise for it.  
My mind was saying over and over again to tell him about Liam to the point that I wasn’t sure if it had only stayed in my mind or not. I needed him to be as angry as I was. If he wanted the fight I had PLENTY to ruin us myself.  
“I haven't been the best girlfriend and I'm sorry I cheated on you and everyone else since Luke.” I knew neither of us were listening and we’d happily argue all night so I essentially gave up.  
He had every right to be mad at me for the way I’d treated him in the past but I’d grown up and changed my ways. I certainly hadn’t cheated or married someone else since we had Jimmyi, except Liam, it was like Liam just didn’t count but obviously he’d never see it that way.  
“Don't bother bringing it back to him. I love you, I love our son… D’you know how many fucking times I’ve had to listen to people saying he’s not mine?”  
“They are all lying, Noel!” I insisted, it was too late to convince him if he was still in doubt anyway. “We are over but we’ll always be connected by OUR son.”  
I stormed upstairs to our bedroom and started packing my clothes, he kept trying to protest, get me to argue it out but I wasn’t listening anymore.  
“No, no, no, you can’t seriously think you’re taking my fucking son.” he protested as I packed Jimmyi’s things.  
“Make your mind up, is he yours or isn’t he?” I muttered under my breath as I continued to pack. “You can’t seriously think I’d leave him with you, you’re nothing but a cokehead Noel!”  
“I’ll stop, I promise, just give me the chance. I love you and I love my son, I don’t want you to go, please, please just fucking stay.” I didn’t expect to ever hear him beg.  
“We love you too.” I sighed. “But we can't.”  
“Yes you fucking can, fuck meg, I want you.” He took his ring off and threw it on our bed. “Don’t go Stacy.”  
He really wasn’t getting it.  
“I did coke when you were gone.” I admitted, knowing he’d hate me for it. “You told me if I ever did it I’m gone so I’m gone.”  
“Just fucking go then, if you’re going.” He walked away.  
“You are THE biggest hypocrite I’ve ever met!” I watched him walk, confused.  
He wasn’t angry, not like how he got angry with Liam. Maybe he was avoiding the physical fight (they’d have thrown punches way before now) but I didn't get it, was that all we were worth, one little argument?  
“You'll need these.” He gave me Be Here How’s album vinyl and a CD of all the songs like I had for (What's the Story) Morning Glory)?  
Maybe he was giving me time, maybe he’d come and get me back when I’d had some space, some time to reflect.  
“I'll send for my vinyls, there's no room in the BMW.” There had been enough room in my old Metro and my collection hadn’t expanded that much, I guess I needed something to keep me connected to Supernova Heights. “And I don't know where I'm going, there probably won't be room for them.”  
“Stay here then!” he argued as if that was still a choice. “Don't go to some shitty bedsit like I used to cos you're pissed off.”  
He was confusing the fuck out of me, I knew I was going but I had no idea what he was trying to argue. He had to be fucking with my mind intentionally.  
“I am NOT pissed off. I’m done with you. I’m done with being around the band and around drugs…”  
“Stacy, I swear to fucking God I’ll make us all ditch the coke for good. I’ll make everything right.” he cut me off and promised, yet again.  
“If you prove ANYTHING you say is the TRUTH we might consider coming back… one day.” I told him.  
I put the stuff in the car boot, I didn’t know where I was going yet but I knew I wasn’t staying with him, or even with the band.  
“Thanks for saving my life and giving me my son. Thank you for the good times.” They were my last words to Noel Thomas David Gallagher.  
We got in the car and left as though none of it meant anything to us. It was so hard to drive away, knowing I’d never see him or speak to him again but it was harder to stay knowing he’d never change.  
…  
I drove to Liam’s to say goodbye to him, it was like one last insult to Noel, I only went to say farewell but for the last time Liam had his way.  
“Ey up kid!” he greeted his nephew first before looking at me. “What are you two doing here?”  
“Thought you’d like to say goodbye to your nephew, to me?”  
“Goodbye? You’re leaving? What the fuck’s happened now?” He shut the front door forcefully and took us into the living room.  
“F’king ‘cle Liam.” Jimmyi giggled trying to grab Liam. “No!”  
“Nearly there kid, it’s fucking and Uncle Liam.” he corrected, ruffling his hair.  
“Oi! Stop teaching my son to swear!” I objected, knowing I was wasting my breath, he already knew them and I was out of here.  
We distracted Jimmyi with building blocks while we talked it through.  
“Go on, why are you going?” he asked impatiently.  
“He’s gone too far. Going on a huge coke trip and marrying someone else, he’s out of control.” I explained. “I’ve had enough.”  
“You don’t have to leave Yorkie, you can fucking stay with me. I’ll look after you.” he suggested without thinking. “I’ll always look after you.”  
“You’re with Patsy, you can’t just forget about her because I’m available.” I pointed out, I wasn’t staying, nothing could make me stay.  
“Er, yeah I can. She’s just a celebrity bride, I actually love you like I always have.” He kissed me before I had chance to think about what he’d said.  
I kissed back. It felt so right, Noel had been gone ages. I hadn’t gotten any attention like this for ages. I ended up pressed against the living room wall with Liam aggressively kissing my neck. He quickly moved on to pulling my shirt up as he rubbed himself against me.  
“Calm down! Stop it!” I tried to push him away. “My son is right there.”  
He looked over at him and considered his options. “We can’t leave him. He’s a baby, he don’t know nothing. He’s got his blocks, he won’t care.” He reasoned before went back to kissing me.  
I looked over for a moment, he was happily playing, paying no attention to us. “Hurry up before I change my mind.” I pulled down his jeans.  
“I fucking love you.” he whispered.  
“I love you, it was always you.” I admitted.  
…  
“Please say that you’ll stay, Yorkie.” Liam made his last ditch arguments, he’d never taken no for an answer but now he had to.  
“I’m going, we’re going.” I told him firmly. “You’ll all forget about me soon enough.”  
“Noel’s seriously letting you take his kid? You seriously think I’d fucking forget about you?” he questioned, trying to make it impossible for me to go.  
“You’re going to have to.” I said bluntly and picked up Jimmyi.  
He grabbed my arm, stopping me from getting to the door. “Just promise me, hand on fucking heart you’re not going to do the bridge shit.  
“I promise I’m not going to commit suicide Liam.” I put my hand on my heart, I spoke the words “commit suicide” as quietly as I could as if it’d affect Jimmyi if he heard. “If I couldn’t do it then I never will.”  
He hugged me and kissed my forehead. “Don’t you dare forget about me. Phone me and I swear I won’t tell no one.”  
“Couldn’t forget you in a million years, kid.” It was proving much harder to walk out on him but still I did it with a heavy heart.  
I left them just like I’d met them, driving off to I didn’t know or particularly care where, only this time I wasn’t looking for the end, just for somewhere for me and Jimmyi to start anew. I didn’t know who to turn to all I knew was I never wanted to be part of Oasis’ world again. It had become so isolating that I didn’t know where to turn.  
Both brothers chose celebrity brides over me and I was running away for the second time in my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end
> 
> We've made it to the end! I love you all for reading right til the end.
> 
> I can FINALLY tell you there's a sequel, it's called Someone Tell Me I'm Dreaming.
> 
> Thank You!


	86. Noel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based on the song Kim by Eminem and for the legitimacy of Someone Tell Me I'm Dreaming, this chapter is a fantasy or dream state of Stacy's.

I’d walked away from Noel less than a month away, look his son and walked away forever or so I thought. His actions consumed my thoughts. I couldn’t let him get away with it. He wasn’t going to get away with marrying Meg. He wasn’t going to get away with it.  
I left Jimmyi with Jamie and Sinead and drove into the night. They had no idea what I was about to do.  
Supernova Heights was my only destination and nothing would stop me.  
Meg answered the door, perfect.  
I hit her over the head with a wrench and she went down. I taped her wrists together with duct tape and then dragged her into the living room, my living room. All this belonged to me, not her. I dumped her on the sofa. As far as I knew she was still alive and that was fine, for now.  
“Meg, are we still going out?” Noel shouted as he got closer.  
I listened to his footsteps and prepared to swing at him.  
“Stacy! What the fuck? Where’s my son?” he questioned as soon as he saw me.  
“Missed me?” I smiled. “He’s safe with Our Jamie.”  
He backed against the wall in fear as soon as he saw the wrench. “W, wha, what the fuck…?” he stuttered as I approached him.  
“Don’t worry, it won’t hurt.” I assured him. “Well, Meg didn’t scream or nothing.”  
“You’re fucking mad.”  
“You did this to us.” I told him calmly before I swung, he tried to defend himself but the metal bar knocked him out just the same.  
I taped his wrists up too and dumped him on the sofa next to her. I didn’t know what to do now, I wanted them to be conscious when I slit their throats. I taped their legs so they couldn’t run and then I sat and waited, playing with the knife.  
Meg woke first, she jumped and started screaming.  
“Shut the fuck up!” I told her, barely bothering to look up from the knife.  
“Who are you?” she cried.  
“I’m your dear friend, Stacy.” I grinned. “You won’t forget me in future.  
Her crying seemed to stir Noel into consciousness too. He looked at me with such tired eyes, I’d hit him so much harder than her and it had knocked it out of him so much worse than him.  
He was bleeding so much worse than she was too.  
“Stacy.” he said weakly. “Help me, I need help.”  
I gave a sarcastic laugh. “No, I don’t remember you helping me when you fucked off and married this slut.”  
“I’m gonna die Stacy, I know you don’t want me dead.” he spoke.  
“You don’t get this do you?”  
“Explain then, explain why the fuck you think you can come here and do this to me and MY husband.” Meg yelled, that was a massive mistake.  
“Be quiet, love. This isn’t about you.” I told her quietly. “You don’t know me, at all.”  
“Yes I do, I love you, you lived with me for six years!”  
“Doesn’t matter cos you chose her.”  
“I told you…”  
“Shut the fuck up.” I repeated. “How could you? How could you marry her and let her sleep in our bed?!”  
“You won’t get away with this!” Meg shouted.  
“How many times? SHUT UP!” I was getting seriously irritated with her.  
I couldn’t wait, in fact I jumped up and grabbed her neck as tight as I could. She whimpered and tried to pull away.  
“Why Stacy?” Noel asked quietly. “Why kill us? You walked away. You’re free.”  
“I wanted you. I just wanted you, Noel.” I grabbed Meg’s jaw and pressed the knife against her neck. “I don’t wanna be free, I want you.”  
She started pleading over and over like a dull drone, crying whimpering, begging for life. “Please, please, please…”  
I put my hand over her mouth, forcing her to be quiet. “She really doesn’t get it, does she?”  
“Look at what you’re doing!” he kept blinking, so close to flicking in and out of consciousness.  
“I thought we wiped the slate clean, I had your fucking son.” I told him as I pressed the knife into her skin, just enough to break skin.  
She started screaming her muffled screams against my hand.  
“No one can hear you and no one’ll hear him.” I told her before I plunged the knife.  
“Stacy! You’re a fucking psycho!” Noel said so alarmed, trying to get away.  
I didn’t think he was afraid of anything.  
“If you knew me, you’d know that.” I smirked as I watched the blood pour from her, she gagged on it as it fountained from her throat, as I watched life slip away from her. “You’d know you’d always get what’s coming to you if you fucked with me.”  
I threw her aside as waste as soon as I was sure she was dead and then straddled Noel’s lap. “Your turn, my beautiful Noel.”  
“You don’t have to, I swear to fucking God we can just get rid of her and we’ll be a family again.” His turn to beg. “Just me, you and Jimmyi.”  
I dropped the knife next to our thighs, lost my fingers in his hair and kissed his lips as passionate as ever.  
“Jimmyi doesn’t need a family, he just needs me.” I whispered in his ear. “We certainly don’t need you.”  
He shook his head. “I was the one who fucking raised him cos you’re too much of a fucking psycho!”  
“See, you did know.” I smiled. “Bet you know I’ve been fucking your brother all this time too, you can’t trust no one, not me, not your brother…”  
“Course you fucking were, you’d have to be blind not to see it.” he answered straight away, I couldn’t tell if that was the truth or not.  
“So you just sat back and took it like a little pussy?” I was enjoying taunting him way too much.  
“I just wanted you to be fucking happy.” he admitted. “I’d do anything but it was fucking impossible.”

“You’re making me happy now.” I picked up the knife. “I'm gonna enjoy choke on your own blood.”  
He squirmed but we both knew he was going nowhere. “Can you really do this to your son's father?”  
I scoffed. “I'm not.”  
“Who the fuck is the then?”  
I was surprised how passionate and how angry he could be for someone clinging on to consciousness.  
I shrugged, I thought I knew but I didn't.  
“Goodbye just wasn't enough just for us.” I told him as I slashed deep into his neck.  
He coughed and spluttered and choked. He really tried to fight against it but he very quickly lost, he lost too much blood so quickly and he couldn’t get the air that was his to breath.  
I got off him and stood back. I didn’t know what to do, I hadn’t planned this far. I just wanted my payback and that was done.  
I pulled the tape off them and stuffed it in my pocket, I’d bin it at a random service station on the way home. I cleaned the blood off the wrench and took it with me. There was no way they could link it to me, none that I could think of now.  
I’d killed Noel Gallagher and Meg Matthews because I couldn’t go on living without him, not while he was with someone else and I was going to get away with it.


End file.
